Nightfall
by ZeldaMoogle
Summary: Alexa, Tessa, and the Ronin are on the cusp of discovering if the Big Bad will be successfully charged in court, their future safety hanging in the balance. A long trial awaits, however, and beyond the courthouse walls brews a storm. Only time will tell the severity, and what lies beyond the gates... / 1st person, self-insert, sequel to From Dawn to Dusk
1. Chapter 1

No, 180,000 words wasn't enough for us. We're back for round two of our Ronin Warriors (unashamed) self insert fic!

Please keep in mind this is a sequel and will make much more sense if you read _From Dawn to Dusk_ beforehand. As with the first story, we're doing trigger warnings before each chapter—but unlike last time, we're bumping the rating up to **M**. The situations in here are a little darker and the descriptions of mental illness will be more intense (sorry—no real smut to be found here).

Happy New Year! Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

 **Trigger Warnings:** Distorted eating, obsessive thoughts (relationship insecurity)

* * *

 **Nightfall**

 **(And Everything After)**

 _Chapter 1_

Sage was late.

Sage was _never_ late.

I wasn't quite sure what to think about this.

I'd spent enough times sitting in various airport locales to know that when an hour passed after the plane's arrival, something was Up. Combine this with Sage Date's characteristic punctuality, and I was starting to worry. Air travel might make phone contact spotty at best, but I still should have had a response to at least one text by now.

 _'Probably just got held up in customs… But even then, what would take so long?'_

I'd been through Canadian customs before. It actually was way less complicated than I'd expected; then again, I hadn't been packing for a month, _or_ coming from Japan.

My phone pinged. Lost in my thoughts as I was, I nearly jumped atop the marble half-wall I'd taken to leaning on while I waited. Muttering about some building designer needing to invest in some better-located chairs, my skittish reaction, and the fact that ringer definitely did _not_ belong to Sage's contact, I glanced at the message preview.

 **Ro-Ro:** _Still not out?_

Sighing, I settled back against the wall and typed out my reply. _No. What could possibly be holding him this long? Customs can be bad, but what would make it_ this _bad?_ A smirk crossed my lips. _Don't tell me Kourin tripped the metal detectors or something._

"I'm under the impression customs agents have never seen a ring before."

Again with being surprised out of my thoughts. I startled, head whipping up to see Sage miraculously standing beside me at the same moment I hit "send" on the message to Rowen. It took another few moments for his words to process.

"You know you could have texted me before now," I griped, pouting and folding my arms over my chest. Then the rest of his sentence sank in. My eyes grew wide and jaw slack. "Wait—ring? Since when do you wear rings?"

When Sage Date smirked, it was a sure sign something Big was going on. That smirk now was the biggest I'd ever seen. He withdrew his hand from the deep pocket of his peacoat and extended it toward me. A flick of his thumb popped open the ring box sitting in his palm.

I gaped at it, speechless for a few long moments. Rowen's ringtone broke the spell, but I ignored it.

"No way."

He just grinned and clicked the velvet box shut again. With a nod toward the phone still (limply) held in my grasp, he said, "Your husband's waiting for an answer."

Pressing my lips into a line of both annoyance and contained shock, I glanced down at the preview.

And promptly groaned.

 **Ro-Ro:** _No, just a ring for you-know-who._

—

I used every trick in the book Liv had taught me in order to interrogate Sage on the way to our destination. True to form, however, the _kendoka_ was a tough nut to crack; he refused to answer any questions regarding the when and how. I did get the story of how he picked the ring and that my sister had no clue (either about the ring _or_ showing up early), but anything else resembled talking to a stone wall.

"You've been hanging around Alexa too much," I scolded teasingly. "After four years, you've become _almost_ as bratty as her."

He simply raised an eyebrow at me. "After four years of you and Rowen, I can't say _I'm_ surprised. "

I grinned, thinking of the cuteness that would soon ensue. "Well, you might surprise her—but I'm warning you, when she's in the middle of dance class, she pretty literally gets tunnel vision. She might not even notice you're there until the end."

Halo provided the reaction I couldn't see—a surprised blink and disbelief. "Even _I_ notice her when she surprises me at kendo. And you've watched me in the middle of kendo matches." Sheepishly, he continued, "Admittedly, I only notice her on breaks."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't seen it for myself. I said something to her on break the first time I watched her dance class, and she didn't respond. Afterward I asked if she'd heard me, and it was only at that prompting that she _vaguely_ recalled me saying anything. _And_ I was standing in the doorway when she walked past. _AND_ she even _knew_ I was there!"

Sensing a challenge rising in his demeanor, I threw him a smug look. "Bet she won't notice you."

"Bet she will."

"If I win you owe me a Three Musketeers bar."

"If I win you have to do all the kendo kata in a row. No breaks."

It was tempting to complain, but I managed to bite back the one retort that would mean something. Now was not quite the time for that little tidbit. "Deal."

Fifteen minutes later we'd stopped by the apartment to drop Sage's bags—enough for a month _and_ his kendo gear— and coat and pick up Rowen, who'd stayed behind to make sure we could get in the building again without Alexa buzzing us in. I kept glancing at the car clock and my watch the whole time, trying not to grow more anxious as it got closer to nine in the evening. Ideally we'd aimed to get to the dance school just after her class began, but with Sage being delayed in customs we were creeping dangerously close to missing half of the whole thing.

We pulled into the parking lot around ten after. One last time check and a peek through the side door that looked in on the front studio confirmed we'd arrived just in time. It was somewhat lucky we'd come after all the dancers were in their studios; I recalled just how tiny the narrow hallway could be with the between-class crowd.

And Rowen and Sage were by no means small.

My husband and I silently convened as Sage leaned against the wall near the door to watch the class. Words weren't needed, even without using the telepathic link between Dawn and Strata.

I finally heard the instructor mention something about a water break. Sage straightened and backed a step away from the door, allowing the ten students—including Alexa—to walk by unhindered. From where I stood with Rowen beside the opposite studio's door, I easily picked out my twin breezing past her boyfriend without a second glance.

Time to put my plan into action. With a smirk, I hit 'send' on the pre-written text message, and sat back to watch the fireworks.

—/—

I glanced at my phone to see if Tessa had sent me an update on the guys yet, namely whether or not their flight time had wildly changed, hand grabbing for a full water bottle. Over one full class, one assisting position, and now on my second actual advanced workout of the day, I'd emptied this thing twice already. I'd need to ice my ankle after switch splits and we were about to work on more leaps which just sent my mind racing. At least it was racing about dance instead of the guys coming and the trial in two days. I shoved the thought of having to testify against my mother away.

The phone buzzed as I was looking at it, practically; I swiped it open with a very sticky hand, taking another mouthful of water as I waited for it to load.

 **Tessa:** _Look behind you_

I blinked and looked over my shoulder to the bathroom, then my other—

Only to promptly forget absolutely everything about whatever I'd been thinking of and _grin_.

"Seiji!"

The other girls looked between me and him— especially as I nimbly made my way through the knot of people to leap into his arms. He held me tight enough my breath vanished, spinning me around once despite the limited space. He did not put me down even after the movement was over. "Surprise."

I pulled back to see that oh so _pleased_ face, jaw dropping in shock but I could still feel the corners of my mouth lifted and if I was honest with myself, I wouldn't stop grinning any time soon. I glanced around to see my sister and brother in law holding their phones up to capture my reaction, which finally snapped me out of my daze enough I gave them good natured glares. "You're all _brats_!"

They all burst out laughing and shoved their phones away, Sage stopping a moment to kiss my cheek. "The others _are_ coming later this evening. I just found this flight and couldn't help myself."

He eased me down but I simply went from my arms around his neck to his chest. "I'm glad you did."

He caught the oh so smallest waver in my voice, holdovers from anxiety and stress and remembering what was beginning in two days. One hand went to my neck for comfort.

I pulled away and hopped back into class, only to be greeted by ten knowing looks— teacher included— that ranged from raised eyebrows to happy smiles. I blushed and waved it off, fully expecting a whole bunch of teasing Facebook messages after the fact. The downside of knowing these girls for years.

"Okay!" the teacher said. "As much fun as that was, we still have half an hour left. Make sure to give it everything you've got."

I swore I pulled a muscle following that instruction. Still, I didn't care; the advantages of having a healer boyfriend. We all walked out about ten minutes late because we kept going over the last bit in the choreography and nobody had to leave for another class to come in.

To my surprise, it felt like half the _other_ girls in the studio had stayed behind in the change room. I raised an eyebrow at Sage. _'Fanclub already.'_

 _'Lucky me.'_ Was the resigned, barely amused reply.

I grabbed my stuff next to two girls I sort of knew. One of them poked my hand. "Know the hunk standing there?"

I smiled. "He's my boyfriend."

They took in a breath. "Oh." One almost immediately perked up. "Does he have a brother?"

I chuckled. "Nope, sorry girls, he's taken and only has sisters." With a mental smirk to Sage I added, _'Saved by the girlfriend again?'_

 _'I have no idea what I did about these fans before meeting you.'_

I changed out of my absolutely soaked clothes into a different set of workout gear, not wanting to subject myself to sticky wet fabric on the drive home. Despite the warm early September weather, it was a little too cold for a tank top. By the time I left the bathroom the hall was empty besides us, Tessa having sat down and Rowen with a very protective grip on her shoulder.

Sage offered his hand and I gave him my dance bag, searching my pocket for my keys. He adjusted the straps so they went over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow— hand still out— when I tried to move past him without giving him anything else.

"Right," I said, dropping the metal ring in his open palm. "You insist. Every time."

He looped an arm around my shoulders, smiling. "Considering you only _got_ your full licence last year… it might be more habit by this point."

I rolled my eyes. He loved using Ontario's system to his advantage, where it took at least two years to be able to drive on your own. "I've still been able to drive off highways on my own for two years. And I _should_ have been practicing highways last year since I had a fully licensed driver. But no. You insist."

"Don't forget yourselves _too_ much," Rowen said, arm now around Tessa. "You're the ones with the keys to let us in, and we've got to go pick up the others."

I raised an eyebrow at him. No words were needed to describe how much a locked door was _not_ a problem with his armour.

Tessa grinned and winked at me, giggling over our shared connections.

We all left and split up into our respective cars. The guys were due to arrive at eleven thirty tonight, and as much as I wanted to offer my sister at least a few minutes of rest at my place, the thought of having Sage all to myself for a couple of hours thrilled me too much. Especially since we were about to cram seven people in my eight hundred square foot apartment. Getting a new place with a second bedroom was the absolute first thing I did after my lease was finished— and had since turned creating as many sleeping surfaces as possible without making the place feel like one giant bed into an art form.

The pull out sofa and chair were both ready for guests when we walked in the door, Rowen having made good use of his time alone. I checked the master bedroom where I normally put the air mattress, me moving to the spare room because I didn't need much space, only to find it unmade and assumedly still in the closet. I swallowed. "If you want to crash, it'll be a few minutes. Rowen forg—"

Sage appeared behind me, a hand going on my shoulder. "I… could also sleep beside you."

I reached up and took it unthinkingly, murmuring, "You all know me far too well."

He turned me to face him, lips finding mine a moment later. The kiss was a balm against raw nerves after so long apart; both of us had been too busy for me to fly over for months, now. Even with my armour allowing for travel so fast it was like he lived in the same city, time zones, sleep schedules, and energy levels barred us from seeing each other as much as we would like.

My hand tangled in his hair, bringing him back down for another, almost desperate kiss. _'Je te manqué beaucoup, mon ange.'_

He was just as desperate in his hold. _'Tu me manques aussi. Tout ira bien.'_

He always _did_ use the proper French saying in reply to mine. Stress forced its way out, causing me to just hold him closer. As much as I adored him here, the reason he'd come had been giving me anxiety for months. My boss had actually banned discussing the trial at work, well-meaning coworkers asking when I didn't want to be asked— especially as the news kept running stories at new developments, at new appeals. This whole trial hit every sensationalist button the media just adored. Local woman so obsessed with her daughter to the point of kidnapping, a cult, assault, twins separated as toddlers, all culminating in a four years ongoing trial that involved more scandal than a soap opera.

It was television's dream and my worst nightmare. And here it was all about to start in full force two days from now.

He broke the kiss and pulled me against his chest, embracing me in a deeply protective hold. "I'm right here. You don't have to face this alone."

"Because _you're_ subpoenaed into this as much as I am…" I murmured into his neck.

"Even if I wasn't," he said, lips meeting my temple. "I'd still be here to support you."

I kissed him again, drinking him in. For how we never showed much affection in public, we made up for it in times like this; there was a reason Tessa and Rowen had left us alone.

"Go have a shower," he said. "Do you want anything?"

I rubbed my face. "Maybe a little…"

He pulled away, hands on my arms. "Your fridge is arranged as it normally is, when we show up?"

I nodded. He left and I shut the door to my bedroom, tugging off my clothes and reaching for my housecoat, only for Sage to laugh from the kitchen.

 _'You've outdone yourself, this time!'_

By 'outdone myself' he meant the sheer quantity of pre-made food in the fridge. A solid third of the space was dedicated to Kento and Rowen, their tupperware containers marked with orange and dark blue dots. The remainder was split among the rest of us, stickers matching the armour colours with the exception of Sage. He got lilac coloured ones, while Tessa got emerald.

I mentally gave a tired grin. _'I had a couple of days at home. Figured I'd use them productively.'_

A hot shower was officially calling my name. I locked myself in the bathroom and left the rest of the world at the threshold, my nicer-than-normal shower stuff out a moment later. The special edition Lush products I could only get a few months out of the year, bought in bulk and rationed out so I'd have enough to last me until they released again. Those scents brought me comfort like nothing else, and right now, I wanted comfort.

Another familiar scent greeted me when I left the bathroom, wearing a t-shirt, hoodie to keep it from getting wet, and pj pants. Sage was relaxing on the bed, a steaming bowl of the fried rice I'd made earlier on my bedside table, one of my favourite scented candles burning on the dresser. A kintsugi-mended teacup from an anniversary present was beside the bowl, filled with what I assumed was chamomile. He had a crumb-covered plate on his side, clothes exchanged from a button down and khakis to the fleece pj pants I'd gotten him and a t-shirt I didn't recognize.

"Rowen got it for me, for the trip," he said when he noticed my puzzlement. "You're right. I never shop for clothes like this on my own."

I laughed quietly— all I could manage— and curled up beside him. The fabric over his chest was soft under my hand, giving me comfort as I played with it mindlessly. Leave it to Rowen to find the exact texture I looked for when stimming. And thank god Sage put up with the unfamiliar texture on his skin for my sake.

He kissed my forehead. "Do you want to talk, or forget the world for a little?"

"Forget."

His hand went to my jaw, thumb going over my cheek and kiss so soft I could barely breathe. "Very well."

Lips on my neck effectively turned me into putty as he got my hoodie off, dropping it on the floor beside him. A moment later he rolled me onto my back, stroking my side. My hand went up his spine to the base of his skull, returning him to my lips and letting him know _how_ I wanted to forget, right now. His posture softened and he obliged, Halo radiating warmth instead of heat.

God I'd missed him so much.

For a man raised to be firm and aloof, I felt _privileged_ to know just how tender and gentle he could be. Even when his teeth scraped the skin of my collarbone— shirts taken off somewhere in the process, only my bra between our torsos— it was simply for him to feel me shiver. I gripped him with everything I had, pressing on the familiar muscles of his back and massaging what I could when he didn't have me lost in his kisses.

 _He_ hummed in pleasure when my lips met his neck, Halo saying just how much he'd missed me, too.

I didn't know how long we were lost in each other— Rowen's warning danced across my memory, and I hoped I hadn't missed a text, although if they really wanted to get our attention they could— when we finally stopped. We didn't _separate_ , Sage staying on top of me as a human weighted blanket. "Better?"

I nodded and pulled him down again so I could bury my face in his shoulder. He went onto his side and slipped his arm under the curve of my waist, holding me against him and putting as much pressure on my back as possible. He kept skipping over my bra clasp as he stroked my spine, both of us tempted but him mentally refusing.

My own body betrayed me. After just a few moments, I was shivering despite him acting like a furnace. The uneven heat distribution was causing my muscles to cramp wherever exposed skin met air. Sage wordlessly gave me my shirt and hoodie back, putting his hand where I'd been laying while I shrugged clothing back on. He got up and retrieved a towel from the closet, placing it down where the sheets had gotten damp from my hair.

"You're not going to let me lift a finger, are you?"

He kissed my forehead as he lay down beside me. "None of us will."

I burrowed into his arms. "I've already had one anxiety attack today… I haven't been this bad in so long."

"I won't let anything hurt you," he murmured, stroking my back. " _Especially_ her."

Tears pushed their way out, nails scraping against his skin. "What if she attacks me magically like she always does? What if she goes after Tessa this time? Does the same thing to her that she did to me, initially?"

He hushed me. "Tessa can take care of herself, and she has Rowen to help protect her. Plus the rest of us." He gave an amused snort. "I'm sure if your mother even _tries_ something against her, you'll have her hide."

That made me feel a little better. "I will." One hand went into Sage's hair, playing with the thick locks. "And if this doesn't work, I'll just ask the Warlords to take my mother…"

He simply agreed with me, letting silence hang. I slid my hand down his neck to idly traced patterns on his shoulder with a fingertip, something that was slowly generating goosebumps. "Shall I put my shirt back on?" I nodded and let him go for long enough he could. He simply shook his head at me before tugging it over his head. "I think you're the only person on the planet who _wants_ me clothed."

I snorted. "As much as I like skin on skin, some days I like the feel of fabric more…"

He lay back down and let me cuddle him like a stuffed toy, wrapping his arms around me again once I was comfortable. "So long as you're happy."

I nuzzled into his chest. "With you? Very."

The loving squeeze I got for that tiny little compliment was enough to ease away any undertows of anxiety about how he felt. A moment later, he laughed softly. "We should celebrate our anniversary while I'm here… it's only a month away."

"If the trial doesn't go straight past that, we might not have to do it early." I picked my head up to look at him and meet the affectionate gleam I had seen so much. "Four years…"

He leaned our foreheads together, hand going to tangle in my significantly drier hair. "The best of my life, I promise."

Shadows threatened to rise in my mind at how we were still boyfriend and girlfriend, even with his family pressuring him to propose and every child in our families either married or engaged _but_ us. Not for the first time, I was jealous my sister lived outside of the city. Despite our joint filing against our mother, she had been traveling and generally not living here while I was the one keeping tabs on it… and living in the centre of the media firestorm. She'd even been relatively distant from Michael's trial from all her military moving. That freedom had allowed her to build a life for herself and I _couldn't_ , our trial's near constant presence making the mere thought of a major relationship change enough to send me on the verge of an anxiety attack.

He kissed me deeply yet softly, Halo's glow a night light in my mind. "It doesn't matter to me. I can withstand my family. My parents try to understand why you want to wait, and we're still young." Another kiss, this one lingering. "You've already told me you'll say yes. You've accepted the promise ring I gave you. That's enough for me."

I nodded and curled up against his shoulder again. "That I will. I just… I hate this trial so much, how I can't _live_ yet. Had it just stayed in provincial courts but she had to file a claim against me at the federal level and now we're _here_ and…!"

His lips on my forehead calmed me down enough I could avoid a repetitive ramble. "And I would gladly be here, so would all of us, no matter what it took. We all love you and my love doesn't change whether or not you have an engagement ring."

The obsessive threads began picking apart, helping me find deeper levels of the issue. "I wish I could believe it'd stay the same but engagement means wedding plans and… moving. Of taking on another family and so many what ifs…" He was silent as a gentle prompt to continue. "What if I take up too much room? What if all the disruption _isn't_ worth it? What if _I'm_ unhappy living in Japan long term and get so homesick— even though the only people I have left here, really, are Dad and my Pride friends— what if you aren't enough even though I think you are?" I swallowed. "What if I'm not enough for you?"

His thumb brushed over my lips. "We'll find a place for you. You have Dusk and can visit your dad that way, and I'm sure you can find your own community in Japan. The country keeps changing, in that regard. I already know you're enough for me." He kissed me yet again, trying to still the swirling thoughts. "I know it's pointless to tell you not to worry, but please try not to let this consume you. I understand. It's a change and… neither of us do well with those. But I love you more than my resistance." He rubbed my back, forehead against mine. "We can be fearful and lost together, as always."

The light teasing brought a smile to my lips, knowledge I wasn't alone enough to make the words stick. I tried to convey how appreciative I was, of him comparing how our minds worked. He never did know what to make of those similarities, but they were enough that we had our suspicions. I always made sure not to press. My hand went into his hair as I nuzzled into his chest. My voice came out in a breath.

"Merci, mon ange."

I only half caught his Japanese reply, barely lucid now that I'd had a chance to actually relax. Dusk kept flowing along with Halo, relieved she didn't have to expend so much energy to feel it. The little crumpled up ball my consciousness had become expanded now that Sage was here; it had already started with Tessa and Rowen's arrival, but Sage cast his own magic. I'd tried calling _him_ a mage, once, but he insisted he only knew because of me.

The mental equivalent of three people bursting through the door and yelling 'We're here!' woke me up. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the excitement from the guys having landed, and came down from the adrenalin rush with a groan into Sage's chest.

He chuckled softly. "I think they were expecting us to be a _little_ harder to reach."

The thought of how we normally _were_ made me snort. "So we have another… hourish. Before everyone shows up."

His fingers brushed along my jaw, tipping my face up for a soft kiss. "Think you could eat before Cye gets here?"

Of course he'd picked up on the relapse I'd been trying to hide. I didn't know whether to be thankful for or condemn Halo. That, and how well he'd picked up on every nuance of my relapse symptoms. I'd gotten used to my cold skin, trembling hands, and strained pulse. He, however, hadn't. I sighed. "I can try…"

The fact both of us knew I'd barely eaten all day— thankfully my definition of 'barely' had changed from 'next to nothing' to 'only a few hundred shy of two thousand' over the course of four years— had me sitting up and reaching for the now much cooler rice. I was about to go microwave it again, only for Sage to stand and extend his hand for the bowl.

I handed it over to him, one attempting-to-protest movement of my legs revealing just how much they'd seized up after classes. That look of his only made me blush. "I can take care of that once you've had at least some food."

"That is an evil bribe," I replied. Having somebody trained in physical therapy and massage as my boyfriend most _certainly_ had its perks. Tessa had forced Rowen to learn, she was that jealous.

Sage didn't reply past the smallest smirk and instead went back to the kitchen. I took the teacup and held it in my hands, both for warmth and to study the gold and purple reflections in liquid. After receiving it, Tessa'd told me the lengths he'd gone to— finding the perfect coloured set, pot and cups included, then getting a green one to match and breaking the whole lot of it with a few carefully placed bokken strikes. Once it had been repaired to his satisfaction, he'd mixed the sets and sent the purple one to me. The green pot with a few purple cups was in his bedroom.

He came back in and kissed my forehead as he placed the bowl down. "Does that need to be heated, too?"

I shook my head.

He settled back down beside me, wordlessly understanding why I was holding onto the cup. I took a sip of the vanilla, cinnamon, and chamomile mix to make it I could rest tonight before starting on dinner, something my body _was_ desperately craving after putting out so much. There was also the fact it was _quarter to twelve_ and I'd been up since six am. When I was just snuggling into Sage after finishing, my phone buzzed.

 **Tessa:** _On our way back_.

I pursed my lips, debating on whether or not I wanted to stay up. It was about fifteen to twenty minutes by car, maybe faster considering the time of night, and all I wanted to do was collapse. Now that I didn't feel like I was about to break apart at the first opportunity.

Sage gently took the phone from my hand and placed it on the table. "I can let them in."

"I might not be able to sleep."

He picked up my tea and practically folded my fingers around it. I drank it down before settling into the pillow, cup going back to the table. "I don't know if that'll help enough… and no, I don't want to take Ativan. I've already taken it once this week and I'm building up a resistance."

I verbally left out that I was hoping he'd help, but I didn't want to ask in case he was tired from his trip. He was already staying up an extra twenty minutes at least. Thankfully for my sleep schedule, he put Halo's orb beside me on the mattress. The armour slowly pulled over me like a blanket, drawing my eyes closed and easing the dull aches in my muscles.

 _'Sleep. I'll be here when you wake up.'_

My exhausted body was all too willing to listen.

* * *

 **Translations:**

- _Mon ange_ : My angel

- _Je te manqué beaucoup_ : Literally, "I miss you a lot."

- _Tu me manques aussi_ : Literally, "you miss me as well"; cultural translation means '" miss you as well."

- _Tout ira bien_ : "Everything will be alright."

- _Merci_ : "Thank you"

* * *

 **P.S.** \- As a reminder, _t_ _hese characters are self-insert_ , NOT OC's. As a result, they are not up for adoption. While my coauthor and I are flattered there are those of you who want to use our characters, these characters _are us_ and as a result are not for use by anyone but us. Obviously material belonging to the original creators is free to anyone (the Ronin, Warlords, Mia, White Blaze, etc.), but all other characters in this story are off limits. However, if you'd like to use our specific headcanons (autistic Rowen and Sage in particular), please feel free. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone! We're back with Chap 2 of Nightfall. Kind of a big thing I have to mention, though—updates are changing. For FDD, we mostly had the story written already and were on a trailblazing pace so we were able to post weekly until the whole thing was uploaded. Sadly, Life doesn't always like giving us the same amount of time to write that we had previously. I've personally started a new job that is highly time-consuming and I moved into a place with little to nonexistent wifi...heh. So I'm still adjusting and all that jazz. Therefore, NF will have an update speed of every other week, possibly every month depending how much writing we manage to get done (or not) in order to keep up with the post pace (or not).

So, until next update—enjoy! :)

 **Warnings:** Distorted eating, anxiety, PTSD flashbacks (assault), victim blaming, self harm discussion, implied death threats

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

I floated to consciousness to the sound of familiar voices in the kitchen, and Rowen missing from our bed. Were this a normal day, laziness might've kept me snuggled up in the covers until someone saw fit to rouse me.

However, most days were definitely not normal anymore, and nausea from some source I couldn't (exactly) pinpoint had me craving oatmeal.

Luckily the knot in my stomach wasn't debilitating to the point I couldn't make my way into the living room. The scene was as normal when the lot of us congregated under the same roof—Kento, Ryo, and Rowen sprawled over the couch pull-out-mattress and chatting quietly. Cye would occasionally pipe up from the ki—

Wait. The Ronin of water wasn't at the stove.

"Cye? Where's breakfast?" I asked blearily, rubbing a sleep-filled eye with one knuckle.

Rowen was instantly on his feet and at my side. A flicker of irritation transmitted to him through Dawn—his near-constant hovering over the past couple weeks was starting to get old—but I let him tow me over to the one chair they'd fit into the space between couch-bed and Ryo's chair-bed.

Cye gave me a studious look-over as I sat and rubbed my temple, trying to ignore both the nausea and the beginnings of a headache. "Alexa sort of put me out of a job, this trip—at least for the next few days. Exactly how stressed _has_ she been to fill the entire fridge with pre-made food for _seven people_?"

Ryo hooked one thumb at Kento and the other at my husband. "Especially when two of them are _Kento_ _and Rowen_."

Rowen only had enough attention not fixated on me to throw a halfhearted half-amused smirk at Ryo's quip. "Oatmeal and Tylenol?" he asked me softly.

I mostly confirmed through Dawn, my nod only the smallest tip of my head. Glancing up had my eyes meeting Cye's; the combination of bland food and painkiller seemed to trip his doctor's intuition. The ensuing increase in nausea wasn't helped by my nerves at his close scrutiny.

Luckily Alexa and Sage emerging from my twin's room turned the attention from me—though Cye kept eyeballing me, I noticed. While Sage had filled everyone else in on the fact he was waiting to pop the big question due to the stress of the trial, it didn't change the excited anticipation we had over the sheer fact it was finally going to happen.

And it gave us all something to look forward to on the other side of this long trial.

"Have a nice nap, sleepyheads?"

Leave it to Kento to be the comic relief. Ryo—as self-appointed partner-in-comedy—chimed in with "Did your solar batteries run out of charge, Sage?"

Once the chuckles died out, Alexa shook her head in amusement and tilted her head to look at her boyfriend. "I keep making you the latest one up."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, smile soft and amused. "That's just fine with me."

I smiled at them as Rowen walked over with a glass of water and Tylenol. "Not like I beat you by much—I just got out here."

Alexa blushed, her expression mimicking my typical anime sweatdrop mood. Dusk betrayed just how much she hadn't wanted to get out of bed. "Technically I've been up for awhile…"

Ryo smirked at the pair. "I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not."

"The only thing _I'm_ surprised at is Mister Proper Sage coming out of the same room with you," Kento teased, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

She simply shook her head, four years of being together with Sage having made her used to his friends' sometimes less than safe-for-work implications. "You go on and think whatever you want. You're going to imagine it no matter what I say," she teased back.

I snorted at that, tossing back the painkiller in my palm and chasing it with the water. Her previous sentiment about not wanting to get out of bed came back to me as Rowen vanished back to the kitchen to heat my oatmeal. "I didn't want to, either, but I'm craving breakfast."

"Basically the same here." She made a move as if to join Rowen in the kitchen, but Sage beat her to it. Instead she parked herself on the couch between Cye and Kento, shaking her head affectionately at how _both_ our significant others were insisting on taking care of us.

Of course it was for completely different reasons. But the principle remained.

Alexa seemed to notice my difficulty staying involved in the conversation, my mind turned inward. She tapped my leg with her foot. "You okay, sis?"

I swallowed, glancing up at everyone's sudden attention and becoming almost _shy_. Dawn tapped Strata and got an instant response. _"Should we tell them…?"_

He smiled gently. _"Now's as good as ever, I suppose."_

I mirrored his mental smile with a physical one, casting my eyes down at the glass I cupped in my lap. My heart started to race of its own accord. "Yeah, just a little nauseous. Been going on for about a week now." Letting my smile grow, I looked back up at everyone. "Would you guys rather be called "big brothers" or "uncles"?"

My twin was the first to say anything, jaw going slack with disbelief. "You're not."

I couldn't swallow down my happy grin, but only nodded. Dawn felt as if she were broadcasting more joy than I could physically express, Strata equally wrapped up in the excitement of just what we were anticipating.

"You're _pregnant_?" Kento blurted, eyes wide.

My laughter almost drowned out Cye's curiosity. "When did you find out?"

"I was only certain of it last week—when the nausea started," I explained, taking another gulp of water. "Dawn might've been trying to tell me _sooner_ , but I kinda waved it off as my imagination until I missed my period and the other symptoms showed up."

Ryo and Kento seemed to still be digesting the shock, reminding me a little of when I'd broken the news to Rowen. Cye of course was all medically-minded right now, Torrent reflecting just how eager he was to discuss this with me. Surprisingly, Sage didn't sound the least bit surprised when he called out, "Want Halo to check, Cye?"

Rowen and Sage both emerged from the kitchen, the former handing me my breakfast with a protective hand on my shoulder. I shook my head at Sage's offer as he deposed Kento from his seat next to my sister. "Oh don't worry, you two, I think Dawn has this under control. Considering my symptoms could be _far_ worse than they are."

I should have guessed Alexa would follow her initial surprise with concern. "You're okay with...the stress?"

The hand on my shoulder squeezed reassuringly—we'd already had a similar conversation. I swallowed my first bite of food before answering. "The trial… It'll be over soon. And life is full of different kinds of stress. One way or another, we're going to run into it. Heck, being pregnant is its _own_ kind of stress, and it's just beginning." I smiled softly at my twin, Dawn hugging Dusk warmly. "Things will turn out okay. We'll be alright."

She returned my smile, but it was noticeably smaller than I'd hoped for. Her words rang with a hollow edge Dawn barely noticed—and, if I weren't mistaken, a tinge of jealousy. "I'm happy for you."

"We all are!" Ryo chimed in brightly.

"I'm going to be an uncle! Woo hoo!" Kento cheered, fist pumping the air.

Alexa _would_ point out the flaw in his logic, just as teasing as earlier. "Sage legally. Eventually."

Ensuing laughter and mirth covered the knowing looks that flashed between those of us in the know. Kento further hid the secret with a mock-indignant jest that "Hey, it's not just about blood!"

"Speaking of blood… Told Dad he's going to be a grandpa yet?"

The thought of our father's reaction brought the Chesire grin back to my lips. "You should have heard _his_ shock. I wish I'd thought to record it!"

Her bright laugh at imagining just such a thing was genuinely happy. "Let the 'I'm getting old' midlife crisis begin?"

"You bet!" I replied impishly. Conspiratorily, I leaned forward and stage-whispered, "It was worse than our wedding!"

Ryo rolled his eyes. "Oh gods. If he was _that_ bad I shudder to think how he'll be when the baby's _born_!"

Alexa's small frame shook with her chuckles, clearly holding back much louder laughter. "We should tape his reaction to the first ultrasound pictures."

Cye shook his head at our evil plotting. "To borrow _your_ phrase—you two are such brats. Remind me why we ever let you be in the same room at the same time?"

I snorted, taking another sip of water between bites of breakfast. "Because otherwise Balance would never work."

"It's not like we've _needed_ it…" Ryo pointed out.

"And—gods willing—we _won't_ ever again," Rowen agreed grimly, his hand tightening on my shoulder once more.

Alexa snorted—I couldn't help noticing how she was practically _wolfing_ down her food. "Physically, at least." Her tone hinted at just how much the _emotional_ support my being around meant to her. Dawn circled her other half warmly, embodying the oft-used image of dragon wings draping over her.

Cye proved just what would soon make him such an excellent doctor when his attention turned from my wellbeing to my sister's evident distress. Torrent's scrutiny then had me putting two and two together, wondering how in the world I hadn't noticed the signs of a relapse. Then again, she had always been a pro at hiding or explaining them away—the dark circles under her eyes, lethargy, even mood swings and pale skin. All things I'd somehow missed in my distraction, the sudden realization spiking Dawn's protectiveness all the more.

Part of me wondered if the mothering hormones weren't adding to that intensity.

She, of course, caught the change in the wind and waved us all off. "I'm alright. Just been the past three or so weeks? Not in danger at all. I've been eating _enough_ just. Not enough for anxiety, I guess."

It didn't quite alleviate my sadness that she'd been struggling, again. Years had gone by since she'd had to worry about this issue. My voice softened sympathetically. "The trial coverage's been that rough on you, eh?"

She smirked but completely ignored my question. "You've picked up Canadianisms."

My face could have been the poster child for the annoyed emoticon. "Hardy har har. I am _part_ Canadian after all, aren't I?" Once the sarcastic teasing had gotten across, I tried to press my point. "Are you sure you're alright, with all this trial stuff?"

Her chuckle turned dark. "The point's moot. I have to go through it anyway, so my feelings about it are irrelevant."

I sighed, my demeanor turning a tad embarrassed. "Well it's not like we were _planning_ for me to be pregnant at this particular point…"

The boys all raised an eyebrow, Kento's smirk telling me just what he thought that meant. Alexa ignored them all and snuggled against Sage's side, his arm looping around her now that her breakfast was finished. Dusk churned with mixed emotions, none of them uplifting at all.

"It'll be okay, Alexa," Rowen murmured, his hand rubbing my shoulder as I continued eating (a tad self-consciously). "We'll all get through this."

Her laugh was soft, appreciative. "Wouldn't have been _able_ to file this without you guys."

"There's no way we would have let you go it alone," Kento agreed with a grin—his big brother side coming out.

"This is as much our fight as yours," Ryo explained. "We're not going anywhere anytime soon. Promise."

"I know." Her voice was quiet, hand finding Sage's to intertwine fingers. "You guys are more stubborn than _Tessa_ when you want to be."

Her dry quip broke the dark air that had fallen over the room. I mock-pouted, Rowen chuckling and bending down to kiss my cheek. "Perhaps it's rubbed off, over the years," he said, continuing to rub my upper arm affectionately.

"How much you wanna bet the kid's gonna have the same sort of personality?" Kento said. "Considering you can be just as bad, Ro."

"Good lu-uck!" Alexa sing-songed

Sage eyed her with a knowing half-smirk. "You might not want to say that," he pointed out, the obvious implication of how we were twins and how stubborn Sage _himself_ could be not needing to be said.

We all laughed at her attempted glare, completely failing due to her own amused grin creeping over her face. Her mouth twisted into a mock-annoyed grimace, then she stretched up to kiss his jaw. "Don't forget, _you_ have to help!"

The wicked gleam in her eye had Sage blushing and the entire group practically _howling_ with evil laughter. Thoughts of just what that entailed had me recalling my own escapades with Rowen; I looked up at him and our eyes met, words passing unspoken between us. He leaned down again to kiss me, lips soft and gentle on mine, and the Three Stooges all made various sounds of mock-disgust or cat-calling.

Despite the reason we had been drawn to Ottawa, it was reassuring to be surrounded by our best friends once more.

—/—

I was sleeping so lightly I felt Sage leave the bed. With seven people who needed to get ready and one shower, he was going to take full advantage of his usual sleep schedule. I shivered as his warmth left my side, turning to fill the spot he'd vacated.

He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. _'Want anything?'_

My painfully twisting stomach answered that question for me. _'Juice.'_

 _'Alright.'_ The door clicked open. _'I'll make tea after my shower before coming back.'_

 _'You spoil me.'_

He simply gave the impression he saw this differently before leaving. He returned to deliver the juice to ward off hypoglycaemic shock, lingering to make sure I drank, before going to claim the bathroom. The water ran a few moments later and I hoped he didn't wake everyone else up. More anxiety spiked at the thought he was disturbing somebody, considering he'd have had to go past the Three Stooges sleeping to get both juice and tea.

Curling up on myself was proving ineffective for my continuing to twist stomach; I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed to grab the giant white tiger stuffed toy I'd put in the corner, appropriately named White Blaze. Tessa had gotten him for me one year for my birthday, and he'd been my cuddle buddy whenever Sage wasn't around ever since. It helped I'd sprayed him with Sage's cologne so often he near permanently came close to the correct scent. It was close enough to calm me down, at least.

I dozed until soft chuckling rippled through the air, teacup quietly thumping on the bedside table.

"Replaced me, have you?"

I smiled and rolled back over onto my side, letting Sage lie down in his place and wrap his arms around both me and the stuffed toy still against my chest.

He found my hand, lacing our fingers together. "Think you'll be able to get back to sleep?"

I shook my head.

He sighed and kissed my temple. "At least try to rest."

Nodding, this time. I didn't particularly want to speak, words snared in my mind to the point not even single concepts formed. Sage joined me in the wordless jumble, smoothing down sharp edges and combing through my soul for the stars Rowen had taught me to use so many years ago. The feeling relaxed and terrified me at the same time, welcoming peace but knowing it would be shattered in just a few hours.

My mother had once tried to get my name out of a lawsuit, because she 'knew' my anxiety wouldn't be able to handle court. I hated to admit she just might be right on that.

 _'She's wrong.'_

 _'Only because you're here.'_

He kissed the back of my head. _'But the very fact you can handle it makes her wrong.'_

I let go of White Blaze to turn and face him, snuggling into his shoulder. I didn't know what I'd do without him, especially the way he made my normally anxious to the point of throwing up mornings bearable. I was glad he'd finally decided there was nothing wrong with simply _sleeping_ beside one another, him often having to come into my bed anyway to help me relax after I'd woken up from anxiety based insomnia.

Or maybe he just realized how much he'd come anyway and it was pointless to sleep in different rooms.

I didn't know how I did it, but I managed to fall back asleep in his arms— lightly, in fits— until more water started running. I couldn't _hear_ any debates but I could _feel_ them, the lineup for the shower already formed.

Sage rubbed my back, easing the rising tension at simply being around conflict. _'Kento and Ryo got up at the same time, and Cye slipped around them arguing to get into the shower.'_

That made me hold in giggles. _'And he called Tessa and I brats.'_

I could feel Sage's smile through Halo. _'He has his streak,_ especially _around those two.'_

 _'They're fun to tease, I have to admit.'_ I kept my nose buried in his lounge shirt, taking in every nuance of his scent. Not for the first time I wished I could bottle it and place it everywhere, or at least on one key piece, so I could feel he was closer. His smell never lingered long enough after he left. White Blaze came close, but the stuffed toy lacked the very human mix of sweat, detergent, and the environments Sage stayed in most often.

 _'When do you have to get up?'_

I thought of the courthouse and the mob of reporters I knew would be there to cover one of the larger trials Ottawa had seen. I felt like death warmed over, which was the _last_ state I wanted to be recorded in. Fortunately, copious amounts of makeup would hide that. _Un_ fortunately, it took time to get on.

The trial started at nine and was at least half an hour away, if not more in the rush hour downtown traffic. And we'd likely have to get there a little early, meeting with our lawyer and simply getting through the mob. I could attempt to eat on the drive and I was not above having one of the guys make me a smoothie so I could actually get calories in a way my body wouldn't reject them.

 _'Seven? Seven fifteen?'_

He kissed my forehead. _'Then you have half an hour.'_

I blinked. _'What time did you even_ get up. _'_

The grin I felt through our armour connection. _'Around five. You managed to sleep for nearly forty five minutes.'_

I sank back down in his arms, letting my body get heavy with tiredness. _'Wake me up gently, and at least five minutes early so I don't have to jump out of bed, please…'_

He shifted so he was on his back, me using his shoulder as a pillow. _'Gladly.'_

My obsessive mind didn't trust he would, as usual. Alarms and time limits were the fastest ways to make it I _wouldn't_ sleep, no matter how much I trusted myself or the person I was curled up against. Thoughts on how he might fall asleep and we could be late wouldn't stop circling in my mind, fear of the morning too much, too sharp, for me to let go of. My mouth was paper dry, fight or flight not releasing no matter what I told myself. A tickle formed at the back of my throat where I couldn't swallow to ease it.

Halo forced its way through the knot, exploding it before I started coughing and therefore heaving. The dam I'd held up for my sheer terror _broke_ , whole spirit filled with sickening anxiety that he withstood just to shield me from it. Fears I shouldn't have— Tessa miscarrying, my mother escaping or getting acquitted, the potential Michael had decided he should push the limits of his probationary restraining order and show up at the trial now that he was out of prison, my name being discredited for bringing a false claim against a so-called wonderful woman who charmed everyone around her but me and my friends.

Everything I'd kept locked up for years, some dating back to before I'd filed charges, came crashing out in a gut-wrenching sob.

Sage's hand tangled in my hair, not letting any barriers come back up. _'You need to feel, right now. I'm here. It's safe.'_

 _'I don't have_ time _.'_

 _'You still have twenty minutes.'_ He kissed my forehead, gently. _'Let it out.'_

Before I could even completely form a thought I would just wake the others, their support bolstered me and joined Sage's side of encouraging me to release a panic attack that had been festering for at least months.

By the time twenty minutes was up and I forced myself to stop, shaky and feeling like paper-thin glass, a mug of juice was on the bedside table along with two maple sugar candies I kept around in case of blood sugar emergencies.

I hadn't even heard one of the guys come in.

Looking at Sage's face had potentially been a mistake. Tears brimmed along his lashes, him caught between anger that someone had hurt me so much and feeling every ounce of Dusk's pain. I kissed him in a desperate apology, the deepest expression of gratitude I knew how to give. He returned the intensity but instead pleading with me to not feel guilty, that the pain he felt was temporary and mollified by the knowledge he could be here to help me not feel so alone.

The only reason we separated was for breath. The moment we were able our lips met again, me shakily threading a hand through his hair and him reaching under my pj top so I had the skin of his palm on my lower back.

A third kiss of the same raw emotion and I finally calmed; had I been standing or sitting I would've collapsed. As it was, I simply felt _heavy_ , body practically melding into Sage's. His protectiveness had only intensified, wrapping me in a bubble that I felt nothing could breach.

"I will not let anything hurt you."

—

We pulled into the courthouse's parking lot on time at around 8:40, the paid lot sticker going on the dash. It was _almost_ tempting to take the bus just to avoid the fee and the traffic, but considering how much of a spectacle this had become, I wanted to be out in public as little as possible.

Of course, first that meant getting through the media crowding around the door, waiting for everyone of importance to come in.

Ryo paused when we came into sight. _'I have never seen this many reporters in my life.'_

I raised an eyebrow and never broke stride. _'You thought I was kidding when I said I was mobbed at pre-hearings? Thankfully I know how to duck.'_

Kento cracked his knuckles. _'Alright, time to send a message. Ryo?'_

Ryo's small nod was the only notification the guys needed to get around us, Sage wrapping an arm around my waist, Rowen similarly beside Tessa, while Kento and Ryo went in front and Cye trailed behind. I didn't have to see their faces to know that anybody who dared get in our way was going to get a world of hurt.

That didn't stop the flood of questions, "what are you feeling"s and "Alexa Schildknecht"s turning into pure cacophony. One reporter dared use the name I used to have, _her_ last name, the one she'd taken and forced on me the minute she married my stepfather within the cult. The name I'd gotten rid of the minute I'd found an alternative.

He withered under my glare.

We entered the courthouse and the actual security took over, them all on high alert from the attention this case had drawn. We were able to peacefully go through screening akin to an airport, making me feel like I was back in DC. The thought was just comforting enough I could breathe.

Thankfully this trial had a certain amount of media blackout. Recordings were forbidden, only one reporter per media station. They were already beginning to line up behind us.

 _'Is it…'_ Tessa began, searching for words. _'Is it really like this every time?'_

 _'Mmhmmmmmm. I tried to warn you…!'_

She stayed stuck to my other side. _'Oh I didn't doubt you. But hearing it and living it_ are _two different things...obviously.'_

I kept an eye roll internal, mostly annoyance at the situation in general and not able to really _not_ be irritated at present. _'Welcome to my life for the past two years!'_

Everybody winced. I, meanwhile, tried not to mutter curses at my sense of humour.

Meeting with the lawyer was a blur. Tessa joined me, the two of us being the only official parties in the lawsuit and therefore the only ones able to legally talk about it out loud. Even then, there were restrictions.

By the time we were sitting in the courtroom, I was already an inch away from sensory overload and Sage couldn't be beside me because only actual case members could sit at the table. Before we parted he pressed Halo into my hand as a relatively inconspicuous comfort device.

Hopefully that and his ring on my first finger, a silver band with pale pink stones dotted with emeralds— delicately branching like cherry blossoms— would be enough to keep me calm.

Tapping the metal against Halo's glass like surface might be an annoying sound to the rest of the population, but it worked to get me focusing. I was so lost in the rhythm I barely noticed the command to rise for the judge entering.

The judge's entrance was immediately followed by the defendant walking into court.

I hadn't seen my mother in four years.

That woman had aged to her sixties from the stress of prison. Her hair was whiter, eyes sparkling with that same dark fire but duller than they had been. Otherwise she looked fine— I'd heard whispers that she was getting various treatments and maybe they'd finally broken her of her mental blocks around food and she was getting proper nutrition for once.

Something in me revolted at the thought I'd just wished she was _better_ than she used to be.

Then I noticed she was sitting all of thirty feet away from me. Her sickeningly polite, overly sweet smile towards me around her lawyer, mouthing old nicknames like nothing had happened. Like we weren't in a courtroom and her in handcuffs and I wasn't prosecuting her on the federal level because _she had filed a claim against me, first_.

My paralysis was so bad it took three armour prompts to get me to sit back down with everyone else.

I spun my ring instead of tapping it against a hard surface, her voice about selfishly being lost in my own world when my behaviour dared disturb somebody else too loud for me to fight. I was in a courthouse with people watching and that meant being polite and unassuming— pay attention, make eye contact, sit still, stop fidgeting that's a sign you're not listening, don't play with your hair, don't tap your foot, all of that will make people discredit you.

Stardust was the first thing to cloud my mother's image in my memory, followed by two light sources, a roaring fire, a sandstorm, and a waterfall. No matter which way I turned there was someone blocking her, distorting it and giving Dusk enough space to realize this was a set of intrusions. A _really_ bad set.

I crumpled inward, retreating even further into myself to not break down in tears again. _'I need the adrenalin.'_

Tessa was the first to reply. _'You need to know you're safe.'_

My consciousness shook like a scared puppy as our lawyer made her opening statements, ears closing when the defence took the floor hours later. I didn't want to hear it, I'd already heard it as the lawyer prepared me for their tactics. Not like the media already hadn't said all this— I was nothing more than a girl too caught up in the modern 'political correctness' movement, not recognizing tough love and buying into the concept that parents were abusive if they so much as looked at their kids the wrong way.

Tell that to the CPTSD trying to consume me at the mere sight of her. Another diagnosis I'd received in this whole process, my own mind submitted to court as evidence. Of course one cornerstone of my case was how she'd hidden my autism diagnosis from me, which put that in the public sphere and only added more fuel to the fire. As a precautionary measure I'd submitted to yet another evaluation as further proof this was not something I was making up.

Thank God Sage had been visiting for that particular period. A battery of psych tests over the course of a month, both to determine the validity of my diagnoses and whether or not I was mentally fit to testify in court, had left me too drained to take care of myself. And he'd submitted to his own exam. At least he didn't have triggers around psychiatrists.

My mother's incredibly long winded and guaranteed to be a pain lawyer closed up his statements somewhere around four pm. He'd given an impassioned speech about how I was trying to frame an innocent woman because I was nothing more than a petulant child who misunderstood good parenting for abuse; I was mentally disabled so I couldn't understand the difference between reasonable and unreasonable— and my mother had always been within reasonable limits considering how difficult _I_ was.

Basically, everything she'd told me when I had still been living with her and tried to call her out.

If she'd picked him, she'd found basically herself genderswapped. If she hadn't, then the universe had a twisted sense of humour. Just his phrasing was enough to bring _more_ intrusions, enough the background noise of my mind was non-stop memories, not so much I lost touch with reality. Again.

The judge adjourned court for the day, saying tomorrow testimony would begin. At least that would let me get back to work while I waited to testify. I was already booking my vacation time for my own time on the stand, and I could not afford to take however long this trial would run off. The joys of working from home.

Sage came up from the public benches and met me on my way out. The guys were all about to go through the door when I pointed to my lawyer. "Let her go first."

Catherine simply grinned and breezed past the rest of us, taking the onslaught of the media questions at the entrance and notedly walking away from the doors so the reporters weren't crowding. The routine was practiced, her having done this in pre-trial hearings. The media _did_ like it that a relatively young lawyer who looked like she stepped off the set of _Legally Blonde_ minus the pink suit was the prosecutor.

"Okay, _now_ let's get out of here."

All of us slipped out and hurried past the camera crews, although I noticed a fraction of them begin to break off to follow. Ryo, Kento and Cye practically formed a wall at our backs, blocking the cameras from viewing and reporters from following.

We made it to the car with minimal harassing.

"Damn," Ryo said as he settled into the front passenger seat. "You told us she was good but that's awesome."

"Sure we can't make her an honorary Ronin?" Kento said from beside me in the back.

I sighed simply to release a breath and settled into Sage's side. "You tell me— you guys are the ones paying for her."

Their financial support had put me forever in their debt. Even with her discounted rate— both from sympathy to my situation and how the notoriety of the case would bolster her business beyond imagination if she won— a trial this large was out of my reach without help.

I'd lost count of the number of times they'd had to reassure me it was fine.

Sage kissed the bridge of my nose. "You need a nap, tōgei."

I could only nod.

"We could order in," Cye said. "Something different. Even less effort than reheating."

I laughed softly. "You know it's been a rough day when the chef suggests we order in."

"You're not objecting."

Simple acknowledgement and agreement to Cye's statement, closing my eyes and settling down for the drive. Tessa seemed just as exhausted— although she had the excuse of being pregnant. I was just thankful they'd let me have the back seat of the van. I didn't want to admit how much I wanted Sage at this particular moment.

We made it into my place intact. Thank God no reporter had found out where I lived and I could have some reprieve. The building had been my safe haven since I moved out of my parents' place. I'd even just moved within it to get a second bedroom, it was that safe to me.

"Where do you want to get changed?" Sage asked as he gathered up his 'girlfriend needs cuddles' clothing, blazer already hung in the closet beside mine.

"Need to remove makeup," I said. "I'll take the bathroom." In reply to his lingering fear, I continued, "I'll leave the door open until I'm actually getting changed."

He closed the space between us and kissed me, hands on my waist. "Alright."

I leaned our foreheads together to reassure him I wouldn't hurt myself, a silent promise I'd made too often, before going across the hall. I had no blades and I'd never sliced my skin, but I'd refused to show him my legs or for months on end from all the scabbing, me picking at every raised bump I could find and purposely relapsing to develop them. He was still the only one who'd seen me actually self harm, not just the after effects. Let alone multiple times.

He stole another kiss. I couldn't tell if the shadows in his eyes were reflections of mine, or his own.

Taking my makeup off felt like removing armour, brown toned eyeshadow and way too much concealer requiring multiple cotton pads to go away. My eyeliner and mascara were particularly stubborn, sticking along my lashes until I scrubbed. I didn't know why I was bothering removing it— I'd put more on tomorrow— but being able to recognize myself in the mirror again was priceless. My partial faceblindness could get more than a little annoying when looking at my _own_ reflection was like staring at a moving photograph, it was that different from what I was used to.

Sage leaning against our bedroom door to watch me, still in the rest of his dress clothes, didn't escape my attention.

I gave him a small smile before closing the door, pulling off my berry coloured knit top and getting my hips out of my pencil skirt. With every article removed— tights especially— the reality of the day sunk in farther. Court. A trial. Spending nearly eight hours next to my mother. Everything since I moved out coming to a head. In a sense, my dreams that she would pay coming true.

Sage knocked softly on the door, snapping me out of it and stopping my nails from running over my thighs.

 _'Coming!'_

All of a minute later I was finally in a t-shirt and pyjama pants, opening the door to Sage against the wall. His protectiveness could get annoying when all my mind wanted to do was destroy itself, but the way he gathered me up in his arms and let me shudder with emotion helped ease those voices. I hated having to evaluate whether my annoyance was genuine or simply self sabotage.

I still hated needing to be taken care of.

We walked into the living room to White Blaze holding the chaise, Kento and Cye on the main section of the couch, Tessa and Rowen cuddled in the oversized chair, and Ryo on the floor between Cye and Kento. All the beds had been put away just for the sole purpose of being able to _use_ the living room. Netflix was up on the tv, allowing some background noise while still complying with our ban on news stories.

I was almost thankful we couldn't see anything in relation to the case. I'd already had to live with the media's swirling predictions in the background for the past few months. I could just imagine how my thousand mile stare and stims would be interpreted _this_ time.

"Anything you wanna watch?" Ryo asked as we settled down, Sage putting White Blaze in his lap so the stuffed toy's incredibly soft fur was within reach.

I grabbed a spare remote and flicked through my lists. "Think they'd let us watch forensic shows?"

My sister laughed. "I know Rowen won't object," she said, with a playfully pointed Look at her husband, before shrugging and returning her attention to us. "I don't see why the courts would care—but they'd probably find that odd. It'd kinda be like when Liv watches cop shows all the time, bringing work home with her practically."

Sage, on the other hand, shook his head. "As if you needed to know _more_ about forensics…"

Rowen raised an eyebrow at me. "How much do you talk to him _on top_ of talking to me?"

I cleared my throat, blushing profusely. Sage just shook his head. "I could probably recite at _least_ the key forensic discoveries in most episodes of Forensic Files."

"You get the details, he gets the reactions as I watch?" I said sheepishly.

Sage laughed softly. "If you find my average talk about poetry excessive, she is about the same level."

Tessa hooked a thumb at Rowen, snuggled so closely into him she ended up poking his chest. "I think I've got you beat. He'll talk almost nonstop about _any_ of his special interests—physics, _igo_ , running, archery; you name it. If he's in the right mood, he'll even talk _my_ ear off about horses."

I laughed, going to mirror the motion for Sage, only to glance up at his face and see the raised eyebrow he was leveling me. "Need I remind you I know as much about your special interests as you do about mine?"

I paused, about to open my mouth, but I knew that Look and the teasing smirk it hid. Deciding to save myself some embarrassment, I sighed and flopped into his chest. "Let's just watch tv."

As if it was a proof of concept for how much autistics could not stop talking about their special interests, Cye both knew what to queue and where it was on my Netflix. _Homicide Hunter_ began playing, my perfect mix of gruesome crime scenes and dry wit thanks to Lieutenant Joe Kenda. He always displayed such humanity when narrating what he'd solved in the past, alternating between poignancy best articulated by trauma survivors and fierce determination to put monsters behind bars— all wrapped up in deadpan humour. It was my ultimate "relaxing after a hard day" show and _all_ the guys knew it.

Lucky us, there was a new season available. At least they didn't have to watch the same ones over and over again.

Of course, no sooner than the show had started, Kento asked, "When are we gonna eat?"

"And what," Cye said with a laugh. "I think we're going to need that list of restaurants again, Alexa."

I snorted and told them what website to visit. Hopefully we wouldn't order from seven different ones this time, but knowing us, the likelihood of anything under three places was slim. Especially with two people having sensitive stomachs instead of just me.

Cye was the first one to get his laptop, his bags being rather literally right next to his seat. He powered it on only to frown. "What's your network, again?"

"Oh right," I said, words half slurred together and pointing in the general direction of my office storage. "I changed modems. The new name and password are on the router."

Rowen pouted, a habit I was sure he'd picked up from my sister. "Aw you changed it? Never thought you'd get rid of Sage."

I laughed, remembering the endless torment I'd gotten when news had gotten out— thanks _to_ Rowen, no less— that my network name used to begin with 'Sage'. "I'm not. Just the modem. Better price, anyway."

"You should change your modem's name," Kento offered. "Then you never will."

I snuggled into my boyfriend's side, unable to resist replying to their literal meanings. "What are you talking about? I'm not getting rid of him."

The debates— both on food and how I could keep up the joke— continued as everyone browsed. Had it not been for Rowen and Kento ordering from the same burger joint, it _would've_ been seven. Leave it to this group to order three burgers from two different places; the food vacuums got the single most loaded burgers they could get, while Ryo went for something classic and more focused on the sauce. Cye got fish and chips, Tessa a sub, me grilled cheese, and Sage ordering Thai.

The living room began to resemble a yo-yo factory as the orders came in. Of course none of them arrived at once.

Cye shook his head at the sheer number of spice smells swirling in the room. "I swear, you three. Torrent wouldn't be enough to calm that fire."

Sage, Ryo, and I just laughed. Between the chipotle aioli on my order, the bird's eye chilis in Sage's, and the five alarm hot sauce in Ryo's, we had more heat than the other four combined. Kento had tried one of Ryo's burgers on a dare, once. A carton of milk later he vowed never to repeat the experience.

By the time everyone was finished, I felt like I was halfway asleep and kept slipping down on Sage's chest. My feet bumped into Kento's thigh and I jolted up.

He smiled and patted his lap, indicating it wasn't an issue. I hesitated, first just sliding down and letting myself touch his leg— then promptly caved and stretched across _all_ of their laps, head pillowed on White Blaze.

Cye laughed. "Comfortable?"

I nodded. "Although I feel like I'm on Toyota's reinvented couch. Where it's just made of ripped guys. But they're shirtless."

"Oh we could do that for you, if you wanted," Kento said, voice full of affectionate teasing.

I snorted. "Considering I'm not looking at you, I think I'll pass."

"So we should just make Sage take his shirt off, then."

I blushed. "Not looking at him, either!"

The unspoken 'but I would' made everyone burst out laughing.

"Speaking of ripped…" Kento said, hand on my calf. "Damn girl. You've been working out."

I grinned. "That and my body builds muscle like you wouldn't believe. Just a few reps and hello deffinition, once I started eating again."

"I hate you," Tessa said, pouting. A few moments later, she cleared her throat a little self-consciously. "Speaking of food. I… think I could go for dessert."

Rowen's raised eyebrow at the implication she was _craving_ it, gears in his head turning as he asked himself what, exactly, she meant and how ridiculous the request would be. I tried not to burst out laughing at his hints of fear, Sage's poke to my side not helping.

 _'You'll have cravings one day.'_

I internally snickered. _'And if they're weird I'll laugh about_ your _reaction to them. So I can laugh about this.'_

He didn't sigh but gave the impression of it, along with _'You're incorrigible.'_

"So what kind of dessert _do_ you want?" Rowen eventually prompted.

"Chocolate."

"Of course she does," I quipped back. "Have you not learned this by now?"

She continued. "Chocolate, and-or ice cream. Preferably both. Maybe with strawberries. Or strawberry ice cream with chocolate fudge, and lots of it."

"Oh-kay I think I get the picture!" Rowen said with a laugh. "The Chocolate Monster is out."

She chuckled in reply and snuggled up to him, her puppy dog eyes out to make her husband melt. He, in turn, looked towards me.

"We could check if there's chocolate cake at my favourite place," I said. "Might luck out and find it's pumpkin pie season, for you guys. I'll just have raspberry." I could've suggested my rather extensive chocolate stash— I had, after all, been expecting _her_ — but the thought of something sweet for everyone was appealing.

Sage glanced over at the guys. "Might want to get two of the pumpkin."

I snorted, just imagining the look Kento was giving. "Or we raid my ice cream stash because I do have some. And fudge."

Tessa turned the puppy eyes on me. "Both?"

We all laughed at that. I brought my knee up to nudge Ryo in the back of the head, him the only one unoccupied. He gave me a good natured 'what was that for?' glare before going up to get Tessa's requested snack from the freezer.

Right before he opened the door I called out, "Oh yeah I kind of stocked up on ice cream. You might have to dig for the strawberry."

His 'whoa' a few moments later let me know he'd noticed. "You weren't kidding!"

I laughed. " _And_ I didn't even know she was pregnant with cravings."

She happily munched away while we waited— we had indeed gotten lucky and there were pumpkin pies available— Homicide Hunter now on its second episode. Kenda was running out of suspects and he was back at his usual revisit of the scene, of everything he knew for sure. This time, without any assumption over what had happened. He was unusually invested because a child was killed, and he wanted to put the monster who did it behind bars.

There was only one person at the scene of the crime with the opportunity to do it.

My stomach lurched as Kenda came to the realization the mother was his prime suspect.

Everything went white. I blinked rapidly, tried to breathe, tried to do something besides limply laying across the guys' laps but I couldn't. I could only feel my body shudder with my mind as a detached observer, unable to control anything about my reaction. Every close call and every potential and every just-slightly-missed shot— the sword had never been at my heart, had it, but it had been to begin everything, I remembered now; they had never threatened to kill me they had never come close to killing me— it wasn't death it was control but why could I not shake the fear they would murder me if they got the chance?

"Tōgei?"

I barely acknowledged, instead tipping my head down and closing my eyes. They squeezed shut so tightly tears pushed their way to my cheeks.

Sage's hand found mine. "We're right here. She'll go to jail for it. They're not going to kill you."

I nodded. While that stopped the anxiety it didn't stop the flashbacks, screens around blacked-out memories ripping down. Rowen's presence joined mine almost immediately, me replying with an impression that I was still conscious, I was still aware— I knew it was the past but I wanted to remember it. I _needed_ to remember it, for the trial. His presence shifted from 'drag out of darkness' to 'quietly staying so I wasn't alone.'

Sage stroked my arm. "Want to go to bed?"

"We can bring you your slice of pie when it comes," Cye said softly.

Ryo stood to give us room. "And we can tell you the ending when you're feeling better."

"Yes. All."

Sage scooped me up and carried me to our room, Ryo following with White Blaze. Sage just murmured in every language we both knew, softly nuzzling me as Ryo pulled the covers down so I could get some place warm. I loathed catatonia but at least their help made it bearable. My boyfriend got under the covers with me and simply _stayed_ , knowing by now his presence was enough and I didn't want anything but company.

I knew it would be alright. But it was always far less scary facing intrusions with someone.


	3. Chapter 3

Hm, we may actually -knockonwood- be writing fast enough to bump this up to once a week... However, we shall see. In the meantime, enjoy the beginning of the circus.

 **Warnings:** Gaslighting, victim blaming, stalking, PTSD-fueled anxiety, pain as coping mechanism

* * *

 _Chapter 3_

Day two of the trial dawned to my stomach twisting like a pit of snakes and a headache that reminded me of heatwaves on pavement. Rowen's constant attention—previously irritating—was a godsend, him immediately handing me painkillers, water, and oatmeal as soon as I became more than half-conscious. I wished I could simply go back to sleep, but of course justice called.

And orders were orders.

I could feel Dawn kicking in just as much as the Tylenol by the time we reached the courthouse. Unfortunately that also meant a noticeable decrease in my energy. Rowen stuck to my side like glue, a hand on my back guiding me as we made our way through the now-expected sea of reporters again. Once through security, we were directed to a room adjoining the main courtroom.

Having been briefed by Catherine Halsey about what to expect—not being allowed to watch the testimony given before our own—all of us had come prepared for a very _long_ stay in an otherwise empty room. Alexa instantly went about setting up her laptop in the comfiest chair there, kicking her shoes off and tucking her toes under herself once everything had been laid out to her satisfaction. Sage never strayed further from her side than the next chair over. Cye chose to pull out an English novel I'd seen him working through the day before; Ryo, meanwhile, had the not-so-envious task of guarding the wheeled cooler we'd brought which contained lunch.

Considering the way both Kento _and_ Rowen were already eyeing it, I figured that was a good task for our Fearless Leader.

Despite that temptation, however, Rowen kept his attention on me. Morning sickness had been a wonderful excuse to keep my mind off of what was coming, but now there was no way to avoid this. The thought almost made me more nauseous than I'd yet felt in the last week.

I would be testifying first. Catherine had presented a convincing argument for that logic—me having known Alexa as the primary plaintiff, as well as being the first to discover her missing. I could testify to a wider range than any of the other key witnesses, setting the stage for the guys to speak more directly on specific interactions with the accused and Alexa.

Strata coiling around Dawn bolstered her reserves as the court clerk opened the door, summoning me to the courtroom. The nausea dissipated to a faint itch at the back of my awareness, energy straightening my spine as I marched out to face the battlefield.

Being sworn in reminded me of the two times before I'd pledged service to the military; the resemblance was uncanny. Oddly enough, that and the first few introductory questions from our lawyer helped to ground me. The extra support from Dawn and Strata helped me to focus and stay on track with my answers, rather than rambling as I was prone to do.

If I'd thought talking with the American detectives after my own kidnapping had been tedious, then this felt even moreso. Catherine took advantage of my close relationship with Alexa to lay down a wide foundation for the rest of the case, getting into some of the most minute details about what I'd heard and seen in relation to how Mom treated her.

She paused her slow pacing a moment to glance down at her notes. "The accused says she struggled to accommodate Alexa and her outbursts were unpredictable and unmanageable. Did you have to make any adjustments for her because of her autism?"

I tried not to let my gaze drift, attention square on the well-dressed woman in front of me. "We never once found Alexa too difficult to interact with. She's an incredibly passionate, wonderful human being who just needs a heads up and not to be pushed over the edge—just like anyone else. And everyone's limits vary. Hers just happen to be a tad lower than most people, which is totally okay." Almost of their own accord, my eyes hopped to my estranged mother, who simply shook her head almost sadly. "I never once felt burdened by having her in my life."

"So everything you did, you would not call "accommodations"?"

This time I didn't look away from Mom. "No. They were simple human courtesies. Things that showed we cared about her difficulties and suffering, when PTSD and anxiety became overwhelming."

Our mother seemed in disbelief at my answers, an air of disdain around her as she leaned over to whisper something to her lawyer.

Catherine ignored it all like the professional she was. "What would you do, specifically, if you noticed that beginning to occur? If you could notice."

It was hard to resist curling a lip at my mother's reactions. Rowen's presence in my mind helped keep my answer on track, if a bit short and heated. "I'd ask if she were alright—what she needed, whether she needed food or talk or just a hug."

"And you could notice she needed this how often? In terms of the number of times a shut down, panic attack, or meltdown caught you by surprise."

"It was pretty easy to pick up on." Another pointed look at my mother, but then recalling myself thanks to a poke from Strata. "Almost any time she started to show signs of being upset, it was easy enough to stop what I was doing and just ask if there were anything I could do differently."

Following that set of questions, the judge allowed a quick break—water, rest rooms, a bite-sized snack from the huge cooler in the witnesses' room. Back on the stand, Catherine gave a few prompting questions in order to recount how the guys and I had responded to Alexa's initial kidnapping.

As rehearsed as my lie about Rowen's involvement _without_ Strata was, it was still nerve-wracking to actually say it—especially since I'd been under a proverbial microscope for well over an hour, at that point. It was the single most worrisome thing I'd felt about the whole ordeal. There were so many lies to cover for the armors' existences. One little slip, one little hesitation could poke holes in our credibility and bring the otherwise solid case crashing to the ground.

Not to mention revealing exactly what we were capable of to the entire world.

Another ten minute break. Two—or was it two and a half?—hours gone. More questions. Catherine delved into my family life, the effects Mom's manipulative tendencies had had on our father and my own childhood. There had been the constant moving to avoid the cult's potential tracking; the way Dad never shared anything about the woman who gave me life; the entanglement with my cult-owned ex-boyfriend, who had unequivocally been tied to Mom in my American trial.

Third break. More questions. Back to Alexa, the trauma she'd experienced on top of her childhood traumas. Just when I felt Dawn's strength start waning, however, Catherine came to what I knew would be our final question. "Do you think she would have ever returned to her mother's care willingly?"

"Not in a million years."

She turned to face the judge. "No further questions, Your Honor."

The judge nodded, called for a brief recess, and not a minute later I was in our little room and wrapped in Rowen's arms again.

"You're doing great," he murmured, running a soothing hand up and down my back. He drew back to see my face, hands on my upper arm. "Feeling alright?"

I nodded shortly and sighed, leaning back into his embrace with my forehead against his chest. _"Yeah… Tired. And not looking forward to cross exam."_

He lead me to a chair that I wordlessly sank into, Cye already at his shoulder with a water bottle and pre-made sandwich in hand. I took them gratefully, thinking as I drew a long drink from the bottle that it was odd I could welcome sitting when I'd been doing just that for the past God-knew-how-many hours.

There was a blessed half-hour before I had to go into that room again. Rowen hugged me tightly, a hand to my head pressed against his shoulder.

And then I was back on the stand, staring down Rupert Cunningham, our mother's ferret-faced lawyer. He didn't waste any time knuckling down on me.

"Have you or have you not threatened physical harm upon your mother?"

I tried not to start over-thinking the questions already. "No."

The subtle smirk in his expression made me want to squirm. "So you didn't say—I quote—and here is where I want to rip your mother to shreds again—end quote."

Heat crept into my cheeks as I continued resisting obvious tells—like my eyes wanting to slide away from Rupert's gaze. "I did."

"Did you not also say—quote—I just get _so angry_ at your mother for what she did to make you this way. For "how can she not SEE the pain she's caused you?" and I have the anger of a righteous dragon but no way to unload it on its intended target—end quote."

More squirming that I suppressed with years of military bearing hammered into my nerves. "Well, yes, but it was an expression of anger which I'm not capable of carrying out. As much as I'd like to, I can't turn into a dragon—so it's not a credible threat."

Somehow I had the sinking feeling of backing into a corner, made worse by the fact I _knew_ it was my own words being turned against me. Strata wrapped closely around Dawn, helping to fight off a rising tide of panic and anxiety that would only lead to a shutdown.

"So you threatened your mother."

I bristled at the trap threatening to close in. " _No_."

His smirk grew. "What about this. Quote: Can I just fly over there and rip her to shreds? End quote. Or this! Quote: Sometimes I just wish I could whack her over the head with the hilt of my saber." Blue eyes flicked up from his notes; a ball of ice settled in my chest. "Would you, as an _experienced_ intelligence officer, qualify those as a valid threat?"

There was no way around it. Yes-or-no questions had always been a weakness, a Thing that pushed me into helplessness and toward the edge of a shutdown.

"...Yes."

Rupert assumed an air of the wolf closing in for a kill, clasping his hands behind his back and beginning to pace slowly. "Did you _want_ to plan revenge on your mother?"

My brain finally stopped. Inside I was panicking, pounding on a piece of one-way glass screaming at myself to answer before the drawn-out pause became too incriminating. But there were only so many ways I could answer that—none of them good for me _or_ the case..

After far too much silence, I muttered, "Seeing her in prison is revenge enough."

The lawyer paused, drawn up to his full nearly-six-foot height, obviously trying to hide a triumphant grin. "So you _do_ actively want her in prison, and will take whatever steps necessary to achieve that?"

My hairsplitting tendencies finally saved me. Glaring up at him—drawing from my inner dragon—I firmly answered, " _No_."

After all. He had specifically asked whether I'd take _whatever_ steps necessary. So I wasn't completely lying.

He still tried pressing the weakness he'd found. "Yet you just admitted putting my client in jail is revenge."

It worked. I clenched my jaw, fighting with myself over the answer but again finding no way out. "...Yes."

And so the back and forth continued. If the direct examination had been tedious, this felt outright like a battle. The only reason I didn't go completely nonverbal and shut off—besides my own stubbornness and military training—was Strata outright supporting my energy levels. With Dawn presumably distracted by keeping down my pregnancy symptoms, I needed every extra boost I could get.

Only God knew how much time had passed before Rupert turned his sights on my relationship with my sister.

"Have you ever lived with Alexa long term?"

At this point it was almost impossible to hide how broken I felt inside—somehow, though, I guessed I still managed it. Probably through sheer stubbornness, yet again. "No."

"Then you have not experienced multi-year swaths of her life in person?"

The fact he'd clarified it with "in person" did nothing for me. "...No."

"Therefore you do not have a grasp on how difficult she is in person?"

Finally, another spark of anger and an opportunity to gain back some small sliver of ground. "I _do_. Just because it's not as long as someone else doesn't mean I don't know _anything_."

"Yet you display the same traits as Alexa?"

I blinked. What did that even ha—

 _'...Oh no.'_

Catherine swiftly rose, eyes on the judge. "Objection. Your Honor, the defence is attempting to open a line of questioning which has no bearing on the case. Request that that question be struck from the record."

Grateful for the respite—even for something as little as a legal debate—I retreated into Strata's protective shield. Luckily, the judge immediately called for a brief recess, the discussion over whether to allow the question and subsequent topics it would bring up continuing even as the court clerk approached.

"Missus Hashiba, you must return to the witness room," he said gently. "It is likely, with the late hour, that this will be continued tomorrow."

I nodded, hardly processing anything else going on around me. I didn't know how I got down from the stand—only that moments later Rowen had his arm around my shoulder, him between me and the public seating to hide me from their eyes. The moment we were through the door into our little room, he lifted me into his arms and sat us on the chair which Alexa had now vacated.

My eyes squeezed shut, face turning into his chest and wishing desperately for the familiar cardigans and soft sweaters instead of his button down shirt. At least he'd discarded his tie, propriety thrown out the window since it was just us in this room. Something firm but soft pushed against my shoulder, and I opened my eyes briefly to see Alexa wordlessly handing me an extra sweater she always carried around and a miniature version of her massive White Blaze toy.

Rowen took the sweater from her to drape between us, its arms going around my shoulders and White Blaze cuddling against my chest. I sighed as we settled, my husband cradling me with his chin resting atop my head.

 _"Rest. I've got you."_

I didn't need to be told twice. Dawn, Strata, _and_ Dusk all pulled me down into their soothing bubble, rings of protection from the outside world to bolster my armor's flagging strength. Everything dropped away except for the steady pulses of three heartbeats, stars twirling in a dark sky like dancers.

Then, for a few brief seconds, there was a fourth beat. A shooting star. It was the tiniest of flickers, like a baby bird, but _there_. And strong.

The half-awake, half-asleep, not-quite-nap feeling disappeared far too quickly, that tiny beat vanishing with it. Blinking the weariness from my eyes, I managed to pinpoint the source of my disturbed not-slumber as Rowen's palm drifting across the contours of my face.

"The court's been adjourned for the day," he murmured softly.

A short test of my stiffened body drew cat-like stretches and a wide yawn from me. Adjusting just slightly to get a better look at our little room, I asked, "How long was I out?"

I frowned slightly when I noticed we were the only ones around, both doors opening into the room ajar. "It's been half an hour. The judge decided it was getting late, and that we'd reconvene tomorrow to finish your cross-examination—without Rupert's damned questions relating to autism."

Remembering that made me sigh. It wasn't as if my mental processes being compared to my sister's were unexpected or offending. I'd come to terms with what those similarities and our shared heritage likely meant. But, legally, I hadn't had an official diagnosis. And it had little to do with our argument for permanently putting our mother behind bars. Rupert's attempt at getting that into the record—of potentially trying to get _me_ evaluated—was simply a delaying and damaging tactic meant to make my testimony into Swiss cheese.

Seeming to sense my line of thought, Rowen pressed a soft kiss to my lips. "Don't worry. The judge took care of it."

I nodded, the motion causing my forehead to rub against his. "Thank you."

This time he kissed my temple. "Cye's going to bring the van around so we don't have to walk quite as far. Catherine and the guys are going to distract or blockade most of the reporters. We can leave whenever you feel up to walking."

I was about to bark a laugh and retort that I wasn't even out of the first trimester—I could damned well walk a couple hundred meters!—when I caught the sound of a door creaking on its hinge. We both picked our heads up sharply, armors on the alert for danger. The source of our disturbance was immediately clear.

Michael Ballard stood in the doorway, shoulder against the jamb, feet crossed at the ankle, and a thumb casually hooked on one dress slacks pocket.

It took a few moments for my breath to come back, hand fisting in Rowen's collar at the shock of seeing my ex again. The last memory I had of him was when he'd been led away in handcuffs and an orange jumpsuit. Following his release from jail—even before then; as they were preparing to let him go—Rowen and I had _both_ filed restraining orders against him. He wasn't supposed to be within a hundred feet of me _or_ my husband.

Especially not now, with our child growing inside me.

He seemed so _casual_ , so _ordinary_. Dawn eyed his aura warily, a tar-y coat of dark Nether energy that yet lay semi-dormant, awaiting his call. I could feel Rowen's frustration even without the connection to Strata, his arms tightening protectively at the realization of just how disadvantaged we were should he want to try anything.

An almost _amused_ smirk curved his lip and lit his brown eyes. "So. We meet again at last, little dove."

No words came. I was too exhausted, too caught up in the shock. Rowen tensed—seeming about to rise, to bite out some retort—but the sound of a phone camera going off stopped him. I peeked out from my husband's protection toward the door catty corner from us to see Alexa just inside the room's threshold. Her countenance was chilly as an ice-frosted mug, eyes pinning Michael to the doorframe as she walked over.

"That doesn't look like a hundred feet to _me_ ," she practically growled, interposing herself between him and us. It wasn't an outright threat, but one glance at her posture screamed pain should he do anything other than retreat.

Despite this, Michael's smirk simply grew. Seeming satisfied with the reaction he'd garnered, he stood and straightened his suit jacket. With a last secretive glance and smile back at me—eyes hooded in a way that I used to think very attractive—he turned and walked away.

As my heartbeat began to slow and the shock finally dissipated, I heard Ryo quietly remark, "That's not the last we'll see of _him_."

Someone—probably Kento—sighed. I released the breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, too, my body relaxing with it and head dropping back to Rowen's chest. He pressed his cheek to mine and softly ran a hand up and down my back.

 _"I won't let him hurt you,_ ryuko _,"_ he promised—words I hadn't had to hear for years, now.

The weight and stress of the day had definitely gotten to me. Half-formed thoughts and an argument I didn't want to engage in right now swirled through my brain. All I could get out, however, was a weak, _"I know."_

I had never been more grateful for the car ride home. I was back into nap mode almost before I could finish buckling my seatbelt.

—/—

Sage quietly closed the door to our room, fabric rustling as he took his jacket off. I pulled my shirt out of my dress pants to start undoing buttons. A moment later he wrapped his arms around me from behind and stopped my progress, jaw resting against my head. "It's our anniversary next week."

I leaned back into him, lacing my fingers with his. "We should celebrate it this weekend. Something to think about while…"

He kissed my temple before nuzzling the spot and tightening his arms, letting me know I could drop the topic. His testimony would begin tomorrow, followed by mine. For how long we'd all been on the stand, mine would only start in the fifth week. We were the final two to go, Sage because of his relation to me and saving the actual victim for last. Every week seemed to be a different distraction, from finding a gynecologist open on Saturdays to dad visiting for his part of the testimony to trying to convince Sage yet again to be Link for Halloween, especially since he had me to play Zelda. Each one less effective than the last as Sage's time on the stand loomed ever closer, me torn between clinging and wanting to get used to him not here.

But after his turn, it would be mine, and despite not sensing anything from the guys, I knew exactly what tricks this lawyer would pull in the cross exam— especially now that he had the actual victim in his clutches. I didn't want to be utterly drained for our anniversary, and it would be nice to have something good to remember when I couldn't physically be beside him.

I tilted my head towards him more, finding his lips. His hand crept to my jaw, arms enveloping me. He barely pulled away before speaking. "Let's forget the world, for awhile."

"Gladly."

I turned to face him, hooking a finger over the knot of his tie and thankful he hadn't chosen a particularly complex one this time. He'd gone formal even for him, on the off chance Rupert _hadn't_ taken every ounce of time to grill Rowen. I'd told him that wasn't going to happen, but he'd insisted. I was too tired to give him a 'told you'.

Dress shirts were downright sensual to take off. My well-practiced fingers— they were Sage's main style, after all— deftly undid the buttons while caressing his skin whenever I got the chance. He was slower than I was, and not from lack of practice. My senses turned into a blur of hands and lips and heat, his mouth finding bruises from a few days ago and darkening them. I was glad both of our shirts were thick.

His emotions were as raw as mine as we continued making out, now on the bed with only underwear between us and my back pressed against the mattress. He needed to know I was alright, I would be alright, that he hadn't lost me to my own mind, all to hide his own fear from the trial and cross exam. We'd both seen how shaken up the others were, not needing to sense to know how intense it would be.

I was scared and I wanted him but he couldn't be there, not for the next few days, and there was nothing he could do to ease my mind. Helplessness.

He nipped a particularly sensitive spot on my neck. _'Stay with me.'_

My hand in his hair, bringing his mouth back to mine. _'So long as you stay with me.'_

He was about to protest that he couldn't, only for Dusk to draw his attention to his own PTSD looming on the horizon. All that did was unleash his intensity, protective instinct so strong my breath caught. My gratitude only made him hold me closer, hand on my thigh and mouth on my collarbone. I had to bite my lip to hold in a moan I so desperately wanted to make from the feel of his body against mine.

No matter how long we actually made out, it always felt like it ended too soon. Sage released my skin from between his teeth, panting from the rush. I shivered from that and his lips softly yet shakily meeting midway up my neck, Halo's golden glow spreading out. He kissed the other side with the same feeling, and finally a third kiss in the hollow of my collarbone.

I hummed contentedly and closed my eyes. "Halo has its advantages."

His laughter was so soft I barely heard it. "Don't worry, I left you plenty. Just healed the broken skin for the rest."

I pulled him up to kiss my lips, Sage turning it into a string and me following. Broken skin was either 'I miss you' or 'please don't leave me alone'. With the context of this evening, there was only one option.

A glance at his neck revealed I'd broken his skin, too.

My finger to one scrape was all it took for them to glow out of existence, Sage letting me use Halo so I could take care of him the same way he just had with me. Dusk directed his healing abilities, Sage trusting me enough to know I would make his bruises inconspicuous while keeping enough to remind him of what we had.

I pulled him back down, letting him snuggle into my shoulder. "You can be on your back, tomorrow."

His laughter was a little louder than before, but not by much. It was short lived before he nuzzled my neck. "I think I'll need that."

"I know." I kissed his forehead, comforting him, for once. "What I'm here for."

He drank in my affection, staying still while I played with his hair and stroked his spine. This trial had worn on him as much as it had worn on me, although he would always insist I was more deeply affected than he was. As much as he hurt seeing me in pain, I was the one directly reliving trauma.

I liked to remind him that didn't invalidate his feelings.

He shifted onto his side, taking me with him and curling up around me. I smiled. "Want me to take care of you, now?"

He shook his head, smiling as he kissed my cheek. "I'm alright. We should probably join the others, soon."

That thought got me realizing time was a thing that existed. "How long have we even been here…"

Before I could turn to look at my phone, Sage tightened his grip. "However long it's been, a few more minutes won't matter."

I paused and wrapped my arms around him, ignoring the way my bra continued twisting with all the movement. Comforting him was more important to me, right now. "Ryo'll be there with me. I'll be okay."

He swallowed. "You'll barely even be able to sense me."

His voice indicated how much he hurt over the reverse statement being true. I stroked his jaw up to his eye if only to draw out tears. "You can take Dusk."

He exhaled, chest shrinking. "And you, Halo." His lips met my collarbone. "I hope you don't mind how bright the room will be, tonight."

I shook my head.

"Good." He gripped me tighter, drawing as much comfort out of my embrace as possible, before pulling away. "I think they're starting to get worried."

Now I finally checked my phone. "Considering we've been in here for two hours…" I chuckled. "Although I think they'd be _less_ worried if they knew what happened that first hour."

That got Sage to relax with a bubble of mirth. "I don't know how we've kept that a secret."

I raised an eyebrow at him before going to gather up my clothes. "Says the guy who heals all the visible bruises and doesn't make a sound."

He matched my expression, continuing to relax. "You don't make any, either."

"Y'know," I said, pulling my shirt on. "Some people define sex as 'anything that produces an ograsm'."

That got him to blush and laugh, softly but stronger than before. "We're in trouble, then."

I grinned. "The definition _was_ specifically to include women-on-women sex."

"Well," he said, rubbing his face to hide the deepening red. "That explains how you know it."

I stuck my tongue out at him. "I heard that definition _before_ I realized I was bi, thank you very much."

He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me softly, deeply, Halo pressing every button that made me melt. _'I love how much you love.'_

I kissed him back, letting him sweep me up. _'And I love how you love me.'_

—

 _'How's it going?'_

Ryo didn't question that was the third time I'd asked in two and a half hours. _'Still giving his initial testimony. Doing fine.'_

I refused to listen in, as all of us had done while we waited for our turns. Still, my mind wouldn't leave me alone about what was happening inside that room and I was thankful everyone else could at least say what the mood was. Ryo had gone third in the lineup, after Cye's friendship and medical based testimony, and the lucky duck had only taken half a day. Same with Kento. They had been the shortest testimonies by over half— Cye's had gone a little more than a day.

My email was open. I kept poking at projects I needed to get done, but none of it was urgent or pressing. I would be able to focus on that. The pressure of a looming deadline always did cut out any triggers, forcing me into hyperfocus and letting me get to work. As it was my mind was very firmly trained on that courtroom door and nothing was able to drag it back.

"PTSD?"

I nodded. "I feel like a ghost…"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. "Why do you think I volunteered?"

I half smiled. "I know… I'd… I'm honestly more comfortable with you here, out of all the other guys."

"Even Rowen?" Ryo prompted. I detected the smallest hint of surprise in his voice.

Another nod. "He's got a different type. It's… there but it's not constant. It's not…"

"The world is going to fall apart if you don't take care of it right now."

I swallowed. "That would be the feeling." The fingers of my right hand went to the ring on my left, spinning it and going over all the edges. "I'm going to face her again."

He clasped my shoulder, thumb pressing into bruises he didn't know were there. The pain helped ground me. "Hey, we're all going to be there for you. Just keep looking at us. Not like you'll be able to keep your eyes off Sage…"

The teasing drew a chuckle out. "I feel like I'll have to keep eye contact with Rupert otherwise he'll use my diagnosis against me."

"You've been evaluated," Ryo said, hand now going up and down my back. "It's not like they can throw your testimony out after that."

I rubbed my face and sighed. "I'm sure he'll try to find a way." A wave of anger and depression hit me, layers peeling back as I poked at what my brain was doing. I took Halo's orb from the table in front of me just to hold it. "She was so normal when I looked at her. Still trying to have a relationship with me. I'm _prosecuting_ her. I'm legitimately trying to throw her in jail for years. And she's acting as if nothing's happened."

His voice was soft in a way that was difficult to describe, lighter than Sage's but not as caretaking as Cye's. "And you just want her to acknowledge it's different, now, and you want everything to feel as bad as you feel inside."

"You've told me about the fights you'd get into with the guys," I murmured. "When they weren't reacting the same way you were."

He nodded. "It's how I realized I even _had_ PTSD. Rowen and Sage— Rowen especially— started picking up that every time one of them _could_ be in danger, I'd get upset. Like, angry-upset. I was scared it'd happen all over again and I didn't want to go through that again, so I'd try to stop them from going. They didn't understand why I'd get so protective and I didn't understand why they _weren't_ upset…" He shook his head. "I never got flashbacks like Sage did, just the emotional parts. It… _felt_ like it was going to happen again. I didn't realize that wasn't normal."

"Yeah… basically that. Sage tries to understand but he doesn't have the same triggers. He's more likely to get flashbacks instead of the emotional parts only." I tapped my ring against Halo, trying to keep a steady rhythm that didn't betray how fast I wanted to go. "I'm scared that she'll win again."

He snorted. "She's never won. She's hurt us, yeah, but she didn't win. You've always beaten her."

"What if this is the time I don't?"

"We'll get there when we get there." His voice took on a dark edge. _'If she wins in court, then we get the Warlords to take her.'_

 _'Then I'll be investigated for kidnapping.'_

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me. _'Dais can make it look like she died of natural causes. You'll be safe.'_

The thought that even if the Warlords got involved, I'd be clean, simply made me shudder with a suppressed sob. Everything was getting to me and unloading it to Ryo felt better than with Sage. My boyfriend tried, but he didn't have firsthand experience dealing with PTSD where there were minimal flashbacks and nightmares, just hauntingly familiar feelings of danger tripped at the smallest provocation. While his triggers were fairly severe when he was stressed, they were isolated. Mine I'd numbed down to the point of manageability through sheer exposure— I could almost never get away from them. In times like this, they stopped being numbed down.

Ryo stayed with me, Wildfire radiating the deep understanding of shared experience. After I wasn't sure how long, he glanced at the door. "Want to know when his cross exam starts?"

"Please."

"Rupert's getting up now."

—/—

For the first time this whole trial, I actually felt somewhat good about where our case stood. Sage's direct exam had been practically flawless. If he didn't already have some secret fanclub growing somewhere before he started speaking, I was sure the mob outside the courthouse had grown considerably since we walked in that morning.

More importantly, his lies regarding Halo and the other armors were perfectly smooth—a key thing, considering that required covering for Alexa's myriad and sundry wounds. Even when asked to describe the incident in the compound when Mom had pinned my sister down, he didn't hesitate.

After hours, a few short breaks, and lunch, Rupert finally stood and approached the stand. As confident as we were and as calm as Sage had been so far, I knew exactly what being put under the microscope by that man felt like. My hand found Rowen's for comfort, Strata wrapping me in warmth that said it would be alright.

The defence lawyer wasted no time getting to his point.

"You are a kendo grand champion?"

"Yes."

He consulted his notes. "The accuser has stated she has PTSD regarding a supposed assault my client made against her with a sword." There was a meaningful pause—for dramatic effect, considering how he'd carried himself the whole trial—and then he looked up to meet Sage's gaze. "Does she support your career?"

Violet eyes went flinty, knowing what was likely to follow this line of questioning. "Yes."

"Does she display any symptoms while you are training or in competitions?"

"No."

"Do you believe her when she claims to have this mental illness?"

"Yes."

"And yet she can be around your swords and not display any symptoms?"

True to form, Sage had remained completely implacable. Following that question, I could pick out a subtle smirk curling his lip. "Yes."

Rupert raised an eyebrow, but continued undeterred. "Yet she claims to have triggers regarding _swords_."

If this hadn't been a full-fledged official court proceeding, the look Sage gave the lawyer might have otherwise been called a glare at Rupert's insolence. "She does."

"What makes yours different?"

Finally. An opening to explain the truth of the matter. "She has never seen me turn a blade against another person in an unprovoked attack."

Rupert saw an opening and immediately went for the throat. " _Have_ you turned a blade against another person?"

If we hadn't known better through the armor link, we wouldn't have noticed Sage's impatience at the interruption. "I have never turned one against someone unless they were a threat to my— or others'— safety."

"So you have attacked others."

As I'd once told Alexa—her boyfriend had the patience of an elephant. "I have only ever defended myself and others."

I could have throttled Rupert for the arrogant air he assumed, practically strutting like a peacock as he'd done for weeks. "Yet you have inserted yourself between discipline of mother and child when the child was not under attack."

Only Rowen's hand on mine and the fact I was buried in the middle of a knot of Ronin prevented me from going dragon on the bastard lawyer. Those words were entirely Mom's, speaking through him in an attempt at twisting the truth just enough that it wasn't a complete lie. An attempt at making my sister out to be no more than a child throwing a tantrum.

Now Sage's voice betrayed the frostiness that had always reminded me of how I presumed his ancestor must have frightened his enemies. "That was not discipline. It was assault."

"Did you or did you not say 'Get away from her'?"

There he went poking the One-Eyed Dragon again. Said dragon narrowed his eyes—the fact one was hidden only making it more intimidating. "Yes."

"Would you qualify that as a threat?"

And there was that damned question that tripped me. "...Yes."

Rupert twirled on a heel in the middle of his pacing to look at Sage. Somehow the motion felt like a dark mockery of Sherlock Holmes reaching his stunning conclusion. "Therefore you instigated a counterassault."

I had to give Sage credit—I would have snapped by now. He simply clarified his statements. "I acted in defence of others. If you need proof, consult the cases I presented to both the All Japan Kendo Federation and the International Kendo Federation. They agreed."

Finally Judge Dupont got involved. Looking over at Catherine, she asked, "Has this been submitted as evidence?"

Our lawyer rose to address her. "Yes, Your Honour."

It was hard to decide whether Rupert was addressing his question to Sage or Judge Dupont. "Do they know the full extent of the circumstances?"

The implication of a lie in Sage's report to his own organization—a jab at the pride of his heritage—finally got him bristling. His words remained polite but his tone gave away the first hints of anger. "Yes. As I said, you can consult their full report."

And so the cross exam continued. Rupert continued to prove just how much of a bastard he was by questioning every single nuance of that one encounter. Once he felt satisfied—or not, considering the way Sage never broke and the growing irritation on the defence lawyer's face—he moved on to the fight with the _oni_. Of course, no one else knew about that; but the important conversations had made it into our statements.

Two more ten minute breaks went by. More questions, more rephrasing to try to get an answer he liked; he delved into how Sage had initially found out Alexa was missing, which of course was so easy to explain it was almost like he hadn't needed Halo at all.

Then it got into Personal territory—poking at Sage's vested interest in the trial, considering how much he was financially helping Alexa.

As were we all.

I rolled my eyes. _"Oh brother… Here we go again."_

Rowen snorted quietly. _"As if he didn't already have a field day with me. Now he's trying to drag Sage's monied family through the mud."_

Rupert had had _fun_ with Rowen two days before, spending nearly an entire _hour_ on dissecting just how he'd gotten the security footage that lead us to Alexa's whereabouts. That wasn't even including all the hacking he'd done to figure out we were blood relatives, _or_ the questions pulling up way too much history my husband had with various IT security firms. It had been a blatant attempt at smearing the white hat name, especially those who were hired specifically _to_ find bugs, flaws, backdoors, and other weaknesses in companies' tech.

Luckily for Sage, however, Rupert's time was running out. The judge only allowed a few final questions before the clock struck four-thirty—closing time at the Ontario Federal Corral. As much as I was sure the media and everyone else _not_ involved in the case was having a heyday, we and the rest of the court staff very much appreciated the phrase "It's five o'clock somewhere."

The four of us were just fast enough out of the gate to catch a glimpse of Sage disappearing into the witness room. We were treated to the sight of Alexa practically glomping him the moment he crossed the threshold, his arms just as tight around her and the shield he'd held for hours beginning to crack around his friends.

I sincerely hoped it would be the last time I saw him so vulnerable. At least where _these_ circumstances—and their cause—were concerned.

Considering only Alexa remained to testify, however, that felt a tad like a long shot in the dark.


	4. Chapter 4

Same as with FDD-likely will not be any more author's notes unless necessary. Warnings will of course still appear.

Enjoy. :)

 **Warnings:** Distorted eating, assault, PTSD flashbacks/nightmares

* * *

 _Chapter 4_

Sage's soul _shuddered_ in Dusk's care, any mask he'd worn to handle court removed in my arms. He'd been forced to interact with others all day, more than enough to get somebody neurotypical but for him— for us— who couldn't handle prolonged interaction it was an energy death sentence. The Nether Spirits lingering like ghosts, vampires almost, made being on guard easier but people forgot how tiring it was.

 _'I am taking care of you tonight and you can't stop me.'_

He squeezed me tighter, still not letting go. _'I won't.'_

I rubbed his back in slow strokes. It had taken me years to work my way into his heart, allowing himself to be taken care of. He'd only allowed Cye to even attempt publicly, before, his position as second oldest weighing on him more than Sage let on. He was there to protect and was glad to protect, but that didn't mean he didn't have his own troubles. It had taken both Cye and I to have him realize it was alright to come to others younger than him, outside of quiet moments with Rowen.

Sage pulled away and ran his fingers through his hair, brushing his bangs back over his eye immediately after. He straightened his spine and put the mask back on, neither of us able to break too long in public.

Ryo still put a concerned hand on his shoulder. "How're you feeling?"

Sage swallowed. "Could be better."

"Let's—"

A door creaking had us jump and check both, only to discover nobody was watching. The unspoken wonder if Michael had found us again hung in the air, Tessa shifting to be closer to Rowen's side at the memory and his arm around her waist tightening.

"Damn Nether Spirits," Rowen muttered under his breath. "They're—"

 _'We're in public,'_ I reminded the group sharply. _'We can talk at my place.'_

Rowen sobered, the others less so but still quieting. I stuck to Sage's side as we all remembered the public eye around us, reminding me of a disturbing trend over the past few weeks: reporters picking up on where we'd recuperate. "How's the hall?"

Kento checked. "Waiting for us."

I scrunched my eyes shut. "We might need to start getting Catherine to come out _this_ door…"

Ryo chuckled dryly. "C'mon. The sooner we get out of here, the better."

I noticed Kento sticking particularly close to Sage at the front, making it my boyfriend didn't have to take on any reporters directly as we left the room. Cye, as well, trailed closer to Sage's back, the exact opposite of what they'd done when Rowen had been on the stand. I should've been used to their subtle signs of caring for each other, by now, but the majority of my life was still dominated by neglect. It just made their gestures even sweeter.

Sage stuck to his idea of casual wear when we got back, collared shirt and khakis instead of the t-shirts and flannel pants of the past month. I still curled up against his side, putting up with the rougher textures for his sake, as he did the softer fabrics for mine. We had all established usual places except the Three Stooges, who alternated between grabbing a spare chair and sitting on the floor. It was Ryo's turn beside me; Cye was at the end of the couch, which was slowly becoming his unofficial spot; Kento chose the easiest place to sprawl, legs stretched out in front of him on the floor reminding me why I didn't have a coffee table.

"I'd forgotten how many Nether Spirits hung around mom," I murmured, not to anyone in particular but loud enough for them all to hear.

"They're throwing off our armours," Rowen said, a concerned glance at Tessa. The implication of how thankful he was that Dawn had a resistance to their influence was obvious in his kiss to her hair.

Ryo shook his head. "They've been getting worse the longer the trial goes on."

"The closer my testimony gets…"

Cye paused for a moment, thinking. "They were starting to show up at my testimony, too. Hardly there for Ryo's and Kento's."

"Not really around for mine, either," Tessa replied.

I snorted. "That's cause Rupert probably thought he had you without them. Thank God there's absolutely nothing they can tie you to, even if you are protective and vocal about that." My eyes squeezed shut, trying to press away the thoughts forming. "They'll probably be worse for mine."

Sage kissed my hair. "Dusk is stronger than she used to be."

"So's mom…"

Sage's arm tightened, room going grim. Even with so much time to recover, nearly a month around an abuser was enough to drive anyone to the brink of exhaustion. Flickers of helplessness rose in Sage's soul again, for how his armour was more susceptible to Nether Spirits than mine. Tessa and I only had each other as backup— even after four years of purifying the guys' armours to the point I couldn't sense any Nether Realm influence, they were always aware of their powers' roots.

As much as they tried, none of them could truly protect us from Nether energy.

I picked my head up to kiss Sage's jaw. _'You give me the strength to face them.'_

He turned his head towards me, pulling me closer. _'Literally or figuratively?'_

 _'Both.'_ I nuzzled into him. _'You give me your energy when I need it, and you give me a reason to stand up for myself. Because I don't… I don't ever want you to be without me.'_

His lips met my forehead. _'I_ don't _want to ever be without you. And I don't want you to be without me, either.'_

Thoughts about how we might as well be engaged for how we talked floated half formed in my mind, much to Sage's amusement. To my surprise he didn't continue to tease me about it, instead simply settling into my arms and letting his mind turn off in exhaustion.

"Want some music, Sage?" Cye asked softly. My boyfriend nodded and Cye got up to put on Sage's favourite playlist— a collection of Japanese instrumental melodies that spanned from ancient to modern times. When he was in a particularly good mood he'd explain the context of each piece, the musical conventions applied at the time, and the purposes for their composition, but today he simply relaxed into the melody.

I stayed close to his mind as it fell away to his sensory world, fingers twitching as if he were playing the flute parts himself. Each note traveled through his soul in a way only music to a dancer and artist could, his heart finding peace after the chaos of the trial.

The rest of the world didn't matter, right now. It was just us and sound, him in love with the melody and me in love with him.

—

"Where are you taking me?"

Sage's smile from his position in the driver's seat did not ease my nerves. "You'll see."

There was a basket in the back seat I was not allowed to look inside of. Last night Rowen and Ryo had thoroughly distracted me while my boyfriend and sister plotted in the bedroom. Cye had been in the kitchen and I wasn't allowed to look, as if I couldn't smell the onion and garlic going through the whole apartment. There had been secretive smiles and 'don't worry' kisses from Sage and far too much excitement.

If I didn't trust him so much, I would've demanded to know a little more forcefully. As it was, I tried to walk the line between enjoyable and maddening anxiety.

We drove along the river, the fall leaves providing quite the distracting spectacle. The cliffs dropping away down to the water had always fascinated me, no matter how much they made driving with speed demon Sage _more_ than a little nerve wracking. I supposed it indicated how well he could handle a car, the way he took turns while barely slowing down. He was used to it, for all he kept up racecar driving in what little spare time he had. That didn't make it any better taking hairpin turns fast enough I felt g forces.

He pulled into one of the little unknown roadside stops, purposely designed to take in as much of the river as possible. At this time of year it was surprisingly deserted, but that's what happened in Ottawa— the best places to visit were tucked away in side streets and kept off maps, the only way to discover them by sheer exploration.

I blinked, realizing _this_ is where he was taking me for our anniversary. Fall leaves and quiet corners and no expectations of how to behave.

"I thought we could use some peace."

By the time the full impact of his words had registered, me almost in a daze as I thought of how much time it must've taken to plan this and counting my blessings I had met somebody so thoughtful, he'd set up his ipod on speakers and hit play on some unknown playlist.

The first notes of "So She Dances" rang out as Sage opened my door, hand out for me to take. "May I?"

I smiled and placed my hand in his, those words always enough to get my heart fluttering the same way it had before our first kiss. "Of course."

Four years of dancing together had made us _partners_ , able to pick up on each other's styles and anticipate routines. I let Sage lead the waltz, not wanting to torment him with my usual power plays. He seemed appreciative, the dips lower and touch firmer. Closer. Glimpses of how this wasn't _just_ dancing, right now. The love and care he had for me showed in every step, every spin, every hummed note. We trusted each other, and everything about the dance reflected that.

He pulled me close when the song finished, arms going around me. I brushed the lingering strands of hair away from his face. "You're hiding too much."

"Why do you think I came to a place we didn't need to?" His lips met mine. "Arigato."

I kept stroking his hair, both of us swaying to the next song. "Arigato."

His smile was enough to melt away all stress from the past month.

I didn't know how long we danced. I didn't count the songs or the time cycles. The music was slow and meditative and loving, melodies that were more at home in the state between sleep and awake. Most importantly they were _ours_ , either because the lyrics reminded us of the other, we'd already danced to them, or we'd heard them since getting together.

I pulled him down for another kiss when the scale of this date dawned on me. The memories drawn up, from the first song we said we should dance to— before we got together, even— to our first time partner dancing as a couple, to songs we'd shared over the past year. All in one place.

Not even my deepest kiss could convey how much that meant to me.

He just kept holding me, even as the last notes of the playlist faded into the background. "I have all the songs ready to send you. I just wanted it to be a surprise, first."

I smiled, just happy to be in his arms. "You certainly did that."

"I thought…" he paused, trying to find words for his next statement. "I didn't want to take you out to dinner. Not with…" The implications of my relapse hung in the air, somberity broken by the gleam in his eyes. "Besides. I wanted to do something different."

It was moments like this I couldn't help but feel like the luckiest woman in the world. "I believe slow dancing by the river counts."

He turned my attention out to the water and my breath caught, the clouds alight with the setting sun. I rested my head against his shoulder and watched the sky darken, Dusk humming with a mix of feelings that ranged from contentment to awe, all mirrored by Halo and swirling with love.

"I brought your favourite cupcakes," he murmured. "If you want them."

I squeezed him closer. "That sounds perfect."

He brought me to the back seat of the car, finally letting me see inside that basket. Besides the cupcake box was a leek, cheese, and potato frittata— what Cye had been locked up in the kitchen making, no doubt. My favourite recipe especially when relapsing. A thermos with what I assumed was filled with juice rounded out the contents.

My vision blurred with tears. He helped me wipe them away, holding me against his side as I tried to contain sobs. He raked his fingers through my hair, warmth in his touch and if I wasn't mistaken, notes of humility that he was just being a good person, undeserving of such a reaction. I simply held him tighter, trying to convey that thoughtfulness was always touching, no matter how expected it should be.

We ended up in the back seat, both for the warmth and the light as the sky turned purple, basket between us. Carrot cake, vanilla, and raspberry were Sage's choices for today— two of each, frosting topped with a flower reading "happy anniversary" in pink and purple lettering. I picked up a carrot cake one and carefully bit into it, Sage taking vanilla.

A moment latter we dissolved into laughter from the frosting that always inadvertently ended up on our noses.

"There is _apparently_ a way to keep yourself from getting frosting on your nose," I said. "But—"

"Then it's all the same and where's the fun in that," Sage finished. He kissed my forehead. "You've said."

I chuckled. "Apparently a dozen times."

He'd listened to my laughter too much over four years. His fingers trailed along my jaw, tipping my face up so I was looking at him. "What?"

The notes of a sigh I'd been trying to hide with laughter came out. I cast my eyes down and turned my head away. "We can't escape outside forever."

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "We can escape for awhile longer."

I grimaced. "Once I realize I am escaping…"

"Your anxiety is rising?"

I nodded.

He moved the box to his other side, pulling me closer. "Then we can leave now, if you want."

I shook my head. "Not yet."

"Alright."

We finished our cupcakes and I slid onto his lap, half curled up in his chest. I pulled him down to get his mouth on mine, just trying to forget, just trying to remember what this was like for my upcoming examination. His hand found my hip before going over my side, more than willing to forget his own time on the stand.

It would be nice when sheer desperation didn't cloud our kisses, when we could kiss for love instead of needing to know the other was alright.

Sometimes, I was still scared that's all this was. Saving the other. Lust. Shared trauma and coping mechanisms. Armour.

Sage broke the kiss and turned his head so I couldn't continue it. "There's more."

I stilled at his breathy words, hand fisting in his shirt.

He ran his fingers through my hair, trying to calm me. "There wouldn't be this much desperation if we didn't care for each other."

I sniffed, arms going around his neck so our torsos were pressed together. "I'm just so scared."

"I know." He stroked my back in long, slow motions, continuing to hold me. "Let's go home."

I wanted to say 'not yet' again, drag on this moment, but the thought made nausea catch in my throat. I got out of Sage's lap and went to the front seat, likely too fast for what had been relaxing just a few minutes ago.

He seemed to wonder about asking if I wanted another cupcake, but thought better of it and went to the driver's side. Before turning on the car he leaned over and kissed my temple, impressing compassion and reassurance on Dusk.

"We still had a wonderful afternoon."

I sighed. "Wished it had ended better."

He turned my head to kiss me. "The evening isn't over _yet_."

I smiled and kissed him back, too relieved for words that my mental illnesses weren't going to put a permanent damper on the day. I was still too used to one outburst ending it all. While four years was a long time, it apparently wasn't enough.

He leaned his forehead against mine, seeing the shadows in my eyes and knowing their source, by now. "It's alright." Another kiss, longer and deeper. "Take as long as you need to heal."

I hooked my hand behind his neck just to hold him. Moments like this where when I could actually believe how much he cared for me, how there was something between us besides the superficial. Anxiety eased away, as did depression— it was just warmth in my chest that I'd learned over time was love. Learned I could feel it even in my darkest moments. He nuzzled my nose, recognizing signs in my body language even I didn't know I was exhibiting.

"I knew what promising to be with you meant," he said softly, taking my left hand and running his thumb over the ring there. "Just like you knew what promising to be with me meant. We might never heal completely, but that doesn't mean we're loveless."

I smiled and kissed him again. "Je t'adore, mon ange."

"Et _je_ t'adore," he murmured back.

We finally parted and wiped the fog off the windows, turning on the car once we realized air conditioning was needed. I shook my head we wanted cold air in mid-October, the nights already at freezing.

As we drove off, I couldn't help but notice Sage took the corners just a little more gently.

It was firmly night when we arrived at my apartment, the days getting shorter as winter approached. We parked underground in the assigned spot for my unit, heading to the doors to continue Sage's mysterious plans.

I took a half step back as an overwhelmingly familiar feeling flooded me, air turning thick with red tinted fog. This was too close, too uncannily similar to what I'd grown up with, too like what had started this all in the first place. Sage similarly froze, caught between protecting me and wanting to run from his own ghosts.

Instinct took over when an armoured hand grabbed my arm and wrenched it back.

I wasn't going to get taken again.

I dropped down to one knee, reaching over my shoulder and hooking my hand over the Guardian's breastplate. It flew over my head into one forming in front of me at the same time Sage yanked two mooks against each other and turned them into a knot of plate metal. He heaved the whole hunk into a third going after him, me uppercutting my second.

It reached behind itself. Dusk flashed to life just in time to take a slash from a Nether Sword. I smiled in grim satisfaction when the acidic hissing I had grown so used to only manifested at the tail end of that slice, Dusk instantly healing the mostly clean break without a speck of gold.

Sage's shout and more clanging increased the urgency. I growled at a newly forming tin can at my back, ducking to avoid a kidney strike. It left me open for a slice across my leg, flames shooting down my nerves. Dusk's power crackled along formerly invisible threads, red quickly overtaken by purple.

A punch straight to a tin can's chest snapped the cult's influence, the suits collapsing in a cacophonous crash. I paused, noticing just how much they were different than they had been. Samurai type suits of armour weren't part of the cult's arsenale, and the colouring didn't look like it came from this world.

They vanished in trails of smoke, hissing drawing out more memories and making me backpedal into Sage's side. He _gripped_ me in return, holding me so tightly I would've been worried about bruising had Dusk not still been on. My arms wrapped around his torso both to cling and comfort. As much as I hated the feel of armour on armour, neither of us were about to take ours off.

The doors to the basement burst open, Ryo, Cye, and Kento spilling out in subarmour, themselves.

The obvious question of 'are you okay' was preempted by how Sage and I never held each other this tightly unless something had happened. Cye was the first to say anything, going around the group to get a better look at us. "Are you hurt?"

I nodded, Dusk poking at Halo to try and find Sage's injuries. He'd been hit, I could feel it, but I couldn't find any burns. Just lingering Nether Spirit influence Dusk kept trying to pull out.

The air was back to normal and I knew there could be people coming by any minute, but it didn't feel safe to power down yet. Sage's hand found my forearm, armoured fingers wrapping around the thin limb and healing the burn in a flash. A test of my leg revealed that was dealt with, too.

He hadn't let go of my arm or powered down. Glancing up at him, I could see the unbridled terror in his eyes, both that we had been attacked period, and where it had been. Underground had always been his weak point, and here was another trauma in a new subterranean location. I wanted to reassure him it was over with words but even my mental voice was frozen; I could only transmit images I was safe. From the way he pulled me back against him and clung, he couldn't speak, either.

Ryo put a hand on our shoulders, not out of his subarmour, himself. "C'mon. Let's get you two inside."

I nodded and pulled away just enough to walk towards the stairs, Kento holding the door open. The thought of being in a confined space with no escape was too much for all of us, right now. Ryo stuck close to Sage and I, guardian instinct tripped from the fight. I'd moved to the top floor of the building, meaning there were over a dozen floors to go.

Adrenalin wore off somewhere around the third flight, everyone stopping when I stumbled. My whole body shook from fear, having eaten enough this week for me to feel the full extent of my anxiety and PTSD. Moments like this reminded me why I relapsed in the first place. Flashbacks threatened to take me over from undefined sources. My body very much did not want to be here and trembled uncontrollably to let me know the extent of my feelings. Dusk retreated, unable to stay on during an anxiety attack of this intensity. The others powered down, trying to distance themselves from the fight.

Sage scooped me up, leaning his forehead against mine once I was settled in his arms. For the first time since the attack, he found his voice. "It's alright," he murmured, half to himself. "I've got you."

—

The sun might as well not have set, Dusk and Halo were throwing out so much light. Sage needed it to sleep, so I sacrificed Dusk's normal darkening abilities and simply burrowed under the blankets, face against his chest and close enough to feel his thundering heartbeat. Dusk dug into her reserves and shielded Halo, the others hovering too close to the edge for my comfort. They needed sleep as much as we did, but I'd already resigned myself to not getting much after Sage's third nightmare.

I tried to comfort him into a restful state when his hands tensed on my back, fingertips digging into my muscles in a desperate attempt to know I was with him.

Either he was too far gone or Dusk was too tired to be an anchor— he turned out of my grasp only to try and reach out to me when he turned back, arm snagging in the blankets.

He woke up with a start, tears already in his voice as he cried out. I pulled the covers down to stroke his hair before his eyes managed to focus, helping him find me again. His breathing deepened to a pant, eyes filling with moisture.

I pulled him against me, him hiding in the crook of my shoulder. "I've got you, Seiji. I'm here."

His breathing turned ragged; I was sure the only reason he wasn't sobbing was years of holding in his emotions around others. Secretly I hoped, one day, he would feel comfortable enough to cry around me. I tried to saturate Halo in comfort, but I plain old hadn't been sleeping from the images behind my eyelids. There was nothing left in me to give.

Strata reached out to us before Rowen came into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the bed by Sage's legs, hand going to my boyfriend's side. "Seiji, we're all here. You're not alone."

Halo's shuddering eased, Rowen knowing what to say more than I did. He stayed and comforted Sage until his breathing evened out, Sage no longer hiding in my arms.

"We… probably should talk about this," Rowen said quietly. "Tessa went to get the others up."

Silent reassurance we hadn't woken them passed through the armour connection, relieving both mine and Sage's guilt. The two men had known each other longer than Tessa and I had; their bond showed especially strongly in moments like this.

Sage couldn't even find his voice to thank Rowen verbally, despite the gratitude flowing between them. I squeezed Sage's hand as we walked down the short hallway to the living room, comforting him the only way I could in one of his extraordinarily rare non verbal episodes. They normally didn't last this long.

I ended up with Tessa on one side of me, Sage on the other. Rowen had left his position from hovering by his wife to be beside his brother. Sage and I needed each other, but half of our minds were tormented by how exhausted we were and unable to protect ourselves, let alone somebody else.

Ryo practically stood guard, Wildfire radiating his protective instinct. He was nearly as triggered as the two of us, but for him, staying up to take care of others helped instead of hindered. Sage slowly but surely relaxed at the layers of external protection around Halo, much to my relief.

I shifted to lean against Tessa, knowing how much she had been a part of this little idea. _'Thanks, sis.'_

She smiled at me, the expression tinted with her own tiredness, and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. _'Anytime. Like I've said, he's my brother.'_

Cye waited for us to breathe somewhat normally again before speaking, having the most formal training in dealing with neurodivergence. Still, he was cautious about startling us; the softness of his voice was much appreciated after the clanging and echoes of earlier this evening. "Think you're up to talking about it, now?"

Halo was still a wordless void, while Dusk had spent the past few hours _trying_ to put labels to the experience. It landed on one term and I knew I had no choice but to start there. "Tin cans. They tried to grab me again. I…" So many concepts caught in my throat, from how it was too similar to what had happened for my first kidnapping attempt to how I was able to fight back, but none of it came out. Another concept made itself clear, giving me another place to start. "They had Nether Swords this time. They just _vanished_."

I felt the room's collective growl, all other armours roaring with a 'you will not hurt them' impression. Sage found my hand and squeezed it, me relaxing at the protectiveness and finally able to speak in more complex sentences. "They couldn't have been Guardians. Those need real suits. They looked different, too."

The gears in Rowen's head turned just enough he was able to continue. "And if you said they vanished, they're more likely to be the _youjakai_ versions we're used to."

That, apparently, tripped something in Sage. He tightened his grip, tugging my hand towards him. The tears in his voice were unmistakable to me. "They tried to keep me from you."

They were unmistakable to Rowen, too. He cupped a hand behind Sage's neck and pulled him closer, Sage more than willing to accept the comfort.

Memories from both of us bounced between our armours, less intense but still enough to make me shiver and snuggle into my sister's side. "It was _red_ , this time. Normally the cult _hates_ red."

Dawn went full out draconic, fury and warning evident in her growled-out tone. "Mom."

Kento was equally wrathful, hands tense and ready to snap into fists at any moment. "So, what're we gonna do about it?"

I let out a single bark of laughter. "Nothing."

Tessa shook her head, thankfully broadcasting her agreement with me through Dawn because otherwise I would've sworn she disagreed with me. "We can't take this to the cops like last time. There's no evidence the soldiers were ever here, and no one would believe us. We'd look like nut cases and at the worst, the trial could fall apart because we'd call our credibility into question." She sighed and leaned her head against mine. "We'll have to stay on our guard going forward."

Now I was thinking, trying to reverse engineer motive. I flicked the nail of my forefinger against my thumb, dark realization dawning. "They were trying to get me out of the trial."

My sister's grip tightened, smirk evident through the connection. "Obviously they don't know you very well—or the rest of us, really."

Kento punched his open hand. "Yeah. It's going to take more than that to put us down."

Sage finally settled into the lightening mood of the room, able to pull away from Rowen and draw me closer to his side. "You'd think they learned their lesson, by now."

He was still scared, but at least he was able to speak relatively clearly again. I rolled my eyes to not draw attention to it. "My mom's involved. Since when does she ever learn?"

"When Hell freezes over, apparently," my sister quipped, helping break the darkness further.

I smirked, finding the fire Sage loved about me so much deep inside my soul. The night was going from trauma to fuel thanks to the people around me, mind finally realizing I had recourse once it registered I wasn't alone. "She shouldn't have done that, though."

Everybody looked at me, curious and wary. My smirk only got bigger, dangerous gleam in my eyes.

"Now I've got a reason to spill every last thing she's done."

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _Je t'adore:_ I adore you

 _Et je_ _t'adore:_ And I adore you


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the late update. Gotta love when life gets crazy.

 **Warnings:** homophobia, gaslighting, victim blaming, self harm (scratching, scalding), parental abuse (monitoring/isolation), PTSD flashbacks, restricted eating, medical violation

* * *

 _Chapter 5_

If someone had held an external thermometer up to the air around us in the courtroom, I'd have bet money it'd feel like the inside of a volcano. Ryo alone could have emitted that much angry-heat, but the six of us together collectively radiated the feeling like a small sun. _Mom_ , however, seemed not to notice. She didn't even glance at us, eyes practically fixed on her daughter as she smartly answered Catherine's questions.

Alexa remained icy, never once flinching back from anything, all of them meant to bury a knife in Mom's back. She seemed to relish the indirect lashing, her tone both level and cutting yet not outwardly betraying her anger.

Day two saw a repeat performance that lasted most of the morning. We were all still just as pissed off at the accused and whoever she'd gotten to plan the attack on Alexa and Sage. My sister was still as cold and precise, perfectly eloquent and sharp as the daggers her characters loved to use.

Even Rupert taking over for cross examination didn't quite phase us like it had before—even knowing he likely had some irritating line of questioning planned.

He didn't disappoint.

"You did not speak about abuse in childhood, correct?"

I frowned, knowing just where his line of questioning was likely to lead. Alexa didn't flinch, however. "I never called my experience abuse in childhood."

"You only began speaking of experiencing abuse after joining so-called 'pride organizations'?"

She paused, gears working to twist his question in a way he _didn't_ want. "I only began _calling_ my experience abuse after discovering resources available to me via support centres."

"So you admit only claiming abuse after entering new social circles," Rupert half-exclaimed, his usual pace-and-twirl indicating he thought this was a "gotcha" moment.

Naturally, he failed spectacularly. "No, I am not claiming that."

"You do not claim you were abused prior to entering those social circles."

Irritation began to creep over her tone at the typical rephrasing. "No, I am not claiming that."

"You verbalized no signs of abuse prior to entering these social circles."

If she had been me, her verbal expression would have matched my usual narrow-eyed headtilt, "You're an idiot" look. "If you had listened to my words in my own testimony and in reply to the previous questions you would have heard that I experienced abuse starting at age six and every one of my friends I am still in contact with now can corroborate the story that I was isolated, belittled, coerced into what she deemed as acceptable behaviour, had my patients' rights violated in the form of not being allowed to see my own medical exam even after becoming of legal age, and have been vocalizing signs of abuse since I was a child."

Of course, the attack wasn't very effective on Rupert. "But you never called it abuse."

My sister made a perfect imitation of the defence lawyer's condescending attitude, given away only by a slight tilt of the head. Matter-of-fact, she simply replied, "Would you tell a drowning victim that they're not really drowning because they're not saying 'I'm drowning'?"

 _"Goooooooal!"_ I smirked at Rowen. His mental chuckle made me feel a little better—but this was far from over. He rubbed a thumb over the back of my hand reassuringly.

After a moment to recover from the unexpected blow, however, Rupert simply trudged on. Each question following tried to catch Alexa in a web of either lies or organizational recruitment, framing her thoughts and experiences in the same light as many framed terrorists' attempts to bring more people into the radicalized fold. It was easy for me to recognize Mom's manipulating behind the scenes, every single query oozing her particular world-view—especially homophobia.

Dawn of the third day: Hopefully less than twelve hours remained, but at this rate I was doubtful. Though no one in the courtroom would've known it, the long days had worn Alexa down. For those who were familiar with her signs of autism, the longer pauses between question and answer, spinning the ring Sage had given her, and less-frequent eye contact were all fairly obvious.

I cast a quick glance at her boyfriend to see how he was holding up. He'd managed to recover remarkably fast following the attack three nights ago, but was still showing signs of being triggered. As long as Alexa was on the stand, I was pretty certain that wouldn't change.

Not two minutes in to Rupert's cross exam, a sense of deja vu began creeping over me. He was talking about her coming to the conclusion she'd been abused, rehashing how she'd "rebelled" against her mother and stepfather and trying to get her to admit she was conjuring up abuse based on being involved in Pride.

Deja vu turned into a rock in my stomach.

"You only began speaking of abuse after you joined pride organizations, distancing yourself from your family, correct?"

The phrase "scared rabbit" came to mind, looking at Alexa's posture and expression. "I already answered this question."

"No, you did not answer this question."

I was relieved to see my sister become more firm in her response: "I. Already. Answered. This. Question."

I could have slapped Rupert for the patronizing way he observed her, pity in his eyes. "No. You have not answered the question on whether or not you only began speaking of abuse after you joined pride organizations, distancing yourself from your family."

My hand found Rowen's forearm and clenched like dragon claws, wanting to go to Alexa's aid at hearing the first notes of panic in her voice. She was starting to hit triggers and I could feel it from here. "I already answered that question!"

Thankfully Catherine had been told how she could recognize Alexa needed help, repetition as communication far too obvious now. She swiftly rose and called out, "Objection! Your Honor, the defence is badgering my witness and purposefully trying to induce an emotional response so as to hinder her ability to answer the questions."

Judge Dupont turned disapproving eyes on Rupert. "Mister Cunningham?"

I seethed, watching Rupert play the perfectly-at-your-command, humble servant, almost bowing with the way he tipped his head obsequiously. "I am simply attempting to establish just when Miss Schildnecht began to claim abuse from my client, Your Honor."

Thankfully, I could tell Alexa wasn't _completely_ overwhelmed due to the venom in her telepathic voice. _"I already said I started getting abused as a kid, you son of a bitch."_

And Catherine proved yet again just why we'd hired her. "Your Honor, request that the record from yesterday's proceedings be reread in order to support the witness' account that she has indeed already answered Mister Cunningham's line of questioning."

The judge looked pointedly at the court stenographer. He cleared his throat and, once he'd found the correct place, read the exact same question framed with different words and syntax. Triumph jumped through the armor connection as Dupont raised an eyebrow at Rupert. "Missus Halsey is correct, sir. Retract your questions and go a different direction." Turning her attention to her desk, she continued, "Court will be recessed, reconvening in one hour."

There was a reason Sage had taken the aisle seat; now he was up and at Alexa's side almost before she could step down from the stand. She kept some space between them as he escorted her to the witness room, the rest of us not far behind. Noting that made me grateful for the myriad breaks Judge Dupont had allowed for just this sort of thing.

Per the rules, the doors were left open as we all took up our usual spots around the room. Alexa had already snatched up her ever-present water bottle, Sage standing like a sentinel with a hand lightly at her lower back. The rest of us crowded the table, the boys standing while I gratefully took a seat.

I breathed a sigh of relief when Alexa practically deflated and sank into the comfiest chair. Sadness and concern quickly came back, though, her voice tiny as a mouse and just as scared. "He already asked that question, right? I'm not imagining things?"

I could only nod, Dawn protectively curling around a tired Dusk. "Yes, he did," Rowen said quietly.

Ryo and Kento radiated their anger, while Cye kept an eye on Alexa's condition. Not that he needed to; my sister might as well have been the pregnant one, for how closely Sage was watching her. I decided the time we had would be well used taking a catnap, so I got comfy in my chair, folded my arms over my chest, and closed my eyes. Words and sensations drifted through my half-conscious state—something I'd become very used to while deployed. A tiny smile flickered on my lips at the thought that maybe it would come in handy when the baby was born.

Somehow, I managed to _actually_ fall asleep. Rowen woke me and guided me back into the courtroom, a hand over my mouth suppressing a yawn as Judge Dupont reinstated the session. I licked my dry lips nervously—taking a drink from the water bottle Rowen offered—as Rupert reengaged my sister in verbal combat.

This time he honed in on her claims of assault. The images I'd seen—both in my imagination as Alexa had told me what happened, and what I'd since sensed from Dusk—flashed through my mind. I could only watch as she vehemently denied Rupert the advantages he sought, parrying his dogged attempts at cornering her in yes-or-no answers. She'd shored herself up during the break, but I knew one bad round could flood the levees in a heartbeat.

Another very short recess, and the day was nearly done. This time, Rupert only asked one or two questions before returning to the defence counsel desk. Hope fluttered in my chest, recognizing that usually meant he'd finished asking questions, but quickly crash-landed.

He lifted a very familiar shape off the desk—a katana.

 _"Shit,"_ I said to Rowen, trying not to panic. _"This is going to go downhill_ very _quickly."_

He snorted, angrily. _"He doesn't have the right to hold that blade."_

Rupert practically paraded the weapon in front of Alexa. After a moment to let the drama sink in, he question-stated, "You have no reaction to this."

Her eye flicked over to us, briefly—focusing predominantly on Sage. "I've never seen it used to harm anybody, only used in self defence or for demonstrations. It has no bad associations."

It were as if the courtroom itself held its breath while a paralegal retrieved the katana from Rupert, placing a sheathed longsword in its place. Another moment passed while the lawyer let Alexa focus on it. "You appear stressed with this."

Only Dawn's connection with Dusk told me my sister's breathing had deepened, though I was certain Rupert picked up on it due to being so much closer. "It's familiar to swords that have been used to assault me and others, but different enough I can separate the events from the blade itself."

Once more the paralegal replaced the longsword—this time with a dagger that looked suspiciously similar in patterning to the Nether Swords. "Again, you're stressed."

She swallowed down the fear I could feel building rapidly in Dusk, nodding along. Her eyes were fixated on the blade. Dawn itched for me to go to her aid, to withdraw her from the triggering situation, just as the guys did. But there was nothing we could do.

"Again, it's familiar but different enough."

And then the next weapon came forward, wrapped in cloth that concealed its particular features. But I'd been too well educated about swords not to recognize it for what it was.

Mom's very own sword.

The minute its distinguishing characteristics became visible as Rupert unwrapped the hilt, Alexa froze. Dusk practically vanished from the armor connection, a gaping black hole where it had been. I could feel Strata trying to reach into it—Halo beating him to the punch—but both attempts failed immediately. Even Dawn shuddered at the ice-cold void, and _her_ powers revolved around the element.

I wanted nothing more in that moment than to rip Rupert's smug head off his shoulder. "Do you recognize this blade?"

Still Alexa couldn't respond. I knew that look of terror well enough to know he had to stop. _Now_. I glanced over at Catherine, who seemed about to rise, but as yet had no cause to intervene. Rupert of course thought she simply was refusing to answer. He closed the gap to the stand by two steps, repeating the query.

As the cursed blade came nearer, I could tell Alexa had for sure gone nonverbal. The lawyer, of course, misinterpreted her silence. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Her head shook frantically, trying to say " _No_ don't come over here."

Again, however, Rupert took it to mean something else. "Do you recognize this?" he repeated. When he took another step forward, my sister's body was stiff as the sword, trying to push itself as far away from the hated object as possible.

Catherine at last intervened. "Objection! Badgering the witness!"

Dupont answered so quickly I had a feeling she'd been waiting for the objection. "Mister Cunningham you will withdraw the evidence immediately and forgo all further questions. We've seen enough." She glanced swiftly over at Sage—a moment so brief I almost could have imagined it. "The defence shall begin their direct examination tomorrow morning precisely at eight-thirty. Court is adjourned."

The gavel falling was like the bell on a starting gate. Sage was at the witness stand in a heartbeat, enveloping Alexa in his arms and lifting her a good three inches off the ground. Her arms laced around his neck, face buried in his shoulder and body shaking with the after-effects of a triggering incident.

Catherine was, surprisingly, the next to reach the two. "Come on. Let's get her out of here, before those vultures can tell their friends outside," she said quietly, hooking a thumb at the reporters falling over themselves to beat us to the exit.

I could just imagine tomorrow's headlines—and the live news right now.

Predictably, Alexa refused to be carried out. She squirmed out of Sage's tight embrace but stayed glued to him, his support being the only and very obvious reason she didn't collapse right there. The rest of us fell into the familiar formation once past the courtroom doors, the halls suspiciously silent until we reached the lobby. The excited chatter of reporters just beyond eerily reminded me of _Halo_ 's Grunts…

...right before Master Chief ambushed them, of course.

Sadly, I was no seven-foot Spartan II, nor did I think the authorities would appreciate my tossing an imaginary plasma grenade in their midst. Luckily, Catherine could serve as a sort of legal stand-in.

She paused a few yards back from the entrance, turning to face our little assembly. "I can't guarantee most of them will divert to me. However, I'm going to try my best. Wait about two minutes, then head through the far right door. I'm going to exit out the far left and see if that'll draw them away."

We all nodded. Two minutes later, despite not hearing either a huge increase or decrease in the sounds outside, Kento lead the way out the door and into the late-fall sunset.

The cacophony was worse than the first day of the trial. Camera flashes and a sea of microphones and suits didn't help the impression, and I was once more glad we'd all decided to sandwich Alexa into the middle of our modified circle. Even so, I glanced at her nervously—triggering a sensory overload on top of a PTSD reaction was _not_ what she needed right now.

And then I heard the words—a reporter's question—that released the dragon.

"Do you understand what's happening?"

Cye nearly collided with my smaller frame when I froze in mid-stride. Rowen flicked concern and surprise at me when I waved both Cye and the rest of the group onward.

 _"Sorry, Ro. I gotta rip this guy up."_

It took everything in me not to physically bring Dawn to the surface as I rounded on the offending reporter.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU!"

Instantly the muddled scene went silent, replaced by the hammering of my heart in my chest. Rowen's poking reminder had me taking in a deep breath, sharply exhaled once more like the dragon my anger so resembled. My voice shook with the adrenaline. "How _dare_ you ask her such an _asinine_ question. It is an affront to your profession to be so _condescending_. The very fact you are discrediting her ability to comprehend her surroundings is the _exact. same. attitude_ that the damn lawyer just directed at her! A direct and _very_ obvious example of ABLEISM! Which is exactly the _damn problem_ with sensationalized media and 'normal' people's attitudes about those with disabilities."

My hands (having made air quotes where appropriate) fell to my sides as I paused for breath. Thankfully, no one dared speak and further rouse my anger. I huffed and forced my spine to straighten, not able to tower over much of anyone in that crowd but absolutely forcing every ounce of command presence I had ever developed into that stance. "She's a human being, just like any of the rest of us. And if you'd been through _half_ as much as she has, you'd want to be able to break down in peace after facing down the _same damn sword_ that first traumatized her."

Finally feeling as if the dragon within might have been satisfied, I turned away in disgust. The half-circle parted silently to let me pass, revealing Rowen and the familiar van waiting for me on the other side. He gladly put an arm around my shoulders as I reached him, then glanced back at the reformed crowd.

The dragon still wanted to spit a parting shot at them. Instead, pregnancy exhaustion broke through the adrenaline, and I leaned against my husband gratefully.

"Let's go home."

—/—

Half an hour after seeing that blade, I still couldn't speak and it terrified me. My skin _crawled_ with no touch helping, me shifting uncomfortably in Sage's arms and pushing away any armour prompts. I didn't know how to answer any questions. I was physically incapable of answering them. Rowen tried to reach me, as did Sage, finding places in my mind they had previously found me, but there was nothing for them to grasp and I just kept getting angrier as they poked me.

At least that made them give up.

I tried to forget the concerned crowd of people behind me as I let everyone in. I didn't even hold the door open. Only Sage, Tessa, and Rowen went up in the elevator with me, and they trailed behind while I walked down the hall.

Insert keys with a shaking hand. Open the door by shoving your shoulder against it. Escape. Get out of there.

The steps were done so quickly I left them behind. I was locked in the bathroom moments later, shower running. I turned the water pressure so high it stung, hot water cranked up as much as I could tolerate it. I knew I was self harming and I didn't care. I wanted _their_ hands off me, from my mother to the kidnappers to the tin cans from just a few days ago. Maybe if my skin was raw they would go away.

How I wished I had thought to cut a corner of my nails so they would be sharp, making scratching at my skin that much more effective. I cursed Cye taking care of me over the past while; my skin lacked any obvious raised bumps for me to claw out. As it was I could only send a silent apology to Sage, no energy to _actually_ send it, continuing to alternate between actually getting grime off my skin and scratching at invisible itches. The water scalded and steam made it harder to breathe, but the conscious action helped ground me.

My rush of fear deflated. I turned down the hot water. It still wasn't my average shower temperature, but it wasn't burning. I put another layer of soap over the potentially bleeding cuts, disinfecting them in case.

Drying them off hurt, but that's exactly what I had wanted… a few moments ago. Now, I wasn't completely sure, but I didn't want reach out to Sage and get rid of the pain. I just hoped he wasn't outside as I stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, not wanting to put the clothes I'd just worn on again. They belonged there and reminded me of the hands every time I looked at them. He wasn't, and I was able to slip across the hall unnoticed.

Sage's bokken and katana were on the bed. Visions of Halo's ōdachi cutting across my vision flashed in my mind, Sage's protectiveness still so impressed on my memory I could practically feel it. The phantom sensations turned into real sensations, his consciousness oh so gently wrapping around mine. A sob threatened to come out, chest shuddering with my breath.

I needed to get clothes on, first, and with each sting of fabric on open skin, I felt more disgusted with myself. I shrunk away from Sage's attempts at touching the spots with Halo, not able to handle any emotion relating to them. Even caring just made me feel like I was a danger to myself.

Tessa was waiting for me outside the door. I froze, too many emotions crashing into me at once at the look of sheer compassion on her face. She reached out to me just in time to ease me to the ground, tears that had been threatening for days coming out in full force. I wrapped an arm around her thickening waist, eleven weeks of pregnancy having given her a barely there bump. The hug felt different from her changing shape but it was still her arms around me, still Dawn wrapping around Dusk and easing away my armour's sharp, defensive edges.

It was still my sister being there for me like she always had been, no matter what was going on with her.

Sage only joined us after the first round of sobbing had stopped, when I was still shaking and teary but whatever had broken out the first time was exhausted. He took my hand, now on her thigh, and placed it against a tantō in his belt. I traced the shape of the blade with only a halfhearted glance at it, his hand simply on my arm so as not to crowd me. It didn't take long for the tears to start again as I fingered the hilt, feeling the familiar weight of the blade as I unsheathed it an inch. Protected. Defended.

I turned my face back into Tessa's shoulder, hand leaving Sage's side and going back around her. He stroked exposed portions of my back, both of them soothing me as trauma left in waves, ripping out of my soul and the present moment slowly becoming concrete. Safety. It was gone. She was gone. Tin cans were gone. I wasn't there. I shifted to curl up against my sister, sniffing but no longer about to burst into tears at any moment. Tessa crying along with me had increased the intensity, her already potent empathy amplified from pregnancy hormones. It was nice to get validation, even if all these emotions did leave me drained.

Sage stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Want anything?"

I nodded. My tongue still felt limp in my mouth, preventing me from saying _what_. I wasn't sure I could grasp the concepts, anyway.

"Tea?" He paused, giving me a chance to process. At no answer, he continued. "Juice?"

Another nod. I swallowed, _finally_ finding my voice. "Thank you."

I felt his smile through Halo before he got up. The apartment was otherwise quiet, as if we were the only ones here.

Tessa must've picked up on my confusion-tensing. "Rowen and the guys went to—ah—burn off some steam." She relaxed as I did, now that I had an answer, staying silent. When she spoke again, she still sounded choked up. "Want to stay here, or…?"

I shook my head and forced myself to pull away, her rising with me as I stood. Sage halted his progress from the kitchen and followed us both to the couch, letting me curl up in the corner with Tessa on my only exposed side. I glanced up at him as he handed me the glass. "Sorry…"

He shook his head and sat on the chaise in front of me, effectively boxing me in. "Don't be. Keep yourself comfortable."

It didn't take me long to finish off the juice. The sweetness cleared my exhaustion and dehydration headache, giving me a little more room to think. "I haven't been that scared in so long."

She held me a little tighter, not responding verbally. Sage took the glass from me and placed it on a side table. "At least you could escape from it, this time."

I scrunched my eyes shut despite agreeing with him, unpleasant realizations bubbling back to the surface. "She keeps trying to own me. This trial's been owning me for years and now it's owning me more and the swords remind me of when she actually had _power_ over me…!"

Tessa sensed me losing touch, again, holding me closer and pressing her nose into my neck. The pressure helped ground me. "It's okay. We're almost out of it. And...we're _all_ here for you. When you need us." Her voice quieted. "It's alright…"

Sage stroked my hair, voice just as quiet. "Let it out. It doesn't matter how much we've heard the same story."

I didn't want to say it, gritting my teeth against the words bubbling in my throat. Before my sister had a chance to say 'talk to me, sis', I let the story tumble past all barriers.

"She was always trying to monitor me. Always trying to get in on my life and make it she had a hand in everything I did." My hands found Tessa's forearm, gripping it to know I was real. "Even as a teenager, even at _work_ , she'd always try to say how much time it saved and how much she was happy to do it and she'd try to do everything for me, keep me dependent, keep me helpless, and in return I'd have to do stuff she wanted, help her with _whatever_ she needed— she'd insist, she'd absolutely insist then tell me how bad a person I was for not doing what she needed within a fast enough timeframe."

I grimaced, the words like poison on my tongue. "She'd always find a way to monitor me. Rides, in particular. I swear if I'd kept in contact with her after moving out she'd have found a way to do all my grocery shopping for me, just to know what I was eating and when. She always did that. Always with food. Ever since she took complete control of my diet when I was nine years old, putting me under stricter monitoring than in an institution. And now the trial's dictating every part of my life, every moment of my time, and it's all because of her so she's _still_ monitoring me." I squeezed my eyes shut, latent tears flowing out. "She would monitor what I thought, get in my head, not let me think for myself, scare me into thinking like her… and now Rupert's doing the same thing with those swords."

Tessa just held me tighter, somehow. Her voice had gone from choked up to dangerously fierce. "It's over. He can't pull that stunt again—the glare on Dupont's face looked enough to kill something on its own. You should just have Catherine tomorrow, then it's over." She softened, trying to reassure me. "It'll be over soon. Just hang tight…"

I practically melted back into her touch, relying on both of their memories. I had been so locked on the sight of that sword I'd missed most of what was going on around me. I'd not faced these triggers so intensely while alone, before— the last time I had seen that blade in person, Sage had stopped the assault physically. This time, I'd only had memories and nobody beside me to help hold them off. I opened my eyes a sliver to see Sage's tantō still on his hip, trying to reassure myself there were multiple layers between me and an assault. Rupert wouldn't have been able to touch me.

Sage stroked my hair, hand resting on my shoulder once he'd completed the motion. "Want me to get my bokken?"

I smiled. "I… wouldn't mind seeing you in kendo class, right now."

He laughed softly. "I should be practicing more, anyway, for that demonstration in a few weeks."

My smile got bigger for reasons I kept hidden, knowing my work sponsored the event but somehow I'd prevented Sage from finding out about it. I'd already reserved my tickets but pretended on going back and forth about whether or not I was attending whenever he brought it up. "It'd be nice to see what you're going to do."

He stood and took a step towards our room, glancing over his shoulder. "Mind if we leave you alone for a little bit, Tessa? Or would you rather we drop you off with the others?"

She stretched and let me up, scrubbing tear stains off her face. "I could use a nap."

I gave her a one armed squeeze. She'd already been emotional before her pregnancy; I could only imagine how much she hurt over this now, and how tired it made her. "Rest up, sis. Thanks."

Still, her voice was reassuring, Dawn open and supportive. "Anytime."

A few minutes later Sage and I were back in the car. I rubbed my eyes in the passenger seat as Sage tossed his gym bag in the back. When he sat in the driver's seat he simply turned my face towards him and kissed me, already knowing I was still fragile.

He gave me a few moments of silence as we drove before speaking. "You held in too much, to let me break."

I sighed. "You were more triggered than I was."

He shook his head. "As you keep telling me— one person's feelings don't invalidate the other's. You could've gone to Tessa, Rowen, even Ryo, if you didn't want to come to me. Kento and Cye might not have personal experience, but they will listen and empathize."

"You—"

He cut me off. "I could've gone to one of them, myself."

I was silent, for awhile. "I don't want to think that traumatized me. I have enough of them. I… I don't want another PTSD."

Compassion washed through Halo. "The hearts that bruise easily are some of the softest. I suppose the minds that bruise easily are the kindest."

I laughed softly. "And the souls that speak of beauty shine the brightest."

"Says the woman who just complimented herself," he replied, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.

I wrinkled my nose at him, _determined_ not to let him have the last compliment. "Says the man who hides he's even bruised, let alone bloody and nearly broken, if somebody else needs his shield."

He blushed.

I grinned.

Our little game of complimenting each other until the other stopped from being flustered had perfect timing— we pulled into the parking lot of the dojo moments later. Lucky for the both of us kendo classes were on that night, although we were early. Students were just beginning to come in, all carrying their equipment. Sage quietly joined them, not betraying an ounce of his reputation. Even though he was fifth _dan_ and outranked nearly everyone there, he was still a student of the craft and came here to learn— especially from as high ranking a kendoka as Sensei.

Despite all attempts at being invisible, he was almost immediately spotted by a familiar girl already waiting along the walls in her gi.

Kaori practically jumped up and scurried over, stopping a few feet in front of Sage to bow. She could be an uncontrolled ball of energy, some days— for how she was all of sixteen— but tried to match Sage's decorum. Still, she couldn't keep the joy out of her voice. "You made it!"

He bowed in return, keeping his distance so as not to trip her touch aversion. "I have missed too many opportunities to learn, while here."

She straightened and gave me an awkward wave that was more like a hand flap, me matching the movement. "Getting ready for your second _dan_ exams?"

She sighed and nodded, jet black ponytail bouncing with the movement. "I'm nervous about it."

Sage gave her a brotherly smile. "Don't be. You've been training well. I'm sure all the extra research you've done will help. And you should be proud— you're only a year older than I was."

Her eyes expressed joy more than her mouth, lips neutral as was natural for her. "Thank you, Sensei."

He inclined his head at the praise. "If you'll excuse me, I need to get changed before class."

She stepped aside to let him pass, hands clasped in front of her. "I still can't believe he's doing that demonstration with me."

I tilted my head to the side. "You _have_ earned it."

She cast her eyes down. "He could've gone with the third _dan_ here…"

I shook my head. "There's more than skill. It's rare for him to meet somebody with an interest in kendo that rivals his own."

She rocked back and forth from one foot to another, eyes cast down. The movement, normally classified as anxiety, meant contentment for her. She perked up when she saw Sage leave the change area, trotting over to him and as stuck to his side as she was comfortable being.

Sage didn't just tolerate her fangirl tendencies— he encouraged them by interacting with her, giving her more history of the sport than she'd found. She'd been so respectful coming up to him, waiting till the crowd had vanished and asking Sensei to introduce her. In Canada, which so rarely recognized any kendokas publicly, he'd been touched she knew of his career. She explained kendo was her special interest, indulging in a side track about how she was autistic and kendo helped calm her down, and meeting somebody so well renowned in Japan in sleepy little Ottawa was a dream come true.

He'd mentored her ever since, noticing how similarly they related to the sport. When she'd wondered just how she could be a _dan_ before her exam, how she could represent such a long tradition of martial arts when she struggled socially so much, even wondering if her autism would hamper her progress— Sage had confessed he was likely autistic, as well.

I still remembered her smile, weight so obviously lifted from her shoulders it made my normally stoic boyfriend choke up.

 _'She's more confident, this time,'_ he said, attention still on her as she talked through the progress she'd made on her kata in the two weeks since he'd come to class. _'Isn't so nervous about her exam.'_

I smiled at them both. _'She knows her diagnosis won't stop her from reaching her dreams, thanks to you.'_

His skin might've remained pale, but that didn't mean he wasn't giving off the impression of a blush. _'Once again, I see why you're so open…'_

 _'You don't have to be,'_ I said softly. _'It's all about what you're comfortable doing.'_

A flicker of gratitude later, he closed the connection to focus on her. Class began shortly after, me settling into a chair to watch. It didn't take long for Sage to end up as a secondary sensei in the class, simply as one of the older students training younger. That didn't mean he was above correction— it took all of fifteen minutes for Sensei to adjust his stance.

He simply bowed his head in thanks and continued on.

This class, for all intents and purposes, _should_ have been triggering. The _kiai_ shouts, _fumikomi-ashi_ footwork, and strikes from the practice weapons made the room incredibly loud. However, getting lost in such deep focus made my sensory issues less sensitive.

Not to mention the reassurance I felt seeing Sage efficiently cut down his opponents, one or two strikes all it took in the sparring. As per usual, Kaori was one of the only people in class not impacted by seeing both of his eyes. I couldn't help but notice he attacked a little harder every time his back was to me— as if he was the last line of defence. He'd done it before, but rarely.

Only when I needed it.

Time ticked on and I was glad I'd thought to bring a snack. My anxiety finally dissipated enough to let me eat about halfway through the two hour session, and my stomach let me know just _how_ much energy I had used up in panic. My food quickly disappeared but it felt like all I could handle.

Sage was sweaty, bruised, and _calm_ by the time class was over, giving me something to soak up and still my churning soul. He stroked my hair before leaving to get changed, emerging from the back and waiting for Kaori. They exchanged a few words I didn't catch, her giving him a knowing smirk and glance at me. From the way he laughed it off, she had likely oh so politely implied something not safe for work in such a teasing manner he didn't mind.

I stood to meet him as he walked past, his hand going on my lower back to half guide me out of the dojo. The smell of his sweat floated around him and I was torn between wanting to burrow into his chest or demand he take a shower.

Once we were inside the car, he softened and kissed my cheek. "I take it you didn't want me to be protective."

I shook my head. "I wanted it. I just…" I swallowed, trying to form words. "It reminded me I need protection, right now."

"Right now," he repeated for emphasis. "I'm sure, soon, you'll be out attacking everything that hurts you or anyone you love with the strength of Inferno. There's nothing wrong with needing a little care between those times."

I smiled. "You always do know what to say, when I feel like this."

He kissed my temple before starting the car. "Only because you've told me all of this, before."

My emotions snagged. "I'm terrible at taking my own advice, aren't I?"

"We all are."

There wasn't anything else to say for the rest of the short ride. Sage gripped my hand a little tighter as we went through the underground parking lot, the attack too recent for us to be anything but hypervigilant. I avoided walking past the exact spot as did he, but phantom hands on my arms still made themselves known.

We kissed while alone in the elevator, Sage holding my biceps to try and ease the feeling.

My hands slid up his chest, trying to press into him as much as I could. _'You were scared, too…'_

 _'In a different way,'_ he said, pulling me closer. _'I remembered not being able to save you. You're remembering a different time altogether.'_

My jaw trembled. I pressed my forehead against his neck, grateful he knew me so well and desperately wishing he hadn't brought it up. His hand went to the back of my head, jaw resting against my hair.

The elevator stopped on our floor and I almost tore out of his grasp. He only found my hand again when I was at the door, kendo equipment slung over his shoulder. "Think you'll be okay while I have a shower?"

I nodded and let us both inside, noticing an absence of Tessa and Rowen in the living room. I simply flopped in the oversized chair they normally occupied, knowing they were already in bed— Tessa exhausted from her first trimester, Rowen refusing to leave her side even if her new habits went against his night owl tendencies.

Ryo watched from his position on the couch. "How're you holding up?"

I buried my face in the crook of my elbow as an answer. He got up and walked over, pausing beside me with a hand on my back. I curled up tighter to give him room, switching hips once he'd sat down to be against his side. His arm looped around my shoulders, rubbing my spine in slow strokes.

"My body doesn't feel like mine," I murmured into his chest.

He squeezed me tighter, Kento reaching out to me in compassion. Cye went a little deeper, him knowing what, exactly, I was remembering. I'd told him because I needed validation from somebody in the medical field. Tessa also knew, as did Sage. The others I was too embarrassed to tell details.

It was a different ghost feeling than a week ago. That ghost feeling had been not feeling real, not feeling like this could possibly be happening— this one was an absolute disconnect from my physical state, an inability to process I existed. The nuances escaped all words meant to capture it, leaving me with a simple statement that it felt wrong I was alive.

Sage left the bathroom right when I started wishing he'd hurry up. He didn't come into the room, instead staying at the end of the hallway leading to the bedrooms. "We should go to bed."

Kento stretched. "Yeah, pillow's calling my name."

Ryo shook his head. "You're worse than Rowen when you want to be."

I laughed softly and got up, waving goodnight. Sage simply held my hand in the very short trip to our room, only letting go so I could carefully change into my PJs. I could have done that when I was waiting for him to get out of the shower, but that meant being alone, and the last thing I wanted to be was alone, right now.

Sage lifted a hand for me to take, palm open. I placed it on my waist, almost hesitantly, still nervous whenever I changed boundaries. Sage's words from just a few days ago rang through my head— _take as much time as you need to heal_ — while he himself remained silent. The hand on my waist turned into an arm around my lower back, which turned into me embraced against his chest and the touch so _caring_ I could relax, know there was nothing else that was going to come out of this.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "That you have to do this."

He rubbed my back. "What kind of man would I be if I violated you? Especially when somebody else already has."

I paused, nuzzling into his shirt. Part of me wanted to correct his language— me and my nuance— but part of me wanted to just take his reassurance.

"I know," he said, touch of amusement in his voice. "I should've said 'person'."

I chuckled softly, staying in his arms. The way he'd picked up on it, the way he knew I always corrected his gendered language, just reminded me how long we'd been together. How much we'd talked, shared, _understood_. The thought made my head spin. "You could've had a nice, normal girlfriend," I muttered. "Lord knows you're attractive enough."

"I could have, but I wouldn't love her as much as I love you." He kissed my neck, curve of a smile in his lips. "Besides. I'm fairly certain you could've had a nice, normal boyfriend _or_ girlfriend— you're most certainly attractive enough."

I hummed in pleasure. "I keep telling you I'm too autistic for people to look at me twice."

His smile only got bigger. "That has never stopped anyone from being attracted to me." He kept his nose against my neck, gauging my mood, arm on my lower back unmoving and free hand not going any lower as it went up and down my spine. When I stayed quiet, distant and frozen, he pulled away to look at me. "You're compartmentalizing, aren't you?"

I nodded. "I just have to get through tomorrow, and if I break down now I'll be too tired."

"Very well." He cradled my head and kissed me deeply, yet gentle enough even my skittish, scared-rabbit self was comfortable being swept away in the passion. He gave me another, softer this time, pulling me back against him and letting me lean on his support as my knees grew weak.

 _'Please don't ever forget,'_ he whispered, voice like a breeze through cherry blossoms in my mind. _'All I want is for you to be safe.'_


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the late update. Things got a tad crazy-busy yesterday. Anywho-onward! In which a new perspective is introduced... ;)

 **Warnings:** Self harm, stalking, physical threats of violence, PTSD flashback (violation, rape-like), hypersexuality, suicidal talk/suicide mention

* * *

 _Chapter 6_

The first hour of the day following Rupert's thrice-damned cross exam was spent in "damage control", as Kento put it. Catherine carefully, gently rebuilt Alexa's credibility—and my sister was back to the chilled, crisp, fierce survivor of abuse. At one point, I gave Rowen's hand a squeeze and glanced up with a soft smile, proud of how strong Alexa was proving herself despite the steep odds.

And then, the defence began.

None of us desired to stay for the circus—my sister the least of all. We all trooped back into the familiar witness room, clustering around the table with a palpable feeling of "we're _done_ " lingering in the air. Alexa seemed almost pale with the relief, curling up in Sage's arms for a well-deserved nap. The reminder had me leaning heavily against Rowen, sighing and closing my eyes against the ever-present headaches and pool of nausea in my stomach.

I opened my eyes just in time to see Cye practically shove a thermos—her smoothie—in Alexa's hand. Smiling, I let him know just how grateful I was for his exceptionally insistent medical care through Dawn.

And then my abdomen clenched with an unexpected twist in my gut.

My hand flew to my mouth, Rowen instantly attentive to the change. I couldn't get a word out through fighting with my body, and in my mind the only thing to make any sort of sense was the panic of trying not to throw up.

I _hated_ being sick, and had almost allowed myself to hope I'd go through the worst of my first trimester without having to subject myself to it.

The two of us were out in the hallway and heading for the restrooms before I could process much else. Between every step raged a mini fight with my stomach; luckily I managed to hold it at bay. Bonus points: We only passed one person before ducking into the safety of the unisex, single-room washroom.

Thankfully there was only one huge heave and a smaller clear-the-clog gag. Rowen didn't have to do anything—my hair was in its usual braid—but he smoothed his fingers over and pulled it behind my shoulder anyway. "Feel alright?" he murmured with audible concern as I leaned back, his arms drawing me comfortably against him.

I swallowed, felt the acrid taste in my throat, and wished fiercely that I'd thought to grab my water bottle. It was only then I realized the on-guard stance Dusk and Strata had taken over Dawn, who in turn had suffered a massive, sudden energy drain.

Ryo appeared in the doorway as Rowen answered my unspoken confusion—this time remembering his surroundings and sticking to telepathy. _"It's those damn Nether Spirits again. No doubt they're ramped up because it's the defence's turn, now."_

My sister gave the impression of White Blaze after a long, unsuccesful day of hunting—a highly irritated, far-more-energetic-than-she-really-should-have-been tiger. _"I think she's trying to cast an illusion— strengthen her side."_

I wanted to growl, but it instead came out as a weak, mewling sigh. Rowen took my water bottle from Ryo and popped the sports-like cap up for me to sip from it. The first two mouthfuls got spit back into the toilet, which had luckily been flushed already. I practically chugged the last third once the nasty remains of bile were out, in order to drown the leftover sensations. _"So Dawn reacted by trying to protect me…"_

"And the baby" went unspoken, but I knew Rowen didn't need telepathy to read _that_ loud and clear. His arms tightened around me, our cheeks pressed together for comfort like nuzzling cats. As protective and useful as the armors could be—they still drew a _lot_ of danger to their bearers. And anyone around them, for that matter.

"Feel well enough to come back to the room?" Ryo asked quietly—still standing in the half-propped-open door. Amusement crept into his tone. "I'm sure the fluffy chair will feel much better than the floor here."

I managed a small smile and quiet chuckle. Once a quick survey of Dawn's steadied energy revealed the threat of physical reaction had passed, Rowen helped me to my feet.

The warrior of fire cast a quick glance through the doorway before letting us pass. "That reporter is still out there," he said lowly. "Persistent one, she is. Was on me faster than White Blaze on a deer when I walked out after you two."

I could feel my face fall into the perfect imitation of an annoyed emoticon. "As if I want to deal with that when I'm _still_ woozy from morning sickness… Geeze."

"We don't have to answer anything they say," Rowen assured me firmly. "C'mon; let's go get you settled."

Predictably, it didn't take two seconds out the door before the reporter was approaching our little trio. I couldn't help glancing over to her, wanting to see just who this was that would rather stand in the empty hallway than witness a high-vis trial in full swing. Immediately the crazy, only-a-writer description of a _Legally Blonde_ and Miley Cyrus mashup popped into my head. The woman was clearly not much older than us—or simply aged fantastically—and had dirty blonde hair cropped close to her skull on the sides with flat, gelled flow on top. Brown eyes matched her crisp, well-tailored pantsuit and the leather messenger bag slung over one shoulder.

"Missus Hashiba, what—"

I didn't have to look to know just what sort of glare Rowen was levelling at her, and that Ryo was doing the same. To my surprise, she merely cut her sentence short and pursed her lips, open notebook and pencil forgotten as she glanced between the three of us.

The moment stuck with me. Something about this reporter was different from the others I'd seen in the past many weeks. The fact I had little to do but think because my body was so wiped out meant my irrational brain dwelt on it for far longer than I should have.

Perhaps it was because of how her eyes had reminded me of White Blaze when he was figuring out some new trick.

Alexa's vacating her chair for me and subsequent pacing quickly tossed those thoughts in the steel trash can of my memory. I smirked when I realized she was casting dagger-like glares at the now-closed door every time she went past it. "What did that door ever do to you, sis?" When I finally had her attention, I smiled. "I'm fine. Nothing's going to happen—they won't dare try something in the courthouse."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "If you didn't notice, they just tried something."

I pressed my lips together in a half-frown. That fact had me sighing as Rowen pulled me into a chair with him, unable to _completely_ relax at the thought of potential future trouble. Still, I wanted to look on the bright side, after all we'd put ourselves through recently. "You know what I mean—they're not going to outright fight us in public. Mom's just scared because she can feel them closing in, I bet."

My sister was still glaring at the door, arms crossed over her chest. Dusk almost mimicked Wildfire, for how much angry heat she was giving off. "Here's hoping nobody else falls for it— unlike Rupert."

Brow furrowing, I blinked at her cryptic remark, head tilting to one side. "...Rupert? What? I thought he was just an asshole in his own right."

She snorted. "Nope. I could pick up on it, when he was cross examining me. He knows my mom's material a little too well to be anything but hooked in." A brief headshake. _"Thankfully no Nether Spirits to his name— I think. I'm guessing, anyway. At least for how they didn't show up with me, and if Mom did tell him, he'd know how effective they were."_

The sinking feeling in my stomach had nothing to do with my recent bout of nausea. It was just starting to dawn on me what her words meant. _"But it'd only be a matter of time before he could, right…?"_

Her nod was sharp, firm. _"If he keeps contact with her…"_

Kento—massive arms folded defensively, eyes narrowed—piped up, muttering, _"And he's her lawyer so he likely would…"_

 _"Here's hoping the lack of privacy makes it she can't teach him anything later. She hates talking in public about this stuff."_ Alexa rolled her eyes. _"She kept insisting that if you'd talk about it where too many people could hear, you'd lose your powers. Why I can_ still _struggle calling Dusk up."_

There were nods of understanding and agreement all around the room. Rowen chimed in next. _"What about weekly, confidential visits with her lawyer?"_ He paused; I could sense another thought occurring to him. _"Except they might have cameras in some of those rooms, considering they usually film interrogations…"_

I shook my head. _"Either way, the chances she's not stopping anytime soon just skyrocketed. If we weren't sure about_ that _before...well, we can be, now."_

Alexa's swallow was visibly noticeable. As she spoke, the signs that she was fighting hard to stuff down growing fear became slightly _more_ noticeable. _"I was worried this would happen. But, like I said— she hates talking about this in public. And maybe if I let the prison know about her history, we can get her monitored. I doubt the guards would want to deal with a cult prone to kidnapping_ inside _the walls."_

Sage put an arm around her protectively. _"It'll be alright. You can tell them what to look for, and you've already got Michael on record for violating his probation. They're more limited by distance than we are."_

I smiled weakly at his reference to how nearly half of the gathered armors had flight powers. The tiny bubble of mirth was just enough to break the spell of tension, allowing me to relax against Rowen. "Well, either way, our part is done." My exhale came out as a tired sigh, my eyes sliding closed gratefully. "Now...we just wait."

I wouldn't be getting off easy; feeling Cye's gaze on me as he added, "And you should rest. The _both_ of you."

That turned the little bubble into a light chuckle. "No complaining there, Doc," I half-teased, opening one eye to fake a half-hearted military salute in his direction.

Alexa was just enough in my line of vision to see her glance at the door, still attempting a glare but exhaustion becoming evident. Sage took a page from Rowen's book and gently guided his girlfriend to the next-comfiest chair, the two of them curling up to recuperate like us.

As I drifted into half-consciousness and daydreams, Wildfire, Torrent, and Hardrock stood guard.

—8—

Silence ruled the car as Rowen and Tessa drove to the gynecologist's office. The ten or so minutes of blissful quiet felt like a balm to the Ronin's strained nerves.

And then his wife finally spoke up.

"You can stop hovering any time now, Ro," Tessa half-teased from the passenger seat. If he hadn't been so nearly-overloaded already, though, he might've noticed the underlying concern that bled into her voice. "The 'big, silent, tough guy' act doesn't work on you as well as it does on Kento."

Rowen gave her the same look he usually did every time she protested his keen attention to her needs. With a little huff, she raised an eyebrow at him and continued, "You don't have to hang around the office, this time. It's probably going to be just like Cye and Sage have said—the baby's fine, developing normally. We're not even going to do the uber-special ultrasound, remember? You won't miss anything."

He tried to crack a smile, but was too tired to commit. "I know. Just… after Sage and Alexa…"

She returned his expression and stretched a hand over his on the gearshift. "Yeah. We could all use a break—you especially. Not that I'm not grateful for your support, but…" That heavy sigh spoke more volumes than even her emotions over the armor connections could say. Her next words were quiet, almost pleading. "Look. You've practically been in shutdown mode on and off if not straight through these past two weeks. You haven't gotten the quiet you need to recoup from giving your testimony, not to mention being around the huge crowds."

Rowen exhaled quietly as they pulled into the parking lot, daring a glance over at his wife once he'd put the car in park. He'd seen the concerned look in her hazel eyes more times than he cared to count—knew she had a tendency to fret more than necessary—but held his tongue and let her find the words she needed anyway. "Take a quick breather. Go for a walk, or something. Anywhere but stuck inside. I'll be alright for one appointment." The little half-smirk that curved her lip reminded him just why he loved her so much. "Maybe even take Strata for a spin. God knows when the last time you did _that_ was… And you _love_ space."

Her words rolled around in his (jumbled) brain as he surveyed the parking lot; there were only a handful of other vehicles around. And—as if someone had deliberately sculpted the landscape per Tessa's decree—the Ronin could make out a promising, secluded copse of trees in a meadow at the far side of the office building.

"It's pretty deserted out here. Should be quiet enough." Deciding he'd follow his wife's suggestion, he leaned across the car and planted a loving kiss on her lips. "You know how to call me."

Tessa nodded, smiling in relief and nuzzling his cheek. "Of course."

The two exited the car and approached the office building silently. Rowen stayed with Tessa long enough to ensure she made it through the door—started signing in for the appointment—before turning around and leisurely strolling in the direction of the meadow he'd seen from the lot.

 _'Tessa was right,'_ he thought, drawing in a deep breath of the sharp autumn air. _'I need this…'_

As much as the thought of getting up to his own private little world in the vacuum of space already lifted a weight off his shoulders, he moved slowly. His lanky legs could cover an incredible amount of ground, he could outrun all the other yoroi bearers, and could literally _fly_.

But all he wanted right now was for the world to stop spinning—just for a moment.

This doctor's appointment had been another huge weight, more even than Tessa knew. He'd been as possessive as he had because he was insecure. Yes, she and Sage and the others had reassured him plenty of times he'd be an excellent father.

But it didn't keep out the knife-sharp reminders that he had no meaningful scripts on _how_ to be one.

They'd wormed their way into his sleep, a mix of memories and flashbacks so vivid he woke in a cold sweat with silent tears on his cheeks. Luckily, Tessa had been so exhausted lately she hadn't woken; she slept like a rock, anyway, but it still relieved him. He couldn't hide that he was worried—she'd known immediately that he felt inadequately prepared to raise a child. But she didn't know quite the extent to which it bothered him.

 _'Maybe I_ should _tell her,'_ Rowen mused, tilting his gaze up to the cloudy grey sky. _'Gods know freeing up that mental space would help. Then I'd actually be of use to Sage and the others.'_

As if they didn't have enough trouble. Before he had gotten a chance to come to terms with the overwhelming experience of testifying, Sage and Alexa had come under attack in the worst possible place. He had wanted to do more—had wanted to actually be there in the way both of them had _needed_ —but he'd been so overwhelmed already the most he had been able to do was sit with them.

Worse, he hadn't been able to keep the thought _'What if that had been Tessa?'_ out of his head. She was still very much in her first trimester, and wouldn't be out of the woods anytime soon. Rowen was more grateful than ever that Dawn had been able to protect the baby from _youjakai_ influence so far...but if anything serious were to go down…

 _'Alexa and the rest of us would be there, too,'_ he tried to remind himself. But it was a cold sort of comfort—because, worst-case scenario, they might _not_ be there. And his sister-in-law had her own issues to worry about. Technically, Rowen was the _only_ one responsible for his wife's safety.

And now that responsibility had been compounded at least two-fold.

A sharp shout of frustration bubbled up in his throat. Blinding anger clouded his mind, the sensation of his clenched fist pulling back for a punch feeling as if he were watching it through muddy water. The bone-numbing _crunch_ of the flat of his knuckles hitting thick, unyielding wood felt good—for all of one second before his skin stung and every bone from his knuckles to his shoulder ached with the force.

Then guilt began to sink in as he tried to shake out the pain. The rough bark had scraped his skin open, beginning to trail tiny rivulets of blood—and he realized this was how Alexa felt when she self-harmed. Shaken at the thought, he leaned the fleshy part of his forearm on the tree, forehead against it as a buffer between him and the trunk; eyes closed, he forced deep breaths through his nose to calm down.

"So, I see you finally left your little pet _unattended_."

Rowen's blood ran cold, though his head snapped up to see the voice's owner despite knowing exactly who it was. After the initial moments of shock, his eyes narrowed and lips twisted into a scowl. " _You_ ," he hissed.

Michael dismissed the unnecessary comment with a flick of his wrist as the Ronin properly turned to face him—cutting off the sentence he'd been about to say. "How observant. You did, after all, always have a knack for stating the obvious."

The anger came back, voice low and dangerous. "We _told_ you to stay away."

He snorted, almost in amusement. "Two points for Captain Obvious!" the brunet cheered, voice thick with sarcasm. "I'm already written up for one violation. What's another in the name of freeing my dove from _your_ clutches?"

Instead of hot flames, Rowen went as cold as deep space, eyes mere slits and his clenched fists trembling to contain his rage. He almost didn't feel Tenku answering his subconscious call, flashing over his body in the space of an instant, as close as a second skin.

Now he knew what people meant by "seeing red".

"Feeling threatened, are we? Good!" Michael called out, far too chipper. And then his expression morphed to almost match Rowen's. "You should. I'm coming for you, Hashiba. You and your pretty. little. _wife_."

"You keep your hands _off her_ or I swear you will not live to serve another jail sentence," Rowen snapped, stepping forward almost as if to emphasize his promise.

"Is that a threat I hear?" Michael mocked, cupping one hand to his ear for a brief moment. "Keep talking that way, and it might be _you_ serving time next!" A smirk curled his lip, voice nearly a pur. "I'm sure my little dove would _adore_ hearing how violent her husband is."

All self-control was nearly gone by this point. Rowen's roar almost echoed through the little glen. "She's _mine_ , you filthy dog!"

"Oh? Touch some nerves, did I?" His words sounded like laughter, coarse and sardonic. Then an unnatural breeze kicked up, swirling in a spiral around Michael as Nether Spirits harkened to his preemptive summoning. "You ought to watch your back," he called over the rising winds. "Better yet, watch _her_ back. After all, there's no telling when something might happen to her...or the _child_."

Rowen snapped. With a blood-curdling yell, he leaped for the man, ready to rip him apart merely at the suggestion of that awful thought. But Michael simply threw his head back and laughed.

The triumphant note lingered hauntingly in Rowen's ears long after the Nether Spirits whisked his antagonizer away—and out of range of a punch that left a mini crater of cracked, sizzling, grassless earth behind.

—8—

The question 'may I kiss you' was enough to send me crying on the floor, shuddering in Sage's arms. Two days of deliberation, two days of waiting to find out if my feelings were valid, after a seven week trial. My life wasn't mine. Everything hung in the balance. Even Sage here, even the guys here, wasn't enough to stop me from throwing up.

Nothing about my life was mine. Not my schedule or my emotions or even my body.

I didn't feel attached to anything and I wanted somebody to tell me what to do, how to behave, what to think. Sage refused— he always refused, and it was why I trusted him, how he could keep morals for the two of us, but when all I wanted was to be a sex toy, fucked senseless, _taken over_ , I couldn't help but feel even more lost than I already was. Nothing belonged to me anyway so why did it even matter.

The thought of having control over anything was so daunting it lead to moments like this, born out of Sage refusing to do anything that violated or hurt me— and indulging in my self destructive desires most certainly counted as something he would not do.

I'd gotten so good at controlling this. Of recognizing when I needed care. But with so much stress in the trial and my sixteen year old PTSD in the throes of its time based cycle, all control was lost.

Sage just held me, used to how sensitive I could get— even if this was extreme for me. I picked my head up to look at him once my tears subsided; he nuzzled our noses together, hand resting on my jaw.

"May I kiss you?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, melting into his touch the moment our lips met. I didn't ask for more, was honestly scared of what I would do if I let myself have more, and he didn't push. Even in a forest of jagged edges, he let me reveal every last one just so I could pick the shrapnel out of my skin.

He barely pulled away when he broke the kiss, forehead against mine. "Do you want to sleep or unpack this, with me grounding you?"

I kissed him and he let me, having learned years ago that if I screwed up the courage to initiate a kiss, it was most certainly my choice. His lips were soft and his thumb stroked over my cheek, further soothing me. I stayed just as close as he had when I stopped. "Let me get changed, first."

He loosened his grip but didn't let me go, continuing to hold me as I pressed my face into his neck. The last thing I wanted to do was face this. But I knew if I wanted my mind back, I'd have to.

I always _had_ been a terrible staller.

 _'We can simply go to sleep,'_ he said gently.

I shook my head. _'I… I need to. I need to unpack this so I can stop breaking down.'_

Another kiss, to my forehead, this time. _'Very well.'_

Despite every intention to get up and change before I began unpacking, the memories flowed out with the gentlest of prompts. Touch. So much touch I didn't want, didn't consent to— _'you need these medical exams'_ echoing through my mind. It wasn't rape, there was nothing sexual about it, but just _thinking_ about how I had been handled made me curl my legs up tighter.

I finally dragged myself up to get changed as an escape, Sage keeping his back to me despite how easy it was to hide what he didn't want to see until our wedding. He didn't need to get changed again, the clothes I cuddled him in soft enough to act as pyjamas. I preferred what he wore now, anyway.

He sat propped up on the bed, on the left side for a change, open space beside him letting me curl up and have an ear against his heart. I gratefully took him up on his implied offer, steady rhythm of his pulse and hand going up and down my back enough to soothe away the fears I was even touching this nerve.

"She keeps using Nether Spirits to remind me I'm not in control."

"Neither is she," Sage said softly. "She's hiding behind intimidation tactics."

I scrunched my eyes shut. "That could _work_."

He kissed my forehead. "I doubt they will."

I couldn't figure out how to reply. Everything was so up in the air and out of my hands I had no choice but to just go along with it, be tossed about by an almost immovable system. For all I feared lack of control, lack of knowing what was going on or what the results would be, I feared control more.

Maybe that's why I had gone with a trial instead of any other punishment: somebody else was making the choice for me. I was sick at the possibilities— literally, from my twisting stomach— but it wasn't _me_ making the choice. I didn't have to face such a life changing decision. I just gave it up to somebody who was supposed to be an authority.

Damned if I made the choice— whether or not it was correct would haunt me for years— and damned if I let it go. I just shivered and tried not to sob, throat closed and raw.

Sage stroked my hair, trying to draw emotions out. "You needed validation. You've already made the choice to put her away, no matter what it takes."

I quieted my mind to focus on his heartbeat. _'So much for unpacking the_ physical _violation…'_

He shook his head. "It's all a violation, for you. Her disregard for any part of who you are."

My eyes squeezed shut so tight an embarrassing amount of tears spilled out. "She forced me into those exams."

His nose rested against my forehead. "Let it out. Kintsugi works best on clean breaks."

As if I hadn't been crying enough before. The blackout curtains around those memories ripped down, flashbacks so strong Sage lost me the majority of the time. Brief periods of contact let him know I was alright, to not even try and reach me. His arms were enough, physical presence trumping over mental. I don't know when I finished shuddering, PTSD leaving like an outgoing tide, when I finally stopped crying into Sage's chest.

The door opened and I jumped, head snapping up to see Cye come in with a glass of water. I swallowed when I noticed how cloudy it was, a sign he'd put in my electrolyte powder so I could absorb it. I had been expelling so much water just through crying I was at risk of becoming chronically dehydrated again. When I didn't move the glass ended up on the bedside table, Sage taking it and handing it to me.

Cye sat down on a sliver of bed beside Sage. "None of us are sleeping well. You didn't wake us."

"Don't lie to me," I murmured between sips.

"I'm not."

I only halfway believed him. Those three had been almost as stressed as I was, making a case for either side. Either they were already awake from insomnia, or they were so worried about me they had to get up when they noticed I was upset. Ryo in particular could've been sleeping light enough he heard and unable to resist, him having gone into full caretaker mode after the first day of deliberating and I started obsessing over what was taking so long. Or he could've been awake from his own demons and simply heard mine coming out.

Cye stayed quiet as I slowly drank, waiting until the glass was empty before speaking. "May I touch you?"

I nodded and gave him my hand, turning it over so he could take my pulse. Cye pushed my shirt up before resting his fingers along the veins, supporting my limb in such a way I could simply rest it in his grip. "How much do you want me to do?"

We'd done this routine before, far more frequently than I wanted to admit. I watched the way he held my hand, only touching what I consented to, trying to remember what it felt like to be safe when a medical professional examined me.

"Tell me how badly I'm relapsing?"

Even though Sage could in a heartbeat, everyone in this room knew I needed a positive, _physical_ touch to get myself out of the flashbacks. Cye switched sides so he could properly reach me, Sage's arm looping around my waist as a visual indicator of how low Cye could examine.

His experienced, very cautious, utterly _gentle_ hands made their way across potential bony points— jaw, a stop at my glands for swelling, collarbone, ribs, taking my hands again and checking for dehydration by pinching the skin. He paused before checking my stomach, only seeing how concave it was after my nod.

It wasn't a typical exam, but it helped me relax. He always waited for me to agree, to consent, before examining each place on my body.

"May I see your back, now?"

Again, I nodded and turned in Sage's arms, now halfway asleep. Cye pressed against my spinal muscles along my shoulder blades so hard it was almost uncomfortable, but that's what we'd agreed to as another indicator. Stiff shoulders were always a bad sign, and this helped check for slips.

Cye let go after doing a final pass over potentially protruding bones. "You need to give her a massage, Sage."

My boyfriend laughed softly at the teasing tone. "Soon. I don't think she'd want one right now."

I shook my head and pressed into him more. "Tired."

"Rest, then," Cye said. "You're doing alright. Your ribs are protruding, slightly, and your body is tense, but you're not too dehydrated and your stomach isn't hollow as far as I can tell."

"Thank you," I murmured.

Cye rested a hand on my shoulder. "Anytime. I'd ask if you wanted a hug, but I think you've got that covered."

I laughed softly and turned around to give _him_ one, feeling somewhat normal again and back in some semblance of control. Reminders I didn't have to give up my autonomy helped ground me more than I could express, with Cye always willing to examine me in a controlled environment. _My_ controlled environment.

I let go and Cye left, giving me enough breathing room for the utterly exhausted empty feeling after an intense episode. Sage drew me back against him, me absolutely melting into his arms.

He kissed my forehead. "What side do you want?"

I opened my eyes to smile at him. "I want to hear your heart, tonight."

His lips met mine and I relaxed so much I barely felt awake. I wasn't sure how much of that was Halo and how much of it was simply how tired I was.

Sage wordlessly lay us down, on his back so I could pillow against his shoulder. The last thing I remembered was him stroking my hair as I fell asleep.

—

The court seemed to hold its breath while the jury spokesperson began. "We the jury find the defendant guilty—"

I let out a sharp sob into my hand, collapsing back into my chair. Tessa was crying as well, trying to hide it but unable to. While the both of us hated crying in public and tried to maintain some level of decorum, she was pregnant and very much not in control of her emotions and I was overcome with a single, all-consuming thought.

We _won._

Yesterday night's breakdown, all the fears, all the sickening obsessions over what would happen and whether or not we'd get the result we wanted dropped out from under me; my sobs turned into laughter, hugging my sister so tightly she squeaked.

There were no words, just joy that bounced between us, then the guys, and soon all of us were just swept up in so much relieved happiness it was almost unbearable. The spokesperson kept reading what she was guilty of, each word simply adding to the rush. Kidnapping. Forcible confinement. Abuse. Assault. Criminal negligence. Criminal harassment.

Everything we'd charged her with. It all stuck.

I could only sob more. Somewhere outside of me I registered Judge Dupont calling for anything that would impact sentencing— I had already decided to give a victim's statement, but I sure wasn't going to do it now— and my mother was lead away in handcuffs.

 _Guilty_.

Tessa and I detangled ourselves just to make it to the witness room; once there it was her turn to hug me so hard I lost my balance, having to pivot and step back oh so precariously in these heels. Even when the others joined us we still gripped each other. This had been our fight, and now, our _victory_.

I couldn't stop crying, and honestly neither could she. Eventually we detangled from each other and went to our respective significant others, Sage once again lifting me off the floor. "You did it."

I buried my face in his shoulder. "We did it."

"No," he said, nose against my jaw. " _You_ did it."

I smiled and nuzzled his neck, more content than I could articulate he'd been there with me. His return emotions indicated that he'd promised to be there, and this was the least he could do. We had both already promised our lives together, and this was such a large part of mine.

I broke our normal stance on kissing just to express the sheer joy I felt at this moment, him returning it with the same emotion. We parted and I wanted more, but I knew neither of us wanted to make out in a courthouse. The single mental whisper of _'later'_ made me shiver.

Commotion outside drew our attention. My hackles went up when I recognized the noise as being _reporters_.

The thought of how I couldn't stop smiling from relief hit me like a cold shower. I'd avoided the media which meant I had no idea what general public perception of my actions were— how many sided with her and how many sided with me.

Sage just tightened his grip. "It'll be the last time."

Catherine appeared in the room, grinning. "Hopefully they'll be distracted by the up and coming out of her league blonde defeating that musty old snake enough you can get away."

My sister matched our lawyer's expression, shaking her head. "I love you, Catherine. Have I told you you're awesome yet?"

Catherine practically _beamed_ at the compliment, eyes scrunched up and shoulders rising in a downright adorable way. For somebody in her late twenties— I had to guess, at least— she just exuded a youthful, playful air that had made her wonderful to work with.

"I'll get you my victim's statement once I write it," I said, wiggling out of Sage's grip. "I want to get this over with…"

"Don't blame you," she replied, voice softer. "At least now all we have to do is get the sentencing as heavy as possible."

I chuckled dryly. "Oh leave that to my statement."

Sage hugged me around the shoulders. Despite the change in topic I turned into him and clung with a smile on my face, still too relieved for words and everything else was now just decoration. A small part of me feared she'd get out before she died, but for how much she was charged with and the minimum sentences for each, I doubted that.

Catherine walked out of the witness room to the single largest show of media I'd seen yet, except for maybe since the beginning of the trial. The flashing lights of cameras made the resident autistics look away from the door before bracing ourselves for the onslaught, Ryo, Kento, and Cye as per usual acting as human shields.

It took all of thirty seconds for the reporters to crowd around us, and another five for the question, "How do you feel, putting your mother behind bars and requesting a life sentence?" to be shouted over the commotion.

"Don't you have a heart?" Ryo snapped back, meeting the reporter's gaze head on. Excited at getting a reaction, everyone else focused on him. He leveled them all an intensely protective look, blue eyes flashing. "You heard what she went through in there. The only way she can stay _safe_ is if that woman can't touch her."

Before the reporters could continue and get an interview out of him, Ryo stormed off and took his place at the back of our group, Cye having gone in the front as we all left. Just like when my sister had bitten back, nobody dared to follow.

We returned to my apartment and figured out how we were going to celebrate— takeout was included, as was copious amounts of dessert. Despite the celebration I found myself retreating, thoughts of a victim's statement dragging my mind back to what had happened to me to warrant this rush of joy in the first place.

I used the excuse of getting changed to escape, Sage hesitating before following, himself. I got into my most comfortable clothing in record time, settling down on the bed and grabbing my obsession journal from its place on the bedside table before my boyfriend had changed shirts. I'd filled up half of it due to insomnia from the trial, Sage sleeping through most episodes because I hadn't needed to brighten the room.

It was tempting to just turn my whole box of old journals in as my victim's statement. Nothing said "this impacted me deeply" quite like the words _I do not deserve to live I've broken her rules_ repeated for pages in sloppy handwriting, some of the ink blurred from tear stains, over the course of years.

An opening line for the soon to be essay popped into my head, fully formed, pressing against the period and demanding I add another thought after it. I sighed and pulled out the legal pad that had a few rough outline notes and flipped it to a clean page, the words _'I have six journals— over two hundred pages each— of suicidal thoughts because of what she put me through. I am not sure what else to say to impress upon you the depth of impact she had on me, but I will try'_ rolling off the tip of my pen.

Sage knew to grab a book and not bother me when I sat like this, hunched over a pad of paper and scribbling. I was either writing fiction or obsessions or a fic about obsessions, which meant I had mentally put up a giant 'do not disturb' sign and would snap at any and all interruptions.

I dropped my pen on the pad after seven pages, exhale akin to a sob accompanying the motion. Sage's arm wrapped around me a moment after I flopped against him, book going to the bedside table. It didn't take me long to crawl into his now unoccupied lap and curl up into a ball.

"Done?"

I nodded. "As done as I'm going to get."

He kissed my hair before tucking my head under his jaw, enveloping me. The softness of his touch drew out my exhausted tears, him oh so subtly wiping them away. "Words cannot express how proud I am of you."

I smiled despite the lump in my throat. _'I can feel it.'_

Halo washed over me again, drawing Dusk into its protective bubble. All the shields I'd been holding up just for my own sanity dropped away, revealing raw nerves. Even Sage didn't quite know what to do with them all except pull me closer, giving me a place to bleed safely.

"I've gotten so used to this," I murmured. "And you're all going to leave right after the demonstration…"

He stroked my arm. "You'll be able to have it permanently, soon."

I shook my head. "Not soon enough."

He sighed and pulled me closer, just as torn up about leaving as I was. "Hopefully,with the trial over, you'll have more time to visit."

I nodded into his chest, wrapping my arms around him so there was no space between us. As much as the trial had been draining, that was his primary excuse for visiting— and now we were about to lose that. It was hard to believe we'd find other reasons, for how we hadn't really done so in four years. Of course, that had all been limited by vacation time or my energy levels for flying over, and now it was freed for us to do what we _actually_ wanted, but it was a change. I was so tired of change.

Rowen knocked on the door an unknown time later, popping his head in once I indicated he could. I'd shifted to still be in Sage's lap but facing the door, so I could see the compassion in his eyes as he took in the scene. "Tessa suggests we wait to celebrate 'til tomorrow—it's been a long day, and I'm sure we'd all appreciate the break."

I nodded. "I'm not really hungry, anyway."

He came inside and sat on the bed across from us. "I can come back for the sentencing, if you want. And Tessa, if the doctors say she can travel at the time."

I managed a small smile and jerked my head towards Sage. "Would it be turning you into the Strata Orbital Express to ask if you could take him along, too?"

Rowen laughed. "No, it wouldn't. I mean… he's practically my brother, anyway."

I'd seen that gleam in his eyes before, and I'd felt the same twinkle from Halo multiple times over the years. For once I wasn't uncomfortable with the poke towards getting engaged, even if I was too tired to do more than snuggle into Sage's chest.

I had to admit, the thought of finally being able to move on, to think about a future with Sage, gave me comfort. My reaction got a very quiet but very strong thrill of joy from him, his arms tightening in a loving squeeze.

"Tomorrow's better," he said softly. "I've already got some celebrations planned for the two of us, but after we can all get together."

I lifted my head to look at him, eyebrow raised.

He chuckled. "Just a day off. Something to relax."

I sighed, deflating, and curled back up against him. "Good. I'm not in the mood for a date."

"I know."

Rowen had stayed quiet through the interaction, but now, he spoke again. "Do you guys wanna stay in here, or come out and watch tv?"

I laughed dryly. "Right. Tv. We can watch that now." I looked at him out of the corner of my eye. "So long as it's not the news…"

"It won't be," Rowen said, hand on my shoulder. "We all need a break."

Sage patted my back. "Let's go join them."


	7. Chapter 7

In honor of Cye's birthday on Monday, here's a new update! =D Happy birthday, Cye!

 **Warnings:** Nothing major! Brief mention of PTSD intrusions but not really anything to write home about. This chapter _is_ a tad more Adult and sensual than previous iterations, though—but nothing graphic.

* * *

A long soak in the tub seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. Technically, that was almost literally true; the gynecologist had highly recommended them with Epsom salts to help ease the full-body aches that had plagued me for practically the entirety of the trial, now.

The fact Alexa allowed me to avail myself of her extensive personal bath bomb stash certainly didn't hurt things, either.

Rowen took the excuse of my being indisposed to retire to our bedroom, undoubtedly to recharge from a long day and even longer week...or six. He had seemed a bit preoccupied lately, more withdrawn and less likely to insert himself in situations of potential sensory-overload. I chalked it up to prolonged exposure to unfamiliar stimulation, but still couldn't help worrying about him.

 _'Maybe I can get some answers tonight,'_ I mused, watching my toes lazily poke in and out of the water's surface.

Alexa kept the temperature high enough I didn't immediately shiver when I stepped out of the bath. I hadn't bothered bringing my clothes with me; besides the long towel covering the important spots, my years of military experience had long since cured me of the awkwardness that could ensue in a house full of male peers.

That brought to mind a memory I hadn't thought of for years, as I opened the door to mine and Rowen's room. The tiniest smile came to my lips, recalling his expression the first time he'd caught me in nothing but a towel.

Safe to say he'd had a slightly _different_ look on our wedding night.

My bookworm husband didn't even glance up while I walked around to my side of the bed. Of course, little mischievous me would then take complete advantage of that fact. Once I'd made absolutely sure I'd completely dried myself off (that was one of my Things), I crawled onto the bed.

He automatically lifted an arm for me to snuggle under, a motion he'd done almost a thousand times before. Unsurprisingly, it took him a few moments to realize his fingers rested on bare skin instead of the usual PJs. When he did, he finally broke eye contact with the page in front of him in order to raise an eyebrow at me.

"If you still think seduction is necessary at this stage, I'll be a little disappointed," he murmured, fingertips moving from my thickening waistline to my bellybutton.

An amused chuckle purred in my chest. "No, I just wanted to get your attention," I teased, lifting a finger to trace a line down his torso. Predictably, he'd put on long-sleeve pajamas—very much like my twin, what with them both tending toward lower blood pressure and thus being easily chilled.

Despite how I'd meant that, I still felt Strata pull back, a mix of hesitating and worrying, meaning Rowen clearly was Bothered by something. He usually was a thoughtful man as it was, but I'd learned that Strata was generally an excellent indicator of when I should try to poke at whatever was on his mind.

"You will always have my attention," he said quietly, voice strained though I could tell he was trying to hide it.

My hand went to his clavicle and rested there. "Something's on your mind."

A moment of silence stretched out into something longer. It was hard not to barrage him with questions to dig out the issue; my curious cat instincts were sometimes irrepressible. And sometimes it was just a Bad Idea to overwhelm him when he was deliberately being quiet.

"How do _you_ feel about the verdict?"

I stilled, going into my own thoughtful mode. The trial— _and_ the past four years—had been a long, arduous process. As was my way, sometimes, I hadn't really _had_ to deal with my feelings. I had hardly known Mom, except from what Alexa told me about her and then the incident that lead to where we were now. I didn't have quite the same level of personal connection and investment, besides being there for my sister and holding Mom responsible for the events of four years ago.

But the trial had ended up bringing that into focus, really. Truthfully, I had viewed it somewhat like an operation—a very personal one, and one that was now a confirmed success. And getting to see the relief on my sister's face had been a wonderful belated birthday gift.

"I'm glad," I said in reply to Rowen. "It was everything we could have hoped for. We nailed her to the wall, like she deserves."

To my surprise, his arm tightened around me. "So you're not worried about our kid not having a grandmother?"

I blinked, drawing back a fraction to look up at him. His expression was more troubled than I'd seen for a while, midnight eyes greyed over with clouds. "Ro… _Koibito…_ "

"I'm not even sure they'll have grandparents on my side," he interjected suddenly. The dam broken, he continued in a rush of words, "My mother was never really there for me after the divorce, always travelling for work. That was why I got left with Dad—and we know how _that_ turned out. I...don't really _want_ our kids to get too close. _I_ barely keep in touch with him anymore, and honestly I'm expecting him to die sooner rather than later. But this…" He paused for a breath, exhaling it in a deep sigh. His next words were slower. "They're going to ask—why don't they get to meet your mom? Where is their grandmother?" His gaze dropped to his chest, avoiding mine. "What will we tell them? How will this affect _them_?"

I sat up, lifting my hand to cup his jaw. "The truth, Rowen," I said softly. My eyes stayed steady on his, hoping he'd look up at me while I spoke but not expecting it. "These things happen in life. We don't get to choose where we come from, or whose blood makes ours. But we do get to decide what _we_ do with it. The best we can do is to tell them, answer their questions, then let them make up their own minds." A sly smile crossed my lips, thinking of another couple and a few friends. "Besides, they'll have plenty of uncles with grandparents. I'm sure Mama Rei Faun or Missus Mouri will be more than happy to spoil them rotten."

That got him to glance up at me, a tiny, brief spark of hope and amusement in his eyes. "Though I'm not so sure they'll appreciate your sister's soon-to-be husband's grandfather."

I waved that off. "Don't worry, Sage's mom and dad should be able to make up for it." Pursing my lips thoughtfully, I quipped, "Besides, how long can that old man stick around, anyway? He's already ancient. Matter of fact, he could almost give Kaos a run for his money, I bet." Of course, as my brain was wont to do, it completely jumped ship on that line of thought and grabbed another. I outright grinned at Rowen. "How much you want to bet Alexa has _no_ clue Sage is proposing tomorrow?"

He chuckled briefly. "Knowing her? That's no bet. And I just saw her—she thought nothing of Sage's idea for a relaxing day he was _already_ planning, nor did Dusk give away that she saw anything extra behind it."

"If oblivious were a hashtag—which it can be, hashtag _obviously_ —she'd be the poster child for it," I replied with satisfaction, wiggling happily back into my cuddle-spot. A split second later, though, I decided it was high time I put my pajamas on. There was only so long I could stand being _entirely_ naked, as much as I'd gotten used to it recently.

And while Alexa did keep the apartment [quite cozy, it wasn't [quite _that_ warm.

Rowen simply responded with a vague "mhm" as I slipped off the bed and over to the closet, unfolding a clean set of PJs I'd just put in the open suitcase-dresser last night. An unexpected wave of exhaustion washed over my complaining body, meaning I pretty much _crawled_ back into bed and Rowen's arms. By that time, he'd closed his book and set it on the nightstand, pulling the covers down for us to snuggle under.

I could sense his mood had gone back to the earlier topic by the fact Strata still kept its distance from Dawn. She nonetheless stretched out for the other armor, wrapping it in a warm bubble like the first rays of sun on a chilled Earth.

When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and almost _scared_. "I don't know how to be a father."

His tone got my attention more than anything. We'd had this conversation before, but something behind his words chilled me. I tightened my arms around him and nuzzled his neck. "You'll be just fine. We've talked about this before, remember? You are not your parents."

"But I've never _had_ parents…"

The emphasis changed how I needed to look at this conversation. I continued to talk into his neck. "But you've had friends, and you've seen other parents. We'll be alright, Ro."

He wrapped me in a bear hug of the desperate variety. "I'll have to learn, and...what if I'm not fast enough…?"

I wasn't sure what had gotten him so rattled, but it was beginning to have _me_ worried. Giving him a soft, reassuring kiss, I murmured, "We have a large support network. If ever you're overwhelmed or we need a break or whatever, the others will be more than happy to step in. There's nothing wrong with that." I drew back just enough to study his face, smiling in the hopes it would cheer him up. "Besides, you're Super Learner. You know so much. And the fact you don't want to repeat your parents' mistakes means you're paying attention."

Despite my efforts, Rowen still sounded broken up about the issue. "What if I can't help it? What if...what if I revert to _him_."

Whatever it was perpetuating his fears, Strata flatly refused to let Dawn probe deeper in order to find the root. I pulled him into my embrace, cradling his tense body in my arms and fervently hoping I could reach him. "It'll work out, I promise. I'm right here with you. You are not your father."

Apparently, I'd missed the point again. "What if I _become_ him?"

This time we separated so I could put both hands on his cheeks, gazing as deeply into his eyes as we both liked to stare into space. "You _won't_. You won't let that happen and I sure as Hell won't, either." I paused to let that sink in, brushing a thumb against his skin. "I love you."

And Strata broke. The sense of power that had been thrumming protectively just below the skin drained away. Relief flooded his eyes; his kiss was the most needy and overpowering thing I'd felt in a long time. When we parted—just enough to speak and for air—my stomach flip-flopped at the mischievous, steamy light in his eyes. "And I love you." A smirk to match his eyes curved his lips.

"Now, what can we do about these PJs…"

—/—

 _'Do you still want dinner or have you filled up on cupcakes?'_

I laughed and showed Sage Cye's message. Thankfully I could keep my tone down in public— the bookstore might not be a library, but it was still fairly quiet.

Sage pulled out his phone, me looking over his arm as he typed out, _'If I can drag her away from the tarot decks.'_

It didn't take more than a minute for me to send Cye my own message. _'And I can drag *him* away from the tea.'_

I had nearly put my phone away before it buzzed again. _'That was confusing to read out of order.'_

Sage snorted and typed out his own reply while I said, _'Ask Tessa if she wants chocolate while we're here.'_

 _'One, you two need to stop looking over each others' shoulders, two, I still need an answer, and three, yes she does.'_

Another window popped up; Ryo's. _'Why don't we all just use group text by now?'_

 _'Cause this is more fun lol'_ I replied— to Cye.

I could just imagine the glare all of them were giving to my text. Not five minutes later a group conversation popped up with Rowen as the first message. _'If we're honest, we weren't separate much on this trip and usually it's not two groups isolated'_

Exasperation was apparently communicable in text. Cye was, once again, back to typing. _'If you still want dinner what do you want?'_

I looked up at my boyfriend, a few facial expressions all it took to settle the debate we'd had way too much. _'Both of us are good with Indian? Or Chinese, if Kento's not sick of the Westernized stuff right now lol'_

 _'Hey, it tastes good even if it's not Chinese!'_

 _'Your usuals?'_ Cye asked, ever the caretaker.

Another set of quick glances between Sage and I and he was replying. _'Yes, thank you'_

We put our phones away and grabbed Tessa's chocolate, heading to the cash with a few books and me _insisting_ on paying for my own. Normally I would appreciate it, but I had barely bought anything for myself since he'd arrived in September and while my savings had grown tremendously, I had certain levels of pride.

The bus ride home involved me holding onto Sage and him holding onto the grip above his head and out of my reach. Driving downtown was basically impossible, meaning we were in our own little world among strangers in public transport. I couldn't tell if anybody recognized us from the trial with my face buried in Sage's shoulder, and I preferred it that way.

He held my hand a little tighter on the walk back to my apartment, just like he had been all day. I leaned into his side in case it was nerves I hadn't enjoyed the outing— walking along the Village even though we looked like a heterosexual couple, simply because I felt safer there being bi; cupcakes I could basically always eat no matter how hungry I was; comic books; the mall nearby, with its bookstore and most of my favourite places— as reassurance I very much had.

My train of thought must've filtered through Dusk. He pulled me closer, arm going around my waist. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"That is an understatement," I murmured. "Arigato."

"Iie, tondemo arimasen."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Would you be saying that had I let you pay for the books?"

The twinkle in his eye made me melt. "You know me. I likely would've anyway."

Despite blushing, I still rolled my eyes. "Yes, yes I do, and you're incorrigible."

He let me go to open the doors to the apartment— the FOB keyless entry had been one of the main selling features of this building, with another layer of security between me and potential trouble— and after getting the mail we went back up to my apartment.

The guys told us the food would take another twenty minutes from the size of the order, along with the predictable joke that we needed to get a relative truckload of it considering Kento and Rowen. Tessa decided to risk spicier food, and even then she still took the blandest dishes on the menu— not like that was any different than normal, for how she hated spice. Whenever I wondered how we were related in that regard, she pointed out how we were normally opposites. I just had a hard time understanding how anybody _couldn't_ like spice. Meanwhile _she_ wondered how anybody could like the burn that came along with it. Sage, Ryo, and I just shook our heads at her.

The teasing hid how relieved I was, though. Nether Spirits had stopped hovering with the end of the trial, and her nausea seemed to settle down in tandem. Anything that made her life easier right now was a blessing. I was almost surprised Balance hadn't formed under the surface, just so we could better protect each other.

As per usual, I was curled up against Sage's side— if only to give the rest of the boys more room on the couch. After dinner we all stayed where we were, plates scattered around on various side tables, not one of us wanting to move and the whole concept of _relaxing_ a welcome relief.

I stretched my neck to kiss his jaw, an unusual coolness to his skin. "Merci, mon ange. Today was wonderful."

He turned his head to the side, a glint in his eyes I'd seen before, but seemed to take on a new shine. "It's not quite over yet."

I blinked at him. He shifted on the couch to face me, holding my hands. Nobody else spoke while he did— the tv was even muted. "It has been four years since we trusted each other enough to try our hands at love, to try and do what neither of us had ever thought possible. Four and a half years ago you trusted me enough to let me carry you out of your mother's clutches, even though you were scared of me, and now you have let me carry you again through another heartache— ending in you being free from her. I could not be more grateful to have you in my life, that you have _let_ me in your life, and I hope to stay in it for the rest of our days.

"Kekkon shite kurenai kana?"

He waited while I tried to parse _very_ unfamiliar Japanese; after a few moments he touched my knee to get my attention before sliding off the couch, one knee up, and pulling out a small box from his trouser pocket. "I wonder if you would give me a wedding?"

The phrase refused to register. I blinked at him, breath half caught. I hated not being able to figure things out, only my trust in him and his ability to read Dusk's silent prompt keeping my anxiety in check.

He laughed softly and shook his head, flicking the box open. "Would you give me the privilege of marrying you?"

I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands, absolutely transfixed by the ring he now held out to me. The gems were set in an infinity symbol, one side filled with an emerald— like Halo— and the other with an amethyst— like Dusk. Two armours joined by a golden figure eight that left them separate but always together. Always interconnected.

I was nodding before I found my voice. "Yes. Yes of _course_."

He _smiled_ and put the ring on, both of our hands shaking but thankfully he had the dexterity to get the size three ring on the appropriate finger. I stood as he did, just to mirror, him holding my hands.

I pulled one out of his grip and lifted it up, as _if_ I was going to show it to everyone else. _'You know I'm going to kiss you for that.'_

He preemptively leaned in. _'I was completely expecting it.'_

My hand snapped up to cup the back of his neck, yanking him down to meet my lips. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me so close I lost my footing, my previously free hand now gripping his shirt for balance.

I could barely hear the whistling and cheers behind me.

Sage tried to pull away after a single kiss, but I brought him back for another. _'You, mon ange, are too damn proper for your own good.'_

His mental laugh rippled like the bamboo flute he so loved to play. _'I will concede the point.'_

We finally parted, him letting me stand on my own but barely, foreheads rested together and his arms still in a vice grip around my back. I slid my hand down to his shoulder just to get another good look at the ring now that I wasn't about to cry. The gems twinkled in the light, teardrop stones held in place by prongs shaped like hearts. "It's beautiful."

He placed his hand on mine, glancing at the ring before turning his attention back to me. "It had to match its wearer."

I blushed bright red and buried my face in his shoulder, trying not to burst out laughing. _'You're_ still _terrible.'_

He rested his jaw against my hair, holding me as close as possible and voice too soft to even be teasing. _'You've only been saying that since we met.'_

My sister pushed her way through the gathering crowd, worming her way in for a hug. "Sure took the Hero of Time long enough to get his princess," she said to the both of us, jab at Sage not gone unnoticed.

I rolled my eyes and hugged her back. "I thought you'd dropped that joke." Although I had to admit, Sage's resemblance to Link was more than a little uncanny and clearly pointed to the both of us having a type. There was a reason the joke had gone on for years.

She laughed. Loudly. "Never a bad time to revive that one." The devilish glint in her eyes softened when she nodded at my ring. "Gorgeous, isn't it?"

I pulled away, frowning in a good natured glare at her. She hadn't even gotten a good look at that ring, despite my left hand being towards the group. "Don't tell me you _knew_."

She turned sheepish. "Sage showed it to me when he got off the plane."

Kento took advantage of the silence as I processed what had gone on behind my back; he clasped my now-fiancé on the shoulder, yanking him in for a bear hug. "About damn time, bro!"

I looked up at Sage as he pulled away, one eyebrow up in accusation. "How many people knew you were going to propose on this trip?"

He blushed and gestured to the room around us. "Them, of course… and your father, the rest of Tessa's family… and my family…"

Tessa made life infinitely worse for the boys with her incredibly teasing, "Yeah, they've only been _betting_ on when since he _bought_ the ring."

Rowen gave his wife quite the look of betrayal in response.

I sighed, utterly deflating but far too amused to truly be upset. "I should have known you'd have _bets_ , considering how we got together…"

Her expression turned apologetic, despite her amusement at this whole situation still shining through. She slung an arm around my shoulders. "C'mon, let's face it. If 'oblivious' were a hashtag, sis, you'd be the poster child."

Sage shook his head at me. "I'm sorry, Tōgei, but you truly are."

I rolled my eyes, resigned to my fate. "Yeah, yeah, I know… why do you think I'm not surprised at the bets?"

Before I could say anything else, Rowen interjected. "To your credit, _she_ didn't notice when I was going to propose, either."

That got him _quite_ the glare. He diffused it with a tap on her nose.

I looked over at the guys, lopsided smile growing. "Who won?"

Everyone else pointed straight to my brother in law, grinning in the middle of the room. Tessa confirmed, "Rowen. Naturally."

Ryo cuffed him on the shoulder. "He forced us all to give bets first so we couldn't copy him."

If Rowen was anything, it was smug about his intelligence. "Wanted to ride on my coattails."

"And this is why I don't play you in _igo_ ," my sister said, going up to him and standing on her toes to even have a chance at reaching his lips for a kiss; the affection softened the jab at his ego.

Sage sat back down on the couch, pulling me with him. He found my left hand, kissing the knuckles under both rings I now wore, before wrapping his arms around me with a grip still intact. I tipped my head up so he could more easily nuzzle and kiss under my eye, then my forehead, the bridge of my nose—

"Get a room, you two," Kento said, interrupting the moment. "You're gonna kill me from all the cute."

I was sure Sage and I had matching raised eyebrow expressions leveled towards him. Before either of us could retort something about how Kento should talk for all he cuddled with his girlfriend, Rowen came up with his phone. The video of our engagement conveniently lasted right up till the kisses and the reveal of the bet. Once it had stopped rolling, he asked, "Mind if I put it on Facebook?"

I sat up as straight as I could in Sage's arms. "Let me change my relationship status first!"

We had learned the hard way what happened when pictures and video went up before the relationship change— Tessa and Rowen had been absolutely flooded with well wishes before they'd logged on, resulting in quite the overwhelmed rush of replying. The worst part was it had been my fault, me being the videographer and a little too eager to reveal that moment to our friends.

Sage shook his head as I pulled up the app. "Make sure my parents can't see it— I'm sure Ojiisama would be unhappy about the spectacle of affection. Or the _translation_ …"

I snuggled into him and squeezed his hand. His grandfather, like my mother and stepfather, erred on the side of never displaying affection in public. My mother had gone on very long rants about how she wasn't homophobic because she hated all public displays of affection equally. It meant we were _normally_ a reserved couple, sticking to the sweeter side, but this was too joyous an occasion to be reserved.

During the expected flood of comments as people noticed our relationship change, I got a notification I had been tagged. Despite knowing exactly what it was, compulsion won out and I checked it.

The caption of the video, however, made me pause.

'Even smooth-talking Seiji got tongue-tied. Took him long enough! Of course I won the bet on when :P'

I slowly turned my head towards Rowen, staring at him a moment before launching into a tickle fight. He overpowered me after just a few passes, his over six foot build enough to pin down even squirmy little me. Everyone, _including_ my sister, watched as I laughed helplessly, me registering some comment that she would've helped if she wasn't still in her first trimester and didn't want to upset anything.

Before I got completely breathless from laughter, Sage shoved Rowen off me with a smirk, very patiently holding him in place while Rowen got a taste of his own medicine.

—

We went to bed early that night, all of us, the rush of winning turning into a desperate need for sleep. Before I could do anything, however, Sage took my hands. "Would you believe I have one more surprise?"

I gaped at him, shoulders dropping in exasperation. "It's you. Of _course_ you have one more surprise."

He grinned and went to his suitcase, pulling out a second ring box. He opened it before turning to face me, revealing a men's ring inside. "Would you do the honours?"

I swallowed, emotions already intense and only getting stronger. My vision blurred as I slipped the gold band on his finger, my thumb running over the engraved infinity symbol, two tiny gemstones to match my ring set inside it.

He laced our fingers together, pulling me against him with his free hand on my lower back. "I thought… the both of us would feel better, if I had a ring."

I looked up at him, one hand on his shoulder like we were in a ballroom frame. "You were right, for me, at least."

He kissed me so softly I could only melt, could only take the love he was giving me. The sheer thoughtfulness of my traditional fiancé breaking tradition, of his rebellious streak applying to this situation, just to make me feel safer— to ease the voices he knew lived in my mind, constantly whispering he'd find somebody in Japan with how much distance was between us. Now everyone would know he was taken, he was _mine_ , and he was just as committed as I was.

We parted, his hand now on the back of my neck and both of mine on his shoulders. He gave me one more, even sweeter, before whispering, "Do you want a massage?"

I temporarily forgot to speak from the light in his eyes and relaxed smile on his lips, an expression I had so rarely seen but loved so much. Despite the number of thoughts swirling along the lines of _how can there be_ more _you've already given me the world_ , my tongue only wrapped around a single word. "Please."

He left the room to get my massage bar while I took my shirt off and lay under my throw blanket to not get cold. He returned and sat next to me on the bed, moving my hair before away before kissing my cheek. "It was nice to see you smile, again."

I turned my head and smiled at him. "I could say the same for you."

He pulled down the covers and kissed the back of my neck, hand going up and down my spine to see where he would need to focus. He put music on shortly after, the soft melodies an appropriate backdrop for intimacy that walked the line between sexual and sensual. The bar went up and down my back before he began the massage, making it easier for him to work on a layer of shea butter.

And I thought I had been relaxed _before_.

His hands practically made me melt into the mattress, exhales deep and eyes slipping closed from sheer pleasure. Halo flowed along my muscles with his movements, helping him undo knots in ways no one else could. I could only try not to moan from the long overdue relief, the long overdue feeling of safety that came when it was just Sage and I enjoying each other without ignoring something more pressing. I couldn't remember the last time we'd been able to do this.

One eye opened, catching a rare glimpse of my boyf— fiancé looking at me when he didn't think I was. My breath caught upon what I saw.

His hair fell over his face, strands barely obscuring the absolutely adoring sheen in his violet eyes. They'd changed colour in the dim light, turning deeper and bluer. His lips were softly parted in a subtle, utterly gentle smile, adoration in every line I could see.

He noticed the change in my breathing. His gaze flicked up to meet mine, smile growing once he realized I'd seen. I closed my eyes for him to kiss my cheek, turning my torso oh so slightly so he could catch my lips.

Halo went deeper into my soul, Sage's hands pressing into my muscles and easing me back down. "I am extraordinarily proud of you."

I laughed softly. "For what?"

"Everything." He kissed my temple, going to massage my deltoids. "The trial, your weight gain, accepting… me."

I turned beet red and sheepish, hiding my face and hoping my blush didn't creep down my back. "How could I not accept somebody who loves me so much?"

As if to prove my point, Halo simply flooded me with that very feeling. I felt weightless, at peace with everything around me. I only hoped Dusk did the same for him, reciprocated the intensity of love and adoration he gave. It had been rocky, between long distance and both of us having to learn how to exist together. I swore we'd reassured each other we still wanted to keep trying every few weeks, at first. Now we hardly ever did— thank god— but it was still a fear, still a point that flared up when we were stressed. I'd tried to grow used to it, telling myself it was a natural part of relationships, but it was hard not to feel guilty. It helped he felt the same.

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "That's why I'm proud of you for letting me in your life."

I reached up— carefully so as not to show my front— to brush the hair out of his eyes. "And that's why I'm proud of you."

His smile gained a mischievous edge, voice a whisper. "Shame we have to wait for this to dry before I can _properly_ kiss you."

I smirked. "We _are_ engaged… if you want, I can turn over…" I swallowed down still-present nerves. "But only if you want."

He glanced down at my shoulder, stroking my back absently. "One of the reasons I slept beside you, this trip, was because I knew we'd get engaged. I felt comfortable… taking this farther, physically."

I blushed, tipping my head down. "What were the others?"

He brushed a few stray strands of hair away from my face with the back of his fingers. "I knew you'd want me. And, maybe… I wanted you, too."

"I did." I shifted, lifting myself up to turn oh so slightly. " _Do_ … you…?"

He kept his hand on the side of my head and slowly nodded, breath catching as I pushed myself up, arm still hiding my chest.

Only for the mood to be _completely_ broken by 'It's Not Unusual' playing from his iPod not a half second later, sending me collapsing back against the bed in laughter.

Sage groaned and paused the music, background noise replaced with howling from everyone else in the apartment.

I covered my head with my arms, chuckles subsiding. "I am going to _kill_ Rowen!"

It _had_ to have been him, the song choice not having gone unnoticed. The only thing that would've made it more obviously Rowen's handiwork was him inserting 'What's New Pussycat' somewhere in the playlist, but that wouldn't have been the exact parallel for one of our favourite sketch comedy bits— the Salt and Pepper Diner by John Mulaney. I pushed myself up slightly, to better turn and look at Sage. "It's the eighth song, isn't it?"

"Yes." He scrolled through his playlist, thumb flicking the screen in an obvious 'delete' motion. "Must be payback for that tickle fight. It was _not_ there this morning."

I raised an eyebrow. "How long've you been planning this?"

He smirked. "Since before I arrived."

I went back on the bed, blushing profusely and hiding my face with my arms. "You spoil me."

He found my left hand again, pulling it away from my hair and kissing the back. "So do you."

I turned my head to smile at him. "Still want me to turn over?"

"No." The sadness at being interrupted, something that often upset Sage far more than me, was replaced with a twinkle in his eye. "I'd rather plan how to pay him back."

I laughed softly so the others wouldn't hear, grabbing my still-in-reach bra. "Sounds good to me."

—

The next morning had us waiting for Rowen to get up, everyone else watching tv. At Strata's wakefulness from the master bedroom, Sage spoke up.

"Anyone want tea?"

I was an incredibly good actress. Despite the absolutely _wicked_ mirth bubbling up in my throat, I simply said, "Sure. Kinda leaning chai."

He kissed my forehead before getting up to boil the water, even Cye relenting kitchen duties for Sage's tea. Ojiisama had taught him traditional techniques as a child, skills Sage had honed over the years. He set the kettle— yet another present, one that would allow him the level of temperature control he needed for the best results— and came back in the room.

Rowen emerged a few moments later, rubbing sleep from his eyes. I grinned at him. "Caught up on sleep, or did you go night owl again?"

He rolled his eyes. "Just cause Sage's schedule has rubbed off on you doesn't mean _you_ have any room to comment on how late I stay up."

I laughed to hide my warming cheeks. "You've got me, there."

Sage's arm tightened around my shoulders, his amusement clear. "She's still sound asleep when I wake up, if that's what you're wondering."

I shook my head. "It's a good thing Tessa got Dawn. If you hadn't noticed…"

She snorted. "I don't like waking up as much as you do."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "Says the military girl."

Rowen officially decided he wasn't awake enough for this. He waved us off in dismissal, but the conversation had done its job. Sage and I shared an internal smirk as the kettle clicked _right_ when Rowen was getting milk from the fridge.

After a quickly murmured, "Which _exact_ tea do you want?" and my equally quiet answer of my favourite spicy blend, Sage was up and walking into the kitchen right when Rowen had a glass to his lips.

Everyone else knew something was up when they noticed me follow Sage a few paces behind. Everyone, that was, except a still half asleep Rowen. He moved to the side to let my fiancé pass, only to find a hand around his wrist and the glass jerking down in a single swift motion.

Sage released Rowen and splashed him in the face without even breaking stride.

Everyone paused in pure shock, general pandemonium of asking what just happened— including Rowen sputtering and glaring. Tessa's jaw dropped before she went to help her husband clean up, me grabbing a towel I'd gotten Sage to put by the kitchen door for the sole purpose of tossing at Rowen.

"Need some help, there?" I said with a grin, towel hitting him in the chest.

 _Now_ the others burst out into unbridled laughter, the shock of quiet, reserved, unfailingly _proper_ Sage pulling such a good prank wearing off; my fiancé himself leaned against the counter and smirked over his mug at the sight.

Even Tessa had to laugh at that, much to Rowen's displeasure.

I winked, grin still unfailing. "Payback."

Eventually Rowen softened, quiet chuckle coming out. "Guess I asked for that, didn't I?"

I nodded. Sage put his mug down. "It was her idea."

Rowen looked between the two of us and shook his head. "Is it too late to get you to break up?"

I lifted my hand and gave a meaningful glance to the ring on my finger. "I'd say yes."

The laughter eventually died down and I wiped the spilled milk while Rowen went to have a shower. There was a mug of steaming coffee on the counter waiting for him as he got out, a token of apology he noticed. Rowen was adding sugar to it when I slipped by to put my mug with the other dirty dishes.

"Thanks for this," he said softly, stirring the coffee. He gave me a wicked smile. "But I'm still going to get you back for that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Prank and counterprank. What's there to pay back?"

He snorted. "Sage pinning me?"

I crossed my arms. "For _you_ making that jab on facebook!"

Long suffering Ryo piped up from the living room. "How about you two stop keeping score and just admit you've both gotten the other plenty?"

"They're Libras," my sister replied. "What do you expect?"

I sighed at all the empathetic poking, finally sticking my hand out. "Truce?"

He clasped it. "Truce."

 _'Sides,'_ I added mentally, just to him. _'I'm gonna want your help catching the look on Sage's face for_ my _surprise.'_

Rowen internally grinned. _'I thought you'd_ never _ask.'_

* * *

 **Translations**

 _Iie, tondemo arimasen_ : No, I don't deserve it [your thanks]. Less formal than "iie, tondemonai desu" seen in FDD (as Sage is more relaxed around Alexa, now).


	8. Chapter 8

Yet again, sorry about the day-late update... lol Life is kinda crazy right now. Enjoy~!

 **Warnings:** Parental abuse and abandonment

* * *

My friend hadn't been kidding when she said I would want help getting the news stories. They'd arrived and dropped off a packing box's worth of them, sometimes whole sections saved because the story of the day had simply been that long.

Kento's eyes widened when he saw Sage come in with it. "Uh, need some help there?"

I shook my head. "He's got it. You're not the only strongman around here."

He stuck his tongue out at my wink.

Cye shook his head. "Do you want to look over them here, or alone?"

Sage had already put the stories in our room. "Alone…"

Everybody seemed to accept that meant 'with Sage only' as I joined him and closed the door. The box was already open, city section resting on top. A composite drawing of me and Tessa hugging at 'guilty' and a mercifully triumphant headline filled the page— _"A Win for Abuse Victims Everywhere"_.

I curled up into Sage and tried not to cry; his arms went around me, gently pulling me against him and stroking my back to sooth me. _'The media saw it, too.'_

 _'Thank God…'_

I mostly focused on the pictures and headlines, first, wanting to get the broadest sense possible of the case. I paused a few too many times for the defence's stories, none of us having heard anything from it.

I looked over one particularly damning headline: _'Defence Seems to Purposely Ignore Evidence'_. "They painted Rupert as a snake."

Sage snorted. "He was."

" _They_ saw it…"

He kissed my temple, squeezing me. I exhaled and wiped my eyes, almost overwhelmed at the validation. I didn't know if this source was purposely chosen for its sympathy towards me, or if all news sources had been like this. Either way, I didn't care. It was validation and it reminded me why I had gone through with the trial, as the rush of exhilaration died down and I simply felt empty, now that I had time to process what had been going on. I couldn't tell if I was processing the past eight weeks, or the past four years.

I paused when I reached near the end of the prosecution's side. I lifted up the page and pulled it in our collective laps, fingers going over the illustration. The headline talked about underhanded tactics, the word 'revictimization' in my peripheral. However, I focused on the image taking up a third of the page; the next day's news after my breakdown.

Even on newsprint, the artist's rendition of the scene was beautiful. Whoever had done it had captured desperation, from my hands tangled in Sage's hair and gripping his suit to him squeezing me so tightly— if I looked closely, I could see the thinnest line of shine along his lashes. In the background was the sword, hidden part way behind Sage's body. My face was too buried in his shoulder to capture my expression, which I suppose had been the point of how he'd held me.

Protected me.

Sage turned my head towards him, kissing the bridge of my nose, then my mouth. "I wish I could've challenged him to a duel, for that."

The smallest smile curved my lips. "How many of his bones would you have broken?"

He chuckled softly. "Just his arm." He nuzzled my nose. "So he couldn't hold that blade again."

Now it was my turn to kiss him. "That would require breaking both his arms, I think…"

"So I'd break two." His eyes closed and he tucked me against his neck. "Just enough for you to be _safe_."

My arm wrapped around his chest. "You kept me safe in your arms."

He swallowed. "I wish I could've done more."

Knowing this topic was just going to depress us both, I turned back to look at the picture, albeit still curled up against him. "I think that's the best picture of us we've ever taken." I looked over it again and snorted. "And it's a courtroom sketch."

"It captured emotion." He turned his face towards me, bridge of his nose against my forehead. "How much I love you."

I just snuggled. "I wonder if we could get the original board…"

His smile was in his voice. "Worth asking, I think."

I set that story aside in a different pile before continuing, deciding to brave the prosecution's headlines.

Sage just kept holding me, taking infinite breaks to kiss me deeply. He was here, for now, keeping me safe, loving me in endless amounts. I felt empty, only his presence giving me some semblance of comfort. Both of us were scared of the ever-present departure, and trying to get as much out of what little time we had left. I knew these moods; I knew when I lacked relationship object permanence. I could feel my obsession headache brewing at my temples, despite the rings I wore.

I could keep that all at bay until Cye popped his head in. "Your dinner's packed, Sage."

He inclined his head. "Thank you."

I looked at my phone. It was quarter to five, with the demonstration at eight.

My thrill of joy at my soon-to-be-revealed surprise was thoroughly overwhelmed with the stomach dropping thought we'd be apart until he was finished.

Cye closed the door, leaving us alone. Almost the minute it latched shut, Sage swept me up in a kiss so intense I lost my breath.

He barely pulled away. "Do you want me to leave Halo?"

I shook my head. "It's best you keep it. It'll just… I should get used to…"

His lips met mine again. "You don't have to get used to it yet."

I threaded a hand through his hair. "You need it more than I do. It helps focus you. I won't be able to take it where I'm going."

He pulled me even closer. "Promise?"

"I promise."

He sighed. "I will try not to be upset if you lied."

I kissed him and held him, trying to impress that I did believe he existed, or at least was going to hold onto that thought with all I had in me.

He broke the kiss and took my left hand, interlacing our fingers together so our rings lined up. "Remember we're both wearing one of these."

"I'll try."

He squeezed my hand and got up to gather his gear, not looking at me still sitting on the bed. If he did, both of us knew he'd be late. And while he had plenty of time, he'd need it all to get in his proper mindset after this afternoon. It didn't help the demonstration was in Quebec, half an hour away.

One more peck on the forehead and he left, me now alone.

I stayed where I was, not wanting to intrude on anything in the rest of the apartment. With the trial over, everyone was catching up on their own lives they were about to return to. Ryo was talking to Luna now that they were in the same timezone, Cye and Kento were composing emails to their girlfriends, and the remaining two individuals were wrapped up in each other. Even Ryo would be going back to someone, with how long he'd been away from White Blaze.

I hadn't realized just _quite_ how lonely I'd been on this trip until now, with everyone having at least one person to share their stories with and me too tired to fight the voices in my head, the ones now filling me up despite my promise to Sage. Normally I would reach out to my sister, but she was a little occupied with her own life and growing family. Part of me wanted to think about the future, but the door to my past had been closed too recently and the thought of them all leaving on Monday hurt— Sage and I separated, just after getting engaged, and I had no clue when I'd be able to see him again.

I kept tracing over the infinity symbol, a reminder of what we had. Togetherness. Even when he was in Japan I could still sense Halo; he could still sense Dusk. We now had a wedding to plan, something that would give us an excuse. The stress of everything was getting to me, however, insisting on posing the question 'what happens when there are no events left? Will you still love each other?'

At this rate I'd need Ativan _and_ Halo to sleep through the night, tomorrow.

Dawn reached out to me before Tessa came into the room, sitting beside me on the bed. I'd already cleared off the news stories, tired of them now that they were my only company; they sat back in their box, minus the only picture I liked. I barely looked up from my laptop to greet her, not particularly in the mood to talk no matter _how_ excited I was to surprise Sage in just a few hours.

She waited a few moments for me to speak. When I didn't, she quietly asked, "Do you need a hug?"

I shrugged one shoulder. "Wouldn't hurt."

She wrapped her arms around me, leaning back on the bed so we were against the pillows I'd propped up to give myself room while I lounged. I hesitated to return the affection, my own barriers having gone back up as my brain constantly reminded me she would leave along with everyone else, before I realized just how much I needed her there. The dam broke and I clung to her, tears pushing their way out.

Her grip tightened once she sensed what was wrong; her voice was quiet enough I suspected she was choked up, as well. "You'll be alright."

Her stroking my hair just brought out more emotion. "I don't want you to leave."

She sounded just as broken up as I did. "I understand."

I sniffed, gripping her shirt tighter. "We barely even got to _visit_ it's just been the trial nonstop."

"There _will_ be a next time. And if I have anything to say about it, it'll be sooner rather than later," she said fiercely, protectiveness roaring to the surface. She hesitated half a breath before adding, "I've…been feeling kind of the same, too."

I glanced down at her growing belly, forcing my attention to go elsewhere but still voicing the obsession. "You'll be busy, soon…"

She cracked a tired smile. "All the more excuse to take a break and come see you."

Her teasing tone drew watery laughter, but my obsession still wouldn't let go. "What about when there stops being an excuse?"

She looked at me out of the corner of her eye, smirking. "Considering you'll have Auntie duties at some point, I don't think that'll be a problem."

I swallowed, anxiety only getting stronger as this kept pressing on nerves, uncertainty about the future showing up loud and clear. "I'll— be planning a wedding and moving and adjusting and maybe having my _own_ kids and I don't know when I'll have time to be an aunt."

She pulled back, hands still on my arms, to look at me directly. "Whoa, slow down. That's not all happening in the next year, just yet. You have time. We'll still be able to visit. It's important to us both—we'll make the time for it." She paused and tilted her head to the side, small smile growing. "And I just had a similar conversation with Rowen about being a parent. I'll say the same thing: even if you and-or Sage both feel overwhelmed at any point, _you have us_. We're all here to support you two, just like you have supported and will support us. None of us are in this alone. Even if we're physically separated until you and Sage get married."

I cast my eyes down to hide my trembling lip. Another obsession, one that had been slowly rising and I'd combated by clinging to my fiancé, but now he wasn't here and the voices he normally helped dispel could take over. One I hadn't even realized was there. "What if I lose touch with Sage?"

She understood I meant divorce him almost immediately. She pulled me close again, sadness obvious in her tone. "It'll work out. You'll be alright." She softened, stroking my arm to try and calm me down. "If you have any doubt, just read Halo. Sage _loves you_ , Alexa. If you're not happy in Japan he would move the world to change that."

All that did was trigger a wave of guilt he might _have_ to move the world for me, my internal mixtapes too familiar and my mind too weak to change the track. I teared up again. "I've always been told I shouldn't have a relationship because I'm not 'the type' and yes I _know_ that's Mom's voice and I know it's wrong and I believed it was wrong for awhile, but now that we're _engaged_ it came back. I don't want him to go through reassuring me he loves me all over again…"

She hushed me, rocking back and forth. "It's not your fault. We'll tell you as many times as we have to to silence her voice."

"It wasn't just relationships," I murmured, curling up into her more. "It was specifically I should never get married. Because they'll grow to resent me. And I know it worked out but I felt the tension rise between you and Rowen when you were planning _your_ wedding and what if the same happens but he can't tolerate me when I'm like that?"

"Oh, Alexa…" She squeezed me tighter, wrapping me in her body. "I've said it before—Sage has the patience of a Bushi warrior. And he has promised he will be with you." She pulled back and held my left hand, smiling gently. "There's a reason rings have become the symbols they are. Sage does not make commitments lightly. Yes, marriage is rough at times. My and Rowen's first year was like that—it's a big change, yes. But it can be done. And we're _here_ for you the whole time. People can do much more together than alone."

My mind refused to register what she was saying. "He always seems to make commitments so _easily_ with me. I'm the one hesitating every time…"

Her hands went to my shoulders. "It's not your fault."

I knew this was triggers. I knew she was right, I knew this was just our mother's voice in my head, but the more I poked at this the more it was flooding out, the more I realized just how much I had hidden in the name of trying to survive. "It can still let him down. Four years of this trial and he spent most of his time waiting for me and you should have seen how rocky we were at first, and I'm almost positive it's going to go back to that way, and he'll have to treat me like glass again, and what if _this time_ it's too much?"

She pulled me back against her, Dawn trying to use every spare ounce of energy to radiate that it would be alright. To make Dusk believe it. I tried to absorb it, only for a half sob to come out. "I'm going to miss him so much."

She squeezed me and rubbed my back. "I understand."

Now my emotions were flowing out, bitterness making itself known. "I wish I could fly as easily as you and Rowen can."

" _I_ believe you can." Her desperation bled through; she paused to let me speak, but continued when I didn't. "And even when you can't I am totally okay with turning into the Orbital Express to bring Sage to see you." It seemed to dawn on her that she was pregnant and should _not_ be doing that. "Or Rowen."

More obsessions; a knot in my stomach was forming, one of pure anxiety that I could not talk myself out of. "I just… keep pulling him away from his own life…"

Predictably, she got exasperated at _this_ particular obsession, never understanding quite how it could manifest so strongly every time. She pulled back, expression reflecting her disbelief. A moment later she lifted up my left hand. "You see this?"

I nodded, knowing where this was going.

"What does it mean?"

I forced my voice to form around these words, if only to physically hear them come out of my mouth. "Shared lives…"

She softened, glad to have reached me. "Right. In...the way I see it. Though it may _sound_ a bit archaic, but… His life is not his own, anymore. _You_ are his life. Just as he is yours. You're not pulling him away from _anything_." She smiled, more caught up in the romance than I was. "If anything, you're leading him toward something—or the two of you are walking side-by-side to the same thing."

I apparently needed the reminder; my reaction was to burst into tears. She held me against her and I heard her sniffing even as Dawn wrapped me in warmth, a feeling I had missed so much and had avoided asking for, because so much of her energy— and if I was honest, Dusk's energy, as well— was going into her pregnancy. I just hoped she wouldn't get angry at me as I voiced another concern that I thought had been smoothed down. "I was never _allowed_ to share my life with anyone and I didn't even start till I met you and…"

She quieted, putting the pieces together. "You're afraid of losing _me_."

Before I could nod, she hugged me as tightly as she could, Dawn radiating that it was alright, she wasn't going anywhere. I just burrowed into her as much as possible, clinging. "I don't want to lose _either_ of you."

She pressed her face into my neck. "You won't. I promise."

We stayed like that for awhile. Slowly I was able to believe it, some semblance of relationship object permanence shoring up. Once she sensed I was alright, again, she pulled back and _smirked_. "Now c'mon—let's go turn the tables on Sensei Tall Blond and Handsome fiancé, there."

I laughed, wiping the last of the salt from my eyes. It still boggled my mind how I'd manage to keep _this_ a secret. "I can't _wait_ to see the look on his face."

She matched my tone and agreed, us finally leaving to join the rest of the guys for dinner. I was glad we ate it on the couch— not like I had room _or_ need for a table— but the distractions and background noise helped me eat when I didn't want to. Even though my obsessions had eased up to the point I was hungry, I was still sad they were leaving and depression was beginning to rear its ugly head. All of that added up to food not being easily consumable.

We piled into the rental van and headed off towards the venue. I told Sage I had a work function to attend, feeling more than a little mean for not softening his disappointment at me getting to see him live. I tried to comfort myself with imagining the look on his face— one I was now only mere minutes away from seeing.

We all grabbed our tickets, Kento looking between the number on mine and theirs. "Man, those look far apart."

I chuckled. "Just wait till you get in the room."

True to form, the tables had no order _what so ever_ and we ended up sitting relatively close together and wonderfully near the front. I left my jacket there and hopped out, a quick glance to Rowen letting him know I was about to set my plan into action.

The next trick would be _finding_ my fiancé in this knot of people. Just before I was about to ask Rowen to tell Sage the guys wanted to see him before the start, I spotted Kaori darting around as she waited. I called her name, causing her to jump slightly at the sudden interruption. When she saw me, however, she _grinned_ and skipped over.

"Sage said you wouldn't come!"

I laughed. "Yes, well, I had planned a surprise for him."

She glanced down at my left hand. "Making up for the surprise proposal?"

I paused, Rowen hiding laughter with a cough. It was basically impossible not to glare. " _You_ knew, too?"

She nodded. Vigorously. "He's been planning it for over a year. He asked me if the ring design would fit on your hand."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, muttering a string of pseudo-profanities, all of them boiling down to 'I'm going to kill him'. When I got my voice back— and Rowen stopped trying not to choke on his own tongue from laughing— I looked back at her. "Yes!"

"I'll go get him," she said, _far_ too chipper at being involved in yet another evil plan. She disappeared to the back in moments.

I shook my head and turned towards Rowen. "Do I even _want_ to know how many people he told?"

He coughed again, chuckles finally escaping. "Probably not."

"Basically, 'everybody _but_ me'?"

He nodded.

I rolled my eyes and turned away, focusing on the door Kaori had vanished behind. Rowen pulled out his phone, him able to sense Sage while I was very carefully hiding my signature from Halo. My fiancé emerged from the door, already in his gi, dutifully following his little shadow. I didn't know what she'd told him, but he kept his eyes cast down until he was just a couple of meters away from me.

Which is when he finally noticed I was there, head snapping up and eyes widening. He broke out into a relieved smile and crossed the distance between us in a moment. I jumped into his arms and he spun me, holding me closer than he had on the first surprise of the trip.

"You came."

I pulled back just enough to rest our foreheads together. "I felt a _little_ bad lying about what my work function was, but the look on your face…"

He laughed, kissing me quickly. "Turnabout is fair play, as you would tell me."

I grinned and nodded.

He let me slide down so I was on the ground again, stroking my hair. "Thank you."

I cupped the back of his neck, bringing our foreheads together again. "Couldn't miss this."

"I should've known you wouldn't."

The murmured words revealed just how difficult it had been for him to focus without me there, and I began to see evidence of what Tessa meant— his life was irrevocably twined with mine, and he wasn't the same without me. I nuzzled our noses together in place of a kiss, not quite comfortable enough to give him one in such a crowded space.

"I should go," he said softly. "I don't have much longer to prepare."

I smiled and pulled away. "Just wanted to let you know I was here."

That apparently earned me another very tight hug. He kissed my forehead one last time before he let go and returned to the back room— having completely ignored Rowen.

My brother in law put his phone away and pouted. "Should've taken bets on if he'd notice _me_."

I snorted. "Who would've won?"

He paused as we went back into the ballroom. "Actually, we shouldn't have. I would've bet he'd notice."

Now it was my turn to cough and hide laughter. "You have a reputation to maintain?"

"Yep."

We sat back down and waited for it to start, my table now populated with coworkers. I had a few notice the ring right off the bat, which filled the time before the MC began. Especially as I launched into the story about how he surprised me, and how I just paid him back for it.

The acts ticked through, impressive displays of martial arts as always. I kept glancing back at the brochure for the dojo name, the first of Sage's two appearances.

Finally, it was their turn. The MC took the stage and announced two high ranking students would demonstrate kendo in a sparring match. I noticed he purposely ignored practically everything about Sage, from rank to my fiancé's status in Japan, and instead focused on Kaori, the second _dan_ student who would be doing most of the demonstrating. I had to smile— leave it to Sage to make sure he didn't overshadow anyone in what was supposed to be an even match to showcase the dojo as a whole.

The two of them walked on stage to clapping, each one holding a bokken in their hands. They knelt facing the audience at opposite ends of the stage, wooden blade out in front of them, before Sage nodded towards the DJ to cue the music.

The calm, meditative notes of _Blow Me Away_ by Breaking Benjamin rung out. They each gave the impression of resting in seiza, bowing with their foreheads to the floor, before placing their bokken in their gis with a flourish.

They rose to their feet right as the last slow notes ended, falling into formation as the rock part of the music started. They looked around for danger, eyes landing on each other, before drawing their weapons and beginning to circle.

Even though I had seen this routine before, going to the classes and rehearsals, it still took my breath away to see them perform it live. It was an extremely well practiced routine, with each movement fluid and no hesitation in either of their actions. The only reason I even knew it was a routine was I had seen it before.

They broke apart and turned to face invisible opponents, generating the impression of 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'. The katas morphed together into a ritualized battle, opponents cut down in clinical efficiency. It had some flash that I knew was Kaori's influence, but for the most part it was clean and precise as Sage preferred it. Modern yet traditional— a blend of them both.

They ended with the music, cutting down one final opponent in mirror formation before returning their bokken to their belts with the last two notes.

The crowd erupted in applause.

I tried to make it I wasn't the loudest, and I tried not to flat out _cheer_. It helped I had my own phone out to record and had a few moments occupied by ending the video before I could clap. Sage caught my eye as he walked off stage, smiling at me. A moment later Kaori glomped him with what looked like a squeal. Everyone who could see that— including him— laughed at the exuberance.

"Was that him?" one of my coworkers asked.

I nodded. "He didn't want to be recognized this time. The focus was on Kaori— the girl."

"They were both really good."

I couldn't help but grin in pride.

Intermission had me relaying that message to Kaori. She hopped on the spot and hugged me when I opened my arm slightly as an invitation. I was cautious hugging her back, a mix of honoured that somebody with touch aversion choose to hug me and nervous about making her feel trapped.

She spent the rest of the intermission babbling on about how she and Sage had been practicing last minute and ensuring every last _kiai_ and _fumikomi-ashi_ was perfect in both of his routines. He'd apparently changed his second one— not to my surprise at all, considering he treated each demonstration more seriously than my dance teachers treated recital and we were guaranteed to change things ten times in as many weeks— but she refused to tell me how or why.

Which meant it was likely another surprise. This man would not ever quit.

So long as he didn't make me cry in public, he could do whatever he wanted. I still had a few numbers to find out, anyway, with Sage as the closing act. _That_ demonstration had been billed as a showstopping finale, with a Japanese fifth _dan_ kendo grand champion taking the stage solo to demonstrate a full range of unbridled skill, taught by a now-rare ninth _dan_ grandmaster. Considering kendo only had eight _dan_ levels in its modern incarnation, with ninth only given out in the past or by individual clubs in modern day, that was enough to have everybody excited.

I'd asked Kaori if anybody had recognized him from anything other than the trial's coverage. She had shaken her head no.

After another round of honestly impressive numbers— I could sense the awe from the guys at some of the skill on display through our armours— it was finally time for Sage's solo. The MC took the stage again, going on about how this was the last number of the night, thanking sponsors, and the context of Sage's appearance at the event. I slipped away from the table to get close enough I could record this number without anyone in front of me as he spoke.

"… Outside of training in Japan, our last performer is not a stranger to Ottawa! In fact, he's already taken part in our previous kendo demonstration as the young kendoka's opponent. Please welcome back to the stage, Seiji Date!"

The room went _quiet_ as a familiar figure stepped up, kneeling in the back-centre of the stage exactly as he had before— only this time, his bangs were brushed aside. Sage nodded for the music to start, a hauntingly familiar classical number from rehearsals feeling like it was about to have a whole new meaning, if Halo's radiated emotions were any indication.

Not even a bar in, his eyes snapped open, colour so intense it even made _me_ pause.

By the time he stood, his katana was drawn, sheath comfortably resting in his gi. My eyes fixated on his movements, the two steps he took and sword snaking as if sliding between the blades of invisible opponents and taking one on the flat. Movement of his free hand made my breath catch, his arm a mime of drawing someone back. The form finished with a _kiai_ , his feet firmly planted in a guarding stance.

He was recreating his initial fight with my mother, his stance identical to the one he'd taken when saving me.

There went my plans for not choking up.

He attacked invisible opponents with _ferocity_ , always saving a clear space in the middle which Halo made more than obvious it represented me. This was what he _wanted_ to do to my enemies, cut them down and make it I didn't have to be afraid anymore. The metal of his blade flashed a little too blue more than once, his protective instinct drawing Halo to the surface.

My recording ticked past five minutes by the time he finished, once more in a guard stance, before he mimed flinging blood off his blade. It returned to its sheath, him kneeling behind the blank space he'd been leaving.

I blinked back tears when he offered his hands out to nothing and drew them into his lap, head lowering as he rested with my heart between his palms.

The audience's cheering was lost on me. I ended the recording with the music and went to greet him at the steps, not caring he was drenched in sweat. He was getting a hug _right there_ and nothing about the context would stop me.

He readily returned the affection, his bangs still not back over his eye. "I'd hoped I could perform that routine for you as a true demonstration."

Any reply I could've had was cut off by the MC taking the stage again. "I'm sure Seiji's recent engagement had a say in that number! Congratulations to him and his fiancée Alexa!"

Once again, the room stilled in an awkward limbo— those nearby that recognized me were a mix of supportive and wary; the rest of the room was applauding with abandon.

He leaned our foreheads together, hand cupping the back of my neck. _'I don't think any of them would dare, here.'_

I smiled. _'After seeing what you can do, no.'_ I swallowed, closing my eyes and nuzzling our noses together. _'Merci, mon ange.'_

 _'Ce d'rien.'_

I let go so he and Kaori and half the participants, it felt like, could go on stage via this staircase for pictures. Tessa found me and wrapped an arm around my waist, Dawn poking me as a subtle reminder of our conversation and just how much Sage loved me, for him to create a whole routine built around protecting me when I had been at my weakest.

As we mingled after the event, Sage and I periodically posed for pictures as people wanted to get the kendo grand champion guest and his fiancée; I found myself wishing I'd worn at least _some_ makeup. Thankfully I'd recovered enough my eyes weren't dark all the way around, anymore. Every time he wrapped an arm around my waist— his grip tight, protective, _precious_ , him wanting to both show me off and keep me safe from all harm— each gesture finally made Tessa's words sink in.

We would be just fine.

* * *

 **Translation:**

 _Ce d'rien:_ It's nothing


	9. Chapter 9

In which the ball drops. Enjoy~

 **Warnings:** Abandonment, kidnapping, self-harm

* * *

 _Chapter 9_

Over the course of my writing not-career, I had had many opportunities to name a plethora of people, places, animals, creatures, objects, and more.

But never had I ever had to resort to _Facebook_ to research those names.

Suffice to say, then, that I was _highly_ exasperated with the whole ordeal at this particular moment.

"What about Kurt?" I pushed my lips to one side, tongue half stuck out in thought. "Or maybe Curtis… Goes better with Hashiba."

A quick glance up rewarded me with the image of Rowen standing at the stove in our kitchen, working on a late dinner. He'd turned briefly from the stir fry I'd told him over and over I was craving in order to raise an eyebrow at my comment. "I thought you said it didn't make sense to try most American names with a Japanese last name."

I waved that off absentmindedly, continuing to scroll through my newsfeed. "That was before we'd tried every name in my writing baby name book _and_ the random name generator and developed a list of over thirty we couldn't agree on."

The computer pinged with a notification—someone had commented on a video Rowen had posted. The preview only narrowed it down so much with that qualifier, though. I clicked on it, and found myself rewatching Sage's proposal to my twin.

It was the comment that got me busting out into laughter, however.

 _'Rowen seems to have become your official photographer, Sage.'_

Almost as if someone had been listening to Kento over the armor link while he posted that comment, Ryo was quick to chime in, _'Is there something you're not telling us, you two? ;)'_

Rowen asked me if I was alright, but I could hardly breathe through the laughter when Alexa's reply popped up practically directly afterward. _'If you hadn't noticed my facebook albums are full of videos *Rowen's* asked me to take…'_

And my forehead met the table when an official giggle fit consumed me—thanks to Kento, yet again. _'It's a conspiracy!'_

Finally my husband simply decided to see for himself what was so hilarious. After a few moments to read through the exchange, he also laughed, though not as boisterously.

When I could finally contain my giggles and actually inhale again without immediately exhaling, I propped myself back up in the chair. Rowen's arms slipped around my shoulders, chin lightly resting on my head. Strata did a quick once-over of Dawn—something that had become second-nature by this point—but I flicked him away with brief reassurance.

Nevertheless, less-easily-distracted Rowen dutifully drew me back to our conversation. "You're of course forgetting Japanese naming conventions in that list."

I pouted. "The baby _is_ mixed heritage, y'know. I'd like him or her to have a name that's easy on the tongue—preferably in _both_ languages." Having a hunch what his response would be, I preempted, "And no, I don't think "Touma" is the best idea. Poor kid'll be super-confused if your mom comes to visit and she keeps calling you by their name."

My husband plunked his chin atop my head, telepathic demeanor every inch mirroring my pout. "Hey, if it causes problems in English, he can just say it's a form of Thomas. Besides, it's hardly a new concept to name children after their parents…"

With a sigh, I replied, "Yeah, and I'm not exactly keen on "Junior", either." I continued quietly, "I'd rather they not live under either of our shadows. It'll be enough responsibility dealing with armor inheritance…"

His head tilted in a manner that indicated he was looking generally downward toward my face. "You still want to tell them from the start…?"

My phone pinging with a notification delayed my response. A quick swipe showed Alexa's message—which I could read in a perfect mental imitation of her I'm-not-plotting-something-I'm-innocent voice.

 _'Think it's too late to send Sage a pic?'_

I glanced up at the clock on the kitchen counter— **21:03** —and smirked. _'What kind of pic? ;D'_

 _'Ooooh just. Something he'll like.'_

It was so hard not to burst into evil giggles. _'No, of course it's not. What would make you think that? ;P'_

 _'You are a terrible enabler and if he sends a reaction to you and/or Rowen you have to tell me.'_

 _'What else are sisters for? :P Of course I'll tell you xD'_

A few moments later: _'By the way this is the picture he got'_

Curious kitty struck again. Two seconds later I was cackling in an almost-scary mime of my sister's witch laughter. She'd sent Sage a teasing _topless_ mirror-selfie of her back, tastefully covered in front but oh so very obviously clad in only lacy violet panties.

Not another second after Rowen asked what I was laughing at, his phone buzzed. He glanced at the ID and preview and immediately joined my laughter. Once he'd held the phone up so I could see, both of us were breathless with mirth.

 **Sage:** _If you thought waiting for the wedding with Tessa was difficult…_

"What did Little Witch do this time?" Rowen practically demanded. After a moment, he said incredulously, "What is she even doing _up_ this early anyway?"

My phone going off yet again preempted my answer. **Alexa:** _Well?_

I grinned impishly, figuring out an answer to my husband's question. _'Can I show Rowen?"_ '

 _'Yes so long as you tell me his reaction, too, and has Sage said anything yet?'_

I didn't have to be told twice. Rowen's reaction to seeing the picture was something in Japanese to the effect of 'Lord Almighty on high someone save us all...especially poor Sage.'

"So _that's_ what she's doing…!"

I was at just the right angle to see Sage's next text to Rowen. _'I have seen her bare back but never like_ that. _'_ It was impossible to wipe the huge grin off my face as I relayed all the relevant information to my twin; I was especially proud of my description for Rowen's _'praying to all the gods in the Japanese pantheon for salvation from your awesomeness.'_

There was no way she wasn't laughing just as hard as me. Her response proved it. _'Meanwhile Sage is asking why I couldn't have warned him or waited for him to fall asleep. If he wasn't so polite I'm sure he'd be cursing me. Profusely.'_

As if Sage could tell we were gloating, I got a text from _him_. _'For your enabling habits you owe me an hour in the dojo...once you are able to.'_

Despite my dread at Sage's infamous kendo workouts, I couldn't help thinking it would at least be a good way to get back in shape after having the baby.

Someone chose that moment to call me. Even though it was getting on into late evening, I was too distracted to worry about it and hardly glanced at the ID before swiping to answer.

"Hello?" I chirped.

 _"Good morning. Have I reached Tessa Hashiba?"_

I blinked, mood doing a complete one-eighty. I recognized that voice.

It was Michael's parole officer.

 _That_ was why the US number had pinged something in the back of my mind.

The former-military demeanor slid cleanly into place; all traces of humor vanished. "This is she."

 _"Ma'am, I hate to be the bearer of bad news...but Michael Ballard didn't show for his parole hearing yesterday."_

His words hardly registered. I heard them, I understood them, but there was no emotional response. I knew it was shock, I knew there would be implications that would rear ugly and large as soon as my brain kicked into gear.

But right now it was just numbness.

The officer continued. Halfway through his explanation of the various procedures they had undertaken to find him yet failed—I should have known they would, my damn ex was _still_ part of that damned cult if his behavior at the trial were any indication—the ball dropped.

Thank God I'd already been sitting, or I might have collapsed. I could vaguely sense Rowen's alarm through Strata as my body went limp but my throat tightened with fear. His vile smirk was almost all I could see, the eyes that promised so much behind the nickname he'd used for me.

A _pet_ name.

He had a damned _pet. name._ for me.

 _"Ma'am?"_

I startled from my thoughts with a tight one-armed hug from Rowen and a prod from Strata. "Oh! Sorry. T—Thank you, officer. We'll keep everything you said in mind."

 _"Don't hesitate to call if you think of anything that may be of use to the case, or if you need our assistance,"_ he said sympathetically. _"And of course if you see him, contact us immediately."_

"Yes, of course."

I was still so numb after the officer disconnected the call that I jumped when the phone in my hand pinged with Alexa's text tone. She had to have known something was up since I hadn't responded yet; she'd sent just a simple poke.

"Do you want me to tell her?" Rowen asked softly, his hand reaching out to envelop mine.

The one simple gesture was enough to let me take a deep breath. "Yes. Please."

Silence reigned while we awaited my sister's reply.

 **Alexa:** _I swear to all Gods above if he tries anything against you I will deliver him to the Nether Realm personally. I'll try to save some for Rowen but I make no promises_

Her characteristically dry and sometimes morbid humor helped dispel the doom and gloom that had begun to settle on my shoulders. With a chuckle, I motioned for Rowen to hand the phone back.

 _'Don't worry. We have all the guys here, I'm with Rowen, and Dawn won't let anything happen. And I can still fly if I need to. Everything'll be fine.'_

—

"How are we supposed to graph the alloy's properties if we're not told all of them?"

I glanced at Yuli and Rowen sitting at the kitchen table in time to catch the faintest hint of a challenging smirk on my husband's lips. "That's part of figuring out the problem. There are steps before you can solve the question."

Despite knowing I'd probably dig my own grave with the comment, I couldn't resist. "And this is why I didn't major in _anything_ remotely related to science."

Rowen's smirk widened into a teasing smile. "That just means Yuli has a better chance at it than you."

The remark did nothing to damage my pride—I'd long since become accustomed to the liberal arts versus science rivalry—but I still wrinkled my nose and stuck my tongue out at him in amusement. "That's okay, I may not be that great at it, but I can do it in multiple languages! ...Sorta."

"That is pretty neat!" Yuli concurred. His head tilted to one side the slightest in a thoughtful manner; he was still just young enough to make the motion both endearingly adorable and mature. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd picked it up from all his time in Rowen's tutoring sessions. "Do you think your baby will pick up on all those languages?"

I smiled softly at the teen's inquisitiveness. "As long as we use them consistently around him or her, yes."

Rowen raised a mischievous eyebrow at me. "Speaking of 'him or her'..."

The reminder at the fact I was fourteen weeks pregnant and _still_ hadn't made the all-important ultrasound appointment made me groan. "Yes, yes, I know, but it's barely been five days since we got back from Canada and we are _so_ behind on so many things…!"

"Then we'll just have to prioritize," he said firmly—though with a sympathetic smile that made my heart melt. "As soon as I'm done with Yuli, we'll sit down and call to make the appointment. Okay?"

Despite being somewhat reassured, I sighed the sigh of one who was long-suffering. "Fine, fine…"

I was almost glad to go back to working on the dishes. Rowen had pulled out all the stops making food for my crazy cravings; since I was out of the first trimester, Dawn had the morning sickness completely handled. Now I was into the bottomless pit phase, and Rowen was quickly figuring out that he didn't relish getting up in the middle of the night to make me something. So he'd taken a page from Alexa's book and premade it all yesterday.

Night owl he might be, but when he was fast asleep, it sometimes took all four of the other Ronin collaborating to wake _him_ up.

Before I could quite pick up the next pan to scrub (our dishwasher highly disliked working harder than it had to), my phone buzzed. Puzzled—I recognized Alexa's ringtone instantly, but it was nearly midnight over there—I hastily wiped my hand off to answer.

"Sis?"

Her voice was so sharp and nearly-panicked, if it had been a katana I might have been sliced clean through.

 _"I can't sense Sage."_

This was one of those times when the military instinct snapped into place. Immediately there was a sense of bristling, raised hackles and insta-alertness throughout my whole body that made quick reactions to changing atmospheres one of my (sometimes) specialties. Disbelief and a plea not to go galloping off like a frightened horse colored my one-word reaction.

"What?"

 _"I can't. Sense. Sage. I felt_ something _this morning and he's not been online when he normally is he said he'd be late but he's never_ this _late."_

I didn't need to look to feel Rowen's sudden scrutiny at my "trouble is afoot" demeanor. Strata poked at Dawn, who shared the relevant information; his armor senses stretched out toward Sendai and his brother-in-all-but-blood. I didn't doubt he'd be checking with Wildfire, Hardrock, and Torrent, as well.

My attention stayed firmly fixed on my sister, though I turned to lean my back against the counter. "Did he say why he was going to be late?"

Rowen's eyes met mine as Alexa responded. I didn't like the stony-faced countenance he had now. It rarely meant anything good. The last time I had seen it was after Alexa and Sage had been ambushed in the parking garage. Yuli almost could have been a mini-Rowen for all he had a similar expression, though more confused and worried.

 _"He got an email about checking out a sword. I can't even remember."_

That would be no trouble to Hacker Hubby. "I'll get it."

Meanwhile, I locked into Mission Mode. "Did he say anything else?"

 _"I don't_ remember _."_

Every note of those words spoke volumes to me, about how this was something Seriously Wrong and if it didn't get Fixed soon she would likely break down into a million little pieces with the anxiety.

Right then, deep in my gut, I _knew_ something had to be drastically out of place. Sage would _never_ knowingly leave Alexa in such a state. It had happened once, early on, but then not once since.

It just wasn't like him to be out of touch for long.

Knowing it wasn't going to do anyone much good to keep up the line of questioning, though, I backed off and went back to reassuring Alexa. "Okay, that's alright. We'll get it figured out." There was no hesitation in my offer. "Do you need me to come over?"

Predictably, she was all protective hackles and claws. _"You shouldn't."_

I had to insist, though—she needed someone with her. "But I can."

 _"Don't."_

Rowen would of course have impeccable timing even while hacking into Sage's email account. Yuli watched with as much fascination as I had early on in my relationship with the Ronin. "I can. If the situation is as bad as it sounds, you'll need someone there, Alexa. Tessa can handle rounding up the others here; if you decide you want to come over, by then she'll have everyone up to speed."

The tone in Alexa's voice told me I was right to make sure _one_ of us went to Canada. _Now_.

 _"I just want to know he's_ okay _."_

Damn pregnancy hormones decided to have their say right then. I would have been trying both not to choke up with fear and worry for her _and_ not to rip something to shreds at the same time regardless, but "trying" was impossible at this point. "I understand, sis. So do we…"

She suddenly hung up, but not before I could make out a deep breath that sounded more like someone holding in a sob. Rowen met my eyes as I looked up from the blinking phone screen.

"I'm going."

He stood, and for some reason in that moment I was struck once more by just how much taller he was than me. "No."

My nostrils flared, dragon temper coming to the surface. "But—"

"I already said I can go in your stead," he said softly, hands lightly resting on my shoulders. "You shouldn't use the armor more than you have to in your condition."

"Dawn is more than capable."

His hands moved to my face, him leaning down almost to the point of resting his forehead against mine. "We need you here. I've mentioned...the issue to the others, but all they know is he's been out of contact. Go to Mia's. Meet them there and explain what we have so far. I'll take care of Alexa."

Despite knowing he was right, it was hard to let go. I was usually the first person she leaned on when she wasn't stubbornly refusing support—aside from Sage, nowadays. But I knew she and Rowen had a unique connection over their similar PTSDs.

"Keep her safe for me," I finally whispered.

"Of course."

He sealed the promise with a gentle, lingering kiss. Strata settled on his limbs, and then he strode out of the kitchen toward the living room and the balcony-plus-fire-escape adjacent to it.

I watched him leave, regretful it couldn't be me in his place. After a moment, though, determination to complete my mission washed away the feeling.

Smiling thinly, I turned to Yuli, who seemed to just be getting over his bashful teenager I'm-not-looking moment.

"When was the last time you took a trip to Mia's?"

—

I knew there was a good reason we tended to leave the important conversations for in-person gatherings rather than over the armor link.

But somehow I had the feeling we may have wanted to rethink that logic for this situation.

Ryo stood on the porch when Yuli and I pulled up, White Blaze sitting beside him still as a statue. One may have thought that meant he was relaxed, but the rhythmic lashing of his tail side to side and the occasional twitch of an ear said otherwise.

His master was far more visually agitated. The moment I stepped out of the car—a second behind Yuli—Wildfire uncrossed his arms and moved to meet us.

"What the hell is going on?"

The tiger-like rumble in his voice almost made me freeze mid-stride. I eyed him with concern, brows furrowing. "I think we should wait for the others to show up. I'd rather not repeat myself."

Right on time, Kento's little orange car pulled up Mia's driveway as Ryo narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips into a thin line. "Then maybe you can explain what the _mashou_ are doing here, at least."

I blinked, surprise faintly registering. After a moment, I moved to follow Yuli, who had hardly paused for Ryo's interception and stepped into the house. "You know as much as I do in that regard."

His hand on my shoulder—stopping my momentum—startled me. My eyes widened as they met Ryo's, narrowed and smouldering. "First Rowen asks us if we can sense Sage, and _none_ of us can but he doesn't say any more about it. Then the Warlords show up with their usual cryptic ways, and now _you_ 're not going to tell me anything?"

I had never yet actually been scared around any of the Ronin. Despite the fact each of them could level a small city with a single surekill, they had never given me reason to _fear_ their power.

But in that moment I was sure Ryo had inadvertently bruised my arm with the strength of his grip.

I forced myself to swallow, take a deep breath, and remember this was one of his PTSD triggers. How could I have been so _stupid_ … "All we know right now is that we can't find Sage. Alexa sensed something last night, but that's very little to go on and she didn't say much anyway. Rowen is over there with her now; he'll bring her back as soon as he can." His grip had tightened sharply to the point I visibly winced. "Ryo…"

Like a drowning man coming up for air, he seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing. He practically jolted back a step as Kento walked up, hand leaping away like he'd been shocked. Without another word, he trotted down the hill toward the lake, White Blaze only a pace behind.

My heart sank at the flash of guilt I'd caught in his icy eyes.

Kento watched his comrade leave, then eyed me warily. "What was _that_ all about?"

Rubbing my arm and sighing, I said, "Ryo's triggered…"

As if that explained everything, Kento merely inclined his head. "Ah." His demeanor softened. "...How's Alexa?"

There was no good way to answer that. I shook my head and moved for the front door. "Rowen's with her. Hopefully that'll be enough…"

Kento's big brother instincts radiated from Hardrock so strongly it gave me pause. He said nothing, however, merely clasped my shoulder gently—reassuringly—and followed Ryo down to the lake.

I completely forgot about Ryo mentioning the Warlords until I walked into the kitchen to find them seated around Mia's table. Seeing them caused the third screeching-halt of the day, this time in my walk toward the fridge. The trio dwarfed the little piece of furniture, each one's arms bigger than the only-somewhat-delicate legs that supported it.

Dais' one uncovered eye glanced briefly up to me, then away again, seeming uninterested. Cale was similarly laidback, arms folded over his chest as he stared out the small bay window of the breakfast nook.

Sekhmet, however, was relatively more boisterous—as usual. "Finally, a Ronin that doesn't mind entering our presence."

Normally, I may have snorted at his dry humor. Right then I only had the energy to exhale in an imitation of a sigh. "You didn't exactly catch us on the best day. Everyone's a little on edge at the moment."

"Understandably," Cale rumbled, leaning forward to rest an elbow on the table. I still couldn't get over just how uncannily his eyes reflected his armor power, almost soaking up the light instead of reflecting it back like everyone else. "With things going as they are in the _youjakai_ right now, you all have the right to be worried."

That caught my attention (as if they didn't already have it; I still hadn't moved from the kitchen threshold). I swallowed, then decided against asking. "I'll just assume you're going to tell us when everyone's here…"

They nodded solemnly.

It turned out to be hours later before that became remotely possible, though. Ryo and Kento stayed out by the lake, the warrior of fire too wound up to bear coming inside and being reminded of the situation. Hardrock had to come in to fetch snacks for the both of them, his big brother habits too hardwired to leave the Ronin leader on his own for long. Something told me, though, that he needed the company as much as Ryo did.

Cye telepathically popped by between his afternoon classes down in Yamaguchi, worry all too evident in his tone but everyone else's welfare his only concern for the time being. The other half of our conversation consisted of figuring out how to get him up to Tokyo before tomorrow. Eventually, despite my protesting, he got me to agree _not_ to fly down and pick him up immediately.

Sometimes I could swear he and Alexa were in league to make sure I never overexerted myself to the point of jostling the baby even the littlest bit.

My parting shot was understandably pouty. _"You have a while to pack, then. Rowen's still with Alexa, and everyone and their mother has conveniently grounded me. I'm_ only _pregnant—not on my deathbed!"_

After that, it was time for a nap. Then, close to two hours from when he'd left for Canada, Rowen checked in.

 _"She's barely consolable,"_ he said, voice quiet and the stars of his presence swirling sluggishly, sadly. _"Just stopped crying now, and barely lets me touch her. Been clinging to White Blaze the whole time, but won't take Ativan because she'll probably just throw it up."_ The circling galaxies nearly stopped moving. _"Her nails are bloody…"_

My heart broke for my sister. In that moment I wished more than anything that I was brazen enough to ignore everyone's insistence that I not fly while pregnant.

Brazen like my beautiful sister.

 _"I'm going to kill the sonuvabitch that's done this to her. And to Sage."_

My husband was darkly amused. _"Get in line."_

With the most important part out of the way, I rolled around words in my mind to try to describe what was going on here. _"Come back as soon as you can. The Warlords showed up. Ryo's triggered. Cye needs a ride up from Yamaguchi. You have the most answers to everyone's questions right now."_

He simply acknowledged my allusion to his having heard my sister's infodump on what she'd felt that sent her into the relapse. _"I'm packing some of Alexa's things now. Hopefully we'll be over there in about half an hour."_

 _Half an hour_. Such a small increment by wording, yet synonymous with "thirty minutes". I paced for the first ten minutes, then sat down in the living room. My feet didn't quite like me, outside was too cold, the whole house was too quiet, but I didn't feel like sitting with the equally-quiet Warlords.

 _'I should probably find Yuli…'_

He'd managed to vanish into the large house, seeming to sense the brewing ugliness like a horse could tell when a storm was coming. I didn't doubt he'd be back once it all blew over—he'd practically embodied "hero worship" after the War, according to Rowen, and was too close with the guys to stay away for long. And Mia was still tied up with work at the university…

Commotion at the front door roused me from an unexpected power nap. Luckily I wasn't groggy enough to be unable to make out what was going on. I slowly got to my feet as I heard the group approach.

Rowen walked through the living room door first with Alexa in his arms, her face turned toward his armored chest and toy-White Blaze practically suffocating in her grip. I caught a brief glimpse of Kento passing by with Alexa's familiar suitcase in hand, presumably to dump it in her usual room.

As soon as my husband set Alexa down, she curled into a little ball at one end of the couch, still with a deathgrip on her tiger. The live version of it padded in past Ryo as I plunked myself back down next to her; he softly touched his nose to her knee as I waited to be sure she would want me to hug her. Immediately Rowen turned on a heel to head outside, presumably making a beeline for Yamaguchi next.

The following fifteen minutes was a tense blur of Kento and I trying to keep Alexa from spiraling once more into the dark place Rowen had plucked her from. Ryo stalked back and forth in front of the large windows letting in sunshine that seemed too bright for the situation. A flick of thought to Kento had him standing to close the curtains in an attempt at helping my sister feel a little less overwhelmed by the light.

By the time my husband came back with Cye in tow, the Warlords had quietly arranged themselves along the walls of the living room in a manner to suit their preferences. Alexa had come around from her panic- and anxiety-induced catatonia, though I could still feel her trembling lightly where our legs pressed against each other.

Despite Cye and Rowen making their entrance as she looked up, Alexa's attention went straight to the Warlords. Her eyes peering over toy-White Blaze's head reminded me of a wary predator hiding in its cave yet interested in the outside world's goings-on. "What did you sense?"

Dais spoke for the first time today. "Rifts between the realms. Kayura thinks someone is trying to manipulate the Gates."

Cale elaborated, "We've heard briefly about the...recent happenings. We believe them to be related."

Sekhmet snorted, crossing his arms imperiously. "Of course they're related. A Ronin disappears at the same time an unknown entity is messing with the inner workings of the youjakai? That is no coincidence."

Immediately, Alexa swore. "That _witch_!"

All eyes went to her, understanding of just who she meant thick but still uncertain in the armor connection. Dais voiced the clarifying statement we all were thinking. "I assume by that you mean your mother."

"And that _bastard_ she croons over."

The moment she spit it out, she started sobbing again. Dusk did nothing to hide her inner thoughts, how the worst fear she had—of the trial not being the end of our ordeal—was coming true and now she was blaming herself for it. Awkward as the positioning was, I determinedly maneuvered my arms around her into a rough hug. White Blaze mewled worriedly, stretching his muzzle up in an attempt at nuzzling Alexa's face past the toy named for him.

"Why didn't she go after me again?" she asked rhetorically, voice cracking in such a way that nearly shattered my heart.

Surprisingly, Rowen answered in a voice thick with dread and the realization that hindsight was twenty-twenty. "Because the best way to get to us is to hurt those we love most."

Everyone looked up to him with various expressions of wariness and questioning just what he meant by that. He only stared straight at me, however, eyes pleading for understanding but jaw clenched against fear and fists curled at his side.

Cye gently prodded at the vulnerability. "What happened, Ro?"

He broke eye contact with me, staring at the floor between his feet. His voice was quiet with confession but far from soft in timbre. "Michael threatened me...and Tessa."

A few things happened nearly at once. My eyes widened with a faint flicker of fear, but it was quickly quashed when Alexa slid down in her seat on the couch. Her trembling had grown into shaking, and my weakened grasp on her wasn't enough to keep her upright. Wildfire rapidly warmed the room, anger as much as the armor's innate strength fueling the physical change in atmosphere.

The glare Cye threw at Ryo could have frozen a volcano—and it practically did. Almost instantly he was at Alexa's side, doctoral training as well as his natural caretaker instincts coming to the fore.

"Can you take your Ativan?" he murmured, hand hovering over her knee as if asking for permission to rest it there.

Her words were weak as a kitten. "I'll throw it up."

Dais stepped forward, a motion I felt more than saw because he stood behind the couch we sat on. "I may be able to assist."

Alexa caught on to what he meant faster than the rest of us, who all gave him questioning looks. She snapped, "If you make me think he's here that'll just make it worse."

His raised eyebrow at that said he was impressed with her sharp mind. Reassuringly, though, he explained, "I can help in whatever way may suit you best. If it will calm your mind enough to rest, I can ease the worst fears about what may have happened to him."

She blinked, the implications registering to the point she could deflate a little and come down off the catatonic reaction, then nodded. At a wordless prompt from Cye, Kento stepped over to help take her to her room, gently scooping my sister up in his huge arms. A small procession left with them, Cye in the lead and Dais right behind the warrior of earth.

Rowen's long-time friend didn't leave without a warning glance that said he wasn't done with my husband, though.

Almost as an afterthought, Cale stepped out with them. White Blaze followed not long after, his Therapy Tiger instincts demanding he go guard my sister. That left Ryo, Sehkmet, Rowen, and myself in the room. Ryo opened his mouth—presumably to begin crucifying the other Ronin for what he'd just confessed—but a withering glare from the _doku mashou_ had him snapping his jaw shut again.

The stalemate continued like a tableau, hardly any movement giving away that the inhabitants of the invisible picture were alive. Dawn tried to reach for Strata, but a solid wall cut off all but the most superficial sense of him. In the absence of both his physical and mental presence, I wrapped my arms around my middle just to feel held.

Of course, that reminded me that I wasn't truly alone, considering the little life developing beneath where I hugged myself.

The thought was hardly as comforting as it could have been.

By the time Cye and the others returned—minus the _gen mashou_ —the tension had become nearly unbearable. Torrent thankfully broke the silence with, "I got her to take Ativan. She should be sleeping shortly. Dais will be down when she is, and Yuli volunteered to keep an eye on her."

Sadly, there was no way to eloquently bridge the gap between that, and the topic everyone wanted to resume. The tableau returned; yet no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't bring up the anger to break my silence and say anything to Rowen. All I felt was sadness and wonder at how this whole thing had gotten so out of control.

Then the volcano began to rumble.

"First you don't tell us Sage is missing." Ryo's voice started deathly quiet, but grew incrementally stronger. "Then you don't even tell _Tessa_ that Michael threatened you—let alone _her_?"

Rowen's eyes were flinty, glancing at Wildfire. His tone was just as deceptively soft. "I was going to tell you about Sage, but I was the only one who could go take care of Alexa. You saw what state she was in!"

Kento chimed in, now, the resident hotheads tag-teaming Rowen. "You could've still _mentioned_ it over the armor link! We can't afford not to communicate about things like this, Rowen. Instead, we got to hear about it from the _mashou_!"

Now Strata bristled. "That was why I had Tessa organize bringing you all here, so we could talk about it as soon as I got back! I didn't know _they'd_ show up, let alone before we had a chance to talk."

Ryo had never been a master of controlling his voice. Just that thought—realizing that if Sage were here he could cool the whole thing off with a single icy glance—made me bury my face in my hands. "Genius you may be, but Rowen, _you need to talk to us_! You and Tessa had a _restraining order_ on him for good reason. We already saw he was willing to break that, and now the police have lost track of him."

"I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily," Rowen growled. "This is between him, Tessa, and me. I didn't want to drag the rest of you into this, especially when Sage and Alexa were dealing with their own problems."

I didn't need to look for Dawn to sense when Ryo raised his fists angrily, still restrained for the moment but only until he could find an appropriate target on which to take out his negative energy. "Were you not _listening_ , Rowen? If we had known when it happened that Michael wants to hurt you and Tessa, maybe we would have had a heads up and Sage wouldn't be gone!"

"It's no coincidence that Michael disappears only _days_ before Sage does," Kento pointed out. "Why can we see this and you can't? We care about you and Tessa just as much as anyone else in this little band, but we can't help you unless we know what's going on!"

Cye's voice cut startlingly clearly through the argument, Torrent practically flooding the room with authority. The Armor of Summer added its two cents, Dais giving weight to the Ronin's command. "ENOUGH! If you all don't calm down right now you'll send Alexa into another panic attack. She's struggling enough to sleep as it is, without us arguing." When silence met his statement, he added coldly, "Rowen, you should see to your wife."

The realization that someone had noticed my distress—as obvious as it was—and called Rowen out on being standoffish got me to lift my head. My eyes met my husband's, the cold of space dissipating from them after only an instant before he glanced away, an air of shame in his posture.

Sekhmet's amused snort grabbed everyone's attention. "You all argue like old women," he groused, sniffing almost arrogantly.

The distraction seemed to help bring everyone down from the civil war to refocus their ire on Sekhmet. _'Leave it to the_ doku mashou _to rub everyone the wrong way in such a manner as to_ help _the situation.'_

Per his job description, Team Mom continued to be the voice of reason. "Look, I know we're all on edge. I know this is big and scary because even in the War, we were all connected to one degree or another, and we knew exactly who the enemy was. We were warned. We knew for the most part what we were getting into, even young and naive as we were.

"But this is not at all what we're used to dealing with."

Ryo cast a narrow-eyed glare at Rowen. "I still want to know what you were _thinking_ ," he muttered.

Dawn hesitantly nudged Strata. _"I'd kinda like to know, too…"_ I said gently, half-pleading. He remained shielded, but at least there was a slight softening that indicated acknowledgement.

Later, perhaps, we could have a talk about it.

And that was when everyone noticed Dusk's suddenly overwhelming presence in the connection, flitting frantically like a trapped bird between the arguing parties. There was a distinct sense of almost physical pain at the fact the men had raised their voices to each other.

Conflict never had been something Alexa handled well. Now Dusk was desperate to be sure everyone was still friends.

Kento immediately deflated, Ryo not far behind. "Damn it. We upset Alexa…" His expression hardened with determination, one fist lightly thumping down onto the open palm of the other. "Here we are fighting about what can't be changed, when we need to be getting a game plan together for finding Sage." He cracked a wry smile. "After all, we can't have the groom getting cold feet before the wedding's even _planned_."

Hardrock's down-to-earth brand of humor finally shattered the gloom that had encased us. Every single person in the room exhaled with the relief, tension draining away like water. Ryo slowly ran a hand through his long black locks, his disturbed mood obvious in his expression; Kento flopped into a nearby chair.

Rowen finally closed the distance between him and where I still sat on the couch. He was hesitant to sit for a moment, until Dawn basically flooded him with the desire to be close; to be reassured that everything would be okay and no one else would get hurt. Strata finally caved, and both the armor and Rowen's arms encircled me. I buried my face against his chest, more thankful than I could say that he'd opened up again.

Prompts from the other armors had us both lifting our heads to survey the assembled Ronin and Warlords. None of them needed to speak to get the "start talking" vibe across. He inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, then quietly began.

"She first felt something off around eight last night—a spike of fear. The rest of the day she had unprompted flashbacks, both her sword-related ones and some about being trapped by the cult. There was also jumpiness around darkness and the feeling of isolation, but every time she reached out to Sage for reassurance, he was still there." He slowly shook his head. "Now she's kicking herself for not realizing sooner that all those things were related to what Sage was feeling. The connection was strained all up 'til the point it disappeared completely. She's certain he was trying to warn us all night…"

Kento frowned. "Eight… What was Sage _doing_? He rarely leaves the house past seven-thirty, and that's usually when _we_ manage to drag him out."

I cleared my throat, finally able to contribute to the conversation without feeling like I was going to break down into tears. "Alexa mentioned he got an email about a sword. Rowen should have it, actually…"

"It was an offer to come examine a supposedly-genuine blade stamped with the Date family crest," my husband elaborated grimly.

The Three Stooges exchanged glances. "If there's anything we know about Sage, it's that he'd never turn down an offer to potentially get his hands on a sword like that," Cye said.

"Then it sounds to me as if Kourin were set up," Cale rumbled.

"Was that all she said?" Ryo asked, slowly starting to pace again. He sounded disappointed that there might be no further clues as to what happened to his brother-in-arms.

Rowen nodded just as Dais stepped into the room, drawing everyone's attention. No one needed to voice the question, though Cye looked as if he wanted to anyway.

"She was finally able to sleep once you lot stopped arguing," the _gen mashou_ answered flatly. "Gods willing, she'll continue to do so through the night."

"I'd sure hope so, considering her body thinks it's three in the morning," Cye concurred.

Relief at even the possibility my sister could sleep had me limp against Rowen's side. His arm tightened in order to pick up the slack, holding me close. It might have only been five in the evening, but _I_ could have gone for a nap myself right then.

Ryo _tactfully_ changed the topic. "So? You've heard our side of the story. What brings you all here?"

Sekhmet answered Ryo's snap with indolence. "It just so happens that _we_ felt a rift at the same time you lost contact with Sage."

"We had sensed something earlier when he first went missing, but it hadn't been worth investigating," Dais explained.

Rowen frowned, voice troubled. "So something—or someone—"

"Probably Michael," Kento interrupted in a mutter.

Rowen glared flatly at him, but Hardrock merely folded his arms over his chest almost sulkily. "Someone wants Sage in order to do something with the Nether Realm?"

"They could likely use any one of you," Cale amended. "But Kourin happened to be the most accessible."

Cye added his reasoning to the _yami mashou_ 's theory. "From the sounds of it, they preyed on his triggers to incapacitate him. That might explain why Alexa's flared up."

"And she spoke of fear of the dark…" I murmured, suddenly exhausted. "I'm pretty sure Sage is the only one _afraid_ of the dark…"

"With good reason," Ryo quipped a tad snappishly, throwing a glance at Cale. The older man refused to take the bait, hardly even seeming to notice Wildfire at all.

Dais kept the ball rolling. "With the cult's global activities, we have dozens of rifts open daily. None of them have been as large as the one Sage's disappearance has caused."

After years around me, Rowen had developed the habit of at least partially talking out his brain's inner workings. "So they need our powers for _something_ …"

"I would be hesitant to say so, but it seems as though this is a boon for us," Sekhmet declared. Immediately four pairs of eyes zeroed in on him, filled with annoyance and an attitude of "them's fightin' words". The Warlord held his hands up placatingly. "Kayura hasn't been able to decipher their motives thus far. It may be that in finding Sage, we can also discover what they intend by opening paths between our worlds."

An important thought occurred to me. "Exactly how big _are_ these things?"

"Miniscule. Enough for one Spirit to pass through, usually, if that. Sometimes only their powers can cross between."

"This, however, was enough for seven," Cale clarified.

I shivered at the sudden chill to Ryo's suddenly-weak voice—a chill of fear. "That's one for each of us…"

As soon as the realization sank in, Kento cursed under his breath. Cye clenched his fists, eyes darkening with simmering wrath only a stormy sea could match. Though his words shook weakly, his posture was that of a warrior. "They're going to come for the rest of us."

"We have to get Sage back. _Now_ ," Kento growled.

"But...how...?" I asked quietly.

Rowen shook his head, arm around me squeezing comfortingly—though whether for me, or for him, I couldn't tell. "I don't know… But we have to wait for Alexa to wake, anyway. She's our best shot at finding him, right now."

Silence descended over the room.

No one wanted to voice the horrible possibility that we might _not_ find him.

* * *

 **Translations:** (because only one was translated in FDD and they appear more in NF...!)

 _yami mashou:_ Cale, Warlord of Darkness, _yami_ refers to the darkness of his armor—"Darkness demon" according to the RW wiki; (also referred to here/later as the Armor of Winter)

 _gen mashou:_ Dais, Warlord of Illusion, _gen_ refers to the spider qualities of his armor (Armor of Summer)

 _doku mashou:_ Sekhmet, Warlord of Venom, _doku_ refers to the snake qualities of his armor (Armor of Autumn)

 _oni mashou:_ Anubis' armor, Armor of Cruelty/Spring; _oni_ refers to a specifc type of Japanese ogre-demon


	10. Chapter 10

Surprise! A day early because happy wedding present to all our readers! ;D

 **Warnings:** Anxiety, purging, distorted eating, cult matieral, kidnapping, PTSD flashbacks

* * *

 _Chapter 10_

The slightest change of light in the early morning hours was all I needed to stir. Restlessness from Halo helped, the natural wakening of—

Yesterday's events came crashing down on me like an avalanche, Ativan having exhausted itself some time in the night and the lingering threads of Dais' illusion snapping under the weight of my obsessions. He was alive he had to be alive that had been him but it wasn't him— it was corrupted and strained when normally he was relaxed and enjoying waking up if only to talk to me right when I clocked off work.

I tried to tell myself that was a sign he was fighting through whatever had captured him and not Halo adjusting to a new bearer.

From the way my stomach lurched, the attempt didn't work.

I was able to keep throwing up down until I made it to the bathroom. I never thought I would be thankful for _bile_ coming up, but it beat the mucus I suffered through for years at my worst. It was still thicker than what it should've been from barely eating or drinking anything yesterday. I took what victories I could get.

My stomach wasn't appeased by it, and I ended up heavily leaning on the toilet. I could feel catatonia setting in, a last minute protection against expending too much energy on fear. I just wanted him to hold me and take me back to bed, tell me it would be alright and the obsessions were wrong.

But if he was here my current obsessions wouldn't exist in the first place.

I threw up again, and this time it was chillingly familiar mucus. My dark sense of humour was amused that's what did the trick, me finally feeling comfortable flushing and sinking to the floor. Halo's presence flicked in and out, until it completely severed again. Another sob ripped out of my raw throat but I didn't have the strength to lift myself an inch off the floor, let alone get water.

Cye finding me in the room was too darkly similar to Sage finding me years ago, door bumping against my feet and him rushing to my side. Normally the guys didn't _need_ to, him taking care of it, but this time…

At least Cye wasn't completely horrified like Sage had been. He'd helped with the aftermath enough to know what I was going through. Simple questions— could I speak, yes, could I move, no, did I want a hug, _yes_ — ended with me cradled against his chest so I could grip someone.

"I sensed him."

Cye paused and pulled away oh so slightly. "You sensed Sage?"

I nodded. "At dawn… like I always do…"

He pulled me back against him, hand going up and down my back in slow strokes. "The others aren't up, yet. Do you want to try and sleep while we wait?"

I shook my head, the thought of going back to a place I normally spent with Sage— for all he came into my room after he'd woken up, just to be with me— _alone_ too much to bear.

"Mia's cooking breakfast," he murmured, still holding me. "Can you at least try to eat? Or drink?"

"I can try…"

Despite his attempt at helping me to stand, my legs refused to cooperate. He wordlessly scooped me up and carried me down to the eat-in kitchen, placing me in a chair. He kept a hand on my shoulder to make sure I wouldn't fall. I leaned forward to rest my arms on the table but otherwise stayed sitting.

"Do you want me to make you anything?"

The oh so subtle emphasis Cye placed on 'me', something I likely would've missed if I wasn't doing a constant threat analysis even around friends, had me halfway to choking up. They all knew how much I needed to control my food, from preparation to serving. It had taken me awhile to accept Cye's consistent help, and he wanted to make sure I was comfortable. He knew his food was predictable for me, and Mia's wasn't. Mia kept an eye on us from her place at the counter, mixing pancake batter.

"Chamomile?"

He patted my shoulder and went to get it, Mia moving to the side so he had room. Everyone knew to make a full pot of the stuff when I asked, anything under half a litre not enough to make a dent in my anxiety. At this rate, the best I could hope for was 'maybe able to stop shaking enough to stand'.

Every voice in my head boiled down to _this is why you don't become dependent on people_ , but I had spent years learning that's what love was, that's what it took to make relationships work— they needed you and you needed them. And I couldn't shake the haunting realization I'd never told him not to be reckless because I needed him to come home. He didn't know how nervous I got at every flight he took for his career. Every race he participated in for fun even after one of his cars flamed out. I wasn't about to stop him, control him, but now the thought I'd not told him _the extent_ he meant to me was making me nauseous again.

Cye sat back down beside me while the water boiled, hand going up and down my curled over spine. "The Warlords are out trying to find him right now. They're better at reading Nether Spirits than we are."

I chuckled darkly. "Better than me, I know…" I swallowed. "Could… _they_ … sense him?"

He hesitated a moment. "They didn't sense _him_ , but they sensed something that seems related to the cult. Considering what you said about how Halo felt corrupted, that could've been him."

"He'll be alright," Mia said softly. "Their armours survived Talpa trying to take their powers away. Even if the Dynasty succeeded in knocking them out, they could never break the bond. Strata never let Rowen die, and none of the armours will let their bearers die, either."

That got another half sob, but this time from relief. The reminder of just _what_ they'd been through was welcome, if only because it reminded me they should have died about ten times over but nobody had ever succeeded.

Of course, the relief didn't last long in my mind. Sometimes I wanted to curse my logical tendencies, because my next thought was along the lines of how Talpa had never used the same powers my mother had access to, and just what her abilities had done to _my_ armour.

Thankfully, the kettle clicked. Cye got up to make the tea, and five minutes later a steaming mug was in front of me, the whole pot beside it. The heat absorbed into his hand as Torrent adjusted the temperature of the liquid, allowing me to drink it immediately.

Lingering warmth settled my stomach and I was beginning to realize how freezing cold I was. Cye picked up on that practically immediately, leaving to get my sweater that Rowen had made sure to pack, me now alone with Mia.

She had started the pancakes, standing over the griddle as they cooked. "The Warlords did make progress searching for him. They said they would work through the night, since they don't need sleep like the guys do."

I finished the rest of my mug and poured another cup, smiling when it was cool, too. "I'm surprised Ryo let go enough to let them… although, they have seemed to resolve their differences more than when we first met them."

"I think they see themselves in you," she said.

 _That_ came as a surprise. I swallowed a little too hard just as Cye came back, him handing me my sweater so I could put it on.

He had apparently heard her comment. "You hadn't noticed?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, arm still in my sleeve. "You're asking hashtag oblivious _me_ that?"

He coughed to clear his throat. "Right. Sorry."

Now that my sweater was on, I downed half a mug. "I also had no idea what they were like before."

He sat back down beside me. "Aloof and reserved doesn't begin to describe it."

Mia took the first round of pancakes off the stove and piled them on a plate before bringing it to me. "I didn't interact with them much, but even Anubis was still very distant as an ally. He was actively trying to prove himself as a good person to everyone. The Warlords all began without seeing much of a point to interacting, even though the ningenkai and youjakai could still mix together. Once you girls came in, they softened much more rapidly."

"We admired her strength for breaking out of the Nether World's influence," Dais said from the doorway. "It is not an easy feat."

I could barely register any surprise he'd heard. "Yeah considering I'm still technically _in_ it, with how she won't leave me alone…"

Reminders of what was going on around me turned the plate of pancakes— and the Canadian maple syrup beside it— from appetizing to nauseating. I could feel everyone's attention on me, nothing apparently enough to stop my churning stomach. My body both desperately wanted to absorb and reject food, exhaustion from all sources pressing down.

Dais' cool voice was the first to cut through the growing cloud of worry. "Do you require another illusion?"

I tipped my head down. "I'm scared of being alone, right now…"

Cye rested a hand on my shoulder. "I could be there with you."

"I don't know if I want to eat or sleep."

He squeezed the joint. "You need to rest. Your muscles are likely overtired, after all you did."

I nodded, glad he had left throwing up implied to me only. "Arigato, Dais. And Cye."

Cye shifted to let me wrap my arms around his neck, gently cradling me against his chest. Dais stepped aside to let us pass before following us into my room, staying distant until I was back under the covers. It felt _strange_ with Cye beside me instead of Sage, their different builds and weights making me hyper aware of just how much I noticed about my fiancé. Still, being held made me feel slightly less lost.

Flashes of white behind my eyelids indicated the start of the illusion, webs intermingling until my anxiety was the quieter voice, certain avenues closed to my mind as the remote possibilities they were. Torrent stayed close to Dusk, a little wary at being in an illusion again but nonetheless relaxing under its influence. He'd been scared, too, just not to the same point of obsession I had.

My body practically begged me to succumb to exhaustion, but there was one last thought swirling in my head that couldn't be taken care of by the Armour of Summer.

 _'You're still working on finding him, right? I know I sensed him nearby— he has to be close. It was strong.'_

Dais gave the impression of a hand on my shoulder. _'Cale and Sekhmet are still out searching. I will join them again once you are asleep and carry on the message.'_

Now that I had an incentive, there was nothing left keeping me awake. _'Arigato.'_

Dais' cocoon of mental protection pressed on me throughout my nap, keeping away nightmares and terrors. Torrent hummed like an ocean current beside me. Both dragged me back to sleep every time I got restless, and every time I was able to actually relax.

They finally let me wake up when it was fully light out, smell of pancakes lingering. I stirred, still in Cye's arms, and held him tighter almost immediately.

It was starting to sink in just how lonely I was without constant contact with Sage. I hadn't felt _alone_ since Dawn activated, my sister's armour there even when she couldn't be— I was embarrassed to admit how hard it was for me to believe people still existed when we weren't in contact.

And now somebody I had only ever known to be a constant in my life was _gone_.

Cye had either been awake already, or my distress woke him. He stroked my spine. "Sage isn't the type of person to back out on a promise."

His words reminded me of our engagement rings and the infinity symbol carved on them. I looked at mine again, running my thumb over the design.

 _Come back soon._

Kento was unusually urgent in his mental prompt. _'If you guys are awake you need to come down here. Now.'_

Cye didn't even get to finish 'can you stand' before I shook my head. I probably could've at the cost of a settled stomach, which was not a compromise I was willing to make. He scooped me up and tromped downstairs to where the guys were gathered in the living room, TV on. The only person missing was my sister, and she needed sleep. Ryo and Kento got up to make room on the couch for Cye to sit down with me still in his arms.

Rowen held his cell phone to his ear with one hand, remote in the other. "My mom called. Said we might be interested in this."

I completely ignored the grim sarcasm in his voice as the news kicked up. Thank God my Japanese was good enough to understand the anchor after four years with these guys plus my sister as friends. "Breaking news. A man wearing a suit of armour was spotted outside of Tokyo, carrying an ōdachi. We aren't sure if he is dangerous or not, but be on the lookout for—"

A very blurry picture of something tall, green, and golden captured my attention. I stopped breathing.

"That's why I sensed him."

They all looked at me when I froze, softening once I spoke. Their emotions similarly went from concerned to mixed, unsure what to make of that information.

Kento broke the silence. "You sensed him?"

I nodded. "At dawn, when he normally wakes up…"

My wavering voice must've told them something I didn't intend. Rowen paused the ongoing conversation with his mother to ask, "What else?"

I curled up tighter in Cye's arms, voice quiet. "It didn't feel like him."

Softness was about all I could handle; thankfully Cye delivered in spades. "What did it feel like?"

I swallowed. "Like the cult. If— if it _was_ him he was fighting through something."

Ryo swore, voice still holding the growling edge it had yesterday. "I bet it's Michael."

Kento looked at the screen in what appeared to be horror. "What're they _doing_ to him…?"

My stomach lurched at the thought, mind all too willing to jump to the worst possibilities. Again. "I don't even know if it was _Sage_ wearing the armour."

Rowen shook his head, voice dark. "Well, the photograph they got is awful quality. You can hardly tell it's armor, let alone who's wearing it."

Despite my best intentions at holding onto the illusion spell— I could've sworn I even felt Dais boosting it— I teared up and curled into a tighter ball. The only reason I wasn't heaving was a completely empty stomach I hadn't had a chance to refill, and right now I wanted food or water for the sole purpose of throwing it up.

Ryo couldn't take the tension. He stalked out of the room and nearly slammed the front door behind him. I flinched and buried my face in Cye's chest. Rowen thanked his mother for the information with a note asking if she could get the story halted before following Ryo outside. Kento seemed too angry to play big brother to the, ironically, older Ronin, and Cye had his hands full.

At least Ryo would have somebody there.

My instincts about Kento had apparently been wrong. He reached over to put a hand on my calf. "Even when Talpa stole our armour powers, he couldn't take our armours away from us. It _has_ to be Sage wearing it."

Even though Mia had told me almost exactly the same thing earlier, hearing it from one of them made me feel better than she had. Stories directly from somebody involved always did. The voices screaming at me he was dead became easier to ignore.

Cye adjusted his grip on me. "I hope they're alright… They had it just as rough as we did when we were held in the _youjakai_."

Kento snorted in amusement. "Ryo wanted—"

They both froze, finishing the sentence in unison. "To go right after us."

Kento's eyes widened before he bolted outside, Cye leaning forward. A moment later Kento was swearing so loudly I partway closed myself off to the armour connection just to not feel his anger and the resulting guilt I had dragged them all into this years ago. Cye tried to soothe me the way everyone else did, that it was their choice to help and sometimes choices lead to pain— and the joy they'd gotten from knowing me was worth it.

It didn't help as much as I wished it had.

Distant shouting over the armour connection and superficial replies from Ryo and Rowen were dragging me back to the place I had been years ago, even though I loved my friends so much I could never truly return. I couldn't regret having them here because they were what made it bearable. "Why didn't she just go after me? I _know_ I can survive this…!"

Cye stroked my arm. "We'll survive this, too. Don't worry. We'll get him back."

Kento returned, fists still clenched in anger. He looked towards upstairs. "Someone needs to tell Tessa. We can't leave her here, but…"

How this stress would impact her pregnancy remained unspoken, none of us wanting to voice it even though I picked up on both of them thinking she shouldn't fly or even use the armour.

Our life never really had stopped resembling a movie after our first little set of adventures. She'd chosen that exact moment to come downstairs, half awake and rubbing her eye, White Blaze at her side; I wondered if he had anything to do with her impeccable sense of timing. "What about me...?"

I began pushing myself up, knowing this would be taking too much on but feeling no other way to ease the pain inside. "I'll—"

Cye tightened his grip. "You stay put, too."

Kento swallowed. "Ryo and Rowen just took off after Sage. I'm going after them."

Cye almost looked relieved at being forced behind. He hid it well, but his need to care for others rivaled Ryo's, some days.

Tessa didn't even react to Kento and White Blaze taking off out the front door, subarmour already visible under his clothing. She sat beside me on the couch, rubbing her face in shock. "What?"

I slid off of Cye's lap to be beside her. "Sage is… an armour _like_ his made it on the news and— I sensed him. We all watched the segment and once it was done they left without even telling us and—" My arms wrapped around her. "I'm so sorry."

She started crying. Not sobs, thank god— I would've taken off to rip Rowen to shreds _personally_ had she started sobbing— but tears flowed unbridled. Dawn couldn't block me from sensing the fear that something would happen to him, and frustration she couldn't be part of the fight. I tightened my grip and she returned it, needing the comfort. I knew she'd break if I left her, and I only hoped Rowen would be back soon.

My hand went up and down her back to reassure her, all the while thinking that if that idiot got himself captured again, he would have hell to pay.

—8—

The moment he had seen that news report, Rowen had understood that there was no other choice.

They had to find Sage. _Now_.

He knew Ryo would be of the same mind. So when the de facto Ronin leader had stomped out of Mia's living room toward the door, Rowen took his chance to slip away without involving any more people than were necessary.

It didn't even occur to him that he wouldn't be telling Tessa he was leaving until he'd already caught up to Ryo, subarmor shimmering into place.

Perhaps she was right. Sometimes he _was_ too reckless for his own good—especially when it involved his friends in danger.

"Going somewhere?"

Rekka rounded on Tenku like a tiger, bristling at what he thought would be yet another fight between fire and air. The look on Rowen's face must have told him something of the other Ronin's intentions, however; he almost immediately backed down.

"What of it?" Ryo asked warily.

"You're going to want back-up."

It took a moment for the younger warrior's implications to sink in, but when it did, Ryo smiled grimly and copied Rowen's grip on his shoulder.

There were no other words. None were needed. They had their yoroi called in half a second; Rowen gave Ryo a lift, and the two were shooting across the sky toward the one place they had a hunch Sage would be—

The docks where that picture had been taken.

They knew it when the others noticed their absence. Kento practically bust down the telepathic door trying to reach them as they flew over the halfway point between Mia's house and a locale that was going to be eerily familiar. _"What the hell are you doing? If this involves Nether Spirits you don't stand a chance by yourselves!"_

Rowen resolutely ignored both him and the overwhelming, wordless urging from Cye to come back. Ryo, however, didn't. _"The sooner we find Sage, the sooner we can tackle this problem together."_ His voice sounded faintly haunted. _"You saw Alexa…"_

 _"And you need_ her _to break whatever the Nether Spirits have done to him!"_ Kento retorted vociferously. _"Rowen, whatever happened to holding Ryo_ back _during the War? Did you forget_ Tessa _is still here and you didn't say a_ word _to her?"_

Despite the guilty pang at that—Kento _did_ always know how to hit Rowen right where it hurt most—he snorted at the irony of the situation. _"Kento, trying to be the voice of reason? That's a new one…"_

Kongo was nearly speechless with anger at this point. _"Just_ wait for us _, damnit!"_

 _"The longer we wait, the colder this lead gets,"_ Tenku insisted. _"We have to go_ now _."_

Against the others' protests, Rowen forced the connection to dull. He didn't dare sever it—that would be as bad as Sage dropping out of contact—but he and Ryo had to focus. Sage's life depended on it.

The docks came in sight not a few moments later. Memories stirred in the back of Rowen's mind, dusty pictures of a time when he had nearly sacrificed everything for friends he had just met but who would have done the same for him in a heartbeat. Even then, they had nearly lost Ryo to a Dynasty fiend.

Rowen had been married to Tessa too long not to want to send at least a small prayer to God that they wouldn't lose _Sage_ this time.

Ryo expertly hopped off Tenku's back as the pair landed in a wide open crossroads of an abandoned part of the docks. An eerie sense of deja vu crept over Rowen as he and Ryo cautiously scanned the area, recalling the ambush they'd wandered into ten years ago. Everything was just the same as it had been—even down to the unnatural mist that _wasn't_ rolling in off the sea.

As much as he loathed the feeling though, he had to admit it was the most wise place to regroup and get their bearings. The almost impenetrable knot of Nether Spirit activity was a good quarter mile off to their right, the distant hustle and bustle of the docks proper faint from off to the left. And while they easily could have hopped into the shadows of the warehouses to get out of the open as soon as they landed, that meant narrowing their field of vision considerably.

A few moments before Rowen would have suggested doing just that, however, the Ronin froze.

 _"Do you sense that…?"_

Ryo nodded.

Kourin was all of a hundred feet from their position.

The Rekka _ken_ hissed softly from their scabbards. Tenku's _hankyu_ was a welcome if slightly unfamiliar heft in his hand, almost like speaking to a long-lost friend.

Other than the incident with his mother-in-law four years ago, it had been a decade since he'd had to actually _use_ his honed skills in combat—let alone against a brother-in-arms.

Alexa had been right; the yoroi didn't feel like it should have. Rowen and Ryo didn't even have to go find it, either. Its footsteps were harsh and heavy, eerily reminiscent of a _youjakai_ soldier. Nether energy coated it like slime, bringing with it a chill that was unseasonal for the early-November morning. The Ronin braced, wary eyes peeled for its opening move.

The fog was so thick that it wasn't until Kourin stopped twenty feet away that Rowen could make out important details. Wisps of vapor that hung in the cold air—a human breath. Pale skin and a hint of gold at the top of the visor—Sage's eyes closed, his hair barely showing with the way the helm tended to brush it aside.

The faceplate locked in the closed position, something the Ronin had only ever been forced to use when the yoroi slumbered shortly after the beginning of the War.

Rowen and Ryo braced themselves as the Kourin _ken_ slowly drifted upward, Sage taking a too-familiar stance. _Red_ lightning danced along the blade.

 _"That's the_ rai ko zan _!"_ Rowen growled.

Ryo's reply was confused. _"Then why is he taking so long? That little demonstration in Canada was a drop in the bucket compared to what he's capable of."_

The nodachi's point dipped; the two Ronin jumped apart, crackling red electricity arcing through the space they had just occupied. Gears whirred in Rowen's head at nearly lightspeed as Sage slowly pivoted to orient himself with Tenku. He knew he'd seen this sort of scenario before. But when…

It clicked. _"He's amped up on Nether energy!"_

 _"Like Anubis was,"_ Ryo concurred, recalling the same memory. It was shortly followed by a muttered string of curses directed once more at Michael.

Rowen almost didn't want to see what Ryo would do when he saw the cultist again.

In the meantime, he knew Rekka was hiding sudden concern that they wouldn't be able to rip Sage from the throes of this Nether-possession just yet. Anubis had needed the Ancient's power to find the strength to turn away from Talpa—although he had begun that fight on his own.

 _"Get in line,"_ he quipped glibly, not wanting to admit how much the thought also rattled _him_.

Ryo refocused on the issue as Sage slowly approached Rowen. _"Here's hoping he can fight it on his own…"_

Rowen could have dodged the nodachi's vertical swipe half-asleep. He suddenly realized what was likely behind the awkward, jerky movements. _"Knowing him...he already_ is _."_

Despite understanding this—and knowing that any attacks he landed on his brother would immediately heal over—it was difficult to raise his bow against Kourin. Ryo, however, was faster, coming up behind Sage as a red blur.

Shockingly, Sage turned to face the Rekka _ken_ without hesitation, his movements the smooth, lightning-fast reactions they had become used to seeing from a highly-trained _kendoka_. Taken by surprise, Ryo was knocked roughly back onto the ground, his pride damaged more than anything else.

 _"What the hell was that?"_ he exclaimed, shaking off the shock to leap to his feet again.

Rowen was a tad too busy backpedalling, an arrow knocked to his bow and aimed right at Sage's breastplate. It was easy—a potshot, shooting fish in a barrel, practically. Still, he had to remind himself over and over again that Cye and Ryo had aimed surekills at each other back in the War and survived, hardly the worse for wear.

But this was his _brother_ , damn it all.

A flash of green was the only warning he had. Whatever control Sage had seemed to exhibit at their first encounter, he'd now lost. Rowen was hard-pressed to keep up, his arrow arcing wildly over Kourin's shoulder as the gold limbs of his bow took the nodachi's strike. The next few moments were a blur of parrying and blocking, retreating in the face of one of the most brutal onslaughts he'd faced in recent memory.

Desperate for a reprieve, he made a last-ditch effort to reach the other Ronin. "Sage, it's me—it's Rowen! Come on, Sage, I know you're in there. ...Seiji!"

The rapid blows came to a screeching halt. Rowen tried not to pant for breath, but had the sudden epiphany that he really wasn't in the same sort of shape he'd been in at the end of the War. He watched wordlessly while Sage seemed to struggle with himself, the nodachi wavering momentarily before shifting in herky-jerky motions interspersed with more long pauses.

He didn't even notice Ryo sneak up on Sage until it was too late. Before he could shout at the Ronin leader to stay back and let this play out, Rekka wound up to strike.

With the speed of his element behind him, Kourin swung around and backhanded Ryo with the nodachi's hilt.

Panic started rising—Rowen roughly forced it down, making himself stay where he was and stare down Sage. There was a reason for his single-minded focus on Tenku; he was sure of it. And he was going to use it to his advantage if he could.

"Seiji. Seiji, you're stronger than this. You can beat this," he urged, warily lowering his bow a centimeter. His right hand itched to stretch out, extend toward Sage and bring him home. "Whatever this is, we'll figure it out together. Come home, sensei…"

Something registered in Sage's expression. Instead of the immutable likeness of sleep, his brow furrowed and his lip twitched, shoulders hunching forward. A few moments passed, and his lips peeled back in a grimace.

A grimace of pain, Rowen realized.

And then Kourin resonated a sick red light that pulsed with overwhelming Nether energy.

Rowen gasped, nearly choking on that breath as similar pain overwhelmed his senses. It was just the same as it had been four years ago—he could barely resist the siren call, the Nether Spirits that whispered of peace, of letting go and surrendering control to the yoroi. Despite the years working with Dawn and sometimes Dusk, years of trying to eradicate every trace of the _youjakai_ origins in Tenku, it was still there.

 _"We need Alexa!"_ he exclaimed, throwing it out across the connection in no specific direction.

Kento responded first. _"Cye's with her and Tessa."_

 _"Alexa, get here_ now. _"_

Alarm spiked from Cye. _"She's too weak, Rowen!"_

Of course she could be counted on to want to prove that entirely wrong. Hopefully it would be to Rowen's benefit this time around. _"Like hell I am."_

His wife wasn't going to be kept out of it if she could help it, either. _"I'm coming, too."_

Thoughts of the baby, the Nether Spirits, of _anything_ potentially harming Tessa, colored his response. _"NO, you're not."_

 _"But—"_

He ignored her, except for a brief apology and the deep impression of how much he cared for her. _"Cye, you make damn sure she stays put."_

Alexa reinforced his decision. _"I won't let anyone get hurt."_

Time wavered in and out as Rowen focused on battling Tenku's rising nature. Only the fact that there was as little Nether influence in the yoroi as there was allowed him to hold on to consciousness—and control—as long as he did.

It was enough. A familiar _pop_ down in the yoroi's core gave him room to breathe, sucking in as much air as he could at the same time as his eyes snapped open.

He winced with empathy as much as for his own weariness when a fireball slammed into Sage's back. Kourin stumbled, planting a foot to regain his balance and pivoting to face Alexa. As with Ryo, he counterattacked immediately, every slice the epitome of swordsman's finesse. To his horror, Alexa took each blow on her forearms, the particular defensive properties of Dusk holding up under Kourin's onslaught—barely.

 _"What are you_ doing _?"_

 _"Trying to draw off the Spirits. Get_ out _of here,_ both of you _! I'll be right behind."_

But she couldn't hold out _forever_.

Rowen hauled himself to his feet. Sage came down particularly hard with one blow; she stumbled to the side, practically scurrying in her haste to dodge a swinging open hand.

It almost looked as if he were trying to _catch_ her...

Later, he would swear this happened in slow-motion. The Kourin _ken_ came up for a wide swing—then halted, suspended at its apex as Rowen pushed his body to _move_. Alexa and Ryo seemed frozen in place, not sure what to do.

He couldn't let his brother hurt Alexa. Sage would never forgive himself.

Rowen came within striking range just as the nodachi plummeted straight down. The last of his strength spent, his weak parry with a forearm did nothing to stop the blade from biting into Tenku. Nether Spirits zinged along the blade and into his yoroi, paralysis setting in almost immediately. It became nearly impossible even to _breathe_ , every muscle seizing. Nerves on fire.

Blood flow to the head restricted.

Syncope.

The medical term for _losing consciousness._

There was just enough time and thought for him to send a silent apology to Tessa.

Then darkness.

* * *

 **Translations:** Because, again, just to be sure I didn't miss them in previous iterations.

 _Rekka, Tenku, Kongo, Kourin, Suiko_ : Wildfire, Strata, Hardrock, Halo, Torrent, respectively.

 _Ken:_ sword, blade

 _Hankyu:_ a specific type of Japanese bow (in this case, collapsible)

 _Rai ko zan_ : Thunderbolt Cut ("lightning strike")


	11. Chapter 11

**Warnings** : Cult material, PTSD flashbacks, victim blaming, distorted eating

* * *

 _Chapter 11_

Discordant voices were the first thing to meet Rowen as he clawed out of unconsciousness. Whispers in the dark urged him to give it up, to go back to sleep. _'Let go,'_ they wheedled, _'It's wearisome to always be in control. Rest now._

 _'Give_ us _control.'_

 _"No!"_ he silently screamed. Drawing on the last vestiges of power in Tenku, he shoved his way out of the black sea darker than space.

His eyes came open with a rattling breath in his throat. Blinking brought wherever he was into focus—the inside of a warehouse, if his best guess was correct. Of course, a guess was all he was going to get; the only thing he could see was the wall, and against it, an accursed cultic altar. The Nether Spirit voices began to whisper once more when he lifted his head to glance at them hovering over the sickening display.

Immediately, Rowen looked away, trying to focus on anything but that. His gaze landed on Michael instead, every fiber of his being bristling for a fight.

But Michael hadn't left anything to chance. As soon as the Ronin tried to lunge forward, he felt silken restraints laced with Nether energy tying him in place. All he could do was growl in frustration—and try to put the voices out of his head again.

"So, you gave into your violent nature." The cultist didn't even twitch, let alone turn to face his captive. After a pause, he tsked pityingly. "All you have to do is let go. It can all go away…"

If he had been stronger, his voice would have roared. "You mean surrender my free will! I saw what you did to Sage. You won't get away with it!"

Michael halfway turned, giving him an almost aristocratic air. "You surrender it to God's will!"

The twisted logic of the cult made Rowen's blood boil. "How many times do Tessa and I have to pound it into your thick skull? Your god is a sick and twisted reimagining of Christian theology!"

Nether energy sang up his nerves, taking his breath away like a mid-level electric shock. Nevertheless, he remained determined—and hopefully he could buy the others _some_ time to follow his trail. "I _will not_ surrender to _you_."

Sighing, Michael made a beckoning gesture toward the darkness off to Rowen's right. The eerily familiar clank of armored footsteps heralded Sage's arrival in the small pool of candlelight flickering off the altar. A fond smile stretched the cultist's lips—Rowen could have gagged, had he the energy. "You see, Strata, I've been doing some research of my own. Your friend Sage here, for instance. His armor already has an incredible degree of finesse to it, likely from his devotion to _kendo_.

"But yours… _Yours_ is the most powerful of the lot, if you believe the classical Chinese elements. But it's wild—volatile. It needs _stability_. Order. Control." Michael practically crooned, his voice turned persuasive and sickeningly endearing. "I can offer you that. Surely you, as a logistician, see the benefits of that."

He lifted a hand to Sage's shoulder in a too-friendly gesture that had Rowen curling a lip for his friend's sake. Michael seemed not to notice. "You saw how much Sage benefitted from giving his control over to God. Just as everything in the universe has its place in the world—the sun, the moon, planets—so do the people."

It took a moment to realize he was so worn out that he had _let_ Michael go on monologuing. His weak, snarled reply gave away just how drained he was. "You have a place, too—six feet under!"

Michael merely chastised him. "Ah, there's your violent nature again. You know, wishing harm upon others simply brings harm upon yourself."

He took his hand from Sage's upper arm to gesture at Rowen. Kourin's helm turned to face him—Sage's face hidden in shadow—and stepped forward, leveling the nodachi with Tenku's breastplate. Nether Spirits descended from the altar along the conduit formed by the blade, slamming into Rowen almost with the force of the _rai ko zan_.

Gritting his teeth against the pain and the crescendo of voices in his mind took more out of him than he even thought he had. His vision swam as the sensations subsided infinitesimally, his breathing mere ragged whispers through his teeth.

"There is—" He winced at the rasp in his voice. "—nothing wrong with...wishing justice for—"

The nodachi flicked to one side in a sharp, precise cut no longer than a few inches. The agony Rowen experienced, however, was a thousand times more piercing.

He hardly recognized his voice in the scream that escaped.

"Me saving your little wife from the likes of you?" Michael finished the sentence, scoffing. "I'm surprised you haven't realized how _helpful_ that will be to her!"

Sage had once mentioned, long ago—maybe it had been during the _youjakai_ war, perhaps sometime after—that when the vacuum of space finally caught up with Rowen, it would have consequences. He had laughed it off at the time, finding the non-volcanic metaphor for his anger amusing if fitting. Now, were someone to ask what one thing could trip that button the most reliably, he felt he could answer without hesitation.

Do _not_ threaten a single cell of Tessa's being.

His rage unlocked hidden reserves in Tenku's power. Just as he drew himself to his full height against the restraints, however, Nether Spirits found weakness in that new strength: the loss of focus, loss of his famed strategizing, loss of all other thoughts but achieving his goal.

Walls closed in on the typhoon that was his yoroi. Rowen panicked, feeling as if he were cut off from his element in a way that hadn't happened even in the deepest reaches of the _youjakai_. A wash of confused voices swirled around him; he clung tightly to Tenku as they sought to drag him down amongst them, a faceless mass that had him desperately searching for himself.

 _'I am Rowen. I am Touma. I am a Ronin.'_

He tried to keep repeating that mantra. The roar intensified, hands reaching to take Tenku away from him.

"You can be remade in the eyes of God if you let go," Michael's sibilant voice slid through the howling gale.

But he had to hang on. Something told him he _had_ to. There was someone—someone waiting for him. He hadn't said goodbye, he couldn't leave her like this—

An image. Petite, red-haired, hazel eyes sparkling with childlike mirth, a smile that dazzled everyone when it showed up and made his day gloomier when it fled. Her stomach hardly showing just yet but soon the world would know she was with child _and that child was his._

 _"Rowen! Rowen,_ koibito _, stay with me!"_

Why did she sound so scared…?

Right. He remembered, now. _'I am Rowen. I am Touma. I am a Ronin.'_

Her fingers brushed his and the warmth of a newborn sun bid the hurricane be still.

That moment of peace shattered in an instant, a breath of air above waves that tugged him relentlessly down, down, down into the darkest days he'd ever lived through all at once.

 _"What're you even doing here?"_ (Both the kids in his grade school and adults in his university.)

 _"You're too young to play with us."_ (The older kids he had looked up to.)

 _"Hey man, lighten up, it's just a game."_ (Peers who didn't understand why he took strategy so seriously—but didn't they see how Important it was?)

 _"Such a teacher's pet."_

The silent scream started and continued without pause. He tried to clap his hands over his ears— _'Make it stop! Stop stop STOP!'_ —but to no avail.

 _"He only has the grades he does because he's a suck up."_ (They just didn't love to learn like he did. Why didn't they enjoy it as much as him?)

 _"Hah! Genius finally failed."_ (When he was running late and panicking because he fell asleep studying the night before and forgot to put his name on an assignment and no one would let him forget the one big bold red F at the top.)

 _"Bookworm."_ (Because books are all he has; he doesn't even have parents most days, let alone friends.)

For once, he wished he were Suiko instead of Tenku. If he couldn't fly, perhaps he could swim against this current he was drowning in.

 _"Freak."_ (Maybe he _is_ …)

 _"Arrogant prick."_ (Maybe he _was_ too uptight...)

 _"You didn't need that, did you?"_ (Nothing belonged to him. Just give up.)

Under the waves once more, and this time too weak to struggle. Suiko? What was that? Tenku—he was Rowen, Tenku no Touma—no, just Tenku.

His eyes slid closed, restful at last.

"You've given up to God, now?"

Some small part squirmed, uncomfortable with that. _"...Who am I? I was… No, I am. I am a servant._

 _"I am Tenku."_

—8—

Everything was going wrong.

The Ronin Warriors were falling to pieces. With Sage gone—and apparently under some sort of possession—my sister was a barely-there walking shell of a person hiding in a case of armor. My own husband had run off after his best friend and Ryo had gladly followed. Kento, of all people, had gone to try and bring them back while Cye made sure Alexa and I didn't get into any _more_ trouble.

Of course, that had never stopped her.

But I was _tired_ of being the one left out, of being the one more inclined to listen to warnings especially when it wasn't just for my own good.

Or maybe I just didn't want to admit how much not being able to offer anything worthwhile to the situation had me on the edge of panic.

It certainly didn't help that I could hardly feel Rowen and Strata. Even with her particular affinity for penetrating Nether energy, the Spirits swirled too strongly around him for Dawn to reach. And I'd been in touch with him when he fell unconscious; there was no way for him to try responding to my prompts.

Like a mare running the fenceline after being separated from her foal, I was working myself into a frenzy over Rowen's absence. And I couldn't rest until I knew one way or the other.

 _"I will not let anything hurt him."_

Translation: She would do whatever it took to keep him in sight. It didn't help my state at all, hands clenching and unclenching and whole body wishing I could be out there myself. My left thumb scrubbed rapidly back and forth over my wedding band, the already-round metal barely beginning to wear away at the edges from just such a motion over the past nearly-two years.

He _had_ to come back...

Cye voiced what was stuck in my throat. _"_ You _need to get back here!"_

 _"Not yet."_

 _"You haven't eaten in_ over twenty four hours. _"_

 _"I managed to get some down before I left, remember?"_

 _"In what realm is_ that _enough?"_

I had apparently picked up some of Alexa's dark humor in the years I'd gotten to know her. _"And don't say the_ youjakai _,"_ I couldn't resist retorting. It helped lighten my mood.

A little.

 _"The realm where I have Sekhmet helping me last a little longer—"_ There was no mistaking her intent. _"I'm going after him."_

Cye was so much an open book that I could tell he was going to give the _doku mashou_ at least a stern talking-to after this was all over. _"WHAT?"_

I swallowed. _"So, the_ youjakai _."_

 _"I've got to track him."_

It was hard to tell which "him" she meant, though I figured if it came down to it, "both" was an equally-valid response. For the sake of my sanity—as much as I wanted Rowen back, more than anyone in the group—I had to protest. _"But who'll make sure_ you _don't get hurt?"_

Surprisingly, Cale provided the answer. _"Kayura will go with her."_

Though reluctantly, that was enough reassurance to have Cye smoothing down his mother-hen feathers. Alexa's response, however, didn't do anything for me.

 _"We can't give up our chance at finding them."_

Her desperation to make this work mirrored my own—but I couldn't take it if it meant she got caught, too. My voice cracked and went shrill, a tone that had _myself_ cringing at sounds that were unrecognizable as me. _"But that's what_ Rowen _did."_

She instantly softened, response nearly a whisper from the comfort and gentleness laced through it. _"I'm not going to engage. Promise."_

 _"If she does, she will have to answer to me,"_ Kayura said with finality.

With the amount of authority she pushed behind those words, I would have saluted and "yes ma'am"'d her like a lieutenant colonel or a general. The thought mollified me enough to stop protesting and practically collapse back in my seat on the couch, body weak from the mental and emotional stress I was putting it through.

Still, if my sister _did_ do anything reckless, Kayura would be the least of her worries. _"Get in line,"_ I muttered to the Ancient's successor.

Of course, my brain immediately made the "like husband, like wife" correlation in my mind.

 _"And_ that _is why I won't engage!"_

Her attempt at lightening the mood worked. I managed a smile, tense though it was.

Yuli had wandered into the living room sometime shortly after Alexa answered Rowen's summons. I couldn't decide if he had deliberately avoided what was going on because he felt it wasn't really his business, or some other more mundane reason—like sleep. (The boy might as well have been Rowen's successor in that regard. He and Sage had even bickered over whose protege he really was—Sage's in kendo, or Rowen's in academics and sleep.)

Now, he sat next to me in the space not occupied by Mother Cye and hesitantly put a hand on my shoulder. "They made it through the War fine—I remember them getting captured a lot." ( _'...Bless your heart Yuli but you were just eight.'_ ) "Ryo and Kento will find them. Especially with Kayura and Alexa working on it, too."

Alexa often swore our life was a movie—or one big plot cliche. As if summoned, Cale and Dais suddenly appeared in the room—a _pop_ of the audible and magical variety, their sudden mass shoving air outward in a mini-shockwave. (The thought made me remember Rowen, and a pang of sorrow hit my solar plexus.) I'd known they were capable of teleportation thanks to their time with Talpa, but I'd never actually seen it done.

They even had Ryo and Kento in tow, powered back down to subarmor. Yuli had an expression on his face like the wind had been taken out of his sails. "... So just Kayura and Alexa and Sekhmet, then," he amended, still hopeful.

Then Sekhmet poofed in next to Dais, and the boy slumped in a way that said "Igiveup". I could have laughed were the situation not so dire.

The aforementioned Warlord crossed his arms casually. "I believe there was a reason Talpa preferred sending Kayura out on her own… I shudder to think what she and Alexa could have done together had they _both_ been under Talpa."

I didn't particularly care for that sort of comment just then. Alexa had had enough trouble dealing with the damned cult; the mere thought of a shadow of a _possibility_ that she could have been part of the Dynasty registered all sorts of Hellz No in my brain. For his trouble, Sehkmet got the dirtiest, meanest glare I could muster short of a Death Glare.

Satisfaction at _actually_ making him recoil from the Pregnant Lady Glare was revenge enough for me.

 _'Don't mess with the hormones, dude.'_

Natural mediator Mister Mouri stepped in. "He means that if anyone can track Rowen and Sage, it's them. Kayura was a force to be reckoned with during the War."

While it was certainly a nice thought, I couldn't help spiraling back down into every What If path that was a writer's blessing and a writer's curse. A glance around at everyone showed that Kento wanted to give me a hug just as much as I wanted one.

Yuli had spent enough time at my house to recognize this sort of moment and vacated his place on the couch next to me. After Sage, Kento was Rowen's best friend. He'd met him even before the War, when Kento was staying at Rowen's grandfather's shrine as a foreign exchange student of sorts. Kento had so doggedly pestered the poor bookworm that Rowen eventually gave in and started talking to him.

Hardrock had then gleefully proceeded to drag my future husband all over Tokyo whenever they got the chance, claiming he needed to get out more and actually see all the things his precious books talked about.

This translated to my gaining yet another close brother, someone who stopped by the apartment more often than not just to give me some company when Rowen had to stay late at the university grading—or writing—papers.

Now, Kento gathered me in his strong arms, and I buried my face in his chest, trying not to sob. Dawn siphoned off strength from the earth-based armor, simultaneously transmitting thoughts running through my head that begged for Rowen to please please _please_ come back to me safely.

Dais' voice sounded suspiciously reassuring in his matter-of-fact statement. "They have the powers of the Ancients running in their veins— it takes more than Nether Spirits to control them."

Despite hiding in what essentially amounted to a cave, my distress spiked rather than plummeted. "So do _I_! I should be out there, too!"

Had I more energy to put into those words, I probably would have screeched like a turkey vulture.

Movement beside me indicated Cye standing. He hardly sounded apologetic—more like sadly relieved that he had a reason to keep me from overexerting myself. "He made me promise you would stay."

Before I could summon the energy to chastise him, Dusk brushed Dawn with a whispered promise that I would be needed later, that I wouldn't have to sit this entire ordeal on the sidelines. It was enough to bring me down off the hysteria-high; enough to realize just how exhausted I was, emotionally.

Tense silence enveloped the living room as Cye left to make food for Alexa's inevitable return. I kept my face tucked against Kento, not wanting to watch though I could sense the Warlords start to pace restlessly. Ryo quickly vanished, too, and it was anyone's guess as to where he'd go (I'd give them three chances, though, and the first two didn't count. There was something to be said for Wildfire's volcanic predictability).

Not long into the wait, tires crunching on gravel told me Mia's trademark red Jeep had pulled into the driveway. Someone—Yuli, Dawn told me—padded out to the _genkan_ to break the awful news of the morning's escapades to her.

A few minutes later, her much-lighter weight sank softly down on the couch where Cye had been.

Her gentle manner felt like feathers on my ears after all the masculine voices of the past half-hour. "Haven't you said one of Alexa's characters is a tracker?"

That got a weak smile out of me, thinking of Kavita and how I could speak of her as well as I could my own sister. The sheer number of collaborative stories we had with her and my characters was kind of ridiculous...

I nodded in response to Mia, risking moving myself just slightly so as to peer out at her with one eye. It was almost too easy to dredge up an instance that matched her query. "Yeah… In one of our stories, she once tracked a beast made of pure emotion across a continent."

"And she isn't caught easily, I've heard." Bless her heart, the woman was trying to be reassuring. But something told me I just wasn't going to be _entirely_ consolable until Rowen was back where he belonged. Kudos to her for trying, though. "If she's anything like her character, she'll stay safe."

The comparison strengthened my smile, but I couldn't be too hopeful. Kavita had gotten herself nearly killed too many times, and Alexa shared too many similarities with the warrior to let me drop my guard. There was a reason I had coined the term "Pulling a Kavita" in reference to my sister's stunts.

As if I could bury my thoughts with the motion, I squirmed closer to Kento's warmth. My head remained barely turned toward Mia as a courtesy, my vision now almost completely obscured by an arm. "I just hope we find him in time…"

No one could say anything to that.

It didn't take long for my exhausted body to give in to sleep. There was hardly a restful minute involved, though, a light catnap plagued by snatches of horrible things I couldn't remember two seconds after seeing the images. Slowly, however, a theme developed.

Nether Spirits. Walls closing in. Waves crashing overhead. A cacophony of voices that overwhelmed the senses.

Then I realized.

This was no dream.

Rowen.

 _"Rowen! Rowen,_ koibito _, stay with me!"_

Dawn stretched herself thin shoving through the Nether Spirits to reach him. There—a brief flicker, strengthening with light from my armor. A star, synonymous with a sun...it had actually never struck me just how perfectly Dawn and Strata matched, complimented each other.

My heart could be at peace as long as this lasted.

The star imploded. Nether Spirits howled, dragging the light into a yawning black hole and nearly sucking Dawn's warmth with it. Like a rope under tension struck with a knife, all connection to Strata _snapped_.

I only became aware of the fact I was screaming when Kento's hand dug roughly into my forearm. The pain yanked me out of the not-nightmare into reality, though every horrible image still burned behind my retinas.

Tears spilled unchecked down my cheeks. My throat was already raw but I had to force the words out.

"Rowen! Rowen, Rowen he's—he's _gone_. He's gone! HE'S GONE!"

The knot in my throat closed over all other words, but they kept repeating through my mind like a broken record. Dawn took the telepathic shape of a dragon, keening sorrowfully as she circled wildly in a desperate search for Strata.

The rest of the world was a vague blur through the tears and the gaping hole in my chest. Alexa threw a punch toward Kayura—when had they come back?—that the _youjakai_ warrior calmly blocked. She instead turned the motion into a rough hug, maybe as much for herself as for my sister.

Rowen had once said Kayura had a bit of a soft spot for him…

It hurt too much to think of, right now.

Finally, my body gave out on me completely. I collapsed against Kento, shuddering weakly from the effort I'd expended and absentmindedly wondering if it was possible to miscarry from this much emotional trauma all at once.

Dusk carried Dawn where she otherwise hadn't the strength, flooding her sister-armor with determination to hang on tight. She would do whatever it took to make things right.

I took a deep breath.

Crystal clear focus.

Michael was going to _pay_.

"You are _not_ keeping me out of this fight anymore."

My suddenly-calm voice cut through the hubbub of the room like a katana. Everyone turned toward me as I carefully levered myself up and nearly out of Kento's embrace; his hand remained on my upper back, uncertain of my intention. I slowly looked around from person to person, finally landing on my sister.

I was relieved to see a smoothie in her hand, sucked nearly all the way down. The silence drew me back to what I was arguing for—before anyone could interrupt or protest my declaration. "Dawn is more than capable of helping take care of the baby. Whatever this is that Michael's doing to Sage and Rowen, it's become personal now."

Predictably (or maybe a tad surprisingly, considering her overprotectiveness sometimes), Alexa took my side. "I know what he's done, and we have no choice in the matter. I'm dragging you into this whether anyone else likes it or not." Anticipating their rejection of that idea, she shot them an icy look that had me wondering if she weren't really Dawn's bearer. "If you guys try to keep her out of this, you're dealing with both of us. I _need_ her to break them out."

Even recognizing the inevitability that we would put ourselves into harm's way at some point, Cye still proved the most cautionary voice. "Until we know what we're up against, we risk making ourselves vulnerable."

His distinct Look at Alexa told her he'd picked up on the first tidbit she'd come out with. She flicked a hand, waiting to answer until she'd removed the straw from her mouth after a long pull of smoothie. Her fingers ticked off the points as she spoke. "Drain the person's energy by sending them on overload, pushing them past the point of meltdown. If at all possible, find PTSD triggers to prey on. Make it the mind has _no choice_ but to shut down. After that, taking them over is child's play." She glanced away, the only clue to her anger being an open hand smoothly—delicately—flowing into a fist. "I've succumbed to it."

Being the closest to my sister, Kayura set a sympathetic hand on her shoulder like I wished I could. Even the Warlords echoed Kento and Cye's protective feelings, though they had more of an understanding born of shared experience from the sense of it.

Alexa snorted self-deprecatingly. "I couldn't identify it earlier because it worked differently for me. They would exhaust Dusk until I couldn't access her, then fill me with Nether energy. Sage's and Rowen's minds and souls were exhausted, and Nether Spirits were able to take over the Ancient's influence in their armour. That's why I need Balance— otherwise, it's not enough power."

"Even if you _could_ do it alone, I'd _still_ be coming," I muttered—more as a warning to the guys not to stop me than anything else.

The conversation paused, Alexa taking a few thoughtful sips from her smoothie. Ryo chose that moment to show up, quietly slipping into the living room and taking a space by one corner. The angry energy had mostly gone, replaced with weary resignation as he folded his arms and leaned against the wall. My sister continued as if he'd been here the whole time. "Thankfully, they _can_ gain energy back. Dusk would always return, somehow. Sometimes I did need the Ancient's help to break out, but for the most part I would find myself again."

Ryo nodded—presumably having been filled in on the previous discussion thanks to Kento or Cye. "Rowen...mentioned that Sage seemed to be fighting the—the possession."

"He was," Alexa concurred softly. "He tried to catch me, but right before he incapacitated me, he froze. Rowen lunged to stop Sage, not realizing…"

Kento jumped to the conclusion. "So then he took Rowen instead."

Wildfire visibly tried to keep his frustrated anger in check. "But if he was fighting it, why didn't he just let us take Rowen back? Why kidnap one but not the other?"

"Because when one with control of Nether Spirits orders you to do something, it is unwise to leave _anything_ undone," Dais rumbled, clearly speaking from experience. The other former-Dynasty generals nodded in subtle agreement. "If he had been ordered to take both, then his only option was to pick which to be punished for _not_ taking."

The pain in my sister's voice nearly broke my heart, especially as I knew exactly what she was feeling, minus having _seen_ the possession of my significant other face-to-face. "He was in pain, fighting to catch me. He had no choice but to take one of us."

Alexa wasn't telling us something. Dusk trying to hide it from Dawn was a dead giveaway, her sister armor not letting mine dive deep enough to find the thought. I was too tired to press, though, and let it go. If it were important enough, hopefully she would tell me later.

"And with his options limited to his betrothed or his brother-in-arms, taking Rowen was the only viable response," Cale finished the logic.

Her lip twitched. "He probably just wants Rowen to get to Tessa. She's the one he's after."

Again, Dawn had an inkling that wasn't the only thing in Alexa's mind. Still, the thought that my obsessive stalker-ex-boyfriend was behind this—and using my husband to get to _me_ —had me cringing and praying to God Rowen wouldn't get seriously hurt.

Hopefully his status as _bait_ would mean Michael wouldn't dare…

My sister, of course, picked up on my reaction and the words in my mind that I hadn't realized were so transparent. "Sage didn't feel hurt, sis. He'll be okay until we can get him back."

Her reassurance, combined with my own logic, actually worked. Cye and Kento weren't so convinced, however, instantly picking up on Alexa's shrewd deduction that _I_ was the ultimate target. With Sage and now Rowen already taken, I didn't exactly blame them for their Big Brother instincts. "And we'll be sure to protect you until we do," Cye said firmly.

Kento broadened that definition with a pointed glance at Alexa. "BOTH of you."

"I'll be fine. Worry about her," Alexa replied—predictably.

I had nothing to say to this. As was the way with meltdowns, I was too spent to do more than stay flopped against Kento's side. Dawn pulled back to minimum output, just enough extra to maintain her usual pregnancy monitoring.

Kayura shook her head in amusement. "And here I thought _Rowen_ was stubborn…"

Of course my sister had a quip to that. "Never underestimate PTSD crossed with OCD."

I managed to smile and quietly add, "It's a Libra thing. Don't even bother trying to understand it."

Half-hearted levity didn't hide how I was wincing at the too-fresh reminder of my husband. Alexa shot me an apologetic look, one that spoke volumes about how responsible she felt for this.

We'd need to have a conversation about it later, I was certain. My sister had a way of taking far too much responsibility on her shoulders for things that weren't inherently her fault.

"Both of you may be needed, but neither of you are going out in the condition you are presently," Dais said, turning the conversation back from its little side trail.

Cale nodded. "You will do Kourin and Tenku no good as you are."

By now, Alexa had moved on to her pancakes. After a quick chew and swallow of the bite in her mouth, she replied, "No need to remind me."

That got the tiniest apologetic response, its subtlety speaking volumes of the _yami mashou—_ merely the smallest tilt of his head down, eyes cast toward the floor for a brief moment. It was a gesture I had rarely seen from him, or any of the _mashou_ for that matter.

Perhaps their limited time in the _ningenkai_ was...softening them?

I put it out of my mind. Thinking was getting difficult, with the shock of Rowen's capture fading into a pulsing ache. The black hole loomed large in my mind, starlight bent around its edge where space and time collided and shattered. One little star in particular caught my attention, wandering back and forth just along the boundary between safety and danger.

 _'Rest, little one,'_ I said sadly. The bead of light—so small against the backdrop of space—almost seemed to _croon_ mournfully. Had I had arms to gather it in, I would have, for how frightened it sounded.

 _'Save your strength…'_

I took my own advice to heart. Sleep stole over us both, and nightmares vanished into dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

I move into my new place (yay!), and someone gets a present! Dedicated to our absolutely wonderful and loyal reviewer, Myth. We hope you enjoy this chapter in particular~!

P.S. - Be careful what you wish for. ;)

 **Warnings:** Cult material, kidnapping, parental abuse, mind control

* * *

 _Chapter 12_

A combination of illusions, antivenom, and my own willpower had me both awake and eating to make up for the past few days. Dais had made it I didn't see Sage every time I closed my eyes, pain-laced blackness the only thing left in the tattered connection. I could practically hear his grandfather's voice booming in his mind— the way they'd broken him.

He'd always called me his safety in the dark, but there was nothing I could do to protect him from family. At this very moment, I wasn't sure if I meant his or mine.

I'd always blessed my ability to adapt to basically any sleep schedule. Thanks to that twelve hour nap, I was somewhat on Japan time— even if my body wanted to remind me I was still exhausted from the trial and it was around two am back home. I'd rested while I ate and we waited for my sister to wake up, but part of me just wanted to go to bed.

Not like my brain would _let_ me sleep, right now.

Evening was just starting to darken, giving Dusk a power boost. Cye shoved a snack at both Tessa and I, my sister having barely woken up at the time. I stalked out of the house the minute I'd finished, before debates over how we'd get there began.

"I'll meet you there."

Before anyone could protest, I took off like a shot towards the docks.

Tessa was all of a moment behind me, just as itchy to finish this. To get our loves back. I kept Dawn on the fringes if only so she didn't sense my fear, both from wondering if the two of us would be enough and what I had realized while we'd been talking.

Sometimes, I cursed my ability to think like a villain. I knew what was going on, I knew why Sage had picked Rowen over me, and I didn't want to even entertain the thought I was right.

We landed at the edge of the Nether tainted zone before the Warlords. I stayed on the balls of my feet, knowing just how badly we were at a disadvantage.

Leave it to Tessa to know when I was hyperaware to bottle things up. "Talk to me, sis."

I took a breath to answer, only to hear White Blaze chuff. "Later."

She followed after my light trot. _'Now.'_

Her ferocity reminded me just how much trouble secrets had caused us. _'Mom wants me dead.'_

She paused in pure shock, both of us having guessed but me never putting it so bluntly.

I slowed as fog rolled in, walking back to meet her, senses peeled. _'C'mon, it's obvious. And how much do you wanna bet this—'_

I cut myself off and yanked her to the side, arrow shockwave just grazing her back and shouts from the others— not to mention White Blaze's roar— alerting us to danger.

Clanking footsteps.

I shoved Tessa behind me to watch two figures barely visible in the fog. Their silhouettes were unmistakable and formed a rock in my stomach. Rowen stopped while still in the bank— giving him the range advantage— while Sage continued forward to engage.

I stepped up to meet him, fire in my hands spreading up my forearms.

"I don't want to hurt you," I said, sound carrying in the silence.

His ōdachi lifted, feet falling into an attack stance. In the background, a glint off Strata's bow indicated he was of the same orders.

I grit my teeth. "But I will if I have to."

Balance exploded out in a firestorm, residual power clearing the fog and lighting them in harsh relief. Faceplates down, eyes closed, the gold on their armour red-tinted. Tessa's emotions rolled through our connection in waves, fear and horror matching my own.

We had to get them back.

Rowen's bow rose and _hesitated_ once its sights were on his wife. The pause was just long enough for Kento to charge him, engaging the ranged warrior in a battle he was unprepared for.

I didn't have a chance to watch, seeing as Sage was now set on attacking me.

Ryo couldn't intercept him before his strike met my staff, bearing down with intent to break me. I slid back under his force, staring at his face while he was unreachable. "Je sais tu êt là, mon ange."

He broke away, something inside responding. I sent a strong message to Ryo to stay out of this, lick of flame between my fingers as I worked the spell. "Bat toi, mo—"

A rough hit to my side had me rolling and facing off against a tin can. I leapt back with flight as Sage's blade was now where I had been.

Kayura appeared and hit the tin can so hard it flew into the lines behind it twenty feet away, the effect akin to a bowling ball against pins. She vanished before Sage could get his bearings back to swipe at her, him pausing in what I assumed to be memory when she gave a joyless laugh.

Her mental voice reflected how she felt more concern than levity. _'Leave the Dynasty Soldiers to us.'_

A flicker of gratitude was all I had time to give before Sage turned and swiped at me once more. I caught it just to be close, just so he could _for sure_ hear my voice.

"Mon ange," I said, almost pleaded. "Bat. Toi."

Part of me didn't want to admit the reason I felt so intensely was my own fear. If Sage was fighting as hard as every indication said, he knew Michael would hurt me. With how that bastard was close to my mother, I didn't want to admit her desire to kill me had spread.

He broke away and there was the grimace of pain again, him bent over with soul and puppetmaster vying for control. I sent the fire to his chest but it wasn't fast enough— Nether Spirits took over and I parried as many blows as I could, eventually breaking away and letting Ryo bulldoze him to give me a reprieve.

"Mon ange tu dois être là!"

He froze again and I warily leaned back, ready for another strike. Moans— familiar, sickening, threatening-flashback moans— tore my attention up. The sight of a Nether Spirit controlling him like a puppet threatened to bring my own experiences crashing down.

But this time, I could fight back.

My knife edge hand sent a bolt of lightning above him, engaging the spirit directly. "He is _not yours!_ "

It howled in response to my attack, Sage crying out as two forces fought for his spirit. I reached out with Dusk only for everything to bounce off, him launching at me.

Lightning was always faster than a wildfire. I took the hit and tumbled back, no match for a fifth _dan_. The hilt of his sword ended up against my throat, robbing me of air I already didn't have. My kick to his chest was weak and just made him bear down more.

My vision started swimming.

His hilt left my windpipe and I gasped, rolling just to _get away from that place_. Ryo and Sage were locked in blocks and attacks, Ryo growling out the same phrases I had been, only this time in Japanese. I engaged the spirit again to a constant backdrop of encouragement, all of us trying— and apparently failing— to draw my fiancé back.

 _Gods above let this be enough_.

No sooner had I said the prayer, Ryo cried out in pain.

Another spirit.

This one finding the cracks in Ryo's mind, him already triggered from feeling he'd let his friends down and mentally wide open to influence. He was fighting himself so much the Nether Spirit could easily whisper to rest, if only he gave up.

I watched red lightning arcing wildly over the already red armour. He jerkily fell to one knee, Sage's swordpoint biting into his arm. My heart burned with the ferocity of my own emotions.

My rising terror and panic spread through the group as we realized what was happening. Sage had become Michael's lancer, the instrument of his power, and now Ryo was about to be next. Reserves of power I hadn't even known _existed_ flared up in Dusk.

I turned everything I had to one purpose.

Breaking that control.

"He is _not yours_!"

My fireball at Sage snapped him out of focusing on Ryo. Michael was an opportunistic bastard and I'd just given him the opportunity on me. I leapt in the space I had cleared, throwing Sage to the side with strength that was more of Balance's than my own. He skidded and killer instinct honed in on me, but not towards me. The only confirmation I needed it was projected and not his feelings.

"Seiji I know you're there."

He hesitated before pouncing on me. Sparks flew from staff against sword, me breaking towards one side to unbalance him and get a hit into his shoulder.

"Mon ange, tu et pas ca."

He was slower, now, the combination attack meticulous like he was teaching the forms, leaving all his openings. He'd taught me this form. For fun. I felt _him_ on the edges.

"Reste avec moi."

He stepped back, looking like he was preparing, grimace already on his lips. I found my edge, found his kendo, his light, the way Dusk's darkness amplified his brightness.

Cracks.

Desperation.

But it didn't belong to either of us.

"Michael can't have you!"

I leapt at him, palm connecting straight to the centre of his chest. The spell exploded under my hand, him falling back on his knee and the spirit still haunting Ryo dissolving with Balance's power. It lit my veins and I projected every ounce of it in between the three of us, dragging them back to where the Ancient had taken their armours centuries ago.

Sage's faceplate lifted, his hand going to rub his eyes with a groan. The clumsy movement knocked off his helm, hair falling back where it belonged.

"Seiji…"

Before I could relax, I heard my sister's shout. Every impulse to throw my arms around Sage's neck and dissolve into tears vanished under the weight of the reminder.

There was one more person I had to take care of.

—/—

Maybe I _shouldn't_ have been so insistent on coming.

The only reason Rowen didn't get his shot off—though I _saw_ him hesitate, I saw it plain as day in this pitch-black darkness lit by flashes of energy—was Kento bulldozing into him like a linebacker.

Cye planted himself squarely in front of me, yari at the ready and stance as defensive as a mother bear. My eyes stayed pinned on Rowen as he and Kento traded blows, though I could hear more fighting breaking out in the immediate vicinity. White Blaze's roar tore through the night from some unknown distance, nocturnal air and metal buildings wreaking havoc with the acoustics.

"They brought tin cans," Torrent growled, pivoting first one way and then another as the moans and armor-weighted footsteps drew closer.

 _"We'll handle them,"_ Sekhmet reassured.

Rowen misstepped. The Hardrock _bo_ whistled toward Strata's helm.

" _NO_!"

Strata recovered by some feat of acrobatics my eyes couldn't follow. Kento's growl was palpable across the connection; he retreated in order to find another angle as the sky-inspired armor alighted once more.

"Don't hurt him!"

Kento saw Rowen nock an arrow just in time. A quick spin of the staff deflected it. "Then what would you have us do? Let him make us sitting ducks for the Nether Spirits?"

I huffed in irritation, trying to step around Cye again only for the yari to block my way. "Let me go to him!"

"No," Cye growled. "He'd _kill_ us if we let him hurt you, or the baby."

I huffed. "He might kill you _anyway_ if you don't let me bring him back, so LEMME AT 'IM."

I should have remembered to be careful what I wished for. There was a reason Rowen was known for being the fastest in the group, which he proved yet again at that moment. Cye suddenly found himself struggling to hold ground as Strata covered the distance from Hardrock to Torrent in the blink of an eye.

My heart plummeted into my stomach at my first glimpse of Rowen up close.

"Koibito…" I pleaded.

Kento yanked me back by the arm before I could attempt reaching out. I yelped with the surprise, relying on him to steady me as the motion took me off-balance. Something had changed, though—my husband was still in there, still beneath the armor's influence. Now he moved fractionally slower, with just a little less power; enough for Cye to regain his footing and strike with equal ferocity.

He might be a medical professional. But he was also a warrior.

Woe betide any who would _dare_ harm his charges.

And then Strata pulsed _red_.

Balance surged forward, effort split between the now-swirling Nether Spirits and protecting my baby. Kento and Cye strained to keep on their feet, but their knees inched ever closer to the ground.

Rowen slowly turned toward me.

I stepped back into a fighting stance, Dragonfang answering my summons in a heartbeat. Despite my outward appearance of strength—I hoped—my body felt frail and unprepared for this. I'd been in training up until three months ago, but it had been _years_ since I'd gotten into a serious fight. And in those training sessions I had always struggled to keep up with Rowen.

Now I was _pregnant_ , and way out of practice.

 _'God help me,'_ I prayed.

Rowen leapt.

The secret to his style, I knew, was that his appearance as dedicated archer was deceiving. He had been equally well-trained in hand-to-hand, and Strata's bow almost doubled as a staff. The weapon's upper limb crashed hard against Dragonfang. My arm shuddered and sucked back a good six inches, feet backpedalling to create space.

Brain falling into panic. Fear clouding reactions. Instinct taking over.

Too slow too slow _too slow_.

Balance answered my need to defend, protect. Dragonfang morphed into a kite shield, Rowen's bow raining down on the surface in a rhythm that might have been soothing had it been in another context.

"Rowen! Ro, dearest, _listen to me_!" I cried through the edge of sensory overload. "It's me! Stop! You can fight it—I know you're there!"

My shoulders screamed in protest. For a long second there were no blows.

The shield dropped.

Eyes widened.

An arrow stared me down, aimed right for my stomach.

Pain etched across every inch of Rowen's face.

"Touma…"

A purple blur bodyslammed into my husband, enough extra momentum transferred so that he was also sent flying. The pair tumbled to a halt fifty feet away, on the outskirts of the fight where the Warlords had already dispatched some Dynasty soldiers now in pieces on the ground.

"Rowen!"

He heaved her off with the bow, but the lithe figure that was my sister immediately launched at him like a little Jack Russel against a bulldog. The shield disappeared as I started running toward them, cursing my diminished stamina in every language I knew.

Alexa managed to pin him with her staff across his breastplate as I came in range. His face betrayed the battle within that was the only reason she had managed to gain the upper hand. I knelt at his shoulder, a hand stretching out to touch his cheek above the lowered faceplate.

"Ro—Ro, come back to me, _koibito_ ," I murmured. "I need you. Please, don't leave me. Don't leave your child, Touma."

A deep exhale; his countenance stilled.

I held my breath.

The faceplate split and slid away into a hidden recess in the helm.

Midnight eyes blinked open as Alexa scrambled off him. He inhaled deeply through his mouth, drinking in air like one half-drowned.

I relaxed, smiling and glancing up triumphantly to my sister. She returned it wearily, leaning heavily on her staff.

We had them back. We had won this battle.

Balance dissolved, Dawn sinking into her normal patterns.

My breath caught in my throat from armored hands yanking my arms painfully behind me.

Someone—some _thing_ —hauled me to my feet.

I screamed.

Confusion and horror jumped through the connection. The stars spun sluggishly, disoriented, light flickering weakly as it tried to piece together the moving images in its vision. Wildfire, Hardrock, and Torrent struggled to reach me—

Us.

Alexa squirmed just as viciously, another tin can having sprung up behind her from the wreckage previously thought inert. But—damn it, we were _fools_ , how could we forget _Dynasty mooks disappeared when they're vanquished_.

"Rowen! ROWEN!"

I managed to wrench an arm from one captive grasp. My other arm snagged awkwardly at the wrist, a gauntlet locked like a vise grip around the joint.

My husband had made it to his feet, swaying almost drunkenly. Desperation made my voice sharp.

" _ROWEN_!"

A powerful tug had me falling against the tin can. I stumbled, its movements drawing me inexorably backward. In the background, I could hear Sage calling for my sister, her returning it with all the volume and shrillness of a horror movie heroine's scream.

They were dragging us away. Pulling me back.

Away from Rowen.

He sprinted, closing the gap in the same way he had with Cye. I flung myself forward one last time.

His fingertips brushed mine.

Nothing.

—/—

I groaned in pain as my consciousness returned— how long I'd been out after that damn portal, I had no idea. My throat was still raw from screaming Sage's name, so I assumed it hadn't been very long.

He'd called my name, still not in his mind enough to remember Tōgei. And I had called out Sage, tongue not able to wrap around a word I'd been saying for three years. Primal instinct. The first names we'd called each other, before everything.

I couldn't tell if it was a comforting or unnerving thought.

A Guardian had me pinned against its chest, arms doubled across my body and, importantly, across my elbows; I couldn't rip its grip away. At least this hold meant I was firmly planted on the ground, otherwise I would have squirmed out. I had some leverage. Not enough, but it was something. I heard Tessa stir nearby and forced my eyes open to see where we were. Gemstones formed a ring around us, barely visible walls of crackling grey-green rising up like a milk bottle. Three more Guardians lined the area where I could see, two flanking an altar too far away for me to properly examine, and my senses were too sluggish to know if there were more.

I swallowed at the obvious indications of an invisibility spell, one that would make us nearly impossible to find unless I could work through it, somehow. It wasn't that I didn't trust my sister, it's that she had no idea how to break these spells quickly. She'd gotten better, but it took her time to figure out where to snap.

And from the voice now traveling through the air, that was time we didn't have.

Michael had his back to me, addressing my sister and completely ignoring his second captive. His blue silk robes were hauntingly familiar, the fabric interwoven with Nether energy. "Finally up, my Dove? It's so nice to see you again."

I smirked at her snapping at him. "Feeling's _not_ mutual. I am NOT your dove!"

He shook his head. "Maybe not yet, but soon…" A finger trailed over her exposed belly, me having a gut-twisting sense of what he was thinking. She squirmed under his touch, looking both like she wanted to be sick and punch him out.

I had to distract him. Even if it meant reminding him of a possibility I hoped was wrong.

"What do you even want?"

He turned to face me, eyes narrowing. Now I could see the slits of pockets and the oh so small hilt of a dagger on his hip. That did not bode well. "Oh. _You're_ awake, too. I'd hoped to have some time _alone_ with my dove before I had to deal with you."

I smirked. "Didn't you learn good spirits answer the questions they're asked?"

Rage flared at me touching this nerve. It was grimly reassuring I still knew the cult well enough to get a rise out of its members. "I am no spirit! I don't have to justify myself to anybody!"

My smirk didn't budge at the Nether lashing I got, despite my sister's silent plea to not get myself hurt. "It's a polite request that proves to me what side you're on. Isn't anyone supposed to be able to ask that question _of_ anyone and generate a response? If it is truly God working through you, you will answer me."

Sometimes, I scared myself how manipulative I could be. But if it got him talking, it got him distracted, and it bought everyone else desperately needed time. Dusk was still swirling sluggishly after the teleportation, unresponsive. Just a little longer and we could form Balance again.

He sputtered, knowing I had trapped him. "I'm here to bring your armours back home. Remove their corruption from those _demon boys_ and align them to the Light."

He'd left himself wide open for my next quip. "But aren't their armours supposed to be their higher selves? You had them aligned to his will, did you not?"

More lashing, this one was enough to make me curl forward. The lightning came from the walls, his robe's powers remaining untouched. "Enough! I will not have a _witch_ question me any longer!"

I chuckled despite struggling to breathe. "You know the only reason I have the powers I do is because of my armour."

The first switch to Balance flicked open— just in time for him to whip the dagger out and level it at my sister's throat.

She froze, stiff, glancing down at the point before looking at me in pure fear. Both of us knew she had the weaker armour, one that would leave her neck exposed while Dusk could creep up high enough. Her terror amplified mine, unhooking Balance just a little more.

He dug the sword point deeper, drawing blood and causing my sister to wince. "Don't try that trick again, you witch. Separate yourself from your armour so I can properly work you _both_."

I followed his instructions, Dusk's half orb falling at my feet, only for him to not move the blade away. Before I could lunge, get my armour back, slam on the Guardian's foot, he smiled. "Now keep your left hand open, relaxed…"

A Guardian flanking the altar stepped forward to hold the blade against her neck. Once he was sure she was still properly hostage, Michael walked over and took my engagement ring off. I was suddenly extremely thankful I hadn't worn my promise ring, trying to tough out my dependence on Sage by going without what normally helped me. I had no doubt he would've taken it, especially considering he took Dusk, as well, her vanishing into his robe pocket and me trying not to shudder at the sudden influx of Nether energy in my veins.

Michael tossed the ring into the flame on the altar. "You won't be needing this, soon."

The dagger left Tessa's throat, finally. The moment I relaxed, a sharp edge scraped against my own.

 _Damnit_. More Guardians. None of the ones in my line of sight had moved.

He turned to my sister expectantly, posture indicating he thought her instructions were crystal clear. She lifted her head like a queen, narrowing her eyes at him and looking every inch like a dragon refusing to obey a non existent master.

My breath shuddered as the blade began to slice my skin, trickle of warmth down along my aorta. I was too petrified to cry, and even if I wanted Dusk back, this was the place I hadn't been able to access her. I knew I was trying, but there was nothing there. Nether Spirits blocked me and I recognized the early signs of possession, signs I was too scared to fight. I had always been too scared to fight.

He stepped away from me, towards her. "You know what would make this stop, for her."

I couldn't even look. I felt Dawn vanish but the blade didn't ease— it simply dug deeper and sent another wave of blood out with my rapidly beating heart. The tiniest cry escaped my lips at the pain.

Sage would need to get here, soon, if it went any deeper. If there was one thing I knew about anatomy, it was just how _little_ it took to slice a neck. I hoped this was a sign I was wrong, that Michael didn't want me dead, but it was still too early to tell.

Maybe all it meant was that he'd kill me slowly.

"I will return this to you when you can be _properly_ trusted with its power," he said, his sickening obsession coating Dawn. It was still so tied to Dusk, and my armour still too tied to me, that I felt the possessiveness as if it was directed at myself. "If you are to be my wife, you will need to be properly trained in it."

Finally the blade lifted. I dropped my head and panted, hearing my sister hiss at her ex. "Neither of those belong to _you_."

He tisked. "And it doesn't belong to you, either. You haven't spent any time learning about twin flames, since our separation— you would know there is only one person you should marry. This ring was given to you by a false love."

I forced myself to turn my head and look up, ignoring the stinging from the not yet clotted cut. My sister was an even stronger spitfire than she had been years ago; in the face of his even worse obsession, proven to be physically dangerous, she simply growled at him. "Rowen is more my twin flame than you will ever be in all of _eternity_!"

He lifted one finger, spine straightening, patronizing expression that I knew he had learned from my mother. "Ah, that is where you're mistaken— souls never forget who they should be with. Maybe for this life, he feels easier, dare I say _better_ , but you know that there is only one bond that lasts through lifetimes."

"I don't believe in that type of reincarnation," she snapped back. "God gave us the free will for us to chose who we should marry. Give it up, Michael. If you think this is supposed to endear me to my _true flame_ , I've got some news for you, asshole—I'll never love you."

I had to admit, even I found that level of sarcasm impressive.

He tossed her ring into the brazier on the altar. "Not with _his_ seed inside you, you won't! It's corrupting you from seeing the truth."

My mind was working at lightning speed despite— or perhaps because of— my rising anxiety. The way Rowen had been aiming, the _reason_ my sister was a target. He didn't want her dead, just parts. The part he didn't like. I knew she sensed it, too, shrinking back in fear.

I couldn't let him go through with that plan. Not after Rowen had done so much to try and keep her safe. He'd never forgive himself if his freedom resulted in the loss of their child. Michael might have wanted to kill me, but if she hemorrhaged, there was next to no hope. I had some. And if he wanted to kill me slowly, I had more _time_ than she did.

Cult logic was still scarily easy to click together. I snorted. "I thought you would know that it's only a person's heart that can influence. You've separated us from them. We are our own people."

I knew I would pay a price. This time the Nether Spirit lightning came from his robes, him pointing at me. "And _you_ should know the strength of the base chakra! How its potency overrides that— especially in pregnancy. She's been _corrupted_." He lowered his hand and stepped to the altar, ritualistically picking up a sword resting at the foot of the brazier. He ran it through the flame before turning to face us. "And this shall purify you _both_."

Sage had told me about that blade. I fixated on it much like I had my mother's blade during the trial, the world going in tunnel vision on the Sword of Doom. It curved like a flame frozen in metal, points large enough to be small daggers shooting away like fire lashing at whatever dared come too close. The one Talpa had created from their armour powers.

His voice dripped with honey. "So, the darkness in you trembles at the Sword of Light?" A brief flicker of thought that of _course_ they'd renamed the blade was all I had time for before he continued. "It comes from ancient designs meant to represent the three-fold flame, erased from history! _We_ found this history, and now we will use it for its intended purpose." He closed his eyes and held his hand beside the blade in some mockery of praying. "But I must do so _without_ your cursed armours."

The trope Holding the Floor came to mind, at present, as I watched him hand the armour over to the Guardian who'd remained beside the altar. Dusk cowered at the intensity of the Nether Spirits, Michael praying over the orbs and keeping them near the flames for 'purification'.

Tessa was still tense, and I had always been the talker between the two of us. The only thing that came to mind was black humour, which I promptly said since nothing else presented itself as an option. "So you're culturally appropriating and seeing what you want to see in Japan? That's—" Lightning arced up and down my whole body, trying to strangle my voice. Instead of screaming, I kept talking. "That's new. Need I remind you that the pictures of Luxor actually depict Giza?"

Everything culminated in a single point resting on my chest. He directed a bolt straight through me, robbing me of all breath and sending my heart pounding. His voice boomed over the rushing in my ears. "And _that_ is why you fell! Never question the Masters' work! Their visions are infallible!" He lowered the point to glare. "I will see to you after I see to my wife."

Any fear I had fell away at the thought he would touch her. Start her bleeding. I lunged despite the grip around my body. "If you want to hurt her, you'll have to go through _me_ , first."

Her weak struggling stopped, overridden by panic. Despite the static between us I could tell she was terrified he'd take me up on that offer— and she couldn't protect me.

I tried to give her the impression I would survive. Hoping he'd be slow enough with me he wouldn't have a chance to finish.

He snorted. "You don't even know what you said."

So he _had_ gotten all my mom's complaints about how I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about because I was autistic. His certainty scared me, but I had always been a fantastic actress. "If you're going to cut her pregnancy out with that blade." I paused, hoping I was wrong but doubting it, especially at the knowing flick in his eyes. "You'll have to go through _me,_ first."

He looked me up and down, eyes narrow. "Didn't you learn if you only have one soul to save, save your own?"

I had spent four years unlearning that mindset. "If falling from grace means having compassion, damn me for eternity, then." I spared a glance at my sister, unsure if it was in an apology to her or to give myself strength. "I would rather save two."

The panic on her face forced me to look away.

Michael paused, eyes closing and fluttering in a way I knew too well and had every instinct to back away from. I'd learned over the years that religious delusions often didn't cause harm and lead to powerful experiences, but this— this was my mother's habit, of looking inward and his eyes were twitching too much.

"So would I!" he said triumphantly. "God has told me _you_ are the problem with this armour. Hers, I can sense, is pure when outside of _your_ influence! Once Dusk is mine, she and I can balance the energies of the rest!"

Now it was my sister's turn to hold the floor. I had a sinking feeling it was too late. "It doesn't work like that you bastard!"

He turned to face her, voice terrifyingly level. "God has told me that it will."

The Guardian wrenched my arms behind my back to expose more of my front. His sword trailed down from mid-sternum to belly button and back, before resting right under my diaphragm. "Dusk has somehow kept your solar plexus in the right place. Your soul will thank me for this. I can already feel it begging to be free of this curse."

Tessa screamed, trying to launch herself at me but just as trapped as I had been. Her struggling didn't stop even when her bounds tightened a fraction of an inch. "NO! Michael no—you don't have to do this! STOP!"

He turned to face her again, soft, patronizing smile on his lips. "Yes, I do. I have the opportunity to save three souls."

I closed my eyes and centred myself, meditating like Sage had taught me. Like the Ancient had taught me. I still had recourse. Now that I was facing down the strongest sense of hatred I had felt in years, the strongest attempt to control me, honed survival instinct kicked in. My spirit fell into the energy around me, feeling every edge of every spell. Of every barrier that was supposed to stop me. Kayura was on the border of it all, her armour finding Dusk in a heartbeat and me using every scrap of Michael's attack to hide the connection.

The blade sunk into my skin, inch by inch. I tried not to cry out, tried not to groan, tried not to give him anything except stoic resistance. I just had to keep breathing and use what I could. I had bought us time. They were close. Blood flowed down my front as the second and third points pierced my stomach. The electricity was nearing my spine, threatening to lock me up like I'd been hit with a tazer.

I used it all. Michael didn't know just how _easily_ I could turn his own Nether Spirits against him.

* * *

 **Translations:**

 _Je sais tu êt là_ : I know you're there

 _Bat toi_ : Fight it

 _Tu dois être là_ : You have to be there

 _Reste avec moi_ : Stay with me


	13. Chapter 13

Happy birthday, Sage! We hope you like your present... ;)

 **Warnings:** PTSD flashbacks, violation, blood

* * *

 _Chapter 13_

Chaos reigned over Rowen's mind.

Her scream still rang in his ears. He couldn't shake the feather-light feel of her fingers brushing his, to the point that those spots felt branded with the sensation. She was both the only thing real and the epitome of the ghosts lingering behind his eyes.

He tried to follow her, tried to call her back to him. Her name came shakily off his tongue, shock beginning to dissipate like the vision of her slipping away from him through the portal.

Then reality sank in.

They had taken Tessa.

She was in danger.

And he couldn't feel Dawn.

 _"You didn't need that, did you?"_

It was four years ago all over again.

Beyond his father's voice ringing in his head, there was someone calling to him. It sounded so far away, as if from underwater. He turned in that direction, yelling frantically for Tessa, reaching out to draw her back into his arms—

Only to come up against armor too heavy and tall to be her.

Instinct kicked in. Unfamiliar armor meant an enemy, harm, danger; but also, possibly, meant he was getting closer to his goal.

He lashed out.

Faintly, as he continued to pursue his adversary—it ducked and bobbed away from every strike—the fog behind his eyes rolled away. His vision cleared, his armored opponent turning orange, words beginning to make more sense. Clarity returned to Tenku.

"Rowen! ROWEN!"

He was swinging at _Kento_.

The shame and horror of what he was doing knocked him off-balance. In the instant he realized that, everything crashed over him at once—he had _failed_ , had done all he could to try to protect her, but had been that split-second too late; he hadn't had the strength to fight the _youjakai_ Spirits, hadn't _been there_ for her when she needed it most.

Rowen's left hook swung wide. The ground rushed up to meet him, hands barely splaying out in time to catch him hard on the heels of his palms. Tenku negated the physical pain. His body crumpled inward.

A black hole yawned wide in his heart at the realization that Tessa was going to die.

The strangled wail in his throat crescendoed until it became a howl of grief that no longer resembled his voice.

Tears dripped down his cheeks like rain. It didn't take long until they came so quickly and all at once that they created rivers. Rowen didn't bother trying to wipe them away, heart so shattered into pieces he wasn't sure he could ever put it all back together. There was no point to that anymore, though.

Not without Tessa.

Kento tried to set a hand on his shoulder, tried to get his attention with murmured words. Anger—Kento couldn't _possibly_ understand, he had never failed his family, never let any of his siblings be put in such danger—exploded like a supernova in his chest. With a bestial snarl, he whirled on Kongo.

Another hand landed heavily on his yoroi. The unmistakable sensation of being pulled through a rift swallowed him for a split second. A split second of darkness before vision returned and feet landed on grass instead of concrete.

He turned sharply on Kayura, roaring. How _dare_ she interfere.

"NO!"

Sage's terrified scream had him drawing up short—that, and Kayura's hand casually locking around Rowen's wrist to stop the blow. Before he could wrench the limb back, Sage roared, "He's going to kill her!"

Rowen recognized that tone, the deepening at the edges that said he was worried—scared, even. It snapped him out of the stupor of his own loss, honing in on his brother's pain. He glanced to his left to see Cale squaring off against Kourin, helmet missing and looking ready to unleash _rai ko zan_ on anything in his path. Cye and Kento stood nearby with Dais, seeming uncertain as to who to console first.

A horrified moment of silence ensued, the air so heavily laden with it Rowen nearly broke again at the images in his head of _both_ women dead.

Cale broke the spell. "They will not succumb easily, Kourin."

There was a reason none of the Ronin had ever wanted to see Sage's anger fully roused, as rare as that was. The blond rounded on him, seeming on the edge of his considerable restraint or else he might have pounced on the _yami mashou_ right then. "He won't give her a chance! He's _going to kill her_!"

Dark whispers came back to Rowen, his hand going limp in Kayura's wary grasp. He swallowed, a futile attempt at stemming the panic rising in his chest. "And Michael wants my baby _dead_. He doesn't have the knowledge or expertise to keep Tessa alive if he does it how he intends to!"

The gravity of the situation finally sank in. Cye's voice was thick with dread. "Are you sure of that?"

"I had orders to capture her so he could kill her," Sage growled.

Orders. That was what those whispers were. They grew less tenuous in his mind, the sickening feeling of that murderous intent he hadn't had the wherewithal to stem making him nauseous. "All I remember is the overwhelming urge t-to—"

He couldn't say it. How could he admit to his closest friends he had felt the _desire_ to kill his own child?

Words stuck in his throat. "—to—to—"

Kayura released his wrist, sympathy written all over her expression. Both hands curled into clawed fists, pressing to his face as his skin crawled with the detestable thoughts in his mind. The taint made him sick, made him want to purge until not even Tenku's _youjakai_ origins remained.

His secondary mental response was to recoil at the sheer fact he was even _having_ those thoughts.

Heavy influence over the yoroi connection grounded him, Kongo perfectly balancing Tenku. Rowen could breathe again, at least for the moment.

"I think I know where they are."

Though he didn't feel safe dropping his hands just yet, Kayura's declaration got his attention. Sage voiced what he couldn't, still snappish with the same worry. "How?"

"She insisted on following you and Rowen to Michael's headquarters— you led us right to it. It's likely they're in the same place."

Hope. There was still hope.

Alexa _had_ once quipped she could be clairvoyant, for how things she did ended up being uncannily useful later on. _'Gods bless you, Little Witch. Just hang on until we can get there.'_

Determination straightened his spine. "Take us. Now."

"You are still vulnerable," Dais pointed out firmly.

Seeming to sense Rowen and Sage's resistance to that, Kayura laid out a plan. "I will go ahead and watch. If I sense danger, I will try to buy you some time. White Blaze will meet you to take you there, once you are able."

As much as he didn't like waiting longer than he had to, he had to admit—the thought of being able to take action at any point, while still having the opportunity for a slight breather to get himself back together, was a relief. A glance over at Sage told him the _kendoka_ likely needed it even more than he did.

Reluctantly, he nodded to Kayura.

She vanished with a _woosh_ of displaced air filling the area she vacated.

His exhale mirrored that effect, energy sloughing from his limbs like a second skin. Tenku followed suit and pulled back into the little orb, grateful for a reprieve after gods-knew-how-long being forced into action. Sitting on the little grassy knoll the _mashou_ had chosen to teleport to sounded like an excellent idea right about now.

They had removed the Ronin far enough from the docks that Tokyo's ambient glow only distorted a slim strip of stars close to the horizon, he noticed. He let his eyes roam over the wide expanse, Tenku settling in his soul where it belonged once more. As Cye started walking toward Sage—no doubt to insist on a brief once-over to rule out any physical harm—Rowen allowed the little yoroi to roll along the ground beneath his palm.

He froze.

The distinctive feel of metal on glass was missing.

He glanced at his left hand.

Anxiety strangled him once more. His voice, when it emerged, came out in a rush. "...Where is my ring?"

Panic spiked from Sage. He immediately powered down and made the same check Rowen had.

He didn't have to watch to already know his brother wouldn't find what he was looking for.

The normally cool and collected Ronin let loose the worst string of curses Rowen had ever heard from him.

"He's going to kill them," he said again, earlier desperation coloring his words though not to the same extent. Kourin said what he didn't yet have the words to voice; that Michael was sending a message.

 _"You didn't need that, did you?"_

Rowen slammed his eyes shut, pushing away his father's words with a will. A deep breath and tapping back into Tenku's power scattered the threatening flashback. Once the yoroi's comforting weight settled around his limbs, he opened his eyes and pushed himself to his feet.

"Let's go."

No one said a word. Cye had walked close enough to Sage that he simply positioned himself beside Kourin, Cale coming between them and resting a hand on either shoulder. Dais picked up where Kayura had been previously, Kento shadowing him.

Before the _gen mashou_ could prepare for the teleport, Kongo clasped Rowen's forearm with a strong grip and gave him a determined look.

"She'll survive this," he said quietly, with conviction. "She's a fighter."

Rowen breathed in deeply; exhaled slowly; nodded, lifting his hand to return the warrior's gesture of solidarity. "I know," he replied. Whether it was more to reassure Kento, or tell himself it was true, he wasn't quite sure. "I know."

Ryo's voice suddenly jumping through the connection zapped the group into urgency. _"Hurry up and get over here. We've been ambushed."_

Not two seconds later, Cale and Dais had warped the four Ronin to the edge of the Nether influence—mercifully putting them down in a different crossroad from where the last fight had occurred. _"We're on our way now,"_ Dais responded, unhooking his nunchakus from his left bracer.

"Ryo _would_ get himself in trouble," Kento joked darkly. "Remember what happened the last time we left him alone with Sekhmet…?"

They had all heard the story after the War—how Ryo had briefly lost his vision in a bout with the _doku mashou_ while trying to find Sage. Kourin had had to tell them, of course, considering Ryo's dislike of spotlighting how often he'd put himself in danger.

Sage didn't have to say anything for Rowen to know his brother was hoping to avoid a repeat of the ordeal.

A loud growl from the nearby rooftops drew their attention. White Blaze stood near the edge; when he saw they were looking at him, he turned and flicked his tail in a motion that clearly said "Follow".

The tiger didn't shorten his stride for them. With the alarm of the situation pushing them on and their yoroi hastening their steps, he didn't have to.

And at that pace, it didn't take long to run into _youjakai_ soldiers.

Rowen hardly slowed, leaping the first and slamming his bow with crushing force into the helm of the next. An arrow was already to the string when that one collapsed, loosing on another target the moment it came into view. Three more arrows; three more foes vanquished.

He kept running.

 _"I haven't seen this many bucketheads since the War,"_ Cye noted dryly. _"Where did Michael come up with all these things…"_

If there was an explanation, Rowen didn't hear it, mind fixed on one goal.

More arrows. A path opened up through the oncoming mass.

Now if only he had a horse…

He fell into a rhythm, focused always on moving forward. The skills he had honed so long ago fell back into place, became more automatic the longer he moved. Leap, shoot, block, strike, spin, shoot, repeat.

And then, like something out of a nightmare—

Tessa's frightened scream.

Tenku took flight. The warehouse was in sight, so close, any second now he would know if his world had truly ended.

Not ten feet off the ground, something barreled into him from above. The momentum behind its impact hid a slight frame that packed a punch he hadn't felt in a decade. Asphalt cracked beneath him and Kayura on landing.

She lightly leapt back as he thrashed to his feet, snarling. "What are you _doing_?"

"There's a shield blocking our way," she said tersely. "I almost have it down, but until then no one is getting through it."

This could _not_ be happening. He was so close— _Tessa_ was so close. "You said you'd buy us time!" he accused, desperately.

Then, a strange but familiar presence, wrapped in _youjakai_ energy. _"Seiji."_

Rowen froze, mind running a thousand miles a minute. That was Alexa's voice.

Sage seemed to realize it faster than him. _"We're coming."_

The others weren't that far behind Rowen…

 _"Hurry."_

She sounded…empty. Drained.

 _"What's wrong?"_ Sage demanded.

 _"Just hurry."_

Rowen's heart sank into his stomach like a stone. He could only voice one of a million frantic thoughts. _"Is Tessa safe?"_

Numbness manifested in his abdomen, a sensation that felt suspiciously like being pierced. Rowen's breath came shorter, with more difficulty. His spine tingled as if with static electricity. Or—

His eyes widened as a picture clicked together in his mind.

Alexa's presence in the yoroi connection weakened, contentment slowly seeping through the numbness. _"As safe as she can be,"_ she reassured softly.

Dread saturated the other Ronin as Rowen fought to disprove his theory. _"How?"_

 _"I might've...pulled a damn Kavita."_ She chuckled weakly, unable to hide the sense of how much her strength flagged with each word.

Only his sister-in-law could pull off _that_ level of black humor when it involved her own death.

 _"...I'm sorry."_

She vanished.

—8—

My sister was _dying_.

And there was nothing I could do about it.

My extensive vocabulary had reduced itself to just one word, it seemed. I was too snarky at heart not to internally snort in dark amusement at the thought I was actually reverting to the Big No trope.

But it was the only thing that felt right for every visceral response flooding my body.

And then the moment I dreaded came.

 _"...I'm sorry."_

Nether Spirits shrieked as the spell tethering them to the _ningenkai_ snapped. Flames on the brazier extinguished; Guardians clattered to the floor. Sparks scattered through the ensuing darkness, followed by a snarling yell from Michael. Once my eyes stopped spotting from residual light-spots, they honed in on Dawn and Dusk, glowing like nightlights at the bodiless armor's feet.

Dusk flickered weakly, then went out.

Another star imploded.

I couldn't stop screaming. My throat was going raw, tears flowing freely now. Without the Guardian holding me upright, my body collapsed.

Strong armored arms were there to catch me, warmth in the metal that never came with the awful _youjakai_ soldiers. My breath hitched on my scream, awkwardly swallowed and turning into sobbing coughs.

" _Ryuko_ , _ryuko_ , shh, I'm here," Rowen murmured, voice shaky with desperation. "You're okay, it's okay."

My voice returned. "NO! No, Rowen—Alexa—"

I twisted in his arms to look beyond his bulk. Sage and Cale had reached my sister's limp body in nearly the same moment Rowen had gotten to me. Her fiancé lifted her torso gently from the floor, hands practically flying over her in his haste to investigate the extent of her wound.

She coughed.

Blood on her lips.

Blood on her front.

Blood on Sage's hands.

 _So much blood_.

I panicked.

" _ALEXA!_ "

Rowen's arms stopped short my lunge toward her. Vertigo disoriented me as he leapt back, out of range of a kusarigama slamming through the concrete we'd just stood on. I stared up at it in some mix of shock and horror as the Guardian turned on us again. We'd become unbalanced in our evasive movement, and I practically sat in Rowen's lap now.

And he was not letting go of me in order to dodge.

He would rather die than let me get hurt.

Blue light scattered the darkness behind the monstrous armor.

" _CHO RYU HA_!"

Rowen pulled me down to the floor, shielding me with his body just as a column of water sliced through the Guardian. It passed almost directly over our heads, roaring like a hurricane—or the whirlpools of Naruto Strait drawn onto land. Cye's rage was palpable even without the armor connection.

Once my ears had begun to stop ringing from the cacophony, I glanced past Rowen's shoulder to see Cye turning his back on the Guardian's almost non-existent shell.

 _'Don't rouse the Papa Wolf to anger.'_

A spike of fear from my husband had my attention again. Before I could ask—certain some new disaster might befall us—I felt his hand on my neck.

"You're hurt!"

Oh. Right. The dagger prick. I did a quick swipe of my finger over it; crusted blood came away. Michael hadn't had to press hard for Alexa to give in.

More panic, more fear. _'Alexa!'_

"You sh—"

"NO! I'm fine!"

"Cye—"

"I'm FINE! I'm fine I'm fine _I'm fine_ ; Alexa needs him more—"

The distinctive _pop_ of a Warlord warping into the immediate area stopped me, briefly. I forced myself to stand despite Rowen's disapproval and stumbled the fifteen feet to where a knot of people had gathered around my sister.

Cale, Sage, Cye, now Sekhmet and Ryo…

 _'_ Please _don't let this be a mourning crowd. Please, God, don't let her_ die _.'_

I fell heavily to my knees at Cye's shoulder, near my sister's head. Halo's glow completely hid Sage's hands, already starting on stitching tissues back together enough Torrent could work on her ruined middle. Cye glanced briefly at me—then at Rowen.

"She's wounded," my husband said bluntly, pointing to me.

(There was a reason we all jokingly called him Captain Obvious…)

I shot the warrior of water a glare worthy of a dragon. "I swear to God, Cye, if you stop working on Alexa for a _second_ I will castrate you and throw the bits to the fishes."

That was darkly amusing. Apparently even in life-or-death situations, my ability to come up with creative threats could scare myself.

He had nothing to say to that, and he was usually the first to laugh at the level of threats my itty bitty personage liked to issue. He simply nodded grimly and refocused on directing Sage's powers where they were needed most. Ryo hovered behind Sekhmet as the Warlord knelt, unsheathing one of his six katanas. Though already familiar with the armor's beneficial abilities, Cye cast a questioning glance at his one-time nemesis.

"This should offer the best chance for stabilizing her," he explained, voice gruff but uncharacteristically quiet.

My throat closed around a knot, again. Through the gaping hole in her abdomen and Sage's armor-glow and everything else, I couldn't even tell if Alexa were still breathing. Hand shaking, I reached out to brush blood-smeared hair from her face. Swallowing, trying to get words out but not caring if anyone heard, my voice hardly broke air at all.

"Don't you _dare_ die on me, sis. You still have to be that cool aunt that spoils my kid _rotten_." I blinked rapidly, trying to tell myself there was just something in my eyes but the sniffle in my nose and the tightening in my jaw told me otherwise. My voice cracked on a sob. "You _can't_ die…"

That last was loud enough Sage heard. "I won't let her," he growled fiercely. The roughened tones gave away that he was trying not to break just as much as I was.

I looked up at his eyes, refusing to shrink away from them. He met my gaze as Halo's light dissipated, free hand tightening around Alexa's shoulders.

"Ready?" Cye asked quietly.

My quizzical change in expression had Sage briefly outlining the plan over the armor connection—Cale and Sekhmet warping Cye, Ryo, himself, and Alexa back to Mia's house for the proper space and equipment to give my sister a blood transfusion. My heart sank; even with all my years in the military and knowing my own blood type, I hadn't thought to ask her.

Thank God Ryo was a universal donor…

But how much was she going to need?

Sage nodded in response to Cye. Sekhmet stood and stepped away, sheathing the blade he'd lifted from my sister's skin as soon as Sage was finished. Cale took his place, kneeling on the light warrior's other side.

Gentle hands tugged me to my feet, Rowen drawing me back as Cye moved to join Sekhmet and Ryo. I kept my eyes fixed on Alexa, refusing to let anything take that much from me even though I could hardly stand with my husband supporting ninety percent of my weight.

I was numb, I realized. The initial horror and fear had drained into shock, something I recognized from deployments spent watching broken-up convoys return to base. No matter how good the intel I'd given them, it was inevitable that at least one, at some point, would come under attack.

I supposed it was better than wringing every last drop of water from my body in the form of the tears that wanted to come spilling out.

Cale vanished with my sister and her fiancé.

I wasn't sure I would ever see her alive again.

Rowen wrapping his arms tightly around my shoulders pulled me out of the glassy-eyed stare I hadn't realized I'd fallen into. My head lolled limply back against his chest, pleasantly surprised to find him in his civvies rather than Strata's full armor.

Orange and brown on the left caught my eye. Slightly more tilt that way brought Kento into my line of sight, lips pressed together grimly and a wet sheen to his eyes that I'd never seen before. He halted beside us, Rowen turning so we properly faced him.

Wordlessly, he offered his open palms to us.

Dawn and Dusk were nestled curve-down in his hands.

My eyes completely ignored my own armor. Dusk had the appearance of shattered glass, though the orb was still as smooth and intact as the day I'd first laid eyes on it. The once-bright amethyst had spiderwebbed, dark charcoal of inactivity resurfacing in such a way as to remind me of Dawn's coloration prior to awakening.

I sniffled, swallowing down a sob but only making a worse hole beneath my sternum than there already was.

My hand trembled, stretching out to take Dusk. An empty void yawned where its power had once flowed, where I had previously been able to tap into Alexa's vitality. The little half-sphere had always felt much larger in my hands than it actually was. Now, I could hardly feel it in my cupped palms, the faintest hint of an erratic heartbeat deep within.

Like a handful of water trickling away through my fingers.

I punted that analogy out of the ballpark of my mind immediately.

Rowen gently deposited Dawn beside its sister, a crystalline _tink_ as their edges touched. My armor flashed brightly, emitting a high-pitched bell tone in time to Dusk's irregular, slow pulse. The sound quickened with my own heartbeat.

My breath caught.

The two halves slid together of their own accord.

Green light shot outward from the seam.

Panic skyrocketed again.

"NO!"

If the armors were fusing—

Sobs finally escaped my restraint.

I collapsed in Rowen's arms, the only thing that kept me from falling hard on my knees. My fingers curled tightly around the conjoined armors, eyes screwed shut over tears that wouldn't stop. The thought faintly crossed my mind that I could still feel that heartbeat—Balance's power was intact—but what if all of that simply meant it was choosing a new bearer?

Choosing _me_?

Rowen carefully rearranged his hold, then swept me up into his arms. The feeling of near-weightlessness helped a little, combined with the comforting bulk of his wide chest to curl up into.

Through the absolute chaos in my mind, I suddenly remembered the one thought I had hung onto to try and calm me down at the start of this harrowing situation.

"Touma," I blurted, hiccupping through a particularly calm set of blubbering breaths.

I sensed my husband tilt his head down, indicating I had his attention. The thought distantly amused me—that he was mistaking my one-word meaning for his own nickname.

"We'll...we'll name th-the baby Touma," I clarified, voice muffled against his body.

Through the deep sorrow and pain in his own heart, I felt Rowen offer gentle warmth and understanding. He dipped his head to kiss my forehead tenderly.

"As you wish," he murmured, Strata pulling over me like a blanket of stars. Not far beyond, the Armor of Summer hovered like a sentinel, carefully adding scaffolding to Rowen's energy.

The vastness of space replaced empty, dark caverns that stank of death.

Sleep claimed me.


	14. Chapter 14

Eeeee getting close to finishing, on the writing end of things! We may begin bumping updates from two weeks to every week, depending how well we push forward in the next week or so.

In the meantime, enjoy the new chapter! ^_^

 **Warnings:** Panic, needles/transfusion, mind control

* * *

 _Chapter 14_

Numb.

My nerves refused to fire, consciousness held in limbo. I couldn't stay here but I couldn't leave and the world seemed to be dragging my body back down into darkness. Tessa and Sage and Rowen were still in danger I had to protect them Michael was going to hurt—

' _Shh, Tōgei. I'm here.'_

Everything inside stilled at Sage's voice. He held me in place, golden glow back on the edges of my armour and joining Dusk's light. His presence, his partnership— all of it eased the wrongness of the past few days, parts of my spirit falling back into place now that he had returned.

I was about to completely relax into Halo swirling around me before I remembered.

' _Tessa—!'_

Rowen reached out, soothing down my worry by bringing Dawn's power to Dusk. Now that I was paying attention, I could feel her already close, on the other side of my heart to Sage. ' _She's safe. Resting, like you need to.'_

I ignored him, trying to thrash in what once again felt like a prison. ' _What's happening?'_

Cye's voice floated in, quiet and reassuring. ' _You lost over a pint of blood. We're giving you a transfusion.'_

My stomach dropped, rush of dizziness reflecting the one I'd just felt I didn't know how long ago.

' _It's okay,'_ Ryo added, trying to lighten the mood and drag me back out of panic. ' _Sage patched you up. You're going to be okay.'_

' _We're all okay,'_ Kento said, trying to ease the worry I'd felt at the start for what was happening. ' _Everyone's here. Even the Warlords.'_

My fiancé continued, ' _You tensed as you woke up. Halo is keeping you relaxed so you don't hurt yourself.'_

Despite all the reassurance, only one thought dominated my mind. ' _I hate needles and I hate blood transfusions and I hate hospitals.'_

' _You're not in one,'_ Cye replied. ' _We're at Mia's. We're all here. We can take care of you with what we have. You don't_ need _to go to the hospital.'_

None of that helped.

' _I don't want to feel the needle.'_

I didn't want to feel any of it.

Halo drew me closer. It slowly let go of my body so I could register Sage's thumb stroking my cheek, hand cupping my jaw. ' _You won't. I promise. Halo's already stopping you from feeling it.'_ His forehead tipped against mine, noses nuzzling. ' _Please… open your eyes. I'll be all you see.'_

The pleading in his voice resonated with matching pleading in my spirit. I almost didn't want to, not after how I'd seen him and what if he was hurt— all the while Halo kept trying to reassure me, trying to break the obsession over his wellbeing, but it was so tired all it could do was be a counter voice.

I found the strength to wake up completely, blue-violet filling my blurry vision.

My eyes slid shut almost a moment later when he gently, carefully, _passionately_ kissed me.

Now Halo let me feel my physical senses, albeit in a dream-like state— to the point I didn't even know who the sensations were coming from, him or me. Softness of a blanket, my back against his chest, one of his arms around my waist, our fingers intertwined together, the other arm across my body to cradle my head.

His lips on mine.

I lost track of pauses for breath, the number of times I opened my eyes only to close them again from another kiss. As far as we were concerned, the world didn't exist. And each time I blinked, I saw him a little clearer.

Believed he was back a little more.

Sage finally pulled away once I had melted so much I was limp on my own accord, keeping his forehead against mine and not letting Dusk out of his grasp. "Do you want to go back to sleep?"

I nodded, eyes already drooping back to shut.

"I can assist with that," Dais said from somewhere in the room. "If you two should request it."

I pulled back from Summer's prompting, Halo forming a thin barrier between me and the Warlord. Almost immediately he retreated with what felt like a nod of respect, the world shrinking back down to Sage and I.

Already, Halo was pulling a warm blanket over me. My senses dropped away once more, panic again rising in my throat. It was so dark and I had just come from blackness and those few moments awake hadn't been enough.

"Stay." The word felt rough on my tongue, voice no more than a breath. "Please."

He kissed me again, soothing as much pain as he could away. "I will. I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Halo's light was dim from tiredness, but it drew me close and circled me with the same loving reassurance it always did. Flickers of fear for my sister's pregnancy didn't even have a chance to manifest, Sage having already taken care of it.

I sank back into darkness, golden glow around the edge enough to let me know I wasn't alone.

—/—

A sunset blend of pink and purple drew me to wakefulness, gentle as the rising tide under a quiet full moon. The slow chime of a bell rang in the distance, tolling out the hour in time to the dying daylight. Its final note sounded—echoing with a sharp, short _clink_ like glassware being set in a cupboard with its fellows.

Dying.

Dusk.

Balance.

 _Alexa_.

Memory flooded back into my awareness, suspension between sleep and consciousness snapped. I jolted upright, flinging the covers back in my haste. Heart racing, I paused with a sharp glance at the bedside table.

My breath caught in my chest.

The Balance orb had re-split along its perfectly-smooth seam, Dawn and Dusk returned to their previous state. Dusk had regained its solid jewel tone, for the most part, though the shadows were still tinted with dusty gray that spoke of weakness and empty reserves. I slowly dropped back against the headboard, slumping tiredly and eyes never leaving the armors.

I could feel Dusk.

I could feel my sister.

She was _alive_.

Relief overwhelmed me.

" _Thank God."_

The connection was still faint, but definitely there. I couldn't stay in bed any longer.

I had to see Alexa.

Besides, she'd need Dusk back, sooner rather than later.

I didn't bother replacing the rumpled clothes I'd been put to bed in; I didn't have anything to change into, and the dagger hadn't drawn enough blood for it to drip all the way to my shirt's neckline. Brushing my fingers over the spot gave me pause.

The lack of a scab stumped me. Then I realized Sage must have healed it for me.

' _Now how much of that was him, and how much of it was Rowen demanding it…'_

I'd have to ask. Conveniently, I found him sitting in a chair outside my door, tipped so the back rested against the wall with a foot stuck out for balance and the other propped against the lower bracing. His eyes were downcast, staring unseeingly at the floor, arms crossed loosely over his chest.

It was a gloomy, thoughtful appearance.

Something was bothering him.

Concerned, I nestled Dawn against Dusk in one hand and brushed my fingers tenderly through his hair. "Ro-Ro…?"

He came sharply out of the daze, chair rocking forward to thump on the carpet and head turning to look up at me. The brought-back-to-reality bewilderment in his eyes had a soft smile curving my lips for how super-adorable it was. "Hm?"

My smile stayed, fingers still playing with his hair (absentmindedly, I recognized the stimming motion for what it was). It wasn't often that I not-quite-towered over my lanky husband, so I relished the opportunity...but my brow furrowed with my worry. "You were deep in thought. Something's bothering you."

Rowen held my gaze momentarily, then glanced away again at the floor. He swallowed. "I failed you. I failed _them_."

I blinked, taking a moment to process his meaning. Then I realized—his chair was planted firmly between my door, and the one beside it. Alexa and Sage's room.

Standing guard.

Sometimes he could rival Cye, for how his concern manifested in various forms of caretaking.

I knelt to be physically level with him, my hand moving to his knee. My fingers uncurled to show him Dawn and the reinvigorated Dusk, softly reassuring, "You didn't, _koibito_. Sage is back, and Alexa is still with us. Everything's going to be okay."

His jaw clenched, still not looking at me. "Had I just been able to fight it, she wouldn't have even needed to take me on."

So he was beating himself up over almost hurting me—and the fact that Alexa having to intervene lead to our current situation. My heart broke empathetically, hand reaching up to brush his hair away and then rest on his cheek. "It's not your fault," I replied, half pleading for him to believe me. "The Nether influence in your armor is not your doing. There's only so much anyone can fight that—even Alexa couldn't, and Dusk is pure Ancient power." My thumb gently brushed his cheek. "Please don't beat yourself up over it..."

That seemed to reach him. He exhaled and lifted his arms to gather me tightly against him, me crawling into his lap to be more comfortably situated. "I'm glad you're alright."

The huskiness in his voice spoke of mixed relief— _so_ much relief—and remnants of self-loathing we were going to have to unpack later. It brought my own recent experience and emotions to the surface, my clinging to Rowen feeling more like an attempt not to break down than to comfort him. "I'm glad _you're_ alright," I murmured, tucking my face under his chin.

He _would_ try to comfort me with a joke. "Except for my ring."

I chuckled, then sighed sadly at the thought, staring down at my hand and entwining it with his also-ringless fingers. Even though I knew it was only a material thing and didn't change anything between us, my heart ached for the sentimental value that had been lost forever. "Does our insurance cover "supernatural events"?" I quipped back dourly.

His affectionate smile didn't need to be seen for me to sense the emotion behind it. "Let's just call it theft, _ryuko_."

The layer of teasing that I would of course want to tell the truth—it had been hammered into my already-naturally-truthful code of ethics during college—got me chuckling. There was nothing to say to that, however; I just settled in his embrace, for the moment completely forgetting what I'd been meaning to do in favor of cherishing those few moments with my husband.

Safe and sound.

His hand, which had been stroking my back and side, stilled at my waist. "Did you...mean that? About naming the baby?"

The multiple tones of awe and love and curiosity and wanting to know why in his voice had me shy for a moment, nodding and curling a little tighter into his chest. My reply was slow, considering how I wanted to voice my feelings as I spoke. "The thought of...naming a boy after you. ...It got me through…"

Rowen said nothing; he didn't need to. His arms drew snugly around me, cradling me close to him and Strata drawing a blanket of warm stars around my shoulders. There was enough love and caring in it to sweep me away, let me be lost amongst the billion pinpricks of light against an inky canvas I wished I could reach out and touch physically.

Alas, I couldn't stay there forever. Dais' voice wormed through the illusion, tone matter of fact...with an undertone of concern?

"If you are worried about your sister and her betrothed, know they are both sleeping peacefully."

I reluctantly sat up, Rowen's arm still loosely looped around my waist. Curiosity and confusion mixed in my expression, I was sure. I wondered how much of their "peaceful" sleep had to do with Summer's powers. "They are?" I repeated, voice heavily implying my suspicion.

He merely nodded, at which point my inner curious kitty outweighed the sleepiness and desire to stay wrapped in my husband's care. I carefully slid off his lap and walked to the doorway as Dais continued, "He was worried that even with his medication, he would regress into night terrors. He accepted an illusion to ensure he would not harm her."

My stomach sank at that description, though the sight that greeted me counteracted most of the effects. The nightmares really must have been that bad, for how Sage had my sister completely enveloped in his embrace, arm tight around her waist and a hand tangled in her hair at the back of her head. I recognized her pose from my own need-comfort-cuddling moments with Rowen, arms curled between her body and Sage's with his chin tucked atop her head. There could be no safer-feeling place in the world than there, especially when the other person was the most (or second-most) important human being in the world to you.

 _Three_ armor orbs sitting on the bedside table caught my eye as I quietly stepped that way to deposit Dusk with Halo. Strata and Wildfire flanked the dim green glow, Strata slightly brighter but still disturbingly shadowed. Wildfire compensated for the usual brightness Halo needed in order to sleep peacefully, reflecting Ryo's protective instinct.

I caught Rowen staring almost glassy-eyed at the pair when I turned around—a haunted expression. "I've never seen him so weak."

Dais stood to one side of the doorway with his arms crossed, I saw as I stepped into my husband's arms again. "They will both be fine. He has already improved being able to have her again," he reassured, voice a tad softer than I'd ever heard it before.

Rowen pressed his lips to my hair, then let the bridge of his nose rest there. Strata echoed the sentiment the _gen mashou_ had spoken of, needing to drink deeply of the solace my being with him again provided.

A nagging thought kept me from falling back into that comfort, however. I peered out of Rowen's arms and raised an eyebrow at Dais. "...Were you _worried_?"

Big Bad Warlord was trying to hide how I'd hit the nail on the head. He simply inclined his head a fraction, his one eye carefully studying me. "Not with Kourin's power healing her. Although I suppose we were fortunate your sister could accept so many blood types."

As interesting as the line of discussion was, I didn't have the energy to pursue what I thought I'd uncovered. My mind had gone back to my sister, glad once more that she was safe and alive but still saddened by the as-yet-uncharted difficulties _this_ would end up bringing us through. Rowen sensed as much, and tightened his arms around me—now almost a mime of Alexa and Sage's position. The sense of safety he radiated helped take the edge off the raw wound starting to close in my chest.

He also noticed the deductions I'd made.

"Admit it, Dais, you've got a soft spot for her."

The two strategists were going at it, now. I had to see this; I picked my head up just a little higher on Rowen's collarbone to see the challenging gleam in Dais' eye. His tone remained as level as it had been the whole time, however. "Only when you admit Kayura has a soft spot for you."

That got a breathy laugh out of me and a gentle smile. A long-ago conversation we'd had reminded me there were not two, but three Libras in my immediate vicinity. "Leave it to the Libras to pretend to be aloof until someone gets hurt. Then they're all big softies," I teased quietly, poking Rowen in the chest and shooting Dais a knowing glance.

He didn't get a chance to respond—Ryo walked up as I finished speaking. Wildfire didn't seem _too_ surprised to see the Warlord, though his words might have said otherwise. "Going to check on them _again_?"

Had I more energy, I might've made a "you just got called out" comment. Dais simply raised an eyebrow at the Ronin leader. "And I could say the same for you." He chuckled lightly at Ryo's nonverbal response, an accusing face that said ' _She's my little sister, what's_ your _excuse?'_ "As you boys have said, she has a way of softening even the hardest of hearts."

"Well, considering two of us donated blood…"

Right. Rowen had had a bandage on his arm.

' _...Waitaminute.'_

Sudden alarm had my adrenaline spiking. " _Both_ of you?" I demanded, pulling back to stare at Rowen in shock. Had she really lost _that_ much blood?

Cye had perfect timing, joining our gathering at that moment. In response to my question, he shook his head reassuringly. "They only donated a partial pint each. She would have only _needed_ one donor, even if she would have been slightly anemic, but Rowen insisted on ensuring she had all the blood she needed, and that Ryo didn't overtax himself." His pointed Look at Rowen told me just how much he should _not_ have, but he had demanded it and Cye had relented for the sake of his mental health.

I just deflated, though a small sliver of me still wanted to give Rowen a piece of my mind for scaring me. I settled for wrinkling my nose and glaring weakly at him.

He seemed to half misinterpret my meaning, half sidestep the implication. Sheepishly, he explained, "Alexa and I are the same blood type. I figured it'd be safe…"

Ryo added, in the same tone, "And with me being a universal donor…"

That earned Rowen a knowing look that Dawn mirrored, telepathically and wordlessly saying I saw through his excuse and we would need to talk later—for his sake even more than my own. I knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let this continue to torment him.

Cye picked up where they left off. "It ended up being safer for both of them. Ryo would've donated until she couldn't take any more blood— I'm sure he would've donated part of his liver, had Sage not been able to repair hers. A partial pint meant their systems aren't overdrawn." He gave Rowen a hard look that clearly expressed his exasperation at _both_ Ronin. It also said _he_ should have been in bed, right now—which then of course turned on me. "Speaking of needing to rest… What are you doing out of bed?"

My face smoothed into barely-annoyed neutrality, eyes hooded. A distinct memory came to the surface of my thoughts, the perfect (repeat) retort for this situation. "I'm just _pregnant_ —"

I started out snarky.

Then I realized the irony of my statement.

"—not…"

' _Not on my deathbed.'_

I choked up, recalling just _how_ close my sister came to dying.

My face found its way back to Rowen's chest, forehead tipping to fit perfectly in the curve of his neck at the hollow of his throat. He squeezed gently, arms providing the pressure and comfort I needed.

Dais, thankfully, picked up the thread of conversation and turned it in a lighter direction. "And to help you all recover, Sekhmet has spent his time filling vials of antivenom."

Rowen snorted in amusement. "And he accused _us_ of going soft, all those years ago…"

Ryo's words hinted at laugher on the tip of his tongue. "And every chance he got since."

"Because you are."

Mirth bubbled up in my chest at Dais' casual retort. Moments like these had been few and far between in four years of knowing the _mashou_ , so it was a rare treat to see—or hear, rather. "Although I suppose we shouldn't have been surprised, considering how close you stayed to each other during the War."

Naturally Cye would simultaneously try to shore up the Ronin reputation while trying to poke at the weak point Dais had exposed. "We learned to support each other, and how much stronger we were as a team."

Dais didn't immediately comment—something told me there was nothing he could say that wouldn't incriminate himself. He simply turned and started walking toward the stairs, tossing over his shoulder as he went, "I should go make sure Sekhmet has not crossed his katanas in distributing his antivenom, now that there is somebody else to watch those two."

I could almost feel the smugness in Rowen's chest as he commented, "He's bluffing."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Did he not notice you were sitting here watching them…?"

"Maybe Rowen cast an illusion the Master of Illusion couldn't see through," Ryo supposed, laughing lightly at the thought.

Cye just shook his head. "She must truly be a witch, to reach the _mashou_. You should've seen him after she had an anxiety attack this morning. He made us both believe everything would be alright, just so she could sleep."

While I appreciated that gesture from the _gen mashou_ , I almost shuddered to think what his powers must have been like under Talpa. "I can see why you all would have been so scared of him, during the War…"

Ryo nodded. "He made us turn against each other, and we didn't even know. Thought we were fighting him. And that was one of the _easy_ ones to see through."

"Sage was the only one who did," Rowen murmured, attention drifting to the view of his brother through the open door.

My head turned to follow his line of sight. Neither had moved a muscle, practically, except for the gentle rise and fall of their ribcages as they breathed deeply. "Irony of ironies…"

Cye slipped in past Rowen and I, moving for the bed in order to do a cursory vitals check. It was hard enough for him to reach over Alexa to Sage, but he completely gave up on trying to get a pulse on Alexa. She was too tightly wrapped up in her fiancé's arms. "Hopefully Sekhmet's antivenom and Halo are enough to stop the shock."

I tried to ignore the grimness in his tone as he clearly tried to decide whether it was worth disturbing the couple—or how to otherwise go about his business _without_ waking them.

Ryo walked over, presumably on an unspoken prompt from Torrent. He and Cye together were able to gently maneuver Sage into a not-so-claustrophobic position where the Team Mom could check Alexa's vital signs.

"Her pulse is fine. Safe to say they're sound asleep. They'll be out for awhile," he pronounced—as if we needed the confirmation.

Ryo nodded as he watched Cye work. "They need it, though." After a moment, his attention turned to predominantly Rowen, but also included me. "So do you."

The air of one guard relieving another of his duty was unmistakable. Rowen reluctantly nodded, casting a final glance at Sage and Alexa before gently turning and leading me back into our room. I wanted to protest—I'd just woken from my nap, and I was _only_ pregnant like I'd protested so many times before—but the return of that haunted hollow in Strata's aura had me shutting my mouth for his sake.

Perhaps we could talk a little before he fell asleep...

First things first, though. Once he closed the door behind us, I took his hand and tugged him toward the bed, indicating he should join me. He wordlessly followed, any and all facades dropping away as we situated ourselves similarly to the couple next door. I found myself in Sage's place, however, Rowen immediately tucking his head against my neck and hands desperately wrapping around my much-smaller (and now wider) torso.

He had been _so scared_.

I didn't say anything for a long while—just let my fingers run through his hair over and over, thankful more than I could say that one of my favorite stims was pleasant for him, too. His breathing stayed shallow, though his body attempted to relax regardless of the swirling stardust clouding his thoughts. Eventually, I remembered the question I'd told myself I needed to ask.

Might as well start there…

" _Did you or Sage insist on healing me?"_

Rowen inhaled as if to steady himself, then shakily exhaled. " _Sage. He...knew Alexa would ask about you the moment she regained consciousness. He was right."_

I hmm'd, acknowledging that but knowing that couldn't have been all of it. " _You were worried, though…"_

He nodded, subtly. " _She needed him more. I...couldn't have asked him to spare the time when, every moment…"_

My eyes closed with a soft sigh, fingers stopping but still twisted in his hair. " _He's your brother. He knows you even better than I, really. And it would have taken almost nothing at all to heal over the scab. It would have been gone in a few days, anyway…"_

The thought hardly comforted him, body stiffening in my arms and trying to hold me closer to him. "He...also checked the baby…" he croaked, voice riddled with guilt.

"Michael never touched me," I reassured him, fingers curling deeper into the thick locks. "We're both safe…

' _Thanks to Alexa…'_

"But he wanted me to _kill_ him!"

His blurted confession was laced with horror, disgust, self-loathing, and fear. It was difficult to tell where that last was directed, whether at Michael...or himself.

I couldn't come up with a response fast enough. Now the floodgates were opened, words came pouring out. "We _both_ had orders to destroy what means the most to us and we had no _choice_ the armors completely took over and I _remember_ wanting to _hurt you_ —"

A sob cut him off. I swallowed, myself, now knowing exactly why he was as beat up as he was. If I'd been able to have a moment to think about it, I would have already realized that being controlled as he had been was going to be a huge stumbling block.

But on top of that, to feel the _need_ to hurt something he loved so deeply?

My shirt was damp with his tears, now. My own stung at my eyes as I struggled for words to comfort him. Dawn enveloped tiny, weary Strata, drawing him into the comfort of morning sunlight and dew on the first petals of spring. Shadows draped the meadow, the thoughts he couldn't put into words telling me he felt solely responsible for the state Alexa was in now.

" _It's not your fault,"_ I soothed, rubbing my cheek against his temple. I closed my eyes in order to just let the sensation of holding him close wash over me, taking that calm and projecting it to Strata. " _She's alive. We're safe. All of us. You did everything you could have."_

" _I could have fought harder,"_ he lamented. " _I thought I'd gotten control of the yoroi. It's been_ years _, so much of the Nether energy was gone, but Michael..."_

Images of the way my ex had broken Rowen came flooding back. I determinedly put a dam up against them. " _He knew just what buttons to push. It's_ not _your fault,_ koibito _."_

His voice shrank to that of a child again. " _He tried to take you from me…"_

I could recall the memory of Michael tossing my rings into the flames too vividly. Drawing back in order to meet Rowen's eyes, I said fiercely, "He can _never_ take me from you. Ever. You will always have my heart, and every part of my being is for you alone."

Desperation to _know_ that truth filled the connection between Dawn and Strata. His kiss reflected that, hungry for the reassurance that I wasn't going to leave him like so many things and people had before. I returned it with equal need, letting him roll me to my back while both hands fisted in his hair. Passion replaced desperation, sweeping us both up in a way we hadn't really had the opportunity to feel for over three months.

The faintest streak of a shooting star flashed between the armors. A nagging thought distracted me from Rowen's ministrations, one hand running over my swollen abdomen.

Then it clicked.

I pressed a hand to his chest to create a brief space in which I could then speak. " _Him_?" I whispered.

He paused, mind seeming to take a moment to fight through the cloud of desire visible in his eyes. His brow furrowed in confusion, silently asking what I meant.

"When you said—the baby—"

Comprehension dawned. His eyes widened, and he sat back clumsily on his hands. "Oh gods…"

Then a smile grew on his face.

The smile turned into a grin.

Turned into happy laughter.

I waited patiently if irritably for him to come down from the high and confirm the suspicion in my mind, smiling a little myself just from hearing the joy back in his voice. Before he explained exactly what caused it, however, he leaned back in for the most passionate kiss yet.

Despite myself, I melted down into the pillows.

He pulled away only enough that our lips were still touching, a devilish gleam in his eyes.

"You named our son without even knowing it."

My breath vanished.

A boy.

The baby was a boy?

When it came back, my voice was weak with shock. "How…"

"Sage. When he took care of your neck wound he also checked the baby, just in case your body wanted to reject it—him—from the stress. All he said was "he's fine". I didn't even realize, I was just so relieved…!"

The numbness drained away, letting that new information sink in. I slowly smiled, too, body relaxing now that that mystery was answered.

A chuckle bubbled up in my throat. "Guess that saves us on the ultrasound appointment."

He laughed quietly, carefully settling down on the mattress beside me and reaching out to pull me against his chest. I nestled as close to his body as I could, nuzzling his neck and radiating contentment to the point I was sure the others had to have felt it through the armors. "We should probably go anyway, you know. The doctors will be really confused if you suddenly know the child's a boy without an ultrasound."

I laughed softly, a mere rumble in my chest. "Yeah, yeah, have to hide the armors and everything… You forget you're talking to an intel officer," I teased softly.

" _Former officer,"_ he corrected lightly, one hand running up and down my back in slow, soothing motions.

I didn't have the energy to protest. The surprise of the last few minutes, on top of the relief of knowing my sister still lived, had taken more out of me than I thought. Rowen's embrace was just warm enough to make me drowsy, basking in the contentment and happiness that was such a juxtaposition to when I had last fallen asleep.

" _I swear, one of these days I'm going to build a roller coaster based on our lives,"_ I quipped, slowly drifting toward the deeper reaches of space.

A telepathic chuckle followed me, the faintest sensation of his lips against my temple giving away his affectionate kiss. Out in the distance, my favorite little star twinkled merrily. I smiled gently.

' _My little Touma…'_


	15. Chapter 15

**Warnings** : guilt, flashbacks

* * *

 _Chapter 15_

I awoke to warmth and light and _softness_ , shifting my hands around from Sage's chest to around his shoulder and neck to properly hold him. Almost immediately his grip tightened, pulling me close.

He exhaled and deflated, stroking my back in firm movements. "Tōgei…"

I simply nuzzled into him more, noting the way his tongue tripped over my name— a telltale sign of his sleeping pills, and why he hated them more than I hated my own anti anxiety medication. Grogginess was an unpleasant side effect at best, a debilitating one at worst.

Despite that, I was glad he'd been able to sleep.

I rubbed his upper back in the continuing silence, holding him as closely as I could despite the lead in my muscles. "I'm here."

His breath turned haggard instantly. He pulled away moments later and searched my face, brushing my hair away with the backs of his fingers. I shakily reached up and stroked under his eye, trying to draw out the tears threatening to fall.

He brought our foreheads together. "You're dissociating, aren't you?"

I blinked. His words brought fear to the surface like solar flares, threatening to punch through the thin glass I had created to protect myself from lingering memories. I burrowed into his shoulder. "I don't want to go back there."

He held me, lips on my temple. "So long as you trust me, I will not let them take you again."

That made me frown. "Why…"

Before I could even finish my thought, Sage's hand fisted in my hair. "I turned…" His face went closer to my shoulder as he fought for words. "I turned my blade against you."

" _You_ didn't," I murmured. Before he could protest, I continued. " _You_ fought and hesitated and always gave me enough time to get away before you came down."

"Is that you…" He swallowed so hard I felt it. "Or the dissociation talking?"

"Me." I pulled away to look at him, stroking his hair. "I know it wasn't you. You never hurt me. I trust you."

Tears welled up in his eyes again. "I still turned my blade against you."

I shook my head, bringing his forehead back against mine. "I— use that language just. To forget she hurt me. It's not…"

"That sensitive?"

The hopefulness in his voice threatened to crack the glass in a whole new way. "You didn't trigger me. You won't trigger me. I wasn't traumatized."

Desperation, now, hand sliding to where I knew the cut had been on my neck. "By that."

Before either of us could say anything, tears spilled out and he buried his face in my shoulder. His breathing went from heavy to full out sobbing, the stress of the past few days too much. The only time he'd ever come close to crying was when I'd been in danger, and with what had happened, what he'd saved me from…

Lingering traces of Halo along my heart and lungs, making sure they functioned, let me know just how much my life had been in his hands. The electricity was weak between us, when normally his healings left me feeling the full extent of the wildness in his soul. Halo felt drained almost beyond recognition.

I closed my eyes against my own wash of tears, remembering the fear and trusting— almost beyond trust— that he would save me. Not realizing how much responsibility that placed on his shoulders, hurts I hadn't accounted for in my chillingly cold calculations. At the same time, I almost didn't know what to do with the fact I was alive. I'd come to terms with it in those few moments so long as it meant they were safe.

Sage's lips roughly pressed into mine, Halo desperate to draw me back from that place. My breath caught from the strength of his _need_ , something he'd kept back ever since we started talking. I melted so much he pushed me onto my back just to support me better.

I clawed at his shoulder, my own feelings locked up in a box labeled 'too much' rushing out. Fears from when he was gone burst to the surface with a single statement. ' _I need you.'_

He bit my lip, then my neck, keeping us as entwined as possible. ' _And I need you.'_

The rush of wanting _more_ dominated both our armours. There was just clothing between us, clothing begging to be taken off to feel skin and hands and lips. His pulse. My pulse. Without armour— without anything— and knowing it was him and knowing it would be alright because we had found intimacy again, reassured ourselves the other was _there_.

Sage broke away with a pant, eyes focused on the pillow. "I don't think either of us can consent, right now."

I knew he was right. We were too emotional, too desperate, to be thinking clearly. Still, I pulled him close to me with arms around his neck so our noses were together, his hand on my shoulder and most of his weight on me. "I need you here."

He kissed me again, deeper— likely the deepest kiss he'd ever given me. I tried to return it despite what felt like no strength in my body, but an overabundance of emotion in my soul Dusk could only wrap Halo in. The intensity of relief and desperation Halo gave back did not help the desire.

Exhaustion permeated the both of us, and we finally parted. Sage cupped my cheek and kept my head up, as much as I wanted to let it drop to the pillow. "And I need you in my future."

He got off me and gently turned me with him, so I was curled up against his side and didn't have to support an ounce of my own weight. I coughed and almost instantly he sat me up, earning a dizzy spell I tried to fight while Sage helped me drink. With the emotional rush gone, all I could do was let myself be moved.

I was too tired to truly panic, but the feeling was still there. "What's happening?"

Sage hushed me and lay back down with against his chest again, arm wrapped around my torso like a shield. "Your body is adjusting to the transfusion and the shock. It's working to replace the blood you lost and clear out any old cells you got from us, plus the damage to your liver. You'll be weak for awhile."

I shivered, even despite the blankets pulled up around me. "Who… donated?"

"Ryo and Rowen." He smoothed my hair back, keeping my head down while he continued. "I wish I could have. But…"

I squeezed his chest. "You already saved my life…"

The words were almost disturbingly simple to say. I knew I'd be dissociating for awhile, at this rate. I just hoped I didn't get stuck here.

"And there was more I could do," he murmured. "But had my blood reacted to Ryo's, you would… it would have…"

Words around my death hung in the air unspoken, so thick they didn't need to be said.

I sighed, feeling his sense of failure so clearly it made me ache. "I'm alright, _thanks_ to you."

He kissed my forehead. "Can you sit up? Cye wants to look at you, and make sure you eat."

So he was going to ignore that topic. I nodded in reply and slowly dragged myself to some position that resembled 'torso vertical', Sage providing more help than I wanted to admit. By the time Cye— and basically everyone else, I noticed— came into the room, I was sitting up in the circle of Sage's arms, half asleep against his shoulder. A few moments later Rowen was visible at the back, and I would only assume my sister was in tow.

Cye broke away from the group, coming to my side and placing a hand on my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

I turned my head to look at him. "Tired."

His smile was joyless, more trying to be caring and relieved I was awake enough to speak. "I'm not surprised. Your body needs to recuperate after…" It's like he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge it, either. "What you went through. Kento—"

"I got it," Tessa said softly, snatching the food Kento had been holding to place it on my bedside table.

Cye wordlessly vacated his seat once she was done, giving her room to climb on the bed and hug me before I could get halfway to opening my arms. I hugged her as tightly as I could— not as tightly as I would've liked— but finally feeling her again after everything…

Feeling her pregnancy still intact, star representing her child shining deep inside of Dawn.

I'd kept her safe. I'd kept _them_ safe.

Her arms tight around me and belly pressed into mine made it all worthwhile, if only for this moment.

She pulled back and gave me a once over, looking back up and doing a double take on my neck.

I mentally shook my head at Sage. ' _Well, we wondered if it would ever get out.'_

She leveled Sage an accusatory glare. "Do I need to yank _you_ into the dojo...when I'm not pregnant?"

Cye leaned in to see where she was looking, frowning a moment later. "You were _supposed_ to be resting."

I blushed. So did Sage. The last thing I wanted was to say this in front of _these_ dirty minded folk, but the silence was too oppressive not to say something. And maybe I wanted to find out their reaction. "Halo normally takes care of them…"

My sister gave me a look I couldn't immediately peg, caught between disbelief, wanting details, and shock.

My embarrassment turned to absolutely wicked laughter, Sage helping— or not, depending on perspective— by kissing just under my ear. The stunned air that _we_ made out that intensely dissolved into mock disgust.

"Geeze, Sage," Kento said. "Didn't know you had it in you."

I raised an eyebrow at Kento before glancing at Rowen, my sister's stomach, and back. "And you kept saying Rowen didn't have it in _him_ , before."

Now it was _their_ turn to blush, whole room dissolving into laughter and tension draining away. The grimness I hadn't had a chance to experience was already broken, just from knowing I was still myself.

Tessa looked at me out of the corner of her eye. ' _We'll talk later.'_

I refused to see any sort of undertone in her meaning and just nodded along. She let Cye take his place back, him handing me a smoothie before anything. I held it in one hand and gave him my other to check for a pulse, knowing the routine of 'food first, figure out what you're feeling later' from years of being taken care of.

Now that they all knew I was alright, everybody seemed to be moving in for a guaranteed to be overwhelming dogpile hug on me. Cye turned to give them all a stern look, enough to get them pausing and paying attention to me very small against Sage's side.

Kento came up and clasped my shoulder. "Once you're better. You owe us a hug."

I laughed softly. "Deal."

Everyone filed out as I drank and Cye kept examining me— from pulse to glands and a teasing poke at the bruise on my neck— now that it was established I was alright. In just a few moments, it was only Rowen, Tessa, and Cye extra in the room. I didn't count Sage as 'extra', for all he'd been here when I woke up and I didn't want him to leave.

From how he hadn't let me out of his hold since from before I went to sleep, I knew he needed it, too.

When I was mostly done my smoothie and no longer weak as a kitten, Cye spoke again. He'd been waiting patiently after doing a motion and nerve responsivity check on my legs, indicating there was something else but not telling me what. "I need to look at the scar on your stomach."

Rowen and Sage caught me before I fell into a flashback, phantom pains manifesting in my abdomen at the reminder. They directed me to Dawn's power, the armour wrapping around Dusk mirroring the way my sister enveloped me in a hug, both of us in Sage's arms.

"It's okay. Scars are proof of life," she murmured, stroking my back.

I broke.

Pain, fear— so much pain, the Nether Spirits burning me from the inside out. Saved by my own knowledge but none of it had stopped him, stopped me from collapsing. My eyes welled with another wash of tears at remembering the apology, one I thought would be my last words or maybe what I was comfortable _having_ as my last words.

My jet black sense of humour said it was the most Canadian thing I'd ever done. That just made me cry more. Loss— it felt like loss, the way I had been cut open, soul electrocuted, all the while he _hissed_ at me that this was the price I paid for following my ego, thinking I had to save her or nobody else would, that I should've trusted God to direct Michael away from a soul that didn't need to be killed. How I'd brought this upon myself.

I hadn't hated myself this much in years.

Despite expecting her voice, knowing what it sounded like almost as well as I knew my own, her words were ghostly in my mind. ' _Sis, don't listen to him. He's wrong.'_

My hands tightened in her shirt. ' _I just wanted you_ safe _.'_

Her voice was a little easier for me to hear, now. ' _I am. We_ both _are, thanks to you. You beat him.'_

I rubbed my face in her shoulder, an attempt at shaking my head. Those were the wrong words for what I'd done. ' _He's still out there.'_

Determination that was almost her trademark as much as it was mine dominated her tone. ' _And we know it. He's not going to get the drop on us again.'_

Her statements seemed contradictory, two worlds I couldn't reconcile. ' _But that means I didn't beat him.'_

' _You kept him from completing his objective.'_ Remembering what his objective had been made me shudder. She simply kept holding me. ' _In the military world, that might as well be a victory.'_

' _It hurt so much…'_ I hid in her arms, phantom pain and all the memories, all the words, dominating every corner of my mind. My buried desire to scream came out in sobs.

She squeezed me. ' _But you_ survived _. You're still here. And you'll live to be the most awesome aunt to my little boy.'_

A thousand thoughts slammed into me at once. Her child was a boy, I had never been around younger boys much, I didn't know how to play with them—

With the state I was in, I didn't even know if I _would_ be able to play.

' _What if…'_ I wanted to cry more but I felt out of tears, forcing me to simply press into her even closer. ' _What if I_ can't _?'_

She pulled back and frowned in confusion. "You're _alive_. Why wouldn't you be able to?"

I looked down, practically limp again from exhaustion. Cye put a hand on my forearm. "None of this is permanent."

Relief turned my muscles to liquid, it felt like, to the point Tessa was supporting all of my weight. A few tears pushed their way out, absorbed by the already damp fabric on her shoulder.

"May I look at your stomach, now?"

I nodded, Sage and my sister easing me onto my back, head in Sage's lap. Cye lifted my shirt before pressing on the muscle, me avoiding looking in his general direction. I tried not to register how much skin he was examining, yet estimated three inches, regardless.

The easiest place to focus was at Tessa still sitting beside Sage. I smiled softly at her. "So, they're a he?"

Sage chuckled, drawing my attention up to him and away from my sister's nod. "I should have asked if you wanted to know right then…"

Rowen snorted. "You were a little… busy."

Before more memories could float between all of us, Tessa spoke. "We're going to name him Touma."

My eyebrows jumped up my forehead. "I thought you didn't want that name."

Her sweatdrop look hadn't changed one inch with pregnancy. She glanced up at Rowen. "Something… changed my mind." Neither had her impish look, which is what greeted me when she looked back down. "I think it's the perfect name for this one."

I laugh-sighed, shaking my head. "Why am I not surprised…"

Cye stood, going to beside me. "I need to see the scar on your back, as well."

I scrunched my eyes shut, nodding and letting him help me turn over, head now resting on a pillow. His fingers went next to my spine, pressing over a two or so inch long strip of skin. I closed my eyes and Sage drew my hand to his, interlacing our fingers and radiating pride.

Even though I knew I had saved two lives, I wasn't sure how I felt about the constant reminders— especially one that would be so easily visible in a bathing suit.

Tessa poked me mentally. "Scars are proof of life—in this case, two or three lives."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "You're only having one child."

She poked my nose. " _You_ have the scar. Proof of life. You, me, _and_ Touma."

I blinked, realizing how I very much did not feel alive right now. Cye stopped massaging my skin and I didn't know if he was done or simply didn't want to push me. I turned my head away and tried to block out the world, only for a chuff to draw me back.

"White Blaze has been pacing since noon," Yuli said from the door.

Ryo was right behind their tagalong kid, roles switched, for once. "He's worried about you."

I turned onto my side, holding an arm out for the tiger to rub himself against. He shoved his giant head into my hand before placing his paws on the bed, nuzzling my face and letting me hug him like a stuffed toy.

I smiled at his purr-like growls. "Mon beau bébé minou pitou. Petit tigre."

Ryo chuckled. "Still calling him that?"

I would've stuck my tongue out at him were my face not buried in fur. "He's still a little kitten no matter how big _or_ old he is."

White Blaze snuggled into me more, effectively pushing Cye and Tessa off the bed when I shifted to accommodate the tiger crawling up beside me, ending up half in Sage's lap. From the continued affection, I assumed he agreed with me.

Ryo shook his head. "If he didn't act like this _all_ the time around you, I'd say he was just putting on a show cause you're sick."

Yuli laughed softly. "You guys keep calling her the Tiger Whisperer. White Blaze is just a big softy."

"That's cause he likes you _almost_ as much as he likes her," Ryo teased back.

That seemed to get Rowen speaking, something he'd barely done for reasons I didn't want to sense or think about. "How're you feeling, Little Witch?"

I smiled despite myself. "Is that a poke I've put a spell on White Blaze here, or a question?"

"Both," he said with a grin. "And I think you mean "everyone", not just White Blaze."

Yuli shook his head. "The Warlords keep asking when you'd be okay to see them."

Ryo snorted. "Sekhmet keeps saying it's just because he has antivenom to give you, but that doesn't explain why the _other_ mashou keep insisting."

The comment 'soft' played through my mind again, me always resisting the idea I was manipulative, was somehow influencing others, but their care for me couldn't be denied. White Blaze poked his head up to nuzzle me, trying to draw me out of melancholy I didn't know I would shake any time soon.

Sage stroked my hair. "Tired?"

I nodded despite that not being the right emotion. I knew I was coming down from a more extreme level of dissociation, but that meant feeling the emotions of the past few days at their full intensity. I didn't want to.

"Try to eat more, before going back to sleep," Cye said softly. "I can tell you why you need to, if you're struggling."

"I can go get the antivenom…" Tessa said. I picked up on the eagerness in her voice, the notes that said she wanted to help but also wanted to escape hearing the worst of it.

I tried not to shiver that she had _seen_ the worst of it.

She and Rowen left, leaving me with the others. Curiosity pressed down on me like a too heavy weighted blanket, something that would quickly turn into an obsession.

"What happened to me?"

From the way Sage's hand clenched as it rested on my shoulder, he didn't want to know as much as my sister didn't. Yuli seemed more comfortable than Ryo, which wasn't saying much considering the way Ryo's neck and jaw were so tense I could see it from his position against the doorframe, eyes firmly fixated on the floor and arms crossed.

Cye sat down in the chair beside the bed. ' _Hypovolemic shock and metabolic acidosis. In laymen's terms, hypovolemic shock means your blood volume decreased to the point your body struggled, which lead to your heart beating erratically among other symptoms, but most weren't visible because you were unconscious. Your spinal artery was nicked enough you were bleeding from there, which contributed significantly to your blood loss. Metabolic acidosis comes from too much acid in your body, in your case from temporary liver failure. That also impacted your heart, and is likely why you were so confused when you initially woke up.'_ He gave the impression of a deep breath that was nearly shuddering, casting his eyes to the floor. ' _Had Sekhmet and Halo not been able to stop the shock reactions and your bleeding, you would have died within half an hour, maybe an hour if we were lucky.'_

I could only stare, blinking at his almost defeated posture— he'd only been able to get blood inside me and direct Sage's abilities, then monitor me— and swallowed. ' _That's why I'm so… weak?'_

He didn't move, but internally nodded. ' _Your body is overcompensating to fix the problems, but it's making itself even more stressed by doing so. We've been trying to help your system realize it can relax, but it's been a slow process.'_ He glanced up at me. ' _Had it been anyone else, they would have gone to the hospital. As it was, nobody wanted to add even more stress to your system.'_

I wrapped my arm tighter around White Blaze, images of forced drugging and restraints— pure, unbridled _panic_ — flooding me. Sage lay down and found my hand, pressing his lips to my cheek. "We all would have been there."

"If they thought they would've been able to stop me…" Ryo muttered, shaking his head.

I turned into Sage, not wanting to face the possibility I had been _that bad_. Despite everything— my eating disorder, ancient injuries, debilitating anxiety attacks— ever since I had known them, I had never _needed_ to go to the hospital. I'd always had somebody who could fix me at hand, somebody I knew, somebody who could keep me away from the place that scared me so much. The fact they nearly hadn't made my stomach drop again, hands curling in Sage's shirt and wanting to forget everything happened.

Cye reached over the tiger at my back and placed a hand on my shoulder. "We were still able to take care of you. I would have done everything in my power to keep you here."

I sniffed and nodded, trying to focus on Sage murmuring to me through the armour connection. I didn't know how long I stayed like that, trying to control myself, before Sage stroked my cheek to draw me back from my own mind.

I picked my head up to see Sekhmet standing over us, hand out to present a vial of swirling gold liquid. I took it and sat up completely to properly drink, hardly even pausing for a second thought— despite alarm from the guys, who still remembered times Sekhmet's attacks had been deadly. But his venom had been red, then.

Brainfog cleared and lingering dizziness stabilized. I took a deep breath and my heart slowed down a little, no longer hammering in my chest.

"You should take yours, as well," Sekhmet said. It wasn't what I'd call dismissive, but it wasn't exactly friendly either— the tone was hard to place, somewhere right on the fringes of the Warlord's usual snide comments, but not malicious. For once.

I glanced at Sage, holding a similar vial to mine, but full. I handed Sekhmet my now empty container with thanks, Sage's gaze following my hand. That seemed to be enough encouragement to drink his.

Halo relaxed so much I felt it through the connection.

Sekhmet accepted his vial with a nod. "Now if all you Ronin could remember this the _next_ time you get yourselves wounded."

I frowned at the subtlest poke towards Tessa and Rowen, standing among the others behind Sekhmet. Rowen just smirked. "Careful, Sekhmet, or everyone'll think you're going soft."

He snorted and crossed his arms. "Well. If we are _supposed_ to be allies, this is a matter of duty. As you boys keep reminding us."

Of course, my sister was not going to let him get away with this display of affection. "Sure, just keep telling yourself that, Sekky."

He rolled his eyes and didn't dignify that with a response.

—

I woke up in Sage's arms the next morning, but the fabric under my hands was that of a dress shirt. I smelled cologne, and detergent, and everything I associated with Sage away from home. Away from me.

My mind ran off on thoughts he was leaving, which he only confirmed with a whisper between armours. ' _I'll come back.'_

I gripped him, avoiding looking at his face and instead burrowing deeper into his arms. ' _Where are you even_ going _?'_

He stroked my back, trying to calm me. ' _I… need to break. Alone. Cye and Ryo are coming with me. I'll come back.'_

I knew he was in pain but none of it helped; all I selfishly wanted was for him to stay, so I could make sure he wouldn't get kidnapped again.

His lips met my forehead. ' _We— we both need to know the other will be there, even if we're apart. I'll come back, I promise.'_

My rational mind took over, telling me I probably needed to break as much as he did. We were terrible at this, talking through how we'd hurt the other when the emotions were still raw. We knew we both got angry and neither of us could handle anger very well, even if it wasn't directed at us.

Despite that, I was still clinging to him. ' _When are you going to leave?'_

' _Whenever you're ready to let me go.'_

I pulled back and looked at him, jaw slack. He stroked my hair and kissed me, forehead resting against mine once we parted. ' _I don't want to push you.'_

I curled up against his shoulder, bridge of my nose against his collarbone. "I don't want to let you go."

His breathing was even. Measured. His grip didn't waver, no sign he was pulling away. "I trust you."

I would have to let him go eventually. I knew I would. But right now, him out of my arms was dangerous— he'd just left, just gone out of them, gotten kidnapped, and I'd just gotten him back only for him to leave again.

Relationship object permanence. I had always been bad at it. I kept clinging for what felt like dear life, trying to impress every part of him in memory.

"Would a kiss help?" he murmured in my ear.

I nodded and uncurled myself from against him, meeting his lips somewhere between halfway and nearly overtaking him. Despite my own eagerness I let him dominate, let myself take without giving much in my return kiss. One hand tangled in his hair, body shifting as he turned me on my back.

He found one of my hands, pulling it up to beside my head so he could interlace our fingers comfortably. ' _Do you want something that lasts longer?'_

' _Please…'_

He pulled back and let go, leaning over me to undo the buttons of my pyjama top as low as possible before exposing my chest, and pulled the opening to the side so most of my collarbone was visible. His lips met mine again, briefly, before traveling down my neck, shoulder, and finally where he always ended. I tangled my fingers in his hair and arched into his touch as much as I could, but my system was still exhausted and skin hypersensitive— what was normally pleasurable was mixing with pain.

But I wanted marks too desperately to have him stop.

He went back up my neck, gently, softly. Shivers stopped, nerves remembering what pleasant touch felt like. Remembering how much I didn't want him to go. Sage pulled my top closed with his free hand, other propping him up.

I let my grip slide, hand now on his jaw. He momentarily held my gaze before glancing away. "Could you…?"

I nodded and he immediately began unbuttoning his own shirt and laying back down on top of me. It was hard to make it as loving as we normally did, for just _how_ utilitarian this was. Still, Sage relaxed under my touch, his lips finding my temple.

He pulled away and I brought him back for one last bite in the muscle between his shoulder and neck, sending shivers down both of our spines. His return kiss to that same spot was somewhere in the line between too hard and not hard enough. I didn't care if the mark was visible or not.

His breath was shaky when he pulled back, sitting up to button his shirt. I left mine open, hands not able to handle the dexterity required to close my pyjama top, right now. He cupped my cheek once he finished, hand sliding down my neck a moment later to do what I couldn't.

That had exhausted me more than I thought possible. Ghosts from early recovery kept trying to come to the surface, how I was back there, how I had gotten myself into trouble again. I looked up at my fiancé, still kneeling over me, wanting him to stop the voices but knowing— seeing— the way he had too much in his own mind to take care of me. The only wildness still in Halo was his mind threatening to run off on him, and the difficulty in restraining it was visible in his eyes. I cupped the back of his neck, attempting to put weight behind it to pull him down.

He kissed my forehead, lips resting there despite the awkward positioning. "Rowen, Tessa, Cye, and White Blaze will be here. I'll be safe with Kento and Ryo."

My jaw trembled. The voices saying to let him go were getting louder, but I couldn't tell if it was from guilt I was holding on so selfishly, or because I was feeling more comfortable. He stayed, holding me as loosely as I was holding him, taking his cues from my comfort levels.

He wasn't going to let go until I did. And it took me this long to believe he really wouldn't. Normally I could trust the past. Trust how he had never left me until l was comfortable, when he had a choice. I didn't know what to do with the thought, right now, I couldn't.

I retracted my grip. "Come back. Please." I swallowed. "I need you to."

He kissed me so strongly I lost my breath. "I will. I need you, too."

—/—

Dreams had always had a funny way of sticking with me.

Nightmares—my true nightmares, not dreams involving rough battles and difficult situations—elicited a far more visceral response.

I awoke with a scream of horror strangled by a lump in my throat, lying stiff as a board in bed and staring at the ceiling with tear-moist eyes. My whole body had tensed, every single muscle firing on the flexing cylinder. It were as if some medium-sized dog sat on my chest, breathing made difficult by a collapsed ribcage and the uncomfortable phantom sensation of a gaping wound in my stomach.

Awareness finally registered. The physical state of being _conscious_ , and not still locked in the horrific images that yet lingered behind my eyes if I dared close them.

I inhaled like a drowning woman.

Function returned to my limbs, and I immediately rolled over to curl up against my husband's warmth. The tears that had been frozen in my lashes spilled over, deep breaths splintering into choked sobs. I felt him shift from his stomach to accommodate me, arms enveloping me so tightly I knew he'd at least sensed my nightmare—just like four years ago.

Another stress-induced nightmare.

One of his hands cupped my head, fingers pushing into my sleep-tousled hair and tucking my head perfectly beneath his chin. After a few brief comforting sounds, he began to hum our favorite lullaby; the same one from shortly after we'd met.

My body still wouldn't release its hold on the stress reaction, but my mind calmed enough to sort through the things my subconscious had drawn to light.

Alexa. Held in place. But not by a Guardian.

Halo. Or...had it been Sage?

But then why had Rowen had the sword? Or maybe it wasn't Rowen. Maybe it was just Strata.

Dream-me hadn't seemed to be able to make up its mind. No matter how many story-like plots my brain liked to weave, I supposed I couldn't expect it to make sense _all_ the time.

Almost of its own accord, the nightmare started to replay behind my eyes. My hand fisted in Rowen's shirt, his body muffling my strangled wail of pain and sheer terror as I became a prisoner in my own mind.

The Sword of Doom in Rowen's hand. The gaping hole it made in Alexa's stomach. Sage's smirk that was more Michael's than any look I'd ever actually seen on the Ronin's face.

I'd wanted to scream in-dream. I couldn't. Even upon waking, I still hadn't been able to.

Until now.

Rowen's voice finally pierced my internal monologue. "You're not there, _ryuko_. Alexa is safe. We're all okay."

That gave me a little space to breathe—enough to realize Dawn had been trying to tell me something this whole time. I could listen now, and felt her stretch out toward Dusk...toward a faint signature that seemed to struggle every moment. As physically close as we were and as connected as the armors were, Dawn was still hardly able to reach her twin.

I managed a swallow between the sobs that had halfway calmed down, now. "B-But…D-D—" My voice wasn't going to cooperate; I switched to telepathy. Even _that_ was still shaky. " _I-I can hardly f-feel Dusk."_

Strata tried to offer what little strength it had recouped, but hardly made a dent. The galaxies were dim with exhaustion, far-off constellations completely obscured while closer ones flickered like embers. Rowen held me a little closer, tucking my body tightly against his. "Do you need to check on her?"

I nodded sharply and almost without thinking, an instinctual reaction that said more about my state of mind than any words could have. Sitting up involved more of Rowen's strength than my own, him sliding out of bed first while my brain still struggled to focus on the environment around me. Fear crept up my spine again at the realization I was, to all intents and purposes, _stuck_ in that dream.

Rowen's hands on my face helped ground me. He said nothing, though Strata spoke for him to ask whether sharing the nightmare would calm me at all. Relief at the mere suggestion was too overwhelming for me _not_ to accept the offer.

I could feel guilty about how it directly involved him, later.

Awareness returned an indeterminate time after the start of the breakdown. My cheeks were wet with tears, forehead pressed to Rowen's neck and his arms almost clinging to me as much I clung to him. Since he had been kneeling on the floor, I'd slid off the bed to match him, and now we sat leaning against the side of the mattress.

I inhaled—shaky, but calmly. "Alexa…"

The breathy word managed to convey my full thought. Rowen simply gathered me in his arms and stood, careful that I was properly settled before walking toward the door. It took my fingers a few attempts to manipulate the door knob for him, limbs shaky from everything going on.

My stomach bottomed out at seeing Sage and Cye standing in the hallway, in front of my sister's room. Only the fact that they and Dawn both hadn't yet sounded any sort of alarm kept me from jumping straight to panic.

While I was too busy noticing that Sage had even left his fiancée's side and every line of his body down to the hand on the door knob said he didn't _want_ to be away, Cye zeroed in on my wellbeing. "Are you alright?"

It took far longer than it should have to process his meaning and my response. I nodded as Rowen simply answered, "Nightmare."

My attention was still on my (future) brother-in-law; even though I couldn't find the humor or the words to make a joke or ask along the lines of "Got a hot date?" he seemed to pick up on my curiosity from Dawn.

"I need to leave," he explained quietly. His voice was the roughest I'd ever heard, and his hand still hadn't moved. "She's… alright."

Rowen, of course, understood the other Ronin's moods far better than I. "You okay, Sage?"

The blond drew in a long, steadying breath. "I need to get away."

Worry. Fear. Doubt. Halo was closed off too much for me to read it but I didn't have to in order to recognize what Sage was going through. As much of a wreck as Alexa had been when she didn't have him over the past few days, I knew he had to be feeling infinitely worse considering none of us had _ever_ seen him this frazzled.

I managed to find my voice, as softly as the words came out due to my still-lingering exhaustion. "She'll be safe here."

He nodded, once, stiffly. "I know. She's worried about _me_. And with Dusk so weak…" His head tilted to turn the one visible eye on me. The amount of guilt, shame, and sheer _heartbrokenness_ I saw there would have had me staggering were I on my own two feet. "Do you forgive me?"

The words didn't immediately register. When they did, my answer was just short of rambly as I tried to piece together why in the world he would ask such a thing. "Wha…? Sage, you just got brainwashed and were nearly single-handedly responsible for s—"

I paused. These mental gymnastics were horribly taxing on my still-nightmare-influenced brain. I had just seen Alexa before going to sleep and she had been okay, but now Sage was worried and acting like he'd done something to hurt me.

Had something happened between my leaving her and now?

The mere thought plunged me back into the just-under-panic I'd felt when I first saw Sage and Cye in the hallway. "I-Is everything alright?" I stammered, a fist curling in Rowen's t-shirt.

A strained smile pulled at his lips, eye glancing away again. His next words tried to be reassuring through the haze of exhaustion and something else I couldn't place tinging his whole demeanor. "She's fine, physically. I—" He swallowed, then reworded his question. "Can you forgive me, for taking her to Michael?"

Before I could process any inkling of a reply to him, Rowen spoke up. "It's okay, Sage. If anything it's my fault…"

More confusion. I frowned, pursing my lips at the two men's strange behavior. "Wha…?" I tilted my head back to look at my husband. "There's nothing to forgive, you never did anything to…"

Cye's slow words spoke of the thinking wheels turning in his mind. "What do you remember, exactly?"

Sage's voice went even more hoarse than it already was. "All I remember is opening my eyes and she was already in a Guardian's grip."

"I heard your scream," Rowen said quietly, tightening his hold on me. "I didn't realize what was happening until Kento…"

Cye, again, seemed to be better able to read his friends than I could right now—judging by his glancing between the two. "Neither of you hurt either of them. Alexa went to engage you, Rowen, after freeing Sage, sending the both of you flying. None of us were close enough to stop the Guardians in time, and it happened too quickly for the Warlords to come."

Oh. So _that_ 's what they'd been worried about. My arms closed around Rowen's neck comfortingly. "It's not your fault, Ro. You are not responsible for any of this." I turned my attention back to my future brother-in-law, speaking just as softly. "Nor are you, Sage. You have nothing to atone for. But...if it'll help…"

I wasn't sure my offer of forgiveness _would_ help. But at least I could offer.

He closed his eyes and glanced away, hand finally dropping from the door knob.

"Take care of her."

With that semi-cryptic remark, Sage turned and walked away down the hall. The three of us glanced between each other in confusion, all wondering the same thing.

What exactly had _that_ been all about?

* * *

 **Translations**

 _Mon beau bébé minou pitou. Petit tigre_ : My pretty baby sweetie kitten. Little tiger.


	16. Chapter 16

If something in the trigger warnings applies to you, skip the first two scenes (use your internet's "find" toolbar [ctrl+F on PC, command+F on Mac] to find —/—). There will be a summary provided at the end of the chapter.

 **Warnings:** Suicidal ideation, flashbacks

* * *

 _Chapter 16_

Sage kept seeing the look on her face every time he closed his eyes. The way she silently begged him not to leave, and how she used every scrap of courage she had to let him go. She had told him, once, that selfishness was ignoring the needs of others for your own wants, and self preservation was ignoring the wants of others for your own needs.

But where did that leave him, when both people needed very different things?

"She'll be alright, Sage," Ryo said from the driver's seat.

He grit his teeth. "Not until I get back."

At least she wouldn't be alone. Tessa and Rowen getting up just in time for her to have someone else she loved there was more of a relief than he could articulate. He knew she was hiding things from him, just like he was hiding things from her. Hopefully she could break around them.

Knowing Tōgei and her selflessness, though, the chances of that were slim. It was more likely one of those two would crack and she would hold them together, ignoring her own hurt.

He exhaled and let memories of her panic wash through him, trying to simply note them, not react or feel anything in response. They were her emotions, born from her own choices, and even though they involved him he didn't have to let them consume him. Any part he'd had in it was inconsequential, she hadn't blamed him, nothing was directed _at_ him, he didn't have to be responsible for others' feelings.

His meditation techniques floundered in the face of such intensity, only giving him the smallest space to breathe. Halo similarly didn't have the strength to help, armour still weak from being forced into action and unable to separate past from future. All he could think of was how she was going to be his wife and he had a duty to take care of her.

A duty he had failed.

The racetrack came into sight after an undeterminable time later. Sage hadn't uttered two words since replying to Ryo's statement, and part of him struggled to turn over the thought he might be non verbal. She'd told him about it, he'd held her dozens of times as her ability to speak— her eloquent voice slowing along metaphors he'd never thought of and explanations that left him in awe— failed her to the point she could only feel. Could only claw at his shoulder and sob into his chest and kiss him, because nothing else functioned. Their armours communicating more for them, but now it felt like neither of them could and that scared him more than the difficulty speaking under stress.

It was an autistic trait they both shared.

He didn't want to think about it, right now.

Everything was on automatic. He'd come here before, having a membership in both Sendai and Tokyo. His father had been taking him to races since he was a child, getting him involved far too young and resulting in a few close calls with the law, where Sage had driven just a little too recklessly to go unnoticed.

The racetrack was his secret getaway. The place his father had shared with him, the place his grandfather had never touched. Disdained, even. It had always given him some secret thrill of sheer joy to do something _he_ didn't approve of, with the man who always made time for him no matter how short it was.

Suiting up, he only had one thought: this was home.

He paused momentarily before climbing into the car, hearing Tōgei's words echo through his mind even though she hadn't said them this time. Her simple _'be careful'_ hid more than she let on, and after _'I need you'_ , the words had more weight. Sage quieted the thought with a simple _I will be_ , all she had ever asked of him.

It didn't quite feel like enough. He didn't feel safe without Halo's glow circling his heart. He put it from his mind as he gripped the wheel, concentrating as the clock counted down.

Instinct took over at the start.

Sage's senses came alive at the roar of the engine and g forces. Lap one. Two. Three. He pushed his body through one set. Two. However many it would take to get everything to feel _right_ again. Tunnel vision broadened until every sense was in the present moment.

 _Peace_.

He did a third race-length just to _enjoy_ , chaos of his mind settling down into skills he'd spent too long practicing and shouldn't have for his age. Halo hummed in contentment, soaking up every sound and vibration that he'd realized over the years was a stim. Its glow got a little stronger, electricity going up and down his spine.

He pulled over into the pit and climbed out, drenched in sweat but finally able to think clearly since the fog lifted from his mind and he saw Tōgei in _their_ arms. A pang of guilt reminded him why he was even here. The ability to take a deep breath and not be consumed by grief was the other side of the same coin.

It was almost impossible to believe he hadn't had some part in letting the Guardians take her, for how strong the orders had been. He couldn't remember anything else. It was so all-consuming he struggled to even entertain the possibility he had resisted, let alone _not_ carried it out.

The guys met him outside the showers.

Ryo looked the most concerned, Wildfire only giving out the smallest hints of worry but it was more than enough for Halo. "How're you feeling?"

"Better," Sage said quietly. "Arigato."

Ryo inclined his head in return. "Hoped so. Think you're up to talking about… what happened?"

The reality of this outing hit him like an ice version of the shower he had just taken. He looked away and cast his eyes down, a lump of some unidentified emotion rising up in his throat.

Kento clasped his shoulder. "C'mon. Let's go."

They drove even farther out of the city, out in a place where the city noise was nothing more than a backdrop. The farther away from responsibility he got, the more he was able to identify the grip around his throat threatening to strangle him.

Shame.

Part of him knew he should be thankful his tanto was back at the house.

He tried not to think how that was _only_ part of him.

Scripts he'd used— ironically, considering the situation— to talk Tōgei down from her own ledges ran through his head, having some impact but not enough, not as much as he wished. He'd promised. He had told her— since before they started dating, all through the trial— that he would protect her.

He had failed.

And as much as he knew there were multiple solutions to this, as much as he spent his time telling _her_ those very solutions, only one dominated his mind. He wished it didn't.

"She'd want you alive," Ryo said from beside Sage, having traded off with Kento for driving. "She knows it wasn't your fault. Look at how fast she forgave the Warlords."

Sage closed his eyes. His own rocky relationship with Cale, one that made him nearly snatch her away from his former antagonist, kept coming to the surface. "They never hurt her."

"You didn't, either," he replied firmly. "I watched you guys fight. She spent the whole time cursing Michael and trying to get you back. Never believed for a second you were willingly attacking her. I sure as hell didn't."

Wildfire brushed Halo aside with disturbing ease, Sage's armour acting more like a smokescreen than the wall he was used to. Still, Ryo was gentle was enough Sage softened, lump in his throat growing when Hardrock joined in reassuring him. They filled the gap in his memory, the one his sense of failure was more than willing to stuff to the brim with instances of hurting her. He didn't know if he'd scarred Dusk— they told him he hadn't, thankfully, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to live with himself.

He was supposed to be her healer.

Ryo, again, interrupted his thoughts. "You're supposed to be her fiancé and future husband. It means she loves you outside of that. All she wanted was you back, _especially_ after facing you."

He swallowed, question he had wanted to ask for days but not around her finally coming out. "How was she? When I was—" His throat closed up; Sage willed it back open. "Gone?"

"Shaking pretty bad," Kento said softly. "She called Tessa once she stopped sensing you— Rowen went to her first, brought her over, and she only got to sleep after Dais cast an illusion on her. Cye had to spend some time with her, too, otherwise she was too scared of being alone. She could barely move."

Ryo's voice was strained in a way Sage knew all too well. "She hated herself for not noticing you were in trouble before you vanished. Just wanted to make it up to you by getting you back."

So her words the previous day had been right, at least on the surface. Sage knew her well enough that he never quite trusted what she said when she was dissociating, because it tended to erase all her triggers and make her not even realize something he'd done had upset her. It had taken him years to come to terms with how it wasn't necessarily his fault, pressing buttons even she hadn't known were there.

Even with the external confirmation, he figured there was something she didn't realize. It was safer to assume he'd triggered her. Normally, that provided him a safety net that made it he didn't trigger her again, and gave her space to change her mind.

This time, it made him feel worse.

Ryo reached across the back seat to clasp him on the shoulder. "Sage… it's alright. You should've seen her face after she got you back. She looked like she was going to cry, she was so relieved."

He grit his teeth. "That doesn't mean I didn't hurt her, and she hasn't admit it to herself yet."

"Hey c'mon now," Kento said. "You can't know that."

Sage kept his snort internal. "I can't in theory."

Ryo understood faster; he tried to smile, worry in his eyes betraying how forced it was. "Even if she did get hurt, she'd still want you alive."

He wished Halo didn't broadcast his emotions to the others, or that Ryo didn't know what to look for. Either way, getting such comments from his leader slowly broke down his defences. Every mistake he'd made came flooding back, pushing tears out and a sob he wanted to release.

"What did I even _do_?"

Ryo seemed almost reluctant to answer, but Kento was still driving in silence. Eventually, Wildfire figured out where to start. "You were a machine. If I tried to go after you, you'd shove me aside. You were only _interested_ in Alexa and Rowen. But, almost every time you'd go to attack them, you'd… hesitate."

One word stood out. "Almost."

"Nether Spirits would get the best of you," he said softly. "The mashou told us you can only resist Nether Spirits for so long— Alexa agreed with them. She knew you had no choice in doing what you did."

Sage raked his fingers through his hair. He already had enough blanks in his memory his parents or sisters refused to fill, and now his brothers were refusing to tell him something as important as this. "What did I _do_? How did Rowen get caught?"

Ryo swallowed. "You ended up by the docks. Rowen and I went after you. You mostly fought him, until we got Alexa to try and break the spell."

A sinking feeling grew in Sage's stomach. "I caught him."

"You were about to catch _her_ ," Ryo said. "You had to take one, and you picked him. He made it easy, leaping at you last minute to try and get you away from Alexa. He couldn't let you hurt her."

"We would've gone after you, but you vanished," Kento said. "I got there just in time to see the fog roll in."

Ryo gave a soft, humourless laugh. "Alexa practically vanished right after you. She got a dose of antivenom to sustain herself and told Tessa she wouldn't fight you again, but after? She and Kayura were gone."

Kento interrupted any line of thought Sage could've spiraled down. "It's okay, Sage. You saved her life by taking Rowen. It's not your fault she got caught after fighting him. We all messed up not taking that Guardian out."

But it _was_ his fault. He couldn't even remember taking Rowen, fighting the others. The agony of the initial flood of spirits faded to patchy black and white, his Grandfather's voice— only to drop into seeing her captured. All he could remember between was wanting to kill her, and thanks to his actions, Michael nearly _had_.

" _We_ still want you here," Ryo said gently, but with the strength of Wildfire behind it. "It's not your fault, but even if it _was_ , you were the one who got her out. She wouldn't be alive without you."

Something about those words broke him, sob slipping out and Halo escaping some of its bonds and filling him with some of the hope it normally held onto for him. The scale, perhaps— how she could've been colder, weaker. How Dusk could have stopped pulsing instead of the tiniest flickers it was now. How if he had just been a few minutes later, she would have died in his arms.

She never truly wanted to die. She'd reached out to him enough on bad nights, when shadows were more than physical, trusting he would respond and make her feel better, for him to know that.

Trust.

She had trusted him to do it again.

And he _had_.

—~—

Once Rowen set me on my own two feet, we walked in to find my sister plastered to White Blaze's side. There was a reason we had taken to calling him therapy kitty years ago—especially where it involved Alexa. My heart dropped into my stomach at the way she was clutching his fur, face buried against his shoulder and generally looking terrified of facing the world.

Even when that world consisted of Rowen, Cye, and myself.

I immediately made a beeline for the double bed, silently thanking myself for not being too pregnant to clamber over the tiger in order to sandwich her between us. She'd told me about these moods of hers before...but I'd never _seen_ them.

Rowen and Cye pulled up chairs as I settled on my side behind Alexa, my body conforming to the curve of her back. She didn't twitch, didn't even appear to acknowledge we had entered the room. I could see just enough of the two men to catch the worried glance they shared.

After a few long moments of waiting for any reaction from my twin, Cye quietly cleared his throat. "How're you feeling? "

She didn't answer for a little. When she finally did, we could barely hear her. "I don't know."

"May I take your vitals?"

She nodded almost robotically and lifted her wrist. Cye gently grasped it before saying, "You don't have to say yes."

I couldn't see her face from where I lay, but after an instant to process the thought, she retracted her hand from his loose grasp. She tucked it against her chest—subsequently hiding it in White Blaze's ruff. The slightest desire from Dusk for a hand to hold had me stretching an arm over her shoulders to lace my fingers through hers.

Cye let his hand rest softly on her head, smoothing over her hair comfortingly. Rowen spoke up next, voice close to a murmur. "He'll be okay, Little Witch. The guys took him out to the track. Should feel better after a few races."

Her single-word answer was strained with deep emotion, a mix of at least what I thought might be self-hatred and more fear. "Good."

"It's alright, sis," I murmured, squeezing her hand. "He'll come back to you. And we're all here for you, too."

She was still just as quiet as I. "I miss him already."

I could empathize, recalling every deployment and every day ever spent away from Rowen. My arm drew her a little closer against me. "I understand. We'll stay with you until he returns."

"I can barely sense him…" she said, tone betraying how much else she wanted to say but was controlling for fear of it all tumbling out at once.

Acknowledgement flicked through the armor connection, all of us knowing what she meant. Sage had been protectively closed off almost since the moment Alexa had broken the Nether influence over him.

"Kento and Ryo wouldn't let anything happen to him," Cye reassured almost stubbornly.

Alexa remained silent for a while after that. I simply continued to hold her, trying not to let my mind wander back to images from earlier in the morning that I did not want to revisit. It didn't help when I could feel her start to shake and shudder, alarm barely held in check as I waited to find out what that reaction from her might mean.

"Do you forgive me?"

The sudden rush took a moment to process. Despite the jumbled tangle of words it brought out in my mind—foremost among them how she had repeated what Sage had said not long before—my actual response was immediate and unflinching. "Yes."

Her breathing hitched, telltale sign of sobs beginning. She finally turned away from White Blaze to curl up against my chest, my hand pulling from hers so she could shift; now my arm lay over her waist, wrapped around her back to draw her close. I carefully maneuvered my bottom arm from under my ribcage to cup the back of her head, chin resting atop it and hand smoothing down her hair in a slow rhythm.

The connection between Dawn and Dusk was a swirling mess of thought—both hers and mine, though the former was somewhat dulled by something I couldn't quite place. She'd been terrified I would be mad with her for risking her life, thoughts of Mom dominating that trigger. I was partly amused, still, at how she and Sage both had asked the exact same question of me; but I maintained the same response, that of course I would forgive her and that there really wasn't anything _to_ forgive.

I just couldn't quite find my voice to say the words _"Yes I was terrified but it wasn't your fault, it was Michael's; you were only trying to protect me."_

In no way did it mean I didn't still love her.

My voice finally came back. "I love you _so much_ , and even _more_ so for defending me and the baby," I said through a choked-up throat and watery eyes. "I can never repay you...and I'm. Just so glad you're _alive_."

Confusion wormed through her muffled sobs, slowing just enough for her to say, "I was repaying _you_."

I mirrored her uncertainty, brow furrowing as I drew back a fraction—just to the point I didn't feel like I was quite wrapped around her like a shrimp. "W-wha...? What is there to repay th-that...would...?"

I couldn't finish that thought. The nightmare already loomed behind my eyes; I'd no doubt relive it if I did.

My twin swallowed. "I wouldn't... _be_ alive without you..."

The world seemed to freeze. Her words echoed in my mind.

She'd talked about her suicidal thoughts before. She'd told me about the few times she'd actually wanted to die. I could even recall her saying I'd been a factor in why she managed to get through some of those episodes.

But this was the first time it had hit me.

Really, _truly_ sunk in.

If we had never met…

If she had ever followed through on those urges…

My lungs demanded air. A sharp inhale restarted time, and I probably almost crushed Alexa against me with the strength of my hug, face burying against her shoulder and tears truly beginning to fall. She allowed it a moment before drawing back enough to rest a hand on my jaw. "I shouldn't have scared you like that…"

Now it was my turn to swallow, the nightmare threatening to come roaring back. I avoided looking at her—or Rowen, for that matter, who I had a feeling was watching me like an alert sheepdog. "S'not your fault…" I managed to mumble. not even sure myself if I were referring more to the situation or the awful images in my mind.

I could hear her own tears behind her words. "I promised myself I wouldn't have you worry about me…"

Too many emotions made my voice even more hoarse, arms somehow squeezing even tighter around her. Whether it was more to comfort her or myself, though, I wasn't sure. "All that matters is I have you back…"

Of course she would protest. "But I'm _not back_."

I did not want to listen to Dawn trying to nag at me that something was Wrong, right now. After watching Alexa nearly die twice (or possibly actually dying, according to the nightmare), I had no desire to do anything but keep telling myself I hadn't lost her. There was no way in Hell I was letting her go anytime soon, either. I could hardly breathe out the words "You're _alive_ …" for the sheer level of emotion coursing through me.

Damn pregnancy hormones...

Alexa made a frustrated sound. "I'm bedridden and Dusk— I'm _not here_. I just keep scaring you…"

It was getting nigh impossible to hold back the nightmares, especially with what Dawn was beginning to be insistent I pay attention to from Dusk. A faint memory—something someone had said, years ago—nagged at the back of my brain as I curled up against my sister. My arm slid beneath hers, eyes screwed shut against the darkness. "N-not you...t-the…"

Cye spoke up, seeming to realize what track we were spiralling down. I'd never been so grateful for his soothing doctor's demeanor and bedside manner. "Anything that could scare us pales in comparison to what you're feeling, at present. The ultimate reassurance is you even here to make us feel anything."

Her hands fisted in my shirt (which I really needed to change, soon…). I could hear the tears in her voice, again. "I hate hurting people."

Defensiveness had me squeezing her again. " _You_ haven't hurt us," I almost growled.

There was still too much emotion swirling through me for more than that; Cye picked up the conversation with equal ferocity and yet gentle undertones. " _Michael_ did this. It's not your fault."

"Then why do I feel like it _is_?" Alexa snapped—almost spat—high pitched and clinging tighter to me.

Rowen finally spoke up, as calmly and quietly as he'd been the whole time. "That's what this illness does. It makes you think it's your fault when it's not, cause the both of us grew up where it was always our fault."

Curiosity had my brain working overtime, piecing together his strange mood since coming back with his most likely reactions to my nightmare. I risked peering out from my cocoon to watch him while Cye continued, more softly, "Three of you had that experience, and three of you just faced your strongest demons. You've all recovered once, which means you'll be able to do it again. None of you are at fault."

That was a bandwagon I could finally jump on. "I don't blame any of you…" I said quietly, not looking at anyone for a moment. A split second of attention from Strata then had me glancing up at Rowen, though.

Alexa subtly shuddered again, once. "There's nobody to blame…" she repeated, as if trying to convince herself of that still.

Continued guilt over what she thought she'd done.

One more truth of which I was certain helped strengthen my voice. "The only one to blame is Michael."

She remained quiet, almost hiding against me again. "I'm still sorry."

Rowen reached across White Blaze to put a hand on her shoulder. "We are, too…" he murmured.

That got her to glance at him; she opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it. Instead she sighed and muttered, "I'm so tired…"

"You'll be tired for a while," Cye explained. "Maybe not bedridden, but your body needs to heal after those injuries. Even Sekhmet's antivenom can only do so much to help."

"Welcome to the club, sis," I teased quietly.

She managed a small smile and a laugh that was only a breath. "You're not bedridden."

I returned it with a lopsided one. "No, just pregnant…"

How long would that damn joke follow me around?

This time she caught the strain and stress behind my words. "What is it?"

I swallowed, visions of my nightmare flashing behind my eyes. I buried my face against her shoulder, hands tensing in her shirt. Rowen's hand touched my head, brushing comfortingly through my hair. Dusk and Strata flickered at the edges of my consciousness, prompting me to let them help. After a brief moment of hesitation—or fear—or both—the images slipped their mental coils and spread into the armor connection. The burden eased with it to an extent, but there was still something off; and allowing that spread made me more aware of just how _little_ of my twin armor I could sense _._

Some small hidden part of me wondered if perhaps I _was_ more traumatized from this than I thought.

The rest of me, classically, stubbornly refused the idea.

I barely registered Alexa's words through my fear, though I clearly felt her shift to tuck my body against hers, this time. "I'm right here. It's okay. You're just caught up in Nether Spirits…"

 _'Right. "Nether Spirits linger".'_ That was what I had been trying to remember. Dawn plowed through them by sheer determination, finally showing me what had been Off in Dusk's aura. The abominations swirled even _more_ thickly around my sister, stifling nearly all communication between the armors.

My voice strained to break through the silent gale of energy. "But I can hardly feel Dusk and you almost _d-died_ …"

Rowen's hand squeezed my shoulder protectively when my words cut off on a choked sob, my fingers wrapping in Alexa's clothing. I felt her swallow. "It's… it's happened before. I'm okay, I've got—gotten… out…"

Thank God for Cye, always the level-headed caretaker when no one else could be. "How did you get out, before?" he prompted carefully.

Her small, almost nervous laugh told me the answer to that question was why she had paused so much on her previous statement. "The Ancient helped…and lightning…"

"Maybe when Sage gets back, then…?" he suggested.

She was quiet. _Too_ quiet. "He won't be enough…"

I didn't have to look to know Cye and Rowen were exchanging glances over the notes in her tone that said she was hiding something from her fiancé. No one pressed the issue, though, Cye simply confirming, "So, Kayura, then…"

"I'll go—" Rowen started.

A telepathic tap from the Armor of Spring caught our attention, stopping Rowen mid-sentence. Even I managed a glance up to find Kayura standing in the doorway; judging by her casual pose leaned against the jamb, she hadn't just happened to arrive at the perfect moment.

Could have fooled me, though.

"No need to come find me," she half-teased quietly.

My husband half-heartedly chuckled as she moved forward. "You always _were_ remarkably good at finding us…"

Alexa struggled to sit more upright as I shifted out of her grasp, allowing Kayura some space on the now-very-crowded mattress. The Ancient rested a gentle hand on my sister's shoulder, waiting for her to finish propping herself against the headboard with Cye's help. Once Alexa was settled, she moved her hand to her collarbone.

The barest flicker of furrowed brows gave away Kayura had sensed the same thing we did. She extended her free hand into empty space beside the bed and concentrated. A familiar hum accompanied energy that matched Balance; I could feel Dawn instinctively reacting to it.

Golden light stretched into the shape of a rod in Kayura's hand. When it dissipated, Kaos' staff remained, the rings softly clinking together.

The clinking crescendoed as the winged scepter carefully swung around to Alexa's forehead. Its glow returned, this time centered only on the orb. Ancient power intensified, attacking the Spirits with a ferocity to rival Inferno. Their horrible wails echoed soundlessly in our minds as they died, the bonds that held them to Earth severed. Power flooded Dawn, new strength snapping the remainder of lingering spirits that had caused my nightmare.

Air filled my lungs, a deep breath I hadn't realized I couldn't take because of the oppressive weight now lifted. While she still wasn't one hundred percent, at least Dawn no longer quivered with exhaustion.

Part of me wondered how much of it had to do with her possibly feeding Dusk extra energy, even through the Spirits' barrier.

By the time the silent gale had subsided, I looked up to see my twin in her subarmor. Though puzzled, I took her scrutiny of the metal to be a simple once-over ensuring Dusk was back in order. After forcing her hands to try it out, she drew the armor down into its orb.

"Arigato," she said, firmly yet quietly. There was a note of finality to it that I couldn't quite place, but decided to chalk it up to relief.

As soon as Kayura nodded and moved out of the way, I glomp-pounced on Alexa. Her return hug wasn't as energetic, but better than she had been minutes before. "I feel better already…"

I heard Rowen let out a deep exhale in what sounded like relief.

"I'm okay, Rowen."

"No thanks to me…" he muttered in response to my twin.

Cye's face—when Alexa stood— would have been priceless had I not also been somewhat concerned for her condition. She moved to Rowen's side and set a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Even if this _was_ your fault— and it's not— I wouldn't have my sister without you, and that is worth more than anything I could name."

Guilt emanated from his posture, looking down at the floor between his feet. "But…you almost _didn't_ , too…" He looked back up to me for a moment, allowing me a heart-wrenching instant to see all the pained emotion behind his eyes, before his gaze dropped to my stomach. His fists clenched in a subtle indication of self-loathing. "I-I...almost…"

It almost relieved me to hear him talking about this; I'd briefly acknowledged he was struggling with what had happened, but everything was still so fresh I hadn't yet had a chance to reassure _him_. I followed Alexa off the bed to climb in his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and fiercely reiterating, "You _didn't_. That's the important part." I drew back again to put a hand to his cheek and rest my forehead against his. "None of it was your fault. We're both still here."

"As you told me. It's illness," my sister added. "We can hate ourselves for having it, for our minds not letting us forgetting the past and making us vulnerable, but it was done _to_ us. It's not our faults for reacting the way our bodies and minds were designed to— we learn what's dangerous and react. That's all it was."

I could feel the disbelief in his body, the uncertainty in the pause that nearly grew into silence while he wrestled with what he'd just heard. Alexa simply smiled softly and continued, "I forgive you, even though you've done nothing that needs forgiving."

That got through to him. Strata telegraphed Rowen's intentions so I could move to let him stand. He pulled Alexa into a tight hug (as best he could with the height difference), and she returned it. I couldn't hear what she said to him over the armor link, but I could see how much he appreciated the words when he hugged her even closer in gratitude.

It didn't escape my notice that Kayura quietly slipped out of the room while everyone appeared occupied, sans Ancient staff. I decided not to say anything, though; her business was her business.

The affectionate and heartfelt gesture ended when Rowen bent and carefully lifted Alexa into his arms. I could tell through Dawn that she'd already expended her new source of strength, though she certainly hadn't seemed to let it show. "Relax. You've earned it," he reassured as he helped her get situated under the covers once more.

She smirked. "If I really wanted to relax, I'd have a bath with one of my bath bombs."

Naturally he would have a solution to that. "I can arrange that," he replied with an expression to match hers.

She snorted and shook her head at him. "You spoil me."

His smirk morphed into a teasing smile; _I_ smiled to witness the return to their usual back and forth. "You're not saying no."

The arch to her eyebrow gave him the obvious rebuttal to that comment. With a final chuckle and brief pat on her shoulder, he rose and left on his errand to Canada.

—/—

I waited for the tub in the master bathroom to fill and changed out of my pyjamas to bathing suit— of course Rowen would think of everything— after the very predictable teasing at _how many_ bath bombs I had. It wasn't my fault it was Christmas season and I was stocking up for when the limited editions would vanish. Rowen's sing-song 'I didn't know which one you wanted' was a cheap excuse to tease me when he could have just asked over the armour connection. My bathing suit was even worse, with the tormenting 'In case he comes back' and the lampshade on just how much we'd been clinging to each other.

My sister stayed in the room, both for company and to make sure I didn't fall. The side benefit was the look on her face when she saw what lay under my shirt.

She took a split second of staring before blurting out, "How many _are_ there?"

I laughed and blushed, trying not to hide the singular mark on my collarbone. Sage had healed any others almost immediately after we got caught, and he'd have healed this one after returning to avoid a repeat… except our movie-like life refused to let comedic timing pass by. "Just the one… this time…"

She raised an eyebrow in a way only she could. I had to wonder if Touma would inherit that absolutely uncanny ability. "Do I even want to know…"

I smirked at her tease, deciding two could play this game. "Oh probably… ask me if I'm telling, though."

She laughed at my sticking-out-tongue tone, changing topics slightly and poking me towards my stash. "So which bomb this time?"

There was absolutely no way out of this conversation and my blush showed it. "I was thinking either Lord of Mistrule or." I coughed, voice speeding up as if that would make it any less incriminating. "Sexbomb."

Just as I'd feared, she _grinned_. Her eyes danced and the mischief made it into her tone. "You _would._ "

I snorted. "So sue me. It's my favourite."

"Wonder what Sage thinks about that," she said in a sing-song voice, expression not budged an inch.

"Well," I said with a snerk. "Funny story that one of the ingredients in Sex Bomb is sage leaf…"

She couldn't contain herself. Only her growing belly prevented her from resting her forehead on her knees with laughter. When she could finally breathe again, she managed to get out, "Our lives…!"

I chuckled. "It's supposed to be an aphrodisiac… not like we need one, apparently?"

It felt nice to laugh again, to not worry. She made a sound somewhere between snorting and snerking. "No kidding, between me with the pregnancy hormones and our ridiculous lives in general."

I shouldn't have jinxed it. My mood went more somber, remembering all the buildup it took to reach the point I even let Sage mark my skin. "It… is nice to be more physical with him, I will admit… there's a reason Halo takes care of all the bruises."

She smiled softly. "Yeah… I know the feeling. It's kinda lucky Rowen and I both are the more touch-y types, I guess."

And she called _herself_ wicked. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, mind jumping to very not safe for work places. "Oh… you'd be surprised…"

She matched the motion, but her emotion was pure questioning. "Are we talking about the same thing, still, or did I miss the memo…?"

I turned the water off and dug through my bag for Sex Bomb, craving its scent and resigning myself to the endless tormenting once Sage got back. I couldn't help but continue along the same lines I'd been following before. "Well considering Sage and I sometimes break each other's skin…"

She _blinked_ at me while I relished having control over what I shared. Her look was sweat-drop-like, and it was easy to read as regret she'd even brought it up. "Um… Not. Sure that was quite what I was referring to but _ohkay_ then…!"

I covered my mouth with my hand, laughing more. "What were _you_ talking about, then?"

She chuckled. "More thinking about how I can relate with the physical closeness, and that it's lucky both of us are touch-loving otherwise I don't think our relationship would have worked like it has."

I nodded along, watching the water turn milky pink as the bomb dissolved. "Then you'd still be surprised. For how aloof _both_ of us can be, it… well. I'll let you fill in the blanks for why we spent so much time in my room…"

She snorted and let out a single laugh. "Oh believe me I could relate, even though my hashtag oblivious self didn't really piece it together until just today…!"

I paused and contained every gloating reaction I could possibly make, the only thing still there an evil gleam in my eye that I could turn this joke back on her, for once. "It should say something you didn't realize despite being _my_ twin…"

She shook her head, bright laughter— unconstrained by the shadows of the past few days— filling the bathroom. "Hey, either the same or opposite, remember?"

"Mmhmmmmmmm!" I replied, nodding slowly but _very_ deeply. "Safe to say this isn't opposites."

She grinned. "Nope!"

* * *

 **Summaries**

Sage's scene: The guys take him out to the racetrack and he struggles to come to terms with his PTSD without Halo's full strength there to help guide him. Kento and Ryo convince him he is still loved and wanted, and that the fact he saved her life negates any danger he might've put her in.

Tessa's scene: Alexa and Rowen come to terms with their own flashbacks, and they all realize Dusk is still bogged down by Nether Spirits. Kayura provides a healing that frees Dawn from their influence, as well, before Rowen zips off to grab bath bombs from Canada.


	17. Chapter 17

Good news-the writing is officially done! This will top out at exactly the same chapter count as FDD, oddly enough.

Don't worry, though. The adventure doesn't end with this story! ;) Once we've finished posting this, we'll officially announce the sequel.

 **Warnings:** Stalking

* * *

 _Chapter 17_

No sooner had Sage stepped into Mia's living room was he swept up in Rowen's hug. Sage returned it wholeheartedly, needing the affection from his brother as much as from his fiancée. Ryo and Kento moved deeper into the house, leaving them alone.

Defences Sage hadn't even realized Halo put up between them dissolved— the vulnerability and understanding Strata projected taking care of them. Rowen had always known how to reach him, and his next words just confirmed it.

"I forgive you."

Sage's breath hitched, arms tightening around Rowen. Strata was determined to show Sage just what Rowen forgave— from taking him to even helping Michael— and how Rowen didn't blame him for any of it. The one missing link in this whole ordeal fell into place, Sage no longer anxious about how the one person he'd directly hurt would react.

Now all he had to worry about was Tōgei.

Rowen followed his thoughts, as per usual. "She's having a bath upstairs. Don't worry, I brought her bathing suit."

Sage laughed softly at the teasing jab, both his modesty and the subtle implication that that wouldn't be needed, soon. "Arigato."

Before he could go past Rowen completely, however, the slightly taller man gripped his shoulder. "She got Dusk back."

The relief he felt was akin to when that very armour had snapped the control over him, like a bamboo mat staying vertical for a brief moment after a tameshigiri strike. "She did?"

He nodded. Sage didn't even give him a chance to reply before heading upstairs, Halo trained for Dusk's signature and finding it almost instantly.

She stood out of the water in an attempt to meet him, but he had her in his arms before she'd even taken a step. Halo enveloped her steadily pulsing armour, Sage not having to worry about her heart for the first time in days. Dusk _returned_ the feelings, impressing every ounce of how much Tōgei had missed sensing him as much as he'd missed sensing her.

Despite his best intentions, his voice was rough when it came out. "Welcome back."

One hand tangled in his hair, water threatening to trickle down his neck and he couldn't be more thankful for it. "It's good to be back."

He pulled back to rest their foreheads together just to see her smile. The lingering exhaustion in her eyes and unnatural paleness of her skin didn't matter with it. He kissed her, trying to be gentle but unable to hide the love in his heart and relief turning to passion.

She returned the energy and he was on the verge of tears. This felt better than their first kiss, soaking wet clothes be damned.

Her eyes danced when they parted, smirk curving her lips. "If you don't mind wet underwear you can join me."

He laughed softly and kissed her neck, giving himself time to think about her extraordinarily tempting offer. The smell clinging to her skin was different but not unpleasant, and was most certainly welcome after the past few days of blood and sweat. Before he could reply, a poke from Strata got both of their attention.

Rowen was leaning against the door frame, Sage's swim trunks dangling off a finger, every line in his body full of absolutely obvious teasing. In the shocked pause that followed, his smirk turned into a grin. "What're brothers for?"

Everyone laughed at his expense— he heard Tessa's voice in the room, Dawn's signature all of a foot beside him obvious now that he wasn't so focused— Sage trying not to blush at how well those two knew him. He let go of his fiancée and went to grab his bathing suit, shoving Rowen to the side in a playful tussle. Rowen simply let himself be pushed, Strata broadcasting how relieved the younger Ronin was at the normality of the scene.

He heard Tōgei say "You're _almost_ as bratty as she is" as he left. He would have been surprised had Tessa not mentioned she'd said the same thing about Sage a few months ago.

Moments later, he and Tōgei were alone, her back against his chest and pink, rich-scented water swirling around them. He ran his fingers through it and caught a few of the petal-like shapes floating through. "What bath bomb are you using _this_ time?"

She playfully shrank into the curve of his arm, amusement and a touch of embarrassment in her voice. "Sex bomb…"

He laughed, cradling her close. "Fitting, I'd say."

She twisted to look up at him. "For you or me?"

He kissed the bridge of her nose. "I'm going to borrow one of your lines and say both."

Her lips met under his jaw. "Good, because I would've argued with you on that."

He kept looking down at her, hand going to cup her cheek and simply absorbing everything about her. From the way her tied up hair tickled his chest to her eyes lingering on him to the ever-present smile on her lips. She tilted her head to the side, questioningly, but before her brow could pull together, he murmured, "I am so lucky to have you."

The smallest flickers of shadows passed in her eyes at his intentional double meaning. She swallowed. "And I'm lucky to have you."

He smoothed a hand down her neck, Halo easing knots in tense shoulders almost subconsciously, at this point, especially with her hair pulled up and he was sliding mostly over skin. "I have always loved your protectiveness."

She melted into his shoulder, defences dropping and Dusk resigning from its position as a sentinel, with Halo back to watch over her. "Arigato…"

Her simple word simply made him hold her tighter. "Were you worried?"

Tōgei nodded, voice caught in her throat but Dusk transmitting raw nerves and fear over how she'd drawn attention to herself, hurting others in the name of doing what she thought was right. Years of conditioning she'd endured, where the goal was to not provoke emotions in those around her, dragged her down into anxiety. She couldn't understand how everyone hurt because they loved her, not because they were angry.

He shook his head before resting his jaw against her hair. "I could never be upset at you for protecting others… especially your sister."

She exhaled, body nearly crumpling with relief and exposing fragility she only ever felt safe revealing after it had been soothed away. They were the same, that way, holding a shield up until somebody proved they had no weapons.

Her next words threatened to remind him he was still wearing his own. "I missed you."

Despite himself, his voice roughened. "And I, you."

She twisted in his arms in a way he felt only she could, her spine bent to follow the curve of his body while still making it she could look at his face. "I still love you as much as I did before."

He swallowed. Hard.

She kissed his jaw, snaking a hand up to bring him down and kiss his lips, Dusk drawing Halo towards itself. "I love you more, I think."

His arms tightened around her, drinking in the reassurance he hadn't consciously known he needed. The water's warmth and her continued kisses allowed him to relax, sinking deeper into the tub until his knees were above the surface but his shoulders were nearly covered.

She broke away just to murmur, "Maybe we should go to bed."

He shook his head softly, still close enough their noses brushed with the movement. "Not yet…"

"Alright."

He pushed himself out of the water, slightly, allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder without her being half underwater. Her breath cooled the droplets on his skin, temperature change grounding him. They were opposites, that way, him liking the cold and her needing heat. He'd always tolerated it for her sake, and now he found himself never wanting to feel her cold again.

She had been so close.

Her hand absently drew patterns on his chest and neck, the soft scrape of her nails making him shiver. He simply took her in the way his senses allowed, from how she pressed on his side to the scent of her hair products to the curve of her waist under his hand. Dusk and Halo twined absently, reforging their connection after the past week like drops of ink in water.

He'd slowly grown to accept what she'd told him, a couple of years after getting together. He was autistic, like Rowen and her and Tessa, and in moments like this he couldn't help but be grateful. Everything about _her_ pressed on his senses, quieting the voice in his mind about the damage he'd wrought.

He tipped her head up and eased his mouth over hers. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met."

She cast her eyes down, pink blooming across her nose and cheeks.

"May I kiss you again?"

She nodded and lifted her face back up, meeting him halfway. He was overtaken by the _ferocity_ of her kiss, Dusk reaching something he didn't even know needed this feeling. She clung to him, her previously nonexistent strength now enough to press him into the tub and wall.

Dusk ran into the barrier he'd placed around everything he'd done.

It clicked.

He pulled back and studied her face, one hand going up to cup her cheek. Too many potential replies caught in his throat, from wondering how she could willingly go there to how she shouldn't be pushing herself so soon after getting a healing.

Wondering how she could love all of him, still, not just the parts that had saved her.

"Let's go to bed," he said softly.

If pressed he'd say the water was getting cool, come up with some excuse instead of saying he was avoiding this conversation. She just nodded and climbed out, offering him a hand as he stood. He took it to avoid hearing his own advice from before they got together, and to feel her pulse.

She kissed his jaw, the highest she could reach with his spine straight. "I'll meet you in the room."

He turned to look at her, one hand going to her forearm, but he stopped any reply when he saw the iron determination in her eyes that she would be fine and there was no coddling her. Sage rested his lips against her forehead, not quite kissing her. "Alright."

The energy in the hall felt lighter, despite being deserted. Sage closed the door to their room and dried off the rest of the way so the soft cottons Tōgei preferred wouldn't cling to his skin and cause him to tense. He had to admit the sensation had grown on him, especially the way _she_ made the fabric press into his skin.

He crawled into bed to wait for her and noticed a Cardcaptors manga volume— English, this time; she must've not wanted to think by reading in Japanese— on her side. Rowen must've brought it for her, as comfort reading. She'd joked that they could never name any daughter Sakura, simply because she would be reminded of the main character too much.

He paused to process the fact they had a future, again. After…

Tōgei entering the room interrupted his thoughts. Her hair was down, now, still fluffed up from being in a bun, and her pyjamas were a different pair, one she'd Skyped in often last winter. She never could resist a pun, and the rabbit design with 'Don't worry, be hoppy' most certainly qualified as one.

He didn't take his eyes off her as she mussed her hair back to flat with one hand and pulled the blankets down with another. She looked up at him when halfway laying down, breaking into a grin that made him smile.

"You're staring," she teased.

Even with the comment, he hadn't stopped. "I couldn't quite help myself."

She lay down beside him and poked his nose. "I'm real."

The sudden allusion to what he hadn't even known he was worried about took a moment to work through his mind. Once it did, the mood shattered, him reaching for her with a deep yearning he'd been ignoring since getting up this morning. Had he listened, he never would have left her.

She returned the hug and kissed him, pushing him on his back with strength he hadn't known she still possessed. The movement made him sit up on reflex, protest on his tongue silenced with a finger to his lips.

"Mon ange…"

He stilled at the words, still in awe she could call him her angel both after her upbringing and after what he'd done.

"Rest." The finger trailed up his face, the back of her hand brushing his bangs away from his eye. "It's your turn."

He swallowed. "I…"

Back to his lips, stopping the thought. "Just left to take care of yourself. I know." She kissed him softly, pressure insisting he sink down into the mattress and him obliging. "I _also_ know how much reassurance you need after a meltdown."

Her words disarmed him. He took her next kiss, and her next, until she was in control and he was relaxed into the mattress with one hand tangled in her hair, the other wrapped around the small of her back. Her lips found his neck, jaw, cheek— he lost track of her hands as they cradled his face and went over his shoulders.

 _'I forgive you.'_

The softness in her words kept him from being surprised, considering how Dusk had been radiating acceptance, oh so gently transforming the darkness still clinging to his soul.

 _'For everything.'_

Now, he paused, struggling to understand _what_ , at first, only to realize.

She was forgiving him for being captured in the first place.

He opened his eyes to see her hovering over him, dull but loving glow in her features. "I love how excited you get, even if it can be reckless."

He could only take the soft kiss on his lips, still in shock he was hearing those words.

"I do not begrudge you any of your actions."

Another kiss. This one he twined his fingers in her hair, wanting more. Wanting to hear her say this. The child in his mind, scared at repercussions, scared of being hurt, begged to be held and told it would be alright.

 _'I love you, and I accept you, and I will never hold this against you.'_

He inhaled like he'd been drowning when her lips left his, pulling her back down the moment he had breath. Voices he had blocked out so effectively he'd forgotten they were there quieted, her freeing up more space than he thought could be there, even though it had been there before all this began.

He never had quite understood the quote _'I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons_ ' until this moment, when she simply loved without fear, without hesitation, parts of himself he hated beyond measure. When she looked beyond every facade, every persona he put on for the outside world, and found what could only be described as his heart, and loved it over everything else. She had never asked for devotion, but her actions made it he stopped being a ronin and willingly became her samurai.

They were the same, that way. Wanting somebody to look past who they pretended to be. Wanting somebody to not expect anything from the other, of not having to _be_ anyone to receive love.

He kissed her back, hoping his gratitude showed in his touch.

—~—

A feeling like the rhythmic tapping of a finger on a desk insisted I leave blissful sleep for the real world. Dawn dragged my reluctant consciousness out of odd half-dreams and into awareness, the armor equivalent of someone (namely Kento) dragging a bleary-eyed Rowen out of bed. Groaning and muttering at semi-sentient magical creations of farfetched worlds beyond most people's imaginations, I pulled the blanket over my head and turned toward my husband.

Who wasn't in bed.

I sat up and threw the covers back. Now that I was a little more awake, I could actually sense what it was that had Dawn bouncing like an anxious puppy. Dusk's energy had practically squished itself flat against her twin, and the Warlords' armors—normally so distant—had edged close enough I could begin to identify wariness and tension.

In fact, if I weren't mistaken, I would have said Winter was practically beckoning for me to come downstairs.

Rowen stepped in the door just as I slid my feet off the bed. His appearance eased what had been a growing knot of worry and confusion. "Everyone else is in the kitchen," he answered my unspoken question.

I moved on to my next one. "What's going on?"

He glanced back, face smooth as glass but his eyes sparking briefly with amusement. "Ronin council."

I had to flick a smile at his use of my long-ago-coined term. He let me catch up with him at the stairs, softly resting a hand at the small of my back as we descended. Rounding the corner into the kitchen sharpened the male voices having a heated discussion—literally. Wildfire, again, had the room feeling like a furnace.

It surprised me enough that I paused in the threshold. Sage and Kento sat on either side of my sister, who was staring down at her food and poking at it in a thinly-veiled attempt at eating. Cye's back was a familiar image, Torrent standing at the stove making the usual humongous batch of pancakes. The sheer fact Ryo was still as angry and in control of the conversation, though, told me just how tired the resident mediators were.

Rowen slipped past me in the doorway to gently nudge Cye away from the food; when the brunet turned, I could see confirmation of my hunch in the lack of energy-shine to his eyes. Kento spotted me and stood in the same moment as Ryo spoke again. "You're telling us we can't do _anything_? There has to be _something_!"

"Michael is quite adept at hiding in the youjakai," Dais rumbled. "As a result, we are only facing the potential of a threat. There is nothing to be done about it now— except monitor his movements."

As I slid into Kento's vacated seat, I glanced at my sister to see how she was taking this—even though I already generally knew the answer. She hadn't reacted to my sitting down, so I gently nudged an elbow against hers in a silent query to be filled in on the earlier conversation.

 _"Michael's still out there and there's nothing we can do about it,"_ she replied, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice. Sympathy swamped my heart, but I couldn't find words to comfort her. Instead I settled for reaching a hand up to put around her shoulders, letting my hand rub soothingly across the top of her scapula.

Ryo, of course, didn't like the _gen mashou_ 's answer. The metaphorical hackles stayed up. "So, that's it? We just go back to what we were doing...like nothing happened?"

That struck an off-pitch chord with Alexa. "Then there's no point in me staying here… I've already taken too much vacation time."

I couldn't help making a mental sarcastic comment to the effect of "yay, real life", but managed to confine it to my own mind. Cale, however, didn't have the same inhibitions. "That would appear to be the case. You cannot put your lives on hold waiting for him to strike."

Alexa didn't need to hear any more. She abruptly stood—nearly colliding with Rowen and my cereal bowl in his hand—snagged another pancake from Cye's stack, and vanished through the breezeway toward the stairs. Concern emanated from all the Ronin as clearly as ink in water, but it was Torrent who voiced anything. "She's still at risk for rejecting the blood she received," he murmured anxiously.

I cast a worried glance at the doorway she'd disappeared through. Sekhmet speaking up, though, yanked all our attention to the Warlords again. "And at risk of being targeted."

 _'Damn it all to hell Sekky don't you_ dare _, I_ just _nearly lost her once already...'_

The fact it took me a solid five seconds to gather the energy to actually _voice_ that complaint spoke to my own weariness. Worry and remembering all my own real life things that had been put on hold had me scrubbing my hand over my face. When I did speak I could barely mumble, "Please don't say that; we don't need to go there again."

Sage raked a hand through his hair. "I'll go with her, then."

"You will have your future mother-in-law to contend with, if you do."

My relief froze to slowly-processing horror. Every set of Ronin eyes were glued to Sekhmet, emotions broadcast over the armor connection ranging from my response to Ryo's sudden chill and Sage and Rowen's glassy-eyed stares.

" _WHAT_?" Kento blurted.

It took me until that reaction to notice I'd dropped my spoon (luckily landing back in my bowl without any undue mess). I didn't have the wherewithal to retrieve it, though—especially with Cale's explanation. "The _reason_ Michael was so powerful was he received help from a much more adept sorceress."

Mom.

I knew it. My brain recognized it. But I couldn't force my vocal chords around the one word.

It didn't make me feel better that even my genius husband seemed to be struggling with the obvious question "How the hell did she escape prison?"

Kayura, luckily, seemed to know how to read minds. "She has apparently mastered the _youjakai_ enough to open her own rifts between worlds."

The only way I could describe everyone's response was "more? _what the hell_." Rowen finally remastered his tongue enough to get out "She's in the _youjakai_?"

"Hiding with Michael," Cale confirmed.

"The _snake_ ," Ryo growled under his breath.

It wasn't quiet enough for Sekhmet's ears. "You dare say that to my face, Rekka?" he rumbled, narrowing his eyes at Wildfire.

I almost snorted at the amusing diversion; Ryo simply pursed his lips and glared at the _doku mashou_. Dais redirected the conversation to more pressing issues. "We thought it would be best to withhold that from her."

My reaction would have been bad enough had Sage not nodded along. "Arigato. She needs to rest."

That turned my aforementioned reaction from simple surprise to movie-worthy coughing and spluttering to prevent my spoonful of cereal from going down the wrong pipe. When I was physically capable of speech again, I nearly shouted, " _What_?" (I briefly caught Kento sarcastically quipping "Is that the word of the day now?") "Sage, what the hell—"

He almost immediately cut me off. "She already feels enough guilt, involving us— even from the start. Knowing her mother continues to be a threat…"

I could only stare at him, vaguely aware of the fact my jaw hung slightly agape but too emotionally overwhelmed to do anything about it. "You _do_ know where this goes _every_ single story or movie, right? Waiting to tell her—or worse, for her to find out on her own—just makes matters _worse_."

His shoulders tensed defensively. "It's still better she didn't hear it, just now."

Though I could understand where he was coming from with that, everything in me was screaming to avoid the Doomed to Fail plot. Cye spoke before I could find any other words to contradict Sage. "She needs to hear it eventually."

"And look what happened when _I_ didn't speak up…" Rowen added quietly; I felt his hand rest gently on my shoulder.

Kento offered his two cents next. "She's gonna find out from the cops _anyway_."

"The possibility exists she will not— I am not the only one with the abilities to cast illusions," Dais pointed out.

I nodded uneasily, murmuring, "We saw _that_ at the trial…" After a few moments, I resolutely shook myself out of that depressing train of thought. "So then _why_ aren't we telling her? It makes no sense!"

Sage bristled yet again, but Sekhmet beat him to the punch. "Because she was already worried enough about Michael being a threat. She knows exactly what her mother is capable of, and Dais had the opportunity to read the depths of her fear."

The _gen mashou_ picked up the thread of conversation. "I believe had she heard who else was involved at that moment— when she was already trying to contain terror and guilt at Michael's looming threat— it would have sent her into a negative place."

"She would've had a panic attack…" Sage murmured.

Dais nodded. I didn't like it, and I didn't like the uneasy acceptance filtering through the room, but I sighed and mentally agreed. I gently nudged my bowl forward so I could slump and plop my chin down on my arms. "So...aside from going back to pretending the world is made of rainbows and butterflies...what happens next?"

"You all return to your normal lives, which will hopefully act as bait enough to draw them out."

Kento frowned at Cale, crossing his arms. "But then what happens when they take the bait? _That_ 's what all of us are worried about, really."

"Normal we can do. We've been doing it for years. But we've never been _this_ spread out with such a great threat nearly on our doorsteps…" Rowen concurred.

Everyone glanced up at hearing Kayura's voice; she'd remained unusually quiet to the point where I'd even forgotten she was in the vicinity. "We should hopefully be able to stop them before they strike, but if they do, we'll be right behind," she reassured.

Ryo would be the only one of the group with the energy to offer any kind of threat. "I swear to every god in existence, if you so much as take your eye off them for a _nanosecond…_ "

(I almost choked again upon hearing Rowen quip sarcastically, "Hey, you know "nanosecond" and used it in a sentence. Yay Ryo!" Ryo promptly turned a spontaneously combusting glare on him and stiff-armed him in retaliation.)

I, on the other hand, didn't even have the energy to try to identify the look Kayura gave Wildfire. "We already know their activities are concentrated around Ottawa, hence the suggestion one of you accompany her. She is not strong enough to survive another attack without help."

 _That_ caught my attention with chills down my spine that felt like fresh ice in the middle of summer. I couldn't help the dark sense that her last words felt like an ominous portent of things to come. "If that's the case," I said, voice hoarse, "then why only _one_?"

"She'll resist me going with her, let alone any more," Sage explained.

Dais jumped on the bandwagon, yet again. "It will also tip our hand. Sage we can explain with her blood transfusion, but any more and she will realize something is amiss."

Everything in me screamed to spill the beans to Alexa right now. It felt completely against everything I felt to be right to keep her in the dark on something as important as this. But in the face of this conversation, and so many others insisting on the opposite course of action, I didn't have the wherewithal to stand my ground.

I gave a deep sigh and folded my arms over my face, blocking out nearly everything else around me. "I don't like this, no, sir, not one bit…"

A hand mirrored Rowen's on my shoulder, falling on my right one. "Neither do I," Sage agreed quietly.

—/—

Sage came into my room halfway through my packing— thankfully I hadn't used much and it was an easy task for my easily-overwhelmed mind— and placed a hand on my back.

"I'm coming with you."

Every part of me froze, stepping away from him on instinct. "What?"

He dropped his hand but hadn't moved. "You have the possibility of rejecting the blood you received. Cye said you could experience symptoms up to a month after the transfusion."

I swallowed, taking another step back. "I'm _fine_."

His eyes had a flinty edge, and I was reminded of the conversation of him trying to draw my armour out of me. "You'll be weak for weeks, and that risk _is_ there. You might feel fine now, and the risk is small, but it is increased because you received two blood types that weren't thoroughly tested before we gave them to you."

A growl of how I wanted to be alone snagged in my throat, not wanting a fight and not wanting to push him away but desperately wanting space.

"We don't have to sleep beside each other," he said softly.

That didn't help. It was still somebody else in my space, somebody else taking care of me when I just wanted to put everything that had happened behind me, process how I'd felt and how I was feeling and how my priorities had lay throughout the whole thing. Uncomfortable realizations I wanted to unpack, sorting through my own trauma with people I invited.

And he most certainly was not.

"Tōgei…"

"Don't." I snapped. "Don't don't _don't_!"

A scream strangled in my throat and I took another step back, collapsing on my knees and shoving every armour prompt away. There was a deeper sense of mourning— perhaps because I hadn't done this in years, and now it had been twice in all of four months— that just reinforced how _weak_ I was, how _much_ care I needed, and pressed on deeply buried triggers around receiving help I kept wanting to forget.

Sage, to his credit, didn't move. He didn't leave, both of us fearing what would happen if I was alone, but he let my personal space exist unchallenged. Halo flowed gently beside Dusk, not touching her but close enough I could feel its warmth.

"You should get back to your own life…" I murmured.

He knelt in front of me, hand going to my shoulder. "My life is yours. Our rings might be gone, but my promise to you remains unchanged."

I swallowed, not reassured. "Your grandfather…"

"Will live with it." He brushed my hair back, hand resting at the base of my skull. "I chose to prioritize you over my kendo career, at least for my own exhibitions, if I ever need to. With the kendo club near your apartment, I can continue training. Meanwhile, I only have one chance to forge the start of a life with you."

That _still_ didn't help— I'd be taking ativan midway through the conversation, at this rate. I looked up at him, tears in my voice moreso than my eyes. "You were _triggered_ by him!"

I couldn't get 'that's why I lost you' out, but he understood. He stroked my cheek and drew moisture out. "I can always ask Rowen to visit, when I face him. But if you go into shock…"

I paused and screwed my eyes shut, eventually collapsing into him and gripping his shirt. Hospitals and friends in Ottawa were very much not an option, considering _how_ I had gotten the transfusion— we could always explain it as a gang fight, but for all I was good at lying I was terrible at it under stress. There was no record of the transfusion and none of us wanted one.

I hated not having a choice.

"Just a month?" I murmured, not lifting my head from his shoulder.

He nodded. "Just until you're safe."

I had to admit, the thought of going into a rejection reaction without somebody there terrified me more than my need for space. I swallowed the latter down, hoping I would find time away from Sage where I could go through what I'd done. I doubted it, considering the purpose of having somebody to basically act as an emergency room was for them to be close at hand, but I could imagine. Guilt at how he was still so tired threatened to overwhelm me, Halo weakened from its stretch being controlled. He didn't have the _energy_ to act as an emergency room for me again, not after what he'd been through. Yet he insisted, and we had no other options.

He pulled back and tipped my face up, and I could see raw need swirling in the deep blue of his eyes. I had caught hints of it under his masks, but never this much. I suppose that's what near-death did— it made you realize how much you lost holding anything back.

My hand tangled in his hair, trying to reassure him and letting my own rawness show, slightly. "I needed you to come home."

His nose nuzzled mine, foreheads resting together. "With you just now, or in general?"

I hesitated, sorting through the clinginess and fears I would likely have— the ghosts of nightmares I had never truly felt because I hadn't been away from him, the way I had shut down when he had been gone… the relief of his return. Realizing I was forcing myself to turn away affection, because I had already gotten so much care that there had to be the bottom of a well at some point.

"Both."

He kissed me. I no longer had the words to describe the way his lips met mine, the way our armours yearned for closeness and nothing was ever close _enough_. Halo only stilled when it could feel my heart and Dusk, the warmth still lingering in my chest and my lungs functioning. Signs I was alive. Still his. It was the only time he felt like himself, back to full strength.

I had wanted him safe so much it physically hurt, and I couldn't reconcile how my feelings had changed now that he was in my arms. I wanted to go back to the way things were, but I also wanted him to never leave me again. I knew I was at risk of developing another PTSD, and I didn't know how to heal it.

His lips left mine when I sobbed, finding them again a moment later. This was the first time I had broken, first time I had let myself dig into the pain and loss— all of it had gotten swept away in the name of protecting the first person who had filled my life to the point I'd found reason not to leave it. Now the second person was back and I had my two anchors but I didn't want to admit I needed them.

My fiancé placed a hand on my jaw, fingers tangling in my hair just to feel me. We parted and he tried to keep our faces close, but I only wanted to burow against his neck. His hand slid farther and twined in my hair even more, jaw pressing against my temple. Dampness reached my skin some time in my sobbing; once I realized it was his own tears, I simply cried more. Halo enveloped me and it was so mixed with Sage's heart I didn't know where one ended and the other began.

 _'I love you'_ reverberated so deeply it shoved even more ghosts to the surface, ones that made me grip his shirt and search for reassurance.

Despite everything, deep down I had been afraid that statement was false. That I hadn't been _enough_ for him to stay. Part of me felt _sick_ that I still feared this, and I tried to hide it all but he stopped me from folding up the box.

 _'I do not love you less for always needing reassurance.'_

I curled up and didn't respond, keeping the box open but not unpacking it and eventually shoving it away with the other ghosts, moans from remaining Nether Spirits kept at bay by Dusk's ever present watch. I didn't know what to say to him, trying to mask disbelief. 'Eventually' had been said too many times, jabbed out when I was happy about forgiveness, for me to ever relax. I knew I would feel this way even when we were married. I didn't know if it was even humanly possible for me to relax into love.

Old mixtapes played in ghostly voices. I tossed them into the lake.

Sage knew me too well and kissed me again, holding me so firmly all I could do was crumble. Halo didn't quite catch me the way I was used to. The armour shifted to better accommodate me and I could relax a little more, but both of us felt like different people.

"We'll learn each other again," he murmured, breath on my face.

I opened my eyes to look at him, taking in the shine to his that wasn't quite wet enough for tears, but too deep for purely loving. I let myself be lost in it before closing my eyes and sinking against his chest. "I wish we didn't have to…"

He laughed softly. "We have learned that a relationship is constantly evolving change."

I swallowed and gave the impression of what I meant, voice not wanting to form words around what had happened. He squeezed me and stroked my hair in reply, radiating understanding. I melted into his chest and closed my eyes, absorbing his warmth. I liked it when we spoke like this, silently communicating with touch. I felt part of him relax at the lack of words involved, too, neither of us naturals and only eloquent because we forced ourselves to be.

Sage relaxing also revealed the full extent of how worn down Halo still was. How it almost felt like part of him was missing.

I tensed under the surface, staying in his arms and miming sleep just to keep feeling him close. I had to get better. He depended on it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Warnings:** victim blame, trust violation, suicidal ideation

* * *

 _Chapter 18_

The moment Rowen and I walked in the door of our apartment after everyone dispersed from Mia's house felt like stepping into a hot tub; the familiar surroundings soothed the emotional aches and pains of the past few days, though remnants still nagged at the back of my brain. It was lucky we'd needed as little time as we had to resolve the emergency, and that it backed right onto the weekend. We'd be able to completely write off the next seventy-two hours in order to hide from a world that had just tried to destroy everything we'd worked so hard for.

Of course, that would be the perfect opportunity for Rowen to remind me to schedule the much-procrastinated ultrasound appointment.

Which was how we found ourselves painting the nursery wall around nine in the morning on Sunday.

Naturally, the counter-deal to that request of mine was that the paint be blue.

"I still contend that you're assuming Touma is going to be a mini you," I tossed over one shoulder as I reached down to add more paint to my brush.

"That would be because you subscribe to the theory of personality-follows-naming," he countered lightly. "Besides, it's pretty good odds he'll inherit Strata. Might as well start him early."

That earned my husband pursed lips, narrowed eyes, and an annoyed almost-glare in his direction. One eyebrow popped up on its own accord. "Again, more assumptions. And weren't you the one who said we should wait to tell him about the armors?"

Saved By The Bell came to mind when my ringtone cut through the music I was playing over external speakers. I quickly swiped it up before my wince at the increased volume turned into something more.

Seeing Sage's ID on the screen almost negated that mental effort.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey. Are you available?"_

It was too easy to cover my sudden concern under a double-entendre joke. Casting an amused glance at Rowen, I replied, "Not really. You're about three years too late. But I hear there's a cute brunette in Ottawa who's looking for a date. Want me to give you her number?"

Sage didn't appreciate the tongue-in-cheek humor; his tone indicated he didn't have the patience for it in the light of what he'd called about. _"A girl who needs to talk to somebody who is not me."_

I sighed, hopes of this being a semi-routine call shattered. "Is everything…?" I couldn't bring myself to say "okay" because Sage calling like this obviously meant it wasn't. Rowen scrutinized me warily as the conversation continued, Strata carefully lingering at the edges of the armor connection but not wanting to intrude.

My almost-brother-in-law paused, his breathing the only sound over the line for a few moments. _"She says it is. I know it's not."_

"Of course…" I said under my breath. Then—more strongly—I asked, "What're you sensing?"

His voice softened, but not in a good way. _"She's ice. Emotionally. She works and sleeps. Nothing else."_

It was too easy for me to imagine exactly what he described. I winced. "Should I fly over…?"

That caught Rowen's full attention. I wanted to laugh, but couldn't help sighing instead when both Sage _and_ my husband said in unison, " _No_." After a moment, Sage added, _"I don't think even she can fly…"_

Feeling Rowen's arms around my waist hardly helped the growing worry in the pit of my stomach. The only times I could recall that Alexa hadn't been able to fly involved Nether Spirits. "But I thought… Kayura…"

 _"It must not have been enough… and she won't let me help."_

Helplessness had me sighing and tilting my chin down to my chest. "Will she talk on the phone with me?" I asked quietly.

Another pause. _"I hope so. She doesn't… even know I'm calling."_

The mental math was almost second nature by now; nine-thirty in Tokyo was eight-thirty the previous evening in Ottawa. Either she had gone out for the evening or was in another room, but the latter would mean Sage would have to speak more quietly than he was and still risk being caught.

Point remained, though, that I continued to disagree with this secrecy around my twin.

"I think she needs to know—both this, and about Mom."

He inhaled sharply. _"She's still so fragile… I can see her getting more brittle by the day."_

"And keeping it from her isn't going to help," I said firmly. "As much as I hate to say it, her finding out on her own would hurt worse than the information alone will. It would break her trust in _you_ more than anything else. I mean, I'll be happy to talk to her if I can get ahold of her and she doesn't just shut down on the line, but otherwise we're going to have to fly over there and it's already been agreed that armors are out of the question where it involves me." Guilt at my harsh words briefly crossed my mind, but I shrugged it off. "Ball's in your court…"

Sage was quiet for a few seconds. _"One moment."_

Muddled voices danced in the background, just close enough to the receiver for me to catch "was worried" and "called who?" followed by my name. Alexa sighed. I hoped it wasn't in irritation, and thankfully her tone when she took the phone seemed to confirm that. _"Hey, sis…"_

I smiled weakly. "Hey…" Feeling a bit like a knight tiptoeing through a dragon's lair, I fake-cheerfully asked, "Did you just come back from an outing?"

 _"No… haven't had the energy."_

Confirmation that my sister had backslid showed in her voice. "Oh." Silence filled the space it took me to decide how to proceed. "Have you...been sleeping well?"

Her sigh hinted at humor and teasing for my awkward beating-around-the-bush. _"What did he tell you."_

The image of being caught with my hand in the cookie jar chastisement came to mind. Trying to keep the amused sheepishness out of my tone, I admitted, "That you've dissociated and probably couldn't fly if you tried, right now."

Alexa snorted. _"And he's right as always. Better than Rowen when he wants to be."_

A brief laugh bubbled up in my throat, turning my head to press my nose against Rowen's neck affectionately. The icy knot in my stomach wouldn't let me ignore the point of this conversation for long, however. "Please tell me I'm not right in thinking the only reason you've ever not been able to fly is Nether Spirits."

 _"I have my reasons,"_ she responded levelly. _"I'm still exhausted, really…"_

I nodded subconsciously, not remembering she couldn't see it. Not wanting an argument, and knowing I could capsize the boat if I pushed too hard, I simply said, "Okay…"

Hesitation on another topic also held my tongue. This would be the perfect opportunity to spill the beans. I kept insisting Alexa needed to know about our mom being let loose on the _youjakai_ , and the only thing between me and that was a few seconds of time and cyberspace. The Ronin council and the Warlords' conviction kept bouncing through my mind. Paired with Sage's somewhat-right deduction that telling her also wouldn't _help_ matters, it became incredibly difficult to want to force the words past my lips.

And she did sound alright. Perhaps it was only her exhaustion and my pregnancy hormones that had me seeing Spirits where there were none.

I exhaled quietly. "Please take care of yourself, sis." Amusement curled my lip into a half-smirk. "I mean, you've got Mr. Hunkasaurus there to wait on you hand and foot, might as well make the most of that opportunity, right?"

 _"I wish he didn't have to…"_ she murmured.

"It's not your fault, sis," I said soothingly. "I know you hate backsliding and recovery sucks but you've already gotten through it once. You can do it again; I believe in you."

Her voice cracked the slightest. _"How can you when I keep proving you all wrong?"_

Rowen spoke up before I could quite manage to arrange the words I wanted. "You haven't. No matter how much time it's taken, you've proved yourself each time. You have an unparallelled grit and fire that always finds a way, no matter the odds. You're not alone in this, either, Little Witch."

Dusk and Alexa's soft growl indicated exactly how much she didn't appreciate the realization someone was listening in on the conversation. Hoping to avoid riling her up too much, I turned to motion Rowen to leave before reassuring her, "We love you, sis. Even if you don't want to talk to anyone else, they're still here to support you. Please don't forget that."

The rumble faded from the edge of her voice. _"I just want to talk. To you."_

The dryly humored response fell naturally from my lips. "Talk to me, sis."

My sister took a shuddering breath. _"I want to be left alone but I don't want anybody to leave."_

Not wanting to encourage foot aches from standing too long, I found a folding chair Rowen had put out for me earlier and slow sank into it. "We're not going anywhere, sis. Everyone needs some privacy at some point in their lives, and generally it's more often than not."

 _"I'm scared…"_ she admitted softly. _"I keep not getting better and this one's my own fault and."_

"It's _not your fault_ , sis. _Michael_ did this. You did the best you could with a God-awful situation, and thanks to you everyone made it out alive." A writing-based joke came to mind, and I couldn't resist the humor. "You'd be a Mary Sue if you were already one hundred percent better. It's been five days; your body's barely been able to adjust to the new blood. It's okay for this to take a little time."

 _"He's so broken up over this…"_

That explained why Sage knew she needed someone else, then. "You can tell me."

 _"He keeps trying to make it better and there's nothing he can do and I know how much it hurts him."_ Alexa paused, trying to get her voice under control. _"Hurting him to watch and hurting that I push him away and all I'm_ doing _is hurting people, I didn't even_ think _about him when I did it…!"_

I tried to convey gentleness with my question. "Do you maybe know _why_ you're wanting to push him away?"

 _"I didn't think about how it would hurt him to nearly watch me…"_

I pursed my lips as she trailed off, trying to piece together the issue in my mind. "But that...doesn't really explain why you don't want him near? If that hurts him, and you don't want him to hurt…"

Her response was spit out like throwing knives. _"It proves how selfish I am."_

"It reflects how _you're_ hurt, too, sis," I pointed out sympathetically.

Something about that got through to my sister. The walls began to crumble. _"She always told me how selfish I was. How I never thought about other people. It's why I shouldn't be in relationships. And I didn't think about him at all…"_

The heartbrokenness in her tone had me wanting to reach through the phone to give her a hug. _If I weren't pregnant…!_

"Just because you did it for personal reasons and it hurt another person doesn't negate _your_ feelings. You're allowed to grieve just as much as the rest of us, if not more."

A sob escaped her. _"More?"_

"Yes," I reassured firmly. "It's _your_ life, sis. There's no way this could have impacted any of us more than you. You're allowed the time you need to sort out those implications and those feelings. _But_ you also don't have to be alone—meaning, yes take all the privacy you need and all the time you need, but you don't have to be isolated from the world. You don't have to feel like there's no way out, or that you have no support. We're here for you just as much as you've been for us." My volume dropped, half-pleading with her to open up to me. "Please don't forget that…"

Her single sob turned into multiple, heralding tears. I could only sit and listen helplessly. _"I don't even know where to_ start."

"Anywhere," I encouraged. "Wherever first comes to mind."

 _"He was an_ afterthought _,"_ she blurted, high pitched with emotion. _"All I could think of was you, and he's my_ fiancé."

I swallowed, trying to think of something to say. I ended up going with the first thing that came to mind. "And I'm your sister. In times of stress we revert to our oldest most-present thinking; we tunnel-vision. It's okay, I promise."

 _"I thought I'd killed her old mixtapes…"_ she murmured.

"We've killed them once, we can kill them again," I reminded her.

Irony of ironies, wasn't it, how that statement could eerily reflect how we'd dealt with Mom already, and now had to deal with her yet again.

 _"What if they're just… part of me?"_ She choked out her next words in a half-sob. _"What if I'll still be worried how he feels about my other relationships my whole life?"_

"Sis, he loves _you_. These friendships are part and parcel with _you_. He knows what he's getting himself into and he cares about _you_. Since you care about me, he will, too. He's not the type of guy to hurt you or walk out on this over one friendship. You mean so much more to him than that." Hoping Alexa would be open to my suggestion, I softened again. "I think, if this worries you so much, you should probably talk to him, to be able to hear _him_ say that. I can tell you what I know all I want, but unless you hear it from him I don't think you'll be able to lay the worry to rest."

I could tell I'd gotten through to her when she couldn't find the words to continue. Instead the tears came unfiltered; as helpless as it always left me feeling, to simply sit silently on my end of the line, it was a relief to know she could release what she'd tossed in a locked chest. A door creaked open, shuffling indicated what I thought was Sage pulling Alexa into his lap, then taking the phone from her. _"She's crying too hard to speak. Says to thank you."_ He paused. "I _thank you. Arigato."_

I gave a weak nod, overwhelmed by emotion myself. "Iie, tondemonai desu."

That elicited a soft laugh from him. _"As I get less formal, you get more?"_

The smile that crossed my lips matched his laugh. "More like "even the formal doesn't describe the depth of my feeling behind those words", I think."

 _"The same could be said for me. Doumo arigatou gozaimasu."_

There seemed to be little to say to that. As if we could both sense the conversation was done, he disconnected the phone and I had no problem with that sense of finality. I heard Rowen walk back in the room as I stared blankly down at the screen in my hand. His hand settling on and gently massaging the muscles of my shoulder did little to ease my mind, however.

I couldn't help but wonder if some new catastrophe was headed our way—and when.

—/—

I awoke to Sage still asleep beside me, both of our sleep schedules utterly wrecked by the culmination of the past week. He was still adjusting to Ottawa time and recovering, I had lost too much sleep and flip flopped along day and night to the point my body didn't know what to do anymore. From the sunlight streaming in, it was late morning at the earliest.

I turned in his arms to catch a rare glimpse of him sleeping, and soundly at that. His eyes closed, lips softly parted— he was beautiful even when unconscious. The way his hair caught the light and face relaxed, masks slipping so I could see him at his most vulnerable. I'd always been fascinated with sleep, with how people looked in their sleep. It was a peace I hadn't found in other places, one I could draw inside of me. Knowing others were resting gave me permission to rest.

Rarely did I ever comment on his physical appearance. He didn't show it, but the constant valuing of his attractiveness lead him to self doubt, more often than not. Wondering who was a true connection and who was simply using him. Aloofness was his guard, one I didn't want to give him reason to raise.

I kissed the bridge of his nose and stroked his cheek with the back of my fingers, drawing him to awareness. He smiled before he even opened his eyes and the contentment I'd found last night flooded me again, especially with his hand flowing up my spine so he could kiss my lips.

Lazy mornings reminded me why I loved him, and how he loved me. So long as I could hold onto that, I knew I would be alright.

I melted in his hold as he kept kissing me, easing away any tension I had done something wrong. Sadly, it returned with his next words, spoken once he noticed the brightness of the room. "What time is it?"

There was a rock in my stomach again, one I had barely been able to dislodge. I turned to grab my phone and paused when I saw a new voicemail on the lock screen. "Eleven-twenty-two… late enough I missed a call."

That got Sage on alert, picking his head up. "A call?"

I nodded and unlocked my phone. "I hope it wasn't my boss…"

Avoiding voicemail at all cost— I didn't even know if I remembered my password— I checked my call log. My boss' contact didn't show up in it. A different, much more stomach churning name came up instead.

The detective's.

I stared at the contact, long enough for Sage to peer over my shoulder and still. Halo ran away from my reaching out to him, to the point I twisted to face my fiancé. "Do you know about this?"

He cast his eyes down and nodded. "I have been meaning to tell you since we returned to Ottawa."

I looked back at the contact, back at him, trying to piece it together but my normally quick mind was blocking me from figuring this out.

Sage turned my head towards him, eyes back to holding mine— only for a moment, before he cast them down again. "There was a reason… Michael was so powerful."

It clicked together so fast I could just sob.

Mom.

Sage tucked me against him. "I'm so sorry…"

My hands turned to claws on his pyjama top. Thoughts were impossible to parse as too many hit me at once. Why how where— Why he'd withheld it and how she'd gotten out and where she was now. I couldn't even speak; I just waited for Sage to fill in the blanks.

It took him too long to start, but he finally did. "Dais thinks she was casting an illusion in her cell, for her not to be noticed until now." He pulled me closer, breath deepening. "She has been free since at least after…" He swallowed, unable to speak of nearly losing me. "Maybe earlier."

Another wave of sobs ripped from my throat. Of course she had been involved earlier— any uncertainty the Warlords might've withheld from the guys I knew. Michael's fire had felt too familiar, too _easy_ to get around. I knew every back door of my mother's handiwork and this just confirmed it. The certainty she wanted me dead settled like a four ton weight on my heart, hampering my breathing and making the beat thunder in my ears.

 _'In need of protection'_ was the next solid thought, one that caught me between wanting to rip myself out of Sage's grasp and burrowing deeper into his chest. "Is _this_ why you came?"

He squeezed me, Halo attempting to lighten the weight but barely making a dent. "It was not the initial reason I came."

I waited expectantly, still unable to speak and desperately wanting something. Wanting to know with certainty where everyone stood, an irony not lost on me as I continued hiding things from him. I wanted to know how I could stop the trauma for everyone else.

"When Cye said somebody should come with you because of a potential rejection, I volunteered," he murmured. "After that was finalized, the Warlords said we had your mother to contend with, as well."

I scrunched my eyes shut, tears pushing past my lashes. "And you didn't tell me because I was too fragile to hear it."

His grip tightened at my spit out words, him curling up around me. "Yes."

I clung to bitterness in order to speak. "You were right."

"I know."

I couldn't stop crying, out of anger, this time. That others felt the need to protect me, that I was so weak they were _right_ , and how it had happened anyway. I wasn't mad at him for withholding it from me— lord knew I had withheld enough from him over years— but furious at myself for sliding so far. For relapsing to the point other people had to take care of me, for being unable to separate the past from the present because it was happening all over again.

Dusk didn't have the strength to reach out to the light Halo normally shone bright enough to pierce even my darkest depression. He was too tired to be such a light, parts of his soul still missing, and I couldn't blame him. My sister was caught up in her pregnancy and husband, and everyone else had their own lives. Their own constantly disrupted lives.

The only person I could blame was myself. And I had the scar to prove it.

—~—

Sage returned from kendo with a certain amount of dread. He knew his fiancée, and he knew that silence was the worst thing to occur. Her emotional frigidity, temporarily softened in the two days since speaking to her sister, was back with a vengeance today. He had told her to text him if she needed it, but his phone had remained silent all evening. He couldn't help but feel responsible, hiding from her and creating the exact situation Tessa had warned him about.

He softly put his keys down in their proper bowl, one her sister had given as a housewarming present, as he tried to sense Dusk. He was so focused on finding the faint signature he nearly didn't hear rustling under the weight.

A piece of printer paper folded in quarters, unaddressed but it could only be for him. It had not been there when he left.

She'd written in Japanese, leading to a few grammar mistakes and an English translation. He read the English, first, not having _time_ to decipher her meaning.

 _Seiji,_

 _I hope I didn't make too many mistakes with the Japanese. Knowing me, I did. I went out for a walk towards the bridge nearby, to see the water at night. I wanted to be alone, for a little while. Nothing about you, just. Me._

 _Goodbye._

 _Love,_

 _Tōgei_

 _P.S. I really do love you_

Only an insistence he read every single word kept him from darting out the door the minute he read 'goodbye.'

She had never— ever— written that before. Not to him. Not in such a state.

He knew what that word meant. He knew what that _bridge_ meant. He did not want to be right.

Thankfully, reaching out to Tenku an ocean away was as easy as breathing. Kourin was already out under his clothes, subconsciously responding to his needs almost before he thought them. _'Rowen, grab Cye and get over here.'_

His brother picked up on the urgency, despite the faintness of the connection from distance and exhaustion. _'Where is she and what happened?'_

Sage swallowed, already outside and trotting down the sidewalk. His body was too tired from everything to break out at a full tilt run, right now. _'She left a note saying she was going to the bridge.'_

Rowen swore, connection strengthening with the increased energy of urgency. _'Stall her. Fifteen minutes.'_

Everything about tonight was sinking in. As if trying to tell himself this was real, he could only respond, _'Her note said goodbye…'_

Dread laced both their hearts. _'Ten minutes.'_

The connection severed so both of them could focus on speed.

He found her resting against the guardrail of the bridge, still inside it, but her jacket was draped over the railing. Ottawa nights in November needed a light winter coat, and here she was in only a sweater. As he slowed a few feet from her, he couldn't help notice how small she was in the darkness, and just how much she blended in. It was almost like she was trying to be invisible. So nobody would see what he knew she was thinking.

She looked up sharply, as if startled by simple light footprints. Her expression went from scared to ashamed the moment she registered it was him. "I said I just wanted to be alone."

He walked up beside her, placing a hand on her freezing cold shoulder. Kourin retreated before making contact just so she wouldn't know how worried he was. "You also said goodbye."

She cast her eyes towards the river. "I wanted to stand on the edge of death, for a little bit."

"You wouldn't have left a note if that's all you wanted," he said softly. Her body was cold like stone under his hand, her skin still unnaturally pale. Dusk barely flickered and he had some idea how heavily that weighed on her, from the times PTSD had blocked him from Kourin. Like how parts of Kourin were blocked now. But the biggest thing that struck him was how _small_ she looked, how much she shrank down and balled up. How much she didn't want to take up space.

Even his lack of intuition about body language could only come to one conclusion. That she was trying to not inconvenience anyone else. Her continued silence just seemed to confirm it.

He hoped what came to mind was the right thing to say.

"I still love you."

Her head snapped up, expression a mix of both positive and negative wonder. The first sparks of fury were visible in her tear-filled eyes, an apparent contradiction that made perfect sense for who she was. "Even like this?"

He gripped her other shoulder, holding her in place and not breaking eye contact. "Even like this."

She tensed, trying to back away but also crumbling under his hands. "When I've brought _nothing_ but pain into your life? Forcing you to watch as I'm helpless against demons even you can't fight? As I'm nothing but a selfish bitch who never thinks of consequences?"

His grip held firm, hoping— praying, almost— that he could reach her. "You have brought more joy than pain to all of us. Your sister would not have her husband without you— he was in Tokyo and had no reason to visit me while she stayed with my family— in fact he actively avoided Sendai so he wouldn't embarrass himself, despite my encouragement he come meet her. She would have been hurt by the cult regardless, thanks to her involvement with Michael. And without you, she would have had no one to protect her from it." He brushed her hair back with one hand, relaxing oh so slightly when she didn't rip away the moment she could. "And I would not have the love of my life, one who has proven time and again that joy comes from both the smallest and the largest things, whose road might be difficult, sometimes, but the reward is only greater because of it, whose valleys are just as much a part of them as their hills, whose life is no less valuable when at the top of the world or at the bottom of the ocean. Tōgei, you have always known my love is a light in darkness, and you are the one who ensures even on the winter solstice Kourin can shine uninhibited. I am not afraid of your darkness, both when you get comfort from it and when it threatens to overwhelm you.

"I love you, Tōgei. All of you. I have never met another person like you, and your reality has always been better than my wildest dreams. I would rather have a reality with you than a fantasy with anyone else. Your challenges are part of your joys, and one does not counter the other. It simply makes the joy that much more beautiful."

Relief threatened to buckle his knees when she fell against him, tears finally slipping past her lashes. She clung to his coat and burrowed into his warmth, the barely-there traces of Dusk yearning for comfort and him gladly providing it.

It didn't take long for tears to turn into sobs, the depths of her heart too raw to be contained any longer. "I hate it when I'm like this."

"I know," he said, running a hand up and down her spine. "But your hatred doesn't mean I love you any less."

Feeling the urgency wane, he sent a brief flicker to Rowen and Cye that she was alright. Their connection had returned, and with it, his sense of safety.

She continued clinging to him, voice hoarse and cracking. "I don't know how you _can._ "

Sage wasn't sure how to answer, not in words, except with another question. "May I kiss you?"

She practically leapt for his lips, but he refused to let her dominate. He held her firmly, pressing down and borderline forcing her to accept his love. A trap door seemed to open in Dusk, her finally revealing the extent of her self hatred— but even what felt endless to her was no match in comparison to what he felt, how much he loved her. Her hunger for reassurance was something he knew he could satisfy, steadfast in his promise to be with her forever. Thunder counteracted the Nether Spirit wails still lingering in her soul, like the first time she had let him past her barriers.

Finally, for what felt like the first time since getting captured, she held onto that promise with the dedication he loved so much. With the conviction it would be okay in the end that had kept her alive for as long as it had. Fullmetal might as well be her middle name, and he'd always encouraged her to get the tattoo of that saying as a reminder.

She was irreplaceable.

They parted, breathless, and her grip had shifted in a way so subtle he wasn't sure anyone other than her sister would notice. From desperation to devotion. A physical change to mark she would be okay.

He looked down at the ghost of a smile on her lips. "Let's go home."

She nodded and grabbed her jacket, staying in his arms even as she shrugged it on to warm herself. The night didn't seem as cool as they turned to walk side by side back to her apartment.

Fog rolled in off the river. He only noticed the red tinge when _something_ grabbed his arm.

Before he could throw a punch, she screamed.

A blade pierced his side in the moment of confusion, cutting off Kourin and choking his voice before he could call out to her. He wrenched himself away, half on his knees and barely able to move.

Blood flowed from a matching cut in her side as a Guardian jumped over the railing with her in a vice grip against its chest. She was not fighting.

She was not wearing Dusk.


	19. Chapter 19

**Warnings:** Suicide attempt mention

* * *

 _Chapter 19_

"I'm so glad we didn't opt for the eight o'clock appointment," Rowen said with a yawn, lifting a hand to cover his mouth.

I laughed, trying not to get infected by his sleepy gesture as we stepped off the last stair at the bottom of the apartment complex. "Sure you don't need me to drive, sleepyhead?"

He waved it off, keys between his fingers jingling with the motion. "You saw me drink two double espresso shots. I'll be good in another sixty seconds."

I snorted, recalling a little tidbit Alexa had shared with me once about coffee names. "Maybe you should market it to Starbucks. "A double shot of heaven" or something like that. They'll call it the Hashiba."

Instead of laughing, I heard silence as we came to a stop next to the car. Concerned, I looked up across the roof to see Rowen standing stock-still on the other side.

"Ro-Ro?"

His eyes came back in focus, though still seeming as if they'd seen a ghost. They locked on mine, deathly grim. "Don't panic. I need to go."

I blinked in confusion, trying to ignore the rising knot of fear and worry in my stomach as he tossed the keys to me. "What?"

He was already turning the moment the keys left his hand, though. Despite his first words, I couldn't stem the panic. " _Rowen_ , what's going on?"

"Later— _I have to go_."

I watched numbly as he disappeared into the trees beside the apartment building. Not two seconds later, a blue-white blur streaked through the canopy with the force of a rocket.

My body couldn't seem to decide whether to feel paralyzed, cold, shaky, or sweaty—maybe all the above.

There could only be one reason he'd leave in such a hurry via Strata.

And not be able to tell me.

It took too many attempts to count to get the car door open. I practically fell into the seat, knees buckling as I tried to calm my mind.

 _'She's probably just fine. Sage is with her, it's probably just a blood rejection and Sage wants Rowen to bring Cye just in case. Everything's gonna be okay.'_

 _'...Who'm I kidding_ no it's not _. Not how Rowen just left.'_

And I'd already told myself I was done being left out.

Determination steadied my body, resolutely closing up and locking the car again. Dawn came to the surface, easily hidden under my winter clothes. As Rowen had decided, the trees promised the best shelter for take-off.

Life did always have a funny sense of timing.

A too-familiar armored hand grabbed my arm almost the moment I stepped into the woods. But I was _done_ being manhandled and made the damsel-in-distress.

The roar of a dragon emerged from my throat to match the left hook I threw at the Guardian's face; Dawn's gauntlet caught the brunt of the force, protecting my hand from completely shattering. The armored being blew backward as if slammed with a wrecking ball, its grip sliding off my slick armor.

Quickly surveying the situation revealed more of the soulless creatures.

My face paled. "Damn it."

Three slowly closed in from the front. Two more were working on a pincer move to cut me off from the parking lot. I swallowed, Dragonfang materializing in my hand as my brain frantically tried to decide how to handle them.

Rocket launcher? It'd work in Halo, but I didn't think the apartment landlord would appreciate his trees being made into mulch.

Two more materialized behind the first three.

C-4? Again, explosive. Probably too much collateral damage.

I took two steps back.

My trusty pistol? I wasn't sure it could handle their armor, although in hindsight it was all mystical energy anyway.

A brief shadow flashing in the corner of my eye stalled those thoughts. I started to glance toward it, then suddenly realized what it was and threw my arm in front of my eyes.

Before the crackling had quite stopped, a pair of armored hands grabbed me under the shoulders. I nearly threw up at the disorienting teleportation, the world a tie-dye blend of light and sound and color. The hands remained under my arms for support, taking a majority of my weight as everything came back into coherence.

"I apologize," Dais rumbled. "You are the first pregnant woman any of us has teleported before."

I tried to wave him off and tell him I didn't mind, considering the situation he yanked me out of, but ended up coughing and hardly able to make my hand obey my mind. Telepathy it was, then.

 _"Not your fault. Considering I don't even have a fucking clue what's going_ on _…!"_

A sharp pop told me Cale had arrived...wherever it was Dais had taken me. "Sage summoned Rowen and Cye to assist with an emergency," the _gen mashou_ explained as Cale stepped closer. "Your sister was at risk of succumbing to the Nether Spirits she did not let Kayura banish."

Surprise cleared my head enough so I could signal for Dais to lower me to sit on the ground. "I thought she'd gotten rid of them all. She could use Dusk again!"

"Kure is incredibly resilient towards _youjakai_ Spirits," Cale reminded me. "Just because she could use it after the healing does not mean they were cleared. Unlike the Ronin, whose armours are debilitated at a single spirit, she can withstand an army of them before she falters."

I sighed, crossing my legs and dropping my hands in my lap. "Damn it… Should've seen that coming." After some thought, I craned my head back to look up at him again. "So, what now?"

"We hope Sekhmet and Kayura reach them in time," Dais said gravely. "In the meantime, we need to gather everyone in the _youjakai_."

That managed to draw my attention from the doom-and-gloom in his voice. "Did you find Mom?" I asked hopefully.

"We'll explain once everyone's present," Cale reassured. "Kayura would prefer not to repeat herself seven separate times."

—0—

Alexa's voice always had a way of traveling. Even out of sight, her scream carried for a mile.

The following splash confirmed everyone's worst fear.

 _'They took her!'_

Rowen tensed at Sage's pain. _'One Fastball Special coming right up.'_

He threw Cye with the force of a Shin Ku Ha. Suiko sliced through the water like a projectile, surface tension nothing under the weight of its power. Divine retribution would be the _least_ of any foe's worries. They would have a dragon's tooth to deal with. He used the extra momentum and _swam_ , knowing time was already running out.

He came to an abrupt halt upon seeing just who 'they' _was_. A Guardian stood at the bottom of the near-rapids, holding her dangerously still form in place against the brunt of the current. A human shield. She hadn't called Dusk— he wondered if she was even able to. On reflex he spread Suiko's ability to her nose and mouth, letting her breathe.

She didn't inhale, or even stir.

He hoped he wasn't already too late.

Cye wasted critical seconds trying to figure out a plan of attack, torn between doing whatever necessary and not harming her any more than she already had been. Dark lightning from _youjaki_ Spirits arced across his spine and unleashed reserves of Suiko's power. He lept up, following his body in a backflip. Before the tin can could so much as turn, he'd sliced it in half.

He was out of time to _think_.

Alexa's small frame gave him ample opportunity to lunge on the larger creature holding her captive. The Guardian was almost lazy in its blocks, but unable to move her very far if it wanted to hold onto her. Despite Suiko's outpouring of oxygen, she still hadn't responded. He couldn't even tell if she was still bleeding, or if she'd stopped, whether it was from death or clots. The medical part of his mind was running through every potential injury while the rest of him was trying to get her back. He didn't know which instincts were stronger. All he could do was follow.

His yari snaked between her side and steel plating of its elbow, ripping out to dislocate its arm and give him just enough time to swoop in and cradle her body against him. Dusk barely flickered at his prompt. She was alive. But for how much longer?

 _'Hold on, Alexa. Just_ hold on _.'_

He pushed off with the same power he'd used to reach her. Like the last time he'd done this, the momentum brought him above the surface to chaos on the bridge. A body slam from behind stopped his triumph cold. Cye curled up around her body in mid air and took the brunt of the hit back in the water, continuing to turn and a Nether blade biting into his back. She hung in his arms, body following gravity, as he rounded on his attacker. The Guardian was surprisingly nimble in the current, dodging with ease and now using his charge against him. Defence was a priority and he had to get away, find a place he could _tend_ her.

A cloud of red ink exploded behind the suit, Guardian arching its back as if shocked before sinking to the river bottom. Suiko and Autumn cleared out the remaining poison and Cye couldn't help but think of the grim parallels between now and when Ryo had awoken him.

Without a word, Sekhmet put a hand on his shoulder and teleported them. Cye didn't care _where_ they ended up— too relieved was he to be on dry land where he could lay her out. Water pooled under her body and quickly turned pink with her blood.

She still hadn't started breathing.

Lifeguard training took over, subarmour on if only to support his body through exhaustion. Rowen plucking him from the middle of a knot of Guardians had focused him, but also left him depleted before the start. He emptied the water from her mouth— wincing at the unnatural sounds coming from her neck— before beginning resuscitation. She couldn't afford a delay.

Even though he knew Kourin could heal any damage, the last thing he wanted to do was CPR. If his hunch was right, she already _had_ at least fractured ribs and manipulating them could send bone to her lungs or heart. Her pulse was too weak already.

Two sets. Three. Four. _'Come on, Alexa,_ please _!'_

Five.

Sage heavily falling to his knees greeted him the moment he was about to press on her sternum. Sage's hand replaced Cye's, electric shock to her muscles _finally_ having her inhale on her own. Her ribs expanded to their full capacity from the force, her own body desperate to live even if she had a tentative relationship with the concept.

Her exhale was strangled by a scream, confirming his hypothesis. Sage's dread flooded the room.

Kourin and Suiko worked together in a way that was becoming hauntingly familiar. Broken ribs, neck, arm, concussion, oxygen starvation, syncope, sliced abdomen. Stabilize her head, apply pressure to stop the bleeding, establish a temporary pacemaker. Kourin worked on bones while Cye kept helping her breathe, Sage's attention too divided and his energy too low to completely act as life support. She'd inhaled water— Cye removed it once he noticed, Sage healing the tears from the roughness— before she could finally maintain shallow breaths. Suiko flowed over the liquid still clinging to her body and clothes, knowledge it was seven degrees and dropping shifting his priorities. The ambient temperature didn't matter— evaporation just sped the cooling process. She needed to get warm, and soon.

Her lips were starting to turn blue.

—0—

The teleportation ride to the _youjakai_ was a tad less nauseating than my first brush with the power. Regardless, Cale's steadying hand on my shoulder was welcome as I surveyed the courtyard we'd landed in.

Especially when the first thing I noticed wasn't the bright red paint scheme, or the perfectly-arranged flowerbeds, _or_ the sun-drenched cobblestones. _Or_ the super-fresh air crisper than on a pristine mountainside in Colorado.

Everything felt _too_ perfect on a backdrop of eeriness that reminded me of the Guardians.

What the hell _was_ this place?

Cale seemed to hear my unspoken question. "Welcome to the City of Desire."

"Where all it takes to fulfill them is losing your humanity," the _gen mashou_ added. Before I could even process what I just heard—nevermind come up with a retort—he strode toward a ginormous double-door entrance across the way from us. "Come. I will show you where you may wait for the others."

The very dry wisecrack from Dais had me blinking in more confusion than my surroundings did. Cale's hand gently pushing forward helped me snap back to earth; by the time I turned around to mock-glare at him, however, he'd already vanished.

I jogged to catch up with Dais, who was now halfway across the not-insignificantly-small courtyard. "I'm going to guess he's grabbing everyone else?"

"It was quite the coordinated attack," he explained somewhat cryptically. "Had your husband not reached Suiko when he did, we would have had to intervene there, as well."

The look I threw him may or may not have reflected all of the surprise and fear that reared up in my mind. "Wait. _What_? Are you saying they were about to attack _all of us at once_? I thought Rowen was just going to help my sister with something, like the transfusion rejecting."

He picked his words carefully, voice slow and measured. If I believed my ears right then, I almost would have said it sounded _soft_. "It was a much more dire situation than that. By debilitating all support, making you too preoccupied with your own battles, they hoped to have enough time in her mind to—"

A scream ripped through the halls.

A too familiar scream.

A horror heroine's scream.

My feet moved before my brain, which was taking too long to defrost and direct my body. Tunnel vision swallowed my senses, heavy footfalls sounding as if from underwater and lights streaking past as I bolted through the halls lined with alternating wide windows and translucent _shoji_.

I only skidded to a stop when I came face-to-face with a towering blue wall. Two arms reached out from it to catch me, steadying me on my feet long enough I could recognize my husband.

"What happened?" I blurted, trying to project my anger through the words but coming up short due to my panting breath.

Somehow, it didn't escape my notice that I'd been asking that question a _lot_ in the past fifteen minutes.

To my surprise—yet another thing I'd been feeling a lot of recently—Rowen hardly stopped to acknowledge me. The moment I ceased wobbling, he sidestepped me and took off the way I came from. Now, Dais stood between me and a partly-open _shoji_.

And I did not like what I could hear on the other side.

 _Or_ the fact that Dusk's presence felt like a dangerously-flickering candle.

Hoping I could draw up enough energy to make the line sound at least halfway menacing, I growled, "Move, or you will be moved."

Dais crossed his arms and narrowed his good eye at me. _Down_ at me.

At that moment, I'd have been hard pressed to name any other time in my life when I felt quite so short.

His attention flickered back to the hallway, armored feet heralding Rowen's return. I twisted in place to watch not only him, but Ryo, Cale, and Kento come barreling around the corner in quick succession.

Seriously. Did everyone _but_ me know where the fire was—or _what_ the fire was?

The _gen mashou_ sidestepped, reaching a hand out to _casually_ snag my six-foot-one, one-seventy, moving-at-fifteen-miles-an-hour husband by the arm. Ryo, on the other hand, got to slide past into the room where I _knew_ something was going on with Alexa. Slowing to a jog not far behind the Ronin leader were Cale and Kento, who was visibly concerned but knew there were already plenty of people ahead of him.

"It might be best if we allowed them some space," Dais said sternly as Rowen stepped back, spine rigid.

Strata's armor melted into subarmor as I moved up beside him. "Let me _through_."

Dais resolutely retook his place in front of the door. "You can see her once she is slightly more stable."

Dragon anger flared in my chest. "Balance can do more than even Halo's healing and Cye's knowledge!" I snapped.

"You don't necessarily have to be beside her to offer that strength, Akatsuki," Cale calmly interjected from behind us.

I whirled on him, shouting. "She's my _sister_ , damn it! LET ME IN!"

Silence fell, even in the room behind the _shoji_. Dais's keen eye very steadily scrutinized me. Whatever he saw in my face must have convinced him; he carefully stepped aside and nodded toward the door. Rowen quietly ushered me in, a hand at the small of my back.

The first thing I noticed was Ryo laying on a futon with Alexa, both of them under a blanket and a visible sliver of the Wildfire subarmor speaking to the _why_ for the odd arrangement. Sage of course hovered over her, one hand stroking her hair while the other rested against her chest surrounded by Halo's energy. Cye knelt beside him, and I immediately moved to follow suit.

"It would help if you drew off the cold from her wrists," Sage murmured, presumably to me.

I nodded once, nearly as numb as my brother-in-law's voice sounded. I had to lift the edge of the blanket to find her hands, then tried to figure out a comfortable arrangement to hold onto them. "How's...the rest of her?" I asked quietly.

Naturally, Cye the doctor could be counted on to explain. "All that's left is deep tissue damage. And hypothermia."

I almost wasn't sure I wanted to know where they _started_. "Dare I ask…?"

Sage misunderstood my question—which ended in hearing the words of my deepest fear. "She was going to attempt suicide. A Guardian came in and made sure she did."

Shock, of course, was my prevalent reaction. I'd spent so many years hoping and praying not to hear what he had just told me, trying not to think about the fact that any unfinished conversation or ritual good-night could be the last thing I heard or said to my sister. Even though she was here now, for the most part safe and whole and breathing, it still cut me to the core to realize that had almost been a horrifying reality.

Tears welled in my eyes, Rowen's familiar presence at my back now as he joined me by Alexa's side. Dais' voice was a comforting rumble from the doorway. "As I had been about to tell you. A multi-pronged attack on you all gave them enough time to convince her death was the only option."

The irony didn't escape me that I'd asked one question and gotten the response to another, worse one. "I was only going to ask what _wounds_ she had…" I choked out around a sob stuck in my throat.

Rowen lifted an arm around my shoulders, drawing me against his side. Again, Cye answered. "Broken ribs among other bones, concussion, oxygen starvation of her brain, a slice on her abdomen. Her heart had nearly stopped, by the time I got her out."

That last phrase perplexed me, earning him a sharp glance. " _Out_?"

Sage sounded as if he could hardly say the words—and looked worse, especially with a split lip and a glaring red stain on his shirt that I prayed wasn't _his_ blood. Even as distressed as I was, I made a mental note to give the guy a hug at the first opportunity. "She landed in the river. I don't remember how long she was in it."

I thanked God for Ryo, right then. Mr. Bright Side spoke up with a reassuring, "She's warming up. Not shivering anymore."

And he was right. Once he'd said something, I remembered to pay attention enough that Dusk and my hands could confirm it. I nodded, Rowen's arm squeezing me in his own relief as I cuffed the tears from my eyes.

When Cye tuned an almost-accusatory tone on Sage, I glanced to my right at them. "Are you holding her asleep?"

Sage just swallowed and nodded, haunted violet eye visible from this side of his face. He didn't take his eyes off Alexa, her face peacefully smooth with unconsciousness.

Cye softened sympathetically. "She needs to wake up…"

"She'll hate herself," he murmured.

Torrent gently set a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You can't protect her from that forever."

I finally found my voice to try to comfort him, too. "It's not your fault, Sage."

The battle within was unusually transparent on Sage's face. He was clearly exhausted and emotionally run ragged. I could sympathize with his desire to postpone the inevitable, letting Alexa rest in blissful nothingness after her ordeal. At last, though, he sighed; Halo's glow dissipated.

It didn't take long for her to wake, heralded by rough shudders wracking her body. She screwed her eyes shut against the dim lighting in the room and curled up like a newborn kitten. Ryo gently rubbed a hand back and forth along her upper arm comfortingly, but didn't appear to get a reaction.

I squeezed her hand. "Sis...?"

Her eyes blinked open, unfocused but trying to make sense of her unfamiliar environment. I could sense the meaning behind her "What…?", the confusion over why I was suddenly in her vicinity and wondering what exactly had happened.

Cye took the driver seat again. "What do you remember?"

She paused, almost looking through me as much as at me. Once she figured it out, her eyes widened, and she tucked her head back into the protective little cocoon, hands sliding from my grasp to shield her face. As she started to cry, Ryo gently hugged her with the one arm that wasn't preoccupied with supporting his weight. I glanced at Sage to see how he was taking this. His hand reached for hers, his fingers twining through her limp ones.

"Tōgei…"

She shook her head, a subtle motion even I could hardly decipher. Pain etched itself all over Sage's face, the kind that wouldn't be going away anytime soon despite being able to take her hand and know she was still alive.

"I think she needs some time alone, to come to terms with what has happened."

Every one of us (minus Ryo) twisted around to see Kayura in the doorway, wearing the robes of the Ancient tribe and bearing Kaos' staff. Once her statement processed, Ryo, Rowen, and Cye carefully got to their feet. I watched Sage carefully as he lingered, Alexa's hand still firmly wrapped in his. Rowen's resting on my shoulder reluctantly drew my gaze away, accepting my husband's offer to help me stand. The relief of then seeing Ryo gently pull Sage to his feet was overshadowed by the conviction of knowing just _how_ badly the warrior of light was hurting.

As soon as we cleared the _shoji_ and spilled out into the hallway, I detached myself from Rowen to wrap my arms around Sage's broad chest. He seemed startled by the gesture; I was equally startled by the half-dry crusting that I remembered was blood on his shirt, but forced myself not to immediately leap away until he'd returned the hug for at least five seconds.

After that satisfactory time had passed, I tilted my chin up in a half-successful attempt to look at him. "Are you alright?"

It sounded like a somewhat asinine phrase, considering it only took one glance at the poor guy to tell he was a wreck, but it was the only script I had.

Apparently, though, my query caught Cye's attention. The dry humor of his own question belied deeper concern. "Is it your turn for a healing?"

So it _was_ his blood. I pulled back and lifted up the hem of his uncharacteristically-untucked dress shirt, letting Cye examine a dark red mark and trail of dried blood that had trickled out of something slightly larger. The medical student carefully poked at the flesh, drawing a half-hearted wince from his patient.

"Looks like there's still a small puncture," he declared, glancing up at Sage's exhausted supervision of the proceedings. "Think you have the energy to close it up?"

He shook his head slowly. If I were honest with myself, he almost looked like he might collapse right where he was the longer we stood there.

I looked over at Dais. "Is there somewhere we can all rest?"

The _mashou_ nodded to indicate the _shoji_ we had just closed. Confused, I watched as Kento beat us all to the punch and slid it aside.

Alexa, Kayura, and every trace of blood that had been left on the futon or floor were gone.

Alarm sprang across the connection, Sage's the most potent and laced with sensations I had long since come to recognize as spelling f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k. Before he reached a point where the rest of us would have had to dive into his memories after him, Dais lay a hand on his shoulder. "Kayura took her to a place she can feel safe releasing her emotions."

Summer indicated Dusk's and Spring's signatures, everyone relaxing at least a fraction with the realization that there was no danger. Kento took it upon himself to usher us in, myself helping to direct Sage since Rowen, Ryo, and Cye were all almost half as exhausted as the blond. Before everyone could find various places to sit on or around the futon, though, Kento set a gentle hand on Sage's shoulder.

"You kinda look like you could use a hug, dude." He glanced over at the others. " _All_ of you could."

I smiled crookedly at him, snaking an arm around Rowen to pull him closer. "I like your suggestion, Kento."

Ryo's smile was just as tired as mine, but also genuine. He silently nudged Cye into the closing circle, myself maneuvering Sage so he stood in the middle. Two seconds later, we'd all collapsed down on the futon in likely the most mild-mannered dogpile we'd ever had—especially when it was _Hardrock_ 's idea.

Dais subtly inclined his head toward us, compassion in his eye. "I will fetch something to clean the blood and ease pain." After a glance at Sage's shirt, he added, "And a change of clothes."

That reminded us of the next order of business. Cye gave Sage a look that brooked no argument; Rowen reached over to assist his brother in unbuttoning the ruined dress shirt, Halo seeming almost unable to do the task himself. He didn't even protest my being in the room, an eerily familiar numbness weighing down his movements. It was the same sort of autopilot I'd seen my sister fall into when triggered.

My heart sank with the realization that I'd _never_ seen him look so broken.

I became acutely aware of my own exhaustion then, Dawn helping me physically support Sage more than my own strength as Rowen finished helping him slide his arms out of his sleeves. If I'd had more energy, I would have winced sympathetically at the sight of other, minor wounds that graced Halo's skin. The half-healed puncture was the worse amidst a smattering of scraped knuckles, split lip, and bruises.

Cye was examining the former when Dais returned with a box in one hand and a pitcher in the other. I was surprised to also see luxurious purple cloth hidden under a dark towel draped over the _mashou_ 's arm.

"Sekhmet has taken to creating medical treatments, in case our armours fail us," he explained, moving over to us.

Cye eyeballed the various vials and other paraphernalia in the box. "How do they work?"

He knelt beside the water warrior, setting the towel and mystery clothing aside and pulling a jar out. "Each one takes on different properties of his antivenom. I can test it on one of you first, if you wish."

Ryo immediately stuck his hand out, wrist up. His expression said he didn't trust _anything_ right now; combined with his triggers and overprotective nature, I wasn't surprised he volunteered. Dais silently scooped a small portion onto one finger and smeared it over the Ronin's wrist. His eyes widened, examining the spot in wonder. "Whoa…"

That was all the approval Cye needed to give silent permission for Dais to carry on. Kento tapped my shoulder as Dais dipped the towel in a basin that was already set up beside the futon. Startled, I blinked up at him.

"I got this, if you want to rest," he said quietly.

It took longer than it should have to register his meaning. A tiny nod, and he gently slid an arm between Sage and I as I readjusted to lean against Rowen's side. I continued to watch curiously, though, as Dais finished cleaning Sage's wounds and moved to applying the salve. By the time the _gen mashou_ set that pot down and picked up a different-colored one to rub into his bruises, all that remained of the scrapes were angry red marks.

I would have given an impressed whistle had I the energy. The not-insignificant flesh wounds had closed up nearly as quickly as if Sage had utilized Halo's strength. No one spoke as Dais finished with the second balm, replacing the cork in the bottle and eyeing his handiwork. His tone was not cottony-soft, but certainly not unfriendly. "Better?"

Sage nodded once slowly, speaking for the first time in nearly (or more than) twenty minutes. "Arigato."

Dais mirrored the nod, then twisted at the waist to reach for the clothes he'd left folded behind him. When he turned back, I recognized the Date family crest outlined in gold embroidery over the heart. He offered it to Sage with both hands, appraising the warrior carefully. Sage had his eyes fixed on the garment, one hand stretching forward after a moment to feel the multi-shaded material between his fingers. "I thought something she had touched would help."

A hint of confusion at his wording had me frowning briefly, but Sage seemed to relax at even the suggestion of association with his fiancée. He carefully accepted the gift from Dais, also with two hands, and then grasped the shoulders to let the now-loose folds cascade down into his lap. The light fabric shimmered like an aurora—appearing to constantly shift through the violet-to-amethyst spectrum depending on the angle at which one saw it—but with the muted tones of twilight.

His awe was palpable when he finally found his voice again. "She made this?"

The _mashou_ nodded. "Designed it, yes."

Sage didn't seem to know how to respond; my brow furrowed, as Alexa'd never mentioned anything of the sort, but I chalked it up to making a surprise gift for him. After a few more moments admiring it, he slipped his arms through the sleeves, tied the robe-like _jinbei_ closed, and ran his hands appreciatively down the fabric. He glanced up as if looking for someone, only to deflate when he remembered the object of his search wasn't there.

Before he could fall back into flashbacks, Rowen reached across my back to silently clasp his brother's shoulder. Dais was the one to speak, however. "Would you like to rest until she returns?"

Sage glanced up at him, swallowing. "An illusion?"

He nodded. After a moment's hesitation, Sage slowly returned the gesture, but still didn't seem certain of the idea.

"Want me to come with you?" Rowen asked softly.

The pleading look Sage turned on Strata was the only prompting he needed. I scooted out from between the two so Sage could lean against my husband, everyone else shifting to accommodate the new arrangement. I watched curiously from Rowen's other side as Dais lifted a hand toward Sage; a quick pulse of white light flashed from his palm, and a few moments later Sage was asleep.

Tense silence filled the room as we waited, feeling like the little light show were anticlimatic. Or maybe that was just me, since I hadn't actually _seen_ the _mashou_ use this particular power yet. Strata reached out to us. _"We're okay. It's actually... kinda nice in here."_

Kento, Ryo, and I shared a glance, but Cye nodded understandingly. _"It was the same for me, too… just peace."_

Well, Sage certainly needed it. Almost as we watched, the lines on his forehead smoothed out, entire body beginning to slump against Rowen. _'Poor guy probably hasn't been able to sleep right since the kidnapping…'_ I realized sadly.

Everyone's attention turned to Dais when he stood. "I shall check on his betrothed. He will wake when she's about to arrive."


	20. Chapter 20

**Warnings:** suicidal ideation, victim blame—both only in the first scene; scroll to —/— to skip over. Summary at the bottom, as usual.

* * *

 _Chapter 20_

Familiar bell tones hummed in the chaos of my mind, drawing me back. Warmth had left, all the reminders of who I'd let down left, and it was just those bells.

Kayura placed a hand on my shoulder. "Do you want to go somewhere they can't hear you?"

I nodded.

The warping was a comforting weight on my senses, blanket still warm from Wildfire around my body and air changing from crisp to sweet and thick with incense. I looked up to see Cale snuffing out the flame on a second burner, releasing the hood and watching the smoke drift into the air. He flicked two fingers at the windows, darkening the screens and letting my senses relax.

He inclined his head towards me, anticipating my gratitude before he slipped out of the room.

"I've been here too much," I murmured, tone lacking the humour it normally did.

The staff let out another bell tone. "This room is yours. You cannot be in a piece of your own home too much."

A lump formed in my throat, one I kept under leash.

Again, the bells chimed. "Let it out. Just because your voice screams does not mean it's Nether Spirits in you."

Everything deep inside of me _unlocked_ , shriek-sobs escaping with her gentle prodding. The Ancient's power was my anchor as I _lost_ myself, too many raw nerves exposed at once to be anything but a blood curdling wail. Suicide. I had actually come close to attempting suicide. Had I not I would've never been in such a position to be captured. Logically, I knew, she would've found a way regardless. Emotionally, self blame reigned like an emperor, dictating every thought and they all boiled down to _'this is all your fault.'_

Bells.

Listen to the bells.

Hear how they make the wailing stop.

Like a supercharged thunderbolt, Kayura's energy exploded through my soul. I shrieked again, the pain of release almost as intense as their bites.

Maybe I didn't want to admit that, deep down, taking a blade meant for Tessa was the perfect excuse to attempt to take my life.

No matter how much I had trusted Sage would save me.

I had been at peace with dying.

And I was _disgusted_ with myself.

That peace with death had roots in my very core, old beliefs dredged up and made fresh.

I still wanted death. I felt I still needed it. The only person who had made my life worth living was my sister, and if one of us had to die, I'd rather it be me.

Deep down, I knew I would've killed myself had she died at Michael's hands.

Sage wouldn't have been enough. The others wouldn't have been enough. Nobody was enough but her, and I had nearly lost her. Instead of facing that reality, I had chosen the doors of death. I kept choosing the doors of death and I kept reaching for them, kept trying to find a way to warm the coldness inside and the way I'd found it was her.

I _thought_ I'd pushed suicide off the table. That I had firmly decided I would never do it, my only option was to live, and that was that. But when faced with death, when faced with a legitimate way out, I'd still jumped at it.

Bells.

Clearing my mind.

Clearing the memory.

I had never wanted to die.

Keeping her safe with my life was not wanting to die.

My scar _ached_ at the memory, too much pain, too many Spirits stored in the tissue. I screamed again as it felt like it reopened, the Nether electricity pulled out of my nerves and blood. My skin itched and I couldn't tell if it was a thrill or sensory hell.

Suicide was only off the table so long as she was alive. Had I not done anything, had I not tried to save her, she would have died and I would have followed. No matter how much I tried to tell myself I could live on my own, how I had enough without her but I didn't. Nobody else could turn my attention away from that coldness, nobody else could fill my life to the point I forgot why I would even invite death over.

I didn't want to admit that.

Bells.

Did I _really_ not want to die?

Left to my own devices, would I have let Sage heal me?

I wanted to live.

I wanted to see her.

I wanted to see them.

Shrieks turned to sobs, turned to my throat so raw I could only let feelings out. Cages dismantled, everything escaping its confines and shame running in my blood with the same potency as Halo's light. I wanted to claw it out but all I could do was cry, cling to Kayura and feel the Ancient's power running through us both. I knew it was part of me but I also felt alienated from it, like it was not mine to have.

I had always been able to see death, speak it and reach past its borders. Dusk herself was the dying day. It only made sense somebody who felt like they had one foot in death already wanted to stop living in limbo. Stop living between worlds and plant myself firmly in the land of the dead. Too many people— my sister and Sage at the top of that list— would tell me it was simply the beginning of night, the beginning of a new time and I couldn't believe it.

I didn't understand why people would put so much work into me if I could never truly change.

"Kure…" Kayura said, voice soft and formal to let me fall into scripts. "You have brought about more beginnings than endings. Kaos would not have let his energy fuse with someone who would misuse it to the extent you think you are."

I shifted my grip in her robes, hands twisting the fabric to knots. "I can never believe I bring life."

"Is there truly evil in bringing death?"

Her words stopped me cold, enough I just curled up into a tighter ball. "No…"

She rubbed my back in slow strokes. "Then why do you feel ashamed?"

Right when I thought I was out of tears, more pushed past my lashes. For once, these didn't have a sound. "Because the death I keep threatening is my own…"

Her thumb gently wiped the streaks away, touch firm enough I calmed under it. "And no matter your reasons, that does not stop us from helping you."

The shoji screen slid open. A few moments later the soft thunk of a tray and the warm, delicate aroma of tea only found in this world hit my nose. Dais knelt beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder, and I practically scrambled into his arms.

"Sometimes I feel you're the only ones _able_ to understand…" I murmured into his chest.

They knew I meant the four of them, our shared experiences being controlled by Spirits too great to ignore. As much as I loved the Ronin, my sister included, they had always been pure in their use of armour. They'd had their powers stolen, but that made the evil separate from themselves. For us, the footholds of corruption rested in our chests, ones we always had to guard against.

Dais stroked my hair, other arm around me. "Which is why we open our home up to you. Purifying this place has brought us peace."

I deflated, exhaustion setting in. "I wish I could find mine."

"You will," Kayura said softly. "Do remember, you have only been free for five years. We have been free for ten."

"And it took your arrival to have us _believe_ in a second chance for us," Cale said from the doorway. "Your friends are admittedly hesitant around those who gave in— which you, to your credit, have never done."

I scrunched my eyes shut. "Until now."

Dais shook his head. "Kourin would not have tried to save you had he believed you were a lost cause."

A soft pop preceded Sekhmet's voice. "You left no damage in your wake. The river is clear, and I have destroyed the Guardians' armours at the bottom."

I shuddered. "No damage past broken hearts…"

One of Dais' arms left my body, soft clank of ceramic lifting from its saucer and steam under my face indicating why. "Drink, then we can take you to the others."

I took the cup but gave them all an amused glare. "You'd better not have laced this with knockout drug this time."

Kayura laughed, the others a mix of smiling and shaking their heads. I couldn't count the number of times they had shoved a sleeping potion under my nose when I was having an anxiety attack, which was sometimes enough to get me to sleep just from the smell alone.

"I think your betrothed would rather see you awake, at present," Cale said as I drank. "Although we should arrange for _him_ to receive tea."

I snorted and nearly choked at the way Winter said 'tea', indicating _just_ what would be in it. "He'll see through you faster than I will, knowing him. You've never offered anything unless it's a potion to those guys."

Sekhmet snorted. "They must admit, those potions _have_ helped."

Dais continued to hold me as I drank, one hand tucking my mussed up blanket back around my body. "Maybe it's time we began."

I smiled and put the now-empty cup back down. Kayura picked up on my train of thought, voicing it when I wasn't sure how. "You should change before we take you back to the others."

She cast a withering look towards the men half crowding the room, them getting the hint very quickly. Dais put me down before leaving with the others, and Kayura went to fetch a robe from the drawers. I peeled off the blanket, followed by all clothes that had gotten wet or bloody. My sweater was gone, but I knew Cye must've taken it off to deal with less water on my skin. I was more thankful than I could articulate he hadn't undressed me.

Kayura returned with what was probably my favourite outfit, soft purple fabric with pink cherry blossoms, and pale green leaves with just a touch of golden tones for the bark. The designs soothed me like none other, reminding me of comfort. And Sage. She'd included everything I could need, including a band to support my chest.

It was almost like coming home.

Once I was dressed she stayed beside me, hands on my shoulders. One calloused finger tipped my chin up. "You have done nothing that changes how we see you."

My eyes welled again and I hugged her around the middle, still scared of keeping up appearances despite everything. Sometimes I believed appearances was the only reason I never tried to take my life or hurt myself with a blade.

"Do you want to go back to them, now?"

I nodded. The air compressed around us both and when it released, I could sense everyone else.

They had piled up around a groggy looking Sage, him leaning against Rowen, my sister beside her husband, the others forming a protective circle. Kento began getting up to help me over, but the shoji screen opening stopped his movements. Dais walked in and carried me the distance, placing me between Rowen and my fiancé. Everyone else watched in stunned silence; I could've sworn I heard 'nothing makes sense anymore' in Tessa's voice. My sister glomped me over Rowen's lap, one of Sage's arms went between us and the other around both. The colour of his robe was familiar; I recognized the fabric from when I'd designed it for him. It was just as soft as I'd hoped it be.

"I'm not even going to _ask_ what that was I just saw," she muttered into my neck.

It was quickly swept away by being in the centre of a dogpile.

Hair ruffling, welcomes, and relief dominated my senses, everyone happy to see me back and me returning what affection I could. Sage bent over to kiss me, snagging my lips with an exhausted ferocity that made me grip his shirt.

For once, nobody made a comment to get a room.

We parted and I tucked my head against Sage's shoulder, Tessa snuggled against me. "I'm so glad to see you're okay again."

I nodded. "It's good to be back…"

Sage didn't speak, but his body relaxed under me, tension draining until his only focus was on my breath and heart. I couldn't help but remember all the times early in our relationship, before even getting together, I had done the same with him. Tendrils of Dais' illusion abilities lingered in his consciousness, bridging the gap from when I'd been gone to when I returned. Dusk helped the process along, finding the knots of his pain and easing them with a simple _'I'm here and I love you'._

The shoji screen slid open, and I picked my head up to the two remaining Warlords walking in, Sekhmet with a tray of eleven cups, Cale holding a second tray with three tea pots. Cale put his tray down on a low table. "We thought we could all use some tea."

—/—

 _"If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd ever sit down to tea with the_ mashou _, I would have laughed in their face."_

I cast a bemused glance at my husband, cautiously lifting my tea cup to test the drink's temperature. Whatever it was smelled absolutely heavenly, a mix of something floral and earthy I couldn't place. _"I can't say I'm not a little surprised, too, even though I never fought them. They seem...so much more relaxed."_

He agreed wordlessly as Cale and Kayura finished pouring the tea. Everyone was quiet, the odd scene of being served by miniature nuclear powerhouses not quite enough to overcome the lethargy that remained from earlier events.

Sekhmet broke the silence, pointing to the remaining, untouched pot. "If any of you require aid sleeping, this will help."

I snorted, but Ryo beat me to the comment as he surveyed the gathered Ronin. "I don't think most of us will have _that_ problem."

"Especially this one," Kento teased, nudging Rowen in the side with his elbow.

Alexa finished a small yawn as a few chuckles answered Kento. "I feel like I'm about to fall asleep _without_ help…"

No one seemed to have anything to say to that, and I could sense the conversation about to go stagnant. I decided to change the topic, looking at Kayura but addressing the whole of the Warlord posse. "You guys seem at ease."

Kayura offered a soft smile, arranging her robes so she could kneel and sit back on her feet. "Purifying the _youjakai_ has brought us a certain measure of peace."

Dais took a sip of his tea. "Kure has helped. Her times here have provided a much needed break from routine."

So _that_ was what he had meant before. I sharply swallowed the tea I'd been drinking and looked wide-eyed between Alexa and Dais. The question I wanted to ask was written all over my face. His expression became a little more grave. "This is not the first time Nether Spirits have preyed on her mind, nor the first time we have intervened when she is struggling."

Guilt nibbled at my insides, realizing an already-bad situation had really been worse than I'd thought—and I probably hadn't helped as much as I could have. At least she'd had _someone_ , though.

I glanced over at my sister, peacefully sleeping against Sage's side. He had an arm looped around her shoulder and looked about ready to nod off himself. Cye was watching him carefully, though, so I turned my attention back to Cale as he set his teacup down. "Over the past four years, her mother has done everything she can to compromise Kure's mental state. We did what we could to protect her, and that sometimes meant letting her rest here for however long she needed the world to stop."

The sudden haphazard clinking of delicate china drew everyone's attention to Cye and Sage. Halo's head rested on Torrent's shoulder; the hand that had been holding his cup and saucer now lay relaxed in his lap. Cye had caught the falling teacup before it hit the stone floor. He narrowed his eyes accusingly at Cale. "Are you sure you didn't help this?"

Cale smiled a little, simply amused. "If Kure were awake, she would be asking the same question. We did nothing to his tea, otherwise the rest of you would be asleep by now, as well."

Despite having established they were no longer any enemy of ours, the Ronin still awake cast mixed looks of wariness and respect for the Warlords amongst each other. If they had wanted to, they could have easily drugged all of us.

I sighed, half reflecting Cale's humor and half belying my own weariness. Cye set the teacup down to shift Sage's weight on his shoulder. "Guess we better get these two to bed, shouldn't we…"

Sekhmet smiled, tone almost teasing if I weren't mistaken. "The question becomes how."

Autumn made it clear he was asking about teleportation versus more conventional methods. Ryo shot him a half-annoyed glare as he stood. "I think we can handle it. Just point the way to us."

Rowen moved to help Cye as Dais got to his feet (and the rest of us on ours), motioning for us to follow. Torrent handed Halo to Strata, then carefully rearranged Alexa before lifting her into his arms. Once Ryo had hoisted Sage onto Rowen's shoulders piggy-back style, I went to open the _shoji_. The others quietly replaced their cups on the tray, then trailed along behind.

Cale reached the new room slightly ahead of us and slid its door aside. I couldn't immediately get a glimpse inside until the boys ahead passed over the threshold, but once they had I had to shake my head. The cozy decor screamed "my sister", a four-poster canopy bed plopped directly center of the cherry, violet, and white color scheme. Purple curtains at the window and over the canopy; a bedspread that conspicuously matched her robe; rose-golden walls; and a blend of pink and purple pillows tossed on a round couch below the window; even the basket of weighted blankets beside the couch was a deep shade of amethyst.

Almost the only things _not_ pink or purple were furniture, and they were either wood or white.

"This is the room she normally stays in," Dais explained as Rowen and Cye lay their passengers on the bed. "And now, we extend other empty rooms in this palace to the rest of you."

Our shock and confusion at his statement left us silent for a few moments—Ryo and Kento looking up from helping to situate Sage and Alexa on the rather large mattress, Rowen and Cye exchanging glances. I wondered yet again just _how much_ my twin had come to visit.

Especially with the highly unexpected arrival of a familiar white-and-black-striped kitty. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt his fur brush my leg, parting the crowd of people as if we were merely water. With an affectionate (but almost demanding) nudge against Ryo's leg, White Blaze carefully climbed onto the bed and draped his long body against Alexa's back.

I almost couldn't believe the bed didn't completely collapse under his weight. _'Damn thing must be made of wood-looking titanium or something,'_ I thought dryly.

A quick peek at the _mashou_ standing toward the doorway _also_ told me this wasn't likely White Blaze's first visit.

"So _that's_ where you get to," I heard Ryo mutter, breaking the almost-eerie silence that had filled the room.

Dais inclined his head; I almost thought I saw a tiny smile on his lips, but my eyes had to have deceived me. "He is quite attuned to her emotional states. There have been times _he_ alerted us to danger, before we were quite aware of it."

I snorted. "Reason why we call him "therapy kitty"."

Ryo nodded after a moment, seeming to finally cast off the surprise of finding out where his animal friend liked to venture in his spare time. Rowen just shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "Seems like we forgot about the whole ancient-and-bonded-to-Black-Blaze deal, haven't we?"

"For such a fearsome creature, her nicknames are quite unbecoming," Cale deadpanned, crossing his arms.

Something about the _yami mashou_ 's dry humor finally broke the odd atmosphere. Everyone not fast asleep suddenly had to cough and-or cover their mouths, myself included. Not only had we rarely heard Winter crack a joke, but usually when he did it was delivered so much like an unexpected snowball to the chest that we just _had_ to laugh at the hilarity of the situation.

Ryo finally managed to get a response out, after a few seconds of unpleasant snort-coughing. "If you think _that's_ unbecoming, then you must not have seen him fetch for her."

While the warrior of fire seemed to feel an insignificant amount of bitterness for having "his" tiger charmed out from under him, he nevertheless sounded incredibly amused. Kento easily bandwagoned onto that example and ticked off on his fingers, "Or roll over, or get chin rubs, or back massages, or…"

"Oh, we have."

Dais' nonchalant and completely unexpected response primarily caught Ryo and Kento off-guard again, worse than the rest of us. Cye was the first to recompose himself, watching the trio in the bed as they slept. "Well at least we'll know they'll be okay…"

The Warlords nodded. "I'm sure he will alert us if they are not," Cale agreed reassuringly.

—/—

Warmth pressed against my spine, small yet familiar pillow against my chest, mattress cradling me and blankets a comforting weight. I wasn't too hot or too cold, the air didn't hurt, and everything felt right.

Sometimes, I thought the others wouldn't believe how much peace I derived from being here.

This bed was just as much mine as my apartment, only this time I was apparently sharing it— my sister the source of heat at my back, Sage beside me, and Rowen next to him. Needless to say, I was glad I'd designed this mattress to be absolutely giant. Tessa stirred shortly after I returned to consciousness, but instead of paying attention to her, I stayed transfixed by the sight in front of me.

Sage lay across Rowen's chest, his brother's arm wrapped around his back. They held each other, Sage for comfort and Rowen to reassure. Both remained sound asleep even as Tessa and I shifted to survey the situation; I realized I had only ever seen Sage so vulnerable with me, before. I struggled to describe my relief actually getting a glimpse at the bond he had with his brother, the ultimate reassurance that he had somebody else to take care of him.

"Poor guys…" she murmured. "I'm glad he seems to be actually resting…"

I wasn't quite sure which 'he' she was referring to, and had it been hours earlier, I would've been dragged down to despair. As it was, I could only be a mix of grateful and sad. "He's been making himself sick, taking care of me…" She looked at me sideways, mixed confusion and worry indicating she wished I'd continue. I exhaled. "His senses are worn thin— he'd rather not be touched during the day, but he never turned me away when I needed a hug. He hasn't been sleeping and he had to be beside me at night, but he's been _withholding_ it because I felt so guilty at being a trigger. Didn't take his sleeping pills in case I needed him at night, then he'd do everything I couldn't…"

Before she could reply— I got the sense she didn't know what to say— Sage shifted in his sleep to hold Rowen tighter, Halo revealing hints of its bearer's insecurities. Rowen returned the gesture but Strata radiating comfort, allowing my fiancé to still. I cautiously reached out and rubbed his shoulder, doing my part to impress he was alright. He _relaxed_ , practically melting back down into Rowen's chest once he knew I was here, as well.

I almost didn't want to admit how much that subconscious gesture touched me. It showed how much he cared.

"And _that's_ why Rowen and I are in here," my sister said, teasing tone matching a poke to my shoulder.

I twisted to look at her, frowning. "What?"

She chuckled like an imp. "You both were having difficulty sleeping; at one point we came in to check on you, and when Rowen and I were here, you calmed down. When we moved to leave, you became restless again." She shrugged and smiled at me. "Needless to say, we stayed…"

I smiled back, eyes still on my fiancé. Shadows lingered, but the teasing and laughter of her words helped dissolve them. "It's nice, to see him relaxing with somebody _other_ than me…"

She watched them both over my shoulder. "Yeah… I don't think Rowen's really admitted just how much this bothered him, either…"

I sighed, a long, exhausted sound. "Sage, at least, has been too busy trying to play caretaker… same could probably be said for me. Yes, I know we're incorrigible."

It's not like we hadn't been told this, alone or together, from other people and from ourselves, for longer than we'd known each other.

She snort-laughed at my deadpan tone. "You two, I swear. So aloof ninety percent of the time, but melt into a puddle the instant someone smushes you together."

I held in my own laughter to not wake the two, still sleeping soundly. "Or, apparently, into our siblings…"

Now it was her turn, forcing her otherwise loud and boisterous mirth quiet. "Touche." She glanced between the two men and me, grinning mischievously. "Think they've had enough beauty sleep yet…?"

I smirked. "Let's see." My sing song drifted soft as I pushed myself up to properly kiss my fiancé on the cheek. He only ever reacted if he was ready to wake up. To my satisfaction, he stirred and turned towards me, opening himself up for a kiss to the lips. His surprise quickly turned to affection, arms releasing Rowen to snake around me. He still stayed in the circle of Rowen's arms, albeit barely.

I could feel my sister's _grin_ through Dawn, mixing in with her own plots to be a brat.

We parted and Sage opened his eyes, whole body relaxing in ways I couldn't describe when he saw my playful posture. For all I'd been craving normal for the past week and a half, I'd forgotten how much our normal included interacting like this. I quickly kissed him again, relaxing myself at the curve of his smile under my lips.

He pulled away and looked at his brother, the one he was still laying beside and nearly atop of, and chuckled deep in his chest. "I should not be surprised he's still asleep after that…"

With a permission-asking flick towards Dawn, receiving encouragement immediately, he reached over and tickled Rowen's side.

At first, it was nothing more than a twitch, until Rowen sputtered as if water had been poured on him. His arm jerked out from under Sage to prop himself up, and he glared at our laughter.

Sage calmed first. "Figured you wouldn't want to be kissed over while you were sleeping."

My sister lost it, holding her stomach as Rowen pouted. She crawled over Sage and I as her husband spoke.

"Yeah, except for my wife, thank you ve—"

Now it was my turn to collapse with laughter as she practically pounced on him for a kiss.

Sage used the opportunity to roll us onto our side, his lips finding my _neck_ just as White Blaze chuffed from the foot of the bed.

The tiger came into sight as he stood, and we all parted _just_ in time to see shadows on the other side of the shoji screen. Not for the first time I was very thankful this cat was so attentive— he had saved me many an embarrassing situation.

All I hoped was Sage hadn't left a mark like the _last_ time somebody walked in after we'd made out.

The screen slid open and Ryo came in, bending down to pet his tiger while keeping an eye on us. "Good, you're all awake."

Tessa poked her husband. "Some of us just _barely_ so…"

He shook his head and wrapped an arm around her waist. "What's up, Ryo?"

Ryo straightened, the other two lingering behind him. "The _mashou_ keep telling us all the stuff we can do in the _youjakai_ , and with how while we're here, time doesn't really move… we could relax here, for awhile."

I thought of all the things _I_ had done here, the almost infinite list of activities impossible to narrow down. "Did they suggest anything in particular?"

Ryo smiled softly, hands in his pockets. "They asked if we wanted a riding tour."

Well _that_ got my sister's attention. She perked up, excitement practically leaping out of her skin. "Really? Like, _really_ really?"

I laughed softly at her eagerness. "I've ridden the horses here. They're wonderful."

Her husband, on the other hand, was more than a little trepedatious. "Tessa, I don't know… With the baby, I'm not sure..."

She pouted at being denied her _horses_ , the one thing she had desperately missed when she went to Japan.

Cye proved to be _her_ saviour at that particular moment. "She's in her second trimester, Rowen. It's unlikely to hurt her."

Sage added in his opinion. "We also have Kourin's abilities."

Tessa turned puppy eyes on her husband, the hopeful gleam mixed with a 'gotcha' grin that made him sigh and roll his eyes. I caught the smile on his lips when she glomped him, his arms wrapping around her.

Ryo watched silently before turning his attention on me. "You up for a ride?"

I nodded. "The horses here are rocks. Even if I get tired, I can just lean against them and they don't mind."

The ripple of sheer confusion at how much I was even here to know that little detail spread among everyone. I stretched up and rubbed my face to distract myself from that. "What time is it, even?"

Ryo looked at me funny, not sure how to answer. "All of us went to bed and got a full night's sleep…"

I got out of bed and flung the curtains open, breath catching at the sight of the sky. Time was always slightly distorted here, where I didn't think the days were twenty-four hours— I never saw dawn on Earth, but I almost always saw it here. I never bothered figuring out the difference, this realm my fantasy world.

Various comments of appreciation and awe followed behind me.

Dais chuckled softly from behind the knot of Ronin at the door to my room. "I see you have discovered dawn in the _youjakai_."

I shook my head and laughed. "I swear you manipulate time for me to make sure I always see it."

He continued the banter, amusement still in his voice. "Time manipulation is not required, with my abilities."

I smiled, looking at him over my shoulder and catching everyone's shocked faces in my periphery. I turned my attention back out the window taking in the veritable kaleidoscope of yellow, pink, and blue. The skies were unnatural, blotches of different colours instead of earth's gradients. It seemed to glitter with hexicons and rivers, looking more like Van Gogh's Starry Night than anything even close to a photograph, and that's exactly why it was comforting.

Sage came up behind me, Tessa beside him. She wrapped an arm around my waist while he rested his hands on my shoulders, his lips meeting my temple a moment later. "I can see why you like it here."

I placed one hand on his, head tipping up to be against his shoulder, while my other went around my sister's waist. Dais' voice echoed through my mind as he watched. _'You are much happier, with them here.'_

Sage's lips met mine as if to prove Summer's point. I smiled at the touch and acceptance from all parties, including the other three seasonal armours keeping an eye on me.

 _'I'm not hiding anything from them,'_ I replied.

Dais' disbelief was small, but very much there. _'Even we can sense you are.'_

I kept my skittish reaction inside, enjoying Sage's nose against mine. _'I meant that I'm here… I'll tell him soon.'_

 _'Please do.'_ He deflected the attention away from our short conversation with verbal commentary. "The others are waiting for breakfast."

Cye glanced at me, but I simply smiled at Dais and nodded. "Arigato."

He left us, trusting I would know where to go. Kento looked around the room, then back down the hall where Dais had gone, then back to me. "How much are you even _here_?"

I quirked a smile, having learned a sweatdrop look from my sister. "Every three to four months, at least… ever since trial proceedings started."

Just as I thought, everyone else was surprised at the revelation, glances exchanged between them. Sage's grip tightened, while Tessa had an air of guilt I'd been trying to avoid. "I wish I'd known, sis…"

Her apology was implied in everything about her body language and tone; thank God she wasn't mad at this round of secrets and I was stable enough to not interpret her words as anger. I pulled her closer. "I… already told you so much… and sometimes none of it would help…"

She wrapped her arms around me, Dawn opening up the depths of understanding in her heart. "Yeah… still…"

Leave it to Kento to break the gloom threatening to come down on us. "Uh, guys, breakfast isn't going to wait forever…"

We laughed, a few exasperated "Kentoooo"s from Cye and my sister. I took the lead and brought them all to an open dining hall, one wall's screens pushed aside to reveal the morning. The table was loaded with what could best be described as everyone's favourites, me having technically planned to show them the _youjakai_ for a year, now, and never knowing how to bring it up. My involvement with the Warlords was something I felt skittish around, both between how everyone would react and how long I had been hiding it.

Everyone else paused at the sight of their favourites before almost uneasily settling down. I chuckled to break the tension. "Uh, yeah, you can blame me for this…"

Tessa laughed lightly and waved off my concern. "I think you mean "thanks". I don't think I've seen so many of my favorite foods in one place since the wedding."

Kayura joined in on the teasing, her appearing the most at ease around the others. "Considering the stories we have heard around Rowen and Kento's appetites, we thought we would use Alexa's notes for this."

As if to prove her point, Kento had already begun eating and Rowen was reaching for a dish. Through continuing amusement, Cye said, "Hold your horses, Kento, or there'll be none left for the rest of us!"

Sekhmet snorted and shook his head. "Do not worry, there's more for the rest of you."

Ryo raised an eyebrow at him, reaching for his own food. "I should think so, since this _is_ the City of Desire."

Sage and I had already settled down near 'my' corner of the table, partially tucked away from everyone else while still being a part of the conversation. I leaned into his side and picked the avocado, carrot, and green onion sushi off my plate with chopsticks I had finally gotten the hang of, dipping it in umeboshi vinegar before popping a whole one in my mouth. The salty and creamy tastes mixing on my tongue made me hum in pleasure, wiggling softly in Sage's grip.

He smiled down at me, lips going against my hair. "That looks delicious."

I smiled up at him. "Want one?"

He matched my expression and watched as I picked up a piece, dipped it in vinegar, and brought it up to his mouth. He bit it carefully, eyes closing, savouring both the taste and intimacy. He finished the piece and opened his eyes, rested sheen I had missed so much. "I was right."

I tapped his nose with my chopsticks. "Shall I make you some next time I'm in the kitchen?"

His whole face lit with amusement and relief. He kissed my forehead. "Or we can make it together."

Apparently not to be outdone by us being cute, Rowen and my sister were engaged in their own banter. She had chocolate on her nose, mock glaring at him and his very obviously frosting covered fingertip. He smirked at her and kissed the chocolate off, garnering a wrinkled nose. She couldn't hide her smile from the rest of us— Rowen knew that being adorable was the way to reach her heart. Sometimes I wondered just _what_ he could get away with, if he simply smiled at her…

The rest of breakfast went by relatively uneventfully, the others slowly easing into the fact they were having breakfast with the Warlords, in the _youjakai_ , after the ridiculous events of the past month. I couldn't tell if they were genuinely relaxing into it, or if there had just been so much shock lately that they'd hit the point of rolling with it.

As everyone kept eating, I could sense my sister's restlessness to get to the riding tour, her excitement and impatience akin to Cye's every time we went swimming.

When we finally made it out to the courtyard and the display of eleven multicoloured horses, all more beautiful than the golden Akhal-Teke deemed the most stunning horse in the world, she squealed.

We all watched and shook our heads as she bolted over to them, fluttering between each mount, petting the first one to catch her attention, only to be butted in the shoulder by another, and soon she was surrounded by the whole herd— each horse more than willing to show off or investigate the newcomer. She looked like she'd gone to heaven, stars practically gleaming in her eyes, and I couldn't help but smile the City of Desire had made another person's come true.

I eventually made my way forward, black gelding with deep violet highlights in his coat breaking away from my sister and coming to say hi to me. There was pale violet in a star on his forehead, and he practically dwarfed me, nose barely reaching my forehead unless he bent down. I scratched him under the chin. "Hey, Levi."

Sage came up beside me and stroked the horse's nose, earning him a poke to the shoulder. "I take it this is your usual horse?"

I nodded, looking over his shoulder to an equally tall horse, coat in pale violet, carefully walking over. "And she is yours."

He turned and his breath caught, him looking straight at a horse about as stunning as he was. I smiled as he lifted his hand up for her to sniff, then scratched the side of her jaw. She butted her nose into his shoulder and snorted, making the both of us laugh.

I looked around to see everybody with horses that matched their armour, my sister facing an emerald green mare with a deep, royal blue mare for her husband. The Warlords and Kayura were already on their horses, the rust-red, deep pink, brown-black, and chocolate brown mounts drastically different from the jewel tones and pastels of our lot. I vaulted onto a horse who was technically too tall for me, but I made due with the adjustable stirrups and too much hip flexibility.

Rowen helped Tessa onto her mount, cupping his hands to give her a boost. He still didn't look completely _sure_ of this ride, but his eyes sparkled watching her be so excited. She leaned down— not very far, admittedly— to kiss him, murmuring what I assumed was reassurance. He was the last on his horse; once he had gotten settled, the Warlords gestured to me.

I shook my head and nudged Levi into a fast walk, the others trailing behind as I led them through halls so familiar I never had to pause to determine what path to take.

 _'Yeah, yeah, I know… 'how much have you been here'."_

They all laughed at my preemptive answer, one that was far too easy to give. They had all been so predictable since this little reveal, and I was trying to break the gloomy, paralytic fear I'd had for years around telling them. My sister mentally poked me. _'You've gotten better, too.'_

I blushed at her comment on my riding. _'Weeeeeeeeellll the Warlords kept saying riding was the best way to take in the youjakai, and they had a western saddle so I could sort of build on what I already knew, then they found this beast…'_ I scratched Levi's neck as we left the city proper, on an elevated road revealing rice paddy steppes and a river feeding the fields in a gentle, bubbling waterfall.

Everyone froze, a few whistles of appreciation mixing in with the gasps and breath catches. I grinned. _'You haven't seen_ anything _yet.'_

My sister matched my feeling through Dawn, her and everyone else simply taking it all in. Sage stayed close beside me, coming up a half step— he was a surprising natural on a horse, for all I associated him with racing cars, instead.

He picked up on my train of thought. _'Rowen, of all people, got us into it.'_

I snorted. _'How did I not know this? I knew he rode but the rest of you?'_

Sage laughed. _'It's just enough none of us can fall off. I, at least, don't consider it a skill.'_ He raised an eyebrow at me. _'Of course, I didn't know_ you _rode this well, either…'_

I blushed and kept showing them the natural wonders of an unnatural world, from fruit orchards to forests, mountains and rivers. It was like every place I'd ever traveled to on Earth except unidentifiably More. This particular trail never failed to get my senses working again, never failed to make me feel something. I could feel it was having the same effect on the others, as well— all of them captivated, Rowen and Ryo having a certain amount of unease the others didn't. I assumed it was because they'd seen the most of the corrupted _youjakai_ , and the stark difference was more unsettling than reassuring.

I had to admit, thoughts of what this place used to look like made me shiver. They had been hesitant to bring me, at first, between how I hadn't trusted them and the corruption I would face here. I had insisted because the calm at having all the time in the world to recover had been the difference between life and death. I'd spend months here, the first time, decompressing and hiding away from everyone. Purifying the surrounding area gave me a purpose.

Watching the Warlords regain their humanity, bit by bit, the less Spirits contaminated everything around them.

I brushed my hand against a low hanging branch, pushing it up and feeling spirits howl at being denied the opportunity to hurt others. The tree _shifted_ and the branch continued rising up, allowing everyone behind me to pass without risk— even Rowen and Sage.

Everyone looked at the branch, tree, and/or my back as they passed through. With how often I and Kayura had used this particular path, I was almost surprised Nether Spirits had managed to invade it again. I suppose that was a testament to how powerful my mother and Michael were.

 _'So_ that's _why you're so good with the Ancient power in our armours,'_ my sister murmured.

I chuckled. _'Yeah a few years of purifying this place does its job. This world isn't from the Ancients, but it's not from Talpa, either, so it listens.'_

Kayura picked up on everyone's curiosity, filling in history I only had a loose grasp of. _'The youjakai is even more ancient than the Ancients. It is its own power, neutral in its existence much like Earth. We did not create it, but neither did Talpa. Kure and I have discovered even individual Spirits can be freed of Talpa's influence, if given enough time and care.'_

Rowen in particular gave a surprised blink. _'You're kidding!'_

She giggled. _'I am not. It is a recent discovery, however. And it is progress very easily lost.'_

 _'Let's not think about that,'_ Ryo said softly. _'It's nice to know this place isn't evil.'_

It did not escape my or the Warlords' attention he seemed to be talking about its inhabitants, as well.

 _'Not inherently,'_ I said, picking my way through a deer trail. _'Everything starts out neutral. Some forces of nature stay neutral, while others can be swayed in either direction. These forests were swayed towards Talpa, as were the areas you fought through. But with enough time, and enough care, they can return to their original purpose.'_

It did not escape anyone's attention my meaning was dual, as well.

We kept riding until we reached a large clearing around a lake. I turned my mount back to look at the group. "And here is what I wanted to show you." With a grin, I added, "Anyone want to go swimming?"

Cye in particular half leapt off the saddle— only to freeze when I didn't, and instead marched Levi straight into the water. My sister was a half step behind.

The splash I made magnified as others joined us, the Warlords quick to get wet and Rowen joining his wife. Sage made a cautious attempt and I felt his momentary fear at the unfamiliar, but it quickly dissipated when he settled on a swimming horse. White Blaze's roar cut through everything as he leapt off an outcropping to join us.

Which only left Kento, Cye, and Ryo on the banks.

"What are you waiting for, Ronin?" Dais taunted. "Are you _afraid_ of the water?"

 _That_ got Cye back to mounted and in the lake. Not to be embarrassed in front of the Warlords, Kento and Ryo followed. Soon we were all on swimming horses, soaking wet and either amused at others trying to stay upright, or the ones trying to stay upright.

Sage came up beside me and turned my head towards him, tipping his forehead against mine. "It's nice to see you smile again."

Despite my blush, I could really only think of the last time we took a break swimming. "Kissing here might get us in—"

Rowen splashed us, Strata making it _very_ clear this was payback for our prank years ago.

I sputter-laughed. "Trouble." A death glare to my sister revealed she had, indeed, been behind this. I glanced back at my fiancé and he tipped his head down in a nod, devious gleam in his eye and tiny smirk on his lips.

Levi practically read my mind— he dipped his head in the water and sent a large wave towards the pair, Sage's mount following with her front feet. Tessa squealed and Rowen yelped, them about to retaliate, and the other Ronin trying to get in on the action.

I, meanwhile, couldn't help but pick up on a ripple of amusement from the Warlords and Kayura, watching this all from far away.

Splashing covered my schemes, me making sure to place as many bodies between me and them as possible. I slipped off Levi with a wink, disappearing under the water with a deep breath. Dusk made sure I sunk under horse hooves before I pushed off towards my targets.

Before the seasonal armour bearers quite knew what happened, I'd rocked out of the surface of the water and drenched them. Their laughter followed me as I zipped away.

* * *

 _Scene trigger summary:_ Kayura releases Nether Spirits from Alexa's mind, allowing her to separate fact from fiction and feel more like her normal self.


	21. Chapter 21

Surprise! A day early on this update. What's the occasion, you may ask?

Well, it is one year to the day that my co-author and I started writing these fanfics. 365,000 words later (roughly), we are finished with two, and partway into a third with (more than) a few other ideas on the shelf or in the holding pen. (...No pun intended.)

Happy birthday, FDD! Here's a little sister for you. ;D

 **Warnings:** suicidal ideation (first part of second scene only), self harm

* * *

 _Chapter 21_

Deep belly laughs and a bell-like chime unlike the rest of the group's very familiar tones dragged my attention from scooping handfuls of water toward Sage. Too curious for my own good, I twisted to try and pinpoint the source of the boisterous voice. I was just able to catch a glimpse of Cale with a wide grin on his face before squealing at a cold spray of droplets drenching my skin.

My dashing husband came to the rescue as I lifted my hands to shield my face from the onslaught, gluing himself to Cye's back somewhat like a Redead. The two swimmers ducked beneath the waves to duke it out submarinally.

Shortly after they submerged, a too-familiar shriek startled me.

It took half a second for my brain to hit the brakes on the panic button and realize it was Alexa's laugh-squeal. Surprise quickly turned to confusion as the Ronin splash fight died down to watch Dais hoist Alexa almost completely onto his horse with one arm around her waist, preventing her from fleeing Sekhmet's water-based attack.

They were _all_ grinning.

I glanced over at the guys to see their expressions. They, too, exchanged looks, as perplexed as me.

The Warlords were having _fun_?

Once Alexa had managed to push against the _gen mashou_ 's stomach and slip back into the water, they seemed to notice we'd all stopped our little skirmish. Any comments that could or might have been made, though, were derailed by Kayura pouncing on my sister as she resurfaced.

Kento directed a sly smirk at Sage. "Think we should go give your future wife a hand, Sage?"

Cye crossed his arms but appeared game nonetheless, and Rowen grinned. Sage half-smiled. "She seems to be handling herself fairly well."

I chuckled softly at that as I watched Alexa successfully detangle from Kayura and return fire...or, water. The two laughed like children, the weight of the world (or two worlds) slipping from their shoulders for just a few moments.

Undignified yelps and—was that almost a squeal from Rowen?—had me instinctively hopping, jumping, and twisting away from Cale's sudden attack. He'd poof'd behind us to take advantage of the element of surprise, and to great effect.

But we wouldn't be put on the defensive for long.

The ensuing Ronin on Warlord water-fight lasted at least another ten minutes, possibly more. Somewhere not long after it started, though, I felt fatigue setting in and dragged my way over to shore for a reprieve.

For a moment, I was fractionally startled to find Alexa there, too, laying on her back. More surprising was Sekhmet's presence, one of his katana drawn and resting along her skin in a gesture that was becoming quite familiar. _Too_ familiar.

Furrowing my brow in concern, I sat on the ground beside my sister. "You okay, sis?"

She nodded. "Tired." She let out a small chuckle. "Just like the last time we went swimming in the middle of something."

I smiled softly, setting a hand on her shoulder. Sekhmet lifted his katana from her arm. "I suppose I should leave something for your betrothed to do."

Alexa chuckled amusedly. "What? Don't want to go soft in front of them?"

The _doku mashou_ just huffed in response, powering down to his casual clothes. I laughed at that; in equivalent human teenager language, that meant he had been verbally cornered and he knew it. Leaning back on my hands, I teased, "Guess the joke's on you, Sekky."

Apparently the nickname was sticking.

In response, he simply muttered, "I maintain the boys have gone _softer_."

Alexa's eyebrow arched so high it practically disappeared into her hair. I burst out laughing and just about had to hold my splitting side together when Sekhmet sighed and affectionately reached down to ruffle my sister's hair. "You are quite the witch."

Somehow I managed to find my voice. "That she is," I agreed heartily, wiping moisture from my eyes. With an explosive exhale, I managed to get my composure back. "Man, I haven't laughed like that for...a while…"

There was a familiar twinkle in her eye that also hadn't shown up for a long time. "Welcome to the _youjakai_." She glanced down at my belly, which now showed a definitive if subtle roundness to it. "You can't stay here too long, though. Time goes much slower on Earth than it does here, and doctors could get suspicious if suddenly Touma's far more developed than he should be…"

I blinked; the thought hadn't occurred to me. With everything else that had been going on, it was understandable—but I was really glad she'd brought it up, regardless. I lifted a hand to the back of my head "Heh. Right…" Another thought occurred to me, and I felt my face contort in thought. "But… If no one ages while we're here, because time doesn't pass, then theoretically Touma wouldn't grow, either."

My sister rubbed her nose, as she was wont to do in deep discussions. "Time _does_ pass. It's just much slower. So he is still growing… I would think. At the same time, it doesn't seem to impact humans all that much." She exhaled. "Either way…"

I shook my head in amusement, dropping my hand back to the ground. "Ugh, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey...stuff. Way over my head." I chuckled softly, the sound staying down in my throat. "I bet Rowen could figure out what the ratio is. I mean, it can't be too small a difference, or else the _mashou_ would be dead by now."

She laced her hands behind her head. "That's the funny part. Time seems to pass based on how pure the _youjakai_ is. If you go out purifying the place, time moves slower than when we're in the city, and they've aged around six months… Kayura maybe a little faster, because she was younger than them." She chuckled. "I think she's impatient to not look so young."

I laughed with her, but felt my brain bending around the time paradox. Rubbing my forehead in mock pain, I muttered, "...Yeah, I'll leave those calculations to the astrophysicist."

She just _grinned_. The little brat. "Sorry sis but my first present to Touma will probably be a science book."

I sighed in mock-suffering and pouted at her. "I'm doomed…"

Alexa laughed brightly, now, seeming to relish my sad situation. "Between his dad and his aunt? Yup!" Pushing herself up and leaning against her knees, she consoled, "Don't worry, I'll get him some art books, too."

More laughter; my abs were starting to ache with the unfamiliar exercise. "Maybe he'll end up drawing pictures of deep space landmarks right along with all the calculations to _get_ to them."

"And in four languages," she added, voice thick as chocolate fudge with her teasing at myself and Rowen both.

I could only laugh harder. Apparently I was going to get the best workout I'd had in three months, right then. "Geeze, he's gonna be a regular ol' Jack-of-all-trades isn't he?"

She simply nodded, her attention drawn to observing the men all duke it out in the lake. The horses had all removed themselves from the play-quarrel, some rolling in the lush grass while the others grazed through the wide open field. I couldn't say I blamed the equines; things were getting pretty intense, almost to the point I could imagine what their _actual_ fights of the past had been like.

Despite being outnumbered, the Warlords were doing rather well. Their ability to disappear and reappear at will of course helped, but the Ronin had become familiar enough with it to predict and counter that route of attack. My eyes followed Rowen as he and Cye tag-teamed Sekhmet.

"And we haven't even gotten into the sports, yet…" Alexa shook her head with a small smile. "How many is Rowen in, now?"

I laughed lightly and started ticking them off on my fingers. "Archery, baseball, swimming, running, horseback riding, martial arts... On _top_ of being a TA and finishing his masters in _astrophysics_. AND tutoring Yuli!"

 _'...Wow. Guess I really_ did _hit the jackpot. Brains, looks,_ and _athleticism.'_

My sister shaking her head managed to yank me from the edge of some _very_ interesting daydreams. "You are going to have a _handful_ of a kid. Reminds me a bit of me, to be honest… I've told you I committed Magic School Bus and Bill Nye to memory, right? At something like three I was reciting the components of blood and their purposes."

The mere thought of that suggestion had me groaning and (carefully) flopping onto my back. "And I thought _one_ Rowen was sometimes difficult _enough_ …!"

She _smirked_. "I think it'll be the hair. If it's blue, good luck. If it's red, well… good luck. Cause from what Dad's said…"

That got a dry laugh; I could almost hear Dad complaining about my ginger ways, with that reminder. "So basically I'm damned to grey early no matter what?"

Chuckling through her nose, she agreed. "Sounds it. Although… we have genetics to look young for a while." My eyes followed her gaze, finding Sage toward the edge of the melee. He seemed to have just realized Alexa wasn't in the mix of combatants. "Wonder what my kids will be like…" She snorted. "If Sage and I are any indication, 'sick all the time' will be accurate."

Hearing the hint of bitter sadness in her voice, I sat up to wrap an arm over her shoulders and squeeze reassuringly. "They'll be just as wonderful and awesome as you two. Besides, with _Halo_ in their blood line, I think they'll do alright."

She didn't have an answer to that. My arm slid from her shoulders as the eight warriors finally came out of the water, dripping wet but in lifted spirits. Sage and Rowen showed slight concern on their faces as they both came to our sides and joined us on the ground. I had a moment to watch Sage loop an arm around my sister before Rowen's nose tickled my ear.

The involuntarily shiver I felt should _not_ have been so enticing.

"How's Touma?" he asked quietly, drawing back slightly and laying a hand gently on my stomach.

I turned my head to smile at his concern, aware of the others finding seats on various parts of the shoreline around us. "Just fine, _koibito_. Though we might need you to do some figuring and decide what's the longest I can risk staying here before his accelerated development might perplex the doctors."

He tilted his head at me, looking at me like I'd missed the most obvious step of a math problem but also being too damn cute for me to be mad about it. "Dawn and Halo could probably tell us."

Rowen's attention suddenly being drawn past me had my head swivelling to see that Sage had heard "Halo" and quickly redirected _his_ focus to our conversation. I had to giggle at the owl-like expression on his face. "Alexa and I had been talking about how time passes here, and if Touma would be overdeveloped for the time we left Earth if I stayed too long. Rowen was just saying we probably don't have to do any fancy calculations because Dawn and Halo could just keep track of it for us."

He nodded in understanding. "Once I know how far along he is presently, yes."

I smiled at that and waved vaguely in invitation. "You can check now, I guess."

I thought he might find a way to get around Alexa to reach me, since the two men were bookending my sister and I. Mister Conventional, however, did something very _un_ conventional—wrapping his arms around his fiancée, pulling her into his lap, and scooting closer so he could still reach me. I had to stifle laughter at the scene before I ended up making my abdomen even _more_ sore than it already was

Halo's familiar aura emanated from his hand, seeping through my muscles and releasing the aforementioned tension. I relaxed against Rowen as Halo poked at Touma. The little star that had become a familiar presence alongside Dawn perked up, giving the same sense of vitality as a physical kick in the womb. A grin stretched across my face that I couldn't suppress, staring down at Sage's hand in almost awe at the miracle of life.

He smiled softly at me, drawing his hand back a few moments later. "He's doing well. If he develops much farther, I'll let you know."

I returned the smile and snuggled against Rowen, enjoying the mild weather and peaceful air. Ryo, Cye, and Kento were having a spirited discussion closer to the water's edge, the former and latter sounding pretty passionately absorbed while Torrent tried to play referee. As usual. They were so involved they didn't hear the Warlords and Kayura _pop_ in from wherever they'd vanished to.

They returned carrying stacks of three bento boxes each, tied together with strips of cloth. Kayura had a thick blanket tucked under her arm—all the makings of a lakeside picnic.

Before the four of them could quite start walking toward us, though, Kento had abandoned the argument with Ryo and scrambled up to get first dibs.

"Damn, that guy's got a good nose," I commented, impressed.

Dais didn't even break stride as the food-bearing group walked toward us, simply dumping one trio of bento boxes into Kento's chest. Hardrock barely managed to catch and balance the stack, rather than dumping the precious cargo on the ground. I had to laugh at the spectacle.

A few minutes later, Kayura had the picnic blanket stretched out and all the boxes had been passed around. Rowen got another set of three to match Kento's appetite, and Alexa surprisingly was handed two by Cale without question.

Seeing me watch her open the first box, she blushed and ducked her head. "I'm never really anxious here, so I get hungry…" she murmured.

I smiled reassuringly, thinking of how much sense that made for why we didn't suspect anything abnormally wrong early on in the trial days. "That's great. Really. I was just surprised because I'm not used to seeing it…"

She seemed to accept that; Sage gently kissing her neck certainly helped, a small smile crossing her lips before focusing on her food. I grinned and shot Sage a wink before digging in, myself.

It didn't take long for me to notice there were few if any vegetables—and none of my most-hated, whatsoever. I shot Alexa a suspicious glance and pointed my chopsticks accusingly at her. "This is your handiwork."

Her laugh gave off the impression she'd been caught redhanded. "Iiiiii may or may not have told them various stories…"

"Five to ten times," Cale said casually, with an incriminating smirk at my sister.

She glared at him hardcore, although there was amusement in her eyes. "Oh shut up, I'm autistic."

Winter's expression didn't budge as he picked a mouthful of food from his bento box. "As you have said. Twenty to thirty times."

For a moment, she continued to hold the glare, but then exhaled and chuckled. She balanced another bite of sushi between her chopsticks, then muttered almost affectionately, "I don't know why I even bother with you…"

I almost spat my mouthful of rice out when Kayura deadpanned, "Because Dusk gives way to darkness, making you two cut from the same cloth."

Once I found my voice again, I quipped, "So does that mean Alexa bridges the gap between Sage and Cale?"

Cale responded just as nonchalantly as Kayura. "Considering recent events, I would say yes."

"If he is anything like her, then maybe the other _mashou_ should be more careful," Sage advised, the most subtle of smirks curving his lips.

"No, we have more to worry about from the others." Cale cast a meaningful Look at Kayura. She simply sat there with an 'I have no idea what you're talking about' expression of false obliviousness on her face.

"Is it just me, or are the Warlords acting like college kids?" Kento suddenly piped up.

"Have you forgotten they _are_ college kids?"

The intensity of the glares she received from the _mashou_ made me laugh even harder than Alexa's witty retort to Hardrock, although it was lost among the peals and howls of mirth from the other guys. Everyone's merriment rang through the tees and open meadow around us, causing the horses to lift their heads at us curiously before returning to their grazing.

For the first time in too long, things felt truly _peaceful_ again.

—/—

We returned to the palace, Sage and I retreating to my room, the Warlords giving me a subtle prompt to open up. I pushed them aside simply because I hated the reminder, but they understood I was going to. Sage walked with his arm around my shoulders, but the moment we were behind closed doors, he turned me to face him, hand on my cheek, worry creasing his brow.

I glanced towards the bed. "Let's… sit down, first."

He let me go and I crawled up in bed, him settling down beside me and wrapping me in his arms. I settled against his chest, hand turning into a fist in the fabric over his heart and the crest I'd gotten embroidered there.

He kissed my forehead. "I love you."

I swallowed, almost glad he had given me such an easy opening. "Would you still love me if I told you I probably would've…" I shut my eyes tight. "Killed myself had Tessa died?"

His breath hitched, hand sliding into my hair. "I would."

My voice got smaller, me curling into him. "Would you have wished you fell in love with somebody else?"

His lips met my hair. "Never."

"You're being disturbingly understanding about this," I muttered, depression turning to anger.

He took a deep breath, arms tightening around me. "I… would feel the same, if Rowen died. Especially if—" He swallowed, as if trying to make sure I was only talking in hypotheticals. I didn't— couldn't— blame him. "—If I had been in a place to save his life, even at the cost of my own."

"And I nearly died anyway." A sob escaped my throat. "Twice."

He tipped my chin up, shine in his eyes but voice unwavering. "Only because of your mother, and I cannot fault you for what you cannot control."

The concept almost broke me, internally. He must've seen it in my face, because his lips met mine before I could sob. _'You don't have to be in control all the time.'_

Tears pushed their way out. _'But_ losing _control made it I nearly jumped!'_

"She would've found you anyway," he murmured, forehead still against mine. "You did all you could to fight her."

Dusk practically screamed under the surface, pushing my voice to work. "Your love _wasn't enough_."

He tucked me against him again, head under his jaw. "Then maybe… we haven't been the best at loving each other, the past few months."

I swallowed, mostly at 'we'. I knew it was his own pain, triggers I had aggravated, moments I hadn't been there for him. He caught my mind before it could spiral down, picking my head up so I could look at his face, and the depth of compassion in his eyes. "We knew we would make mistakes, when we got together. All we can do is try."

I couldn't quite cast my eyes down, but I couldn't keep looking at the blue-violet, either. "Try to be in love, no matter how hard it is to hold onto…"

The bridge of his nose rested against my forehead. For the first time since this all started, I heard the edges of pain in his voice. "Do _you_ still love _me_?"

"Yes."

He kissed me so quickly I'd barely had time to inhale after speaking, rush of relief and passion dominating. Dusk soaked it up, Halo unwinding now that Sage knew for sure I still wanted him in my life. I gripped his shirt and tried to open up, trembling, practically, at being vulnerable again. I felt the matching trembling in his soul, making me yearn to comfort him the way he yearned to comfort me.

We had put up so many walls, trying to protect ourselves and protect the other, that all we had done was box ourselves into loneliness.

Being away from him had hurt so much.

Clothes came off in tandem to Dusk and Halo exploring each other again, his hands trying to find the places that made me calm in pleasure, my hands trying to hold him— scratching in desperation, practically. His lips, his body, his _skin_. I wanted all of it and sob-like breaths were the only way I could respond to it. His own breathing was haggard, teeth rough on my neck and his whole body pressing against mine in an attempt to feel my pulse at every point we touched. Halo and its bearer ached for knowledge they weren't evil, that they could be gentle, they could not hurt me— or hurt anyone, but me especially. Dusk, meanwhile, begged to stop hurting.

But there had been so much pain, neither of us knew how.

The only solution seemed to be pain from each other, nails digging into skin and teeth leaving marks that sometimes ended up bloody. Pain we could control. Pain we had established made us closer, reminded us we were loved. Both of us leaned on the side of hyposensitive, needing more stimulation to feel anything. To ease the crawling in our muscles and the sense of wrongness that drove us up the wall, until finally we felt alright. Until we finally believed this touch was real, we were safe, we were loved.

I didn't know how long we stayed lost in each other, but by the time we parted, tears had once again slipped past my lashes. A drop of water landed on my cheek as Sage shifted to kiss my raw lips, drinking me in as much as I absorbed him.

"If we ever get like this again," I murmured, fingers brushing away his tears. "We should probably go to our siblings, first."

He let out a breathy laugh before settling against my shoulder again, forehead pressed against my neck and leaving damp lines where his tears spilled over. "So long as we haven't hurt them, too…"

I played with his hair, thinking back to this morning. "I think it's safe to say Rowen forgives you."

He squeezed me. "And Tessa forgives you."

I swallowed. "And I forgive you."

It took him a moment to register, his hand pausing along my side. "And I forgive you."

Now it was my turn to pick his head up to look at me. "Do you mean that?"

He turned so we were on our sides, arms wrapping around me. "I watched you _willingly_ give up your freedom to save us, and through every other emotion all I wanted was you to return. I can most certainly forgive for something you could not control."

I blinked and stared at him, dread knotting in my stomach. "I never asked if you forgave me for that because I didn't want to know the answer…"

He sighed and kissed my forehead. "I still love you, even if I am— to this day— angry at you for that."

It was difficult not to cower under the possibility of _his_ anger; the only thing that prevented me being how he could hold both emotions at once.

He stroked my hair. "That act was everything I love about you, even if it hurt me. If anything—" his hand paused midway down my back upon realizing he'd skated on skin uninterrupted. He didn't reach fabric until my hip, both of us in exactly the same amount of clothing. "Tōgei…"

His tone spoke of confusion, him unsure if he should apologize for taking off more than he normally did in the heat of the moment. I smiled and rested my forehead against his. "I'm alright with it…"

"Are you sure?" At my nod, he swallowed. "May I…?"

The word 'look' hung in the air, and now it was my turn to be unsure. "The scar…"

"I don't care about it," he said softly, cradling me. He had shifted oh so slightly, making it easier to roll on my back if I so chose.

After a few more moments of hesitation, I did just that. His hand skated over my side, following the outline of my body from breast to the slight dip under my ribs that had improved so drastically over the years, finally down to my hips curving out from a waist I had trouble convincing myself was still narrow, some days. He didn't have bones to skip over any more, but another imperfection had replaced it.

"I wish you'd seen me like this, before…" I trailed off to let out a breath as his hands slid back up, this time over my front. "The…"

He brought his thumb to my lips, waiting until I was looking at him before moving it away. His smile could only be genuine, gleam in his eyes too deep to be a simple mask. "Scars will not change how I see you. Especially not one received when you saved someone else." He looked down at my body again, tracing out the weight I'd gained with his eyes. "And especially not after seeing your body change as you fought a battle just as valiantly as you protected your sister. You have already been marked by a different war you continue to win."

A lump formed in my throat, every stretch mark I had gained passing behind closed eyelids. "I hate them all."

His lips found the ones on my chest, hands sliding down to stroke others on the outsides of my hips and thighs. A moment later, he held my waist and kissed the exact middle of my scar. My fingers tangled in his hair, but I didn't know if it was to rip him away or press him closer.

Regardless, I was crying by the time he pulled back. Sage simply wrapped his arms around me again and returned us to our sides, tucking me against his shoulder. I clawed at his chest, hand almost subconsciously following the self harming motion that doubled as a stim. "It's a permanent reminder I hurt you. And her. And everyone."

He kissed my jaw. "It's also a permanent reminder you saved two lives."

I scrunched my eyes shut, every sensation of that moment returning in a flood. Halo caught me before everything went dark, feelings too clear to not be words. _'Please don't leave me.'_

Looking at him was potentially a mistake. The concern in his features, the pain of not having protected me well enough, the relief when I had woken up and that I was still alive. I could barely form my lips around the words. "I don't know if I _can_."

We looked at each other for awhile, his forehead against mine, one of my hands on his neck. I took a shuddering breath, gathering every ounce of my courage around the words, "Would you hate me if I ever covered it up?"

Mixtapes about dependence didn't have a chance to start before his reply. "No. Never."

A shuddering breath turned into a sob. Thoughts wondering if he would hate me for not appreciating the healing, the extraordinarily neat scar that had been made with so much care despite the emergency, finally quieted. Despite him having controlled my body for far too long to keep me alive, the final choice was still mine.

He stroked my hair, nails running against my scalp. "Take care of your pain the way you need to. Whatever form that takes." His other hand found the scar on my back, massaging it. "I'll be right beside you."

I pressed into his body and _cried_ , finally facing how proud I had been my skin was free of scars and other marks. I used to only have two chicken pox scars on my stomach, none from a knife, none from something that said _you got hurt_. I had never self harmed with blades and while I never faulted those who developed the addiction, part of me had been glad I'd never been one of them. I couldn't quite break the fact this scar was from a knife away from those thoughts, my own biases coming to the surface.

Scarred. Broken. Worthless.

 _'Tōgei, kintsugi.'_

A knot deep in my chest shattered, Dusk uncoiling and hesitantly settling into my spirit again, sobs turning primal as I clung to my fiancé.

He cradled me, having gone from bites so hard they left bruises to kissing me so softly all I could do was shiver. _'I love how you have healed. Every act of selflessness simply makes me love you more.'_

More damn tears. I hated catharsis sometimes, no matter how _relieved_ I was at his words.

"Sometimes I think you're a warrior stronger than all of us," he murmured. "You've not only saved us, but you've done it all battling your own mind."

"You've saved me just as much," I replied. "Maybe more, now."

His smile was in his voice. "I haven't told you all the ways you've saved me."

I paused against him, not even breathing. I couldn't tell if it was out of fear, or out of awe.

"For all Rowen and I saved each other," he began. "You… have given me a new dimension to life I could not have even imagined. Rowen was— and still is— my light in the darkness, the arrow that guides me back to the others. Ever since he sent a beacon to us, when we were captured… Halo has trusted Strata beyond all measure. But you and Dusk made it… that the darkness does not have power over me, most days. I have nothing to fear with you both, but for different reasons. With Rowen, I can always find my way home. With you, I am home, almost no matter how far away I am from it. And I need you both. I will always need you both."

I nodded, snuggling up closer. "That's… how I feel about you and Tessa."

He kissed my forehead. "I don't know how I found you."

I could not resist the opening he gave me. "Well, technically, it was four years ago when I got kidnapped and I brushed your consciousness during meditation because I was reaching out to Tessa subconsciously…"

He laughed, sound _unburdened_ for once. His lips met mine in a firm kiss. "Then you nearly launched yourself on me until she told you it was safe."

"Mmhmm." I tipped my forehead against his. "I'm glad I trusted you."

He tried to swallow down a smirk. "You know I have no answer to that except saying I'm glad you were kidnapped."

I tipped my head down, looking up at him through my lashes. "If it was the only way I could've met you— all of you… I'd do it all again in a heartbeat."

That made him pause, hand sliding to my jaw. "You'd do it all again for me?"

I nodded.

He kissed me slowly and deeply, pulling my body against him and about to roll me onto my back again before a telepathic poke from Tessa and Rowen— her for me, Rowen for Sage— had us parting.

 _'The Warlords want to tell us some stuff,'_ they said. _'Once you're feeling better.'_

The teasing-yet-relieved undertone of _'you already seem to be'_ was the only addition they needed for us to shove them away with the empathetic equivalent of 'we're coming.'

Sage looked down at me and chuckled. "Before we leave, I think you need Halo…"

I groaned. "How bad…?"

He picked his head up. "Is there a mirror…?"

The motion drew my eyes to his neck and chest. "You might want it, yourself… and that's not counting your back."

He paused and shifted his shoulder before dropping his head down. "I think your hands have gotten stronger…"

Now it was my turn to laugh. "Wouldn't put it past myself. And there's a mirror over here…"

My throat and collarbone— even the tops of my breasts— were thoroughly dotted in various shades of purple and red, Sage having only gotten off slightly lighter and me having made up for it with scrapes and nail impressions across his back.

Sage lifted me up and kissed the side of my neck, Halo spreading along the bruises. I laughed at his playful nip of my jaw once he was done. "Healing them almost makes me want to give you more."

I smiled and leaned back so I could look at his face. "I find it funny everyone else assumed we were making out when alone, and eventually we proved them right."

He laughed. "So long as you're comfortable."

I nodded, forehead tipping against his. He snuck a kiss before putting me down, Halo's powers under my hands sliding down his chest. I raised an eyebrow. "Going to leave your back?"

He grabbed a spare jinbei that had mysteriously appeared in the room, twinkle in his eye as my answer.

I got dressed, him unable to resist helping. I barely had to move two steps as he got all my clothing out of the drawers, him holding my robe out for me once I got my bra and pants on. I was about to take it when he held it up for me to get my arms in the sleeves. I should have known, by now, that's why he stayed so close. I shrugged the jinbei on and tied it, noticing the Warlords had made sure we were in complimentary outfits. At least they remembered our favourite colours.

Grabbing Dusk to put in my pocket made me pause. The colour was back to deep, solid amethyst, not a trace of the grey I'd grown so accustomed to since it had faded all of two weeks ago. Sage's hand snaked under mine to cradle it, his lips meeting my temple. "Welcome back."

I smiled at its brightening in response to Halo, something it hadn't done in a week. "I was still… hiding too much. For it to come back."

Sage pulled out Halo, light once again swirling under its surface and turning the orb into emerald green water. It hadn't done that since he'd returned. It still felt weak, the colour barely grey-tinged, but it was far stronger than it had been. "It appears I was, too…"

I closed my fist around my armour, turning in his arms to kiss him properly. "It's like I missed you so much, I didn't even realize you were back."

He held me close. "In a sense, we weren't." He kissed my neck. "We weren't vulnerable."

I could only acknowledge the point, too relieved at feeling Dusk's power again after so long boxed in. It was exactly what she had wanted, in a sense— isolate and confine so I would forget what love even felt like. The warmth blooming in my chest made it I remembered.

 _'I'm still sorry I forgot how to be open…'_

He stroked my hair. _'No need to apologize. We all do, sometimes.'_ His lips rested against my forehead. _'I did, too.'_

After the emotions passed— I didn't know which ones they were, I didn't feel like naming them— we finally parted and made it to the dining area. More food was spread out, Kento and Rowen helping themselves. I parked myself down and did the same, momentarily able to ignore why we were here. Something about the air in this place made me hungry, but I always forgot to ask the Warlords if they _did_ anything to it to generate that reaction.

Thankfully, Dais waited until I was half through my plate before speaking. "We are having an extraordinarily difficult time tracking the girls' mother in the youjakai."

Everyone glanced amongst themselves, dread and nerves thick in the armours. I couldn't say I was surprised, but surprise and dread were two completely different emotions and the latter formed a knot in my stomach. At least I didn't want to throw up.

Kayura continued. "We have a general sense of her, but she is extraordinarily adept. Her powers differ from Talpa's, rendering us less effective."

I snorted. "If you gave me all of ten minutes…"

My reply was an immediate and very firm "No." Cale leveled an ice cold look at me, not for intimidation purposes but out of protectiveness. It was slightly less triggering than if it was anger, and Winter made it clear this was not. Still, I felt myself sliding into my equally cold mask.

Dais continued, slightly softer. "Right now, _your_ movements are just as veiled as hers. You sensing her would open us for attack."

That sounded like a brilliant plan. "And we had to lay a trap last time otherwise she'd get the upper hand first…"

Cye shook his head, just as protective as the Warlords. "And the last time, you had spent the past month recovering your strength. As of now, you're still adjusting to a blood transfusion and a near drowning. As good as you feel now, you are still fragile."

I leaned my elbow on the table, feeling my own terrier like tendencies coming to the forefront. I wanted this done, and I wanted this done _now_. "Do you want a list of things I've done when I feel worse?"

Cye's words maintained the same level of stubbornness, still gentle, but his position hadn't changed. "None of us doubt you. We would simply rather you not tax yourself farther than you have to, especially with what you've recently been through."

"We can all work together on a plan," my sister said softly, placing a hand on my arm. Her encouraging smile had the same effect as Cale's reassurance, but this one disarmed me instead of making it I was ready to cut everyone down. When I didn't say anything, she continued, "Mom probably already knows we're here, anyway, if she has as much influence as I'm getting the impression you're implying."

Dais _smirked_ , corner of his eye crinkling with the motion. "Knowing you are here and being able to _find_ you are two very different things, as I'm sure Rekka and Tenku could tell you."

She attempted to clarify. "...I meant _here_ -here. Like, the palace. Where _else_ would we go, after all?"

Rowen wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "We knew the guys were being held here— we could sense them, and sorta hear them— but it felt like it took days to get to them."

"It did," Sekhmet said with a sip of his tea. "As easy as we navigate this palace if it likes you, it can become a maze if the desire to hide is strong enough. And the last thing Talpa wanted was for you to find your friends."

Ryo crossed his arms and snorted. "Never thought we'd be _grateful_ for that."

Hardrock reached out to Ryo first, the others not far behind. Poking old, raw wounds never did well for Ryo in particular. While Rowen, Sage and I tended to shut down, Ryo was far more likely to blow up if he didn't get reassurance soon.

"Well, what if we tried to lure her to us by going out and dropping the mask on our signatures?" Tessa suggested. "If, uh, there is such a thing…"

Before Kento could open his mouth to volunteer, Dais filled the silence. "It's possible, but as Suiko has already said, now is not a good time for Kure's health."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, rubbing it once pressure was applied. I could sometimes sway three against one. I could sometimes go around six against one. There was no way in hell I was doing anything with ten against one. "And when will we be able to _do anything_."

"To be safe," Cye said, "at least a month. Then you'll no longer be at risk for a blood rejection, which, if I'm honest, you're already showing signs of. If we're not careful, your weakness could turn into something much worse. All we can do is manage symptoms until your body clears out the donor blood on its own. We couldn't test as thoroughly as we should have, given the circumstances— you could've reacted to either blood type."

I knew the addition was to absolve Rowen and Ryo of any guilt, Cye taking the responsibility on himself. I sighed. "So basically no pushing myself and lots of antivenom?"

Halo sent out the smallest poke to Torrent, resulting in Cye shaking his head. "And _you're_ too tired to do the level of healing required to effectively _change blood type_. I'm sorry, Sage, but there's nothing any of us can do but wait it out."

My sister looked at the Warlords. "Is there anything we can do in the meantime?"

Kayura shook her head. "Hardly. Past wishing to stay hidden, it is safer if you do nothing."

Sekhmet put his teacup down, puzzling over the earlier discussion and her unintentional double meaning. He seemed to be sensitive to the sheer amount of guilt from the others— Rowen and Ryo for donating something I was now rejecting, Cye for not thoroughly testing in an emergency, Sage for being unable to stop me from needing a transfusion in the first place, and Kento solely because the others were so wrapped up in themselves. "With a sample of the issue, I could formulate an antivenom that would effectively destroy the rejected blood and take its place, until Kure could generate the missing blood herself."

I swallowed. Hard. I had a bad feeling I knew where this was going. "Another IV…?"

Cye and Sekhmet looked between each other, what appeared to be a dialogue between them. I could practically see Cye's trepidation around Autumn ease in the few moments they communed. Sekhmet trusted Cye to speak, voice softer than any of the Warlords on a good day, let alone such a touchy topic. "I'm afraid that's the most effective way of solving the problem."

Dais and Sage spoke in unison, trying to stem off my panic. "You won't feel it."

Tessa put an arm around my shoulders. "And I'll be right there, too."

Sage kissed my hairline. "As will I."

My hand fisted on the fabric over my leg, quickly moving to the fabric over hers. Tears threatened to push their way out, too many memories of rubber bands around my forearm sending so much pain into worn down nerves I would sometimes throw up, needles too large I couldn't move my arm or wrist or hand without feeling them, bruises. Liquid drawn out of my veins and pushed in and _so much pain_.

Being free of this weakness. Of these chills and fever and stomach cramps.

I really only had one choice.

"Okay."


	22. Chapter 22

I find it fitting we're going to start posting twice a week on Ryo's birthday. Happy birthday, Ryo! You're the big ol' 42, now! LOL Nah, just kidding. Y'all are 14/15/17 forever, right boys? :P

 **Warnings:** Needles

* * *

 _Chapter 22_

My sister studied her arm quietly, rubbing the spot where Sekhmet had nicked the vein rather than inserting a needle to draw blood. After healing the minor puncture, Sage had excused himself to go talk to Rowen; now it was just Alexa and me curled up on the nest couch in her room. And I recognized the troubled air in her expression.

"Talk to me, sis."

As soft as my words were, she still swallowed anxiously. "It's like I'm erasing everything that happened."

I looped my arm around her comfortingly, tugging a bit at the weighted blanket draped over her shoulders with my fingers. Dawn remained quiet and open, waiting for but not pressuring an answer.

"I want to cover up the scars," she murmured.

Tilting my head against hers, I replied in kind. "There's nothing inherently wrong in that."

Tension in her body told me she had scrunched her eyes shut. "Everything in my head tells me there is."

My had lifted to run over her hair. "Everyone responds to trauma differently. What helps you cope with it is no less valid than what someone else might do."

Her voice turned acidic with bitterness. "I was supposed to learn to live with everything or it would happen again until I learned my lesson."

I wrapped both arms around her comfortingly. "Some things are not meant to be lived with in the form they first show up. There's a reason the body heals after trauma; if it didn't, we wouldn't survive day one of life."

She curled her hands around my wrists tightly. "I should learn to be proud of the scar and accept it's there and remember all the good that came out of it and right now I feel sick when I look at my stomach." Voice quieting, she added, "More than normal, anyway…"

One hand returned her grasp, thumb brushing along her wrist. "It's okay to grieve, sis. There are two sides to coins and silver linings on thunderclouds for a reason."

Her sniffle sounded suspiciously like a sob. "A stomach tattoo would hurt so much especially over a scar but then it'd be gone."

My arms squeezed to hug her close. "I'll be with you, if you need me."

"How would we say why it happened?"

My dry smile was nonetheless trademark bratty me. "Gang fight. Dude had a HUGE knife." More and more likely possibilities came to mind. "Or maybe you accidentally ran into something big and sharp. Like a tractor spike. Or maybe it's just a surgical scar that didn't heal well." I shrugged. "We'll come up with something…"

She squeezed my hands trepidatiously. "For back and front, and how they mysteriously _line up_ …"

The horrified undertone in her voice said it was only now sinking in just _how_ far the sword had pierced; my stomach churned a little at the memory, now that I had some distance from which to dissect the images in my mind. I squeezed her back, not entirely sure it wasn't for me as much as for her. "Surgery has to line up or else things don't work like they're supposed to. So…"

A warm droplet dampened my arm, the first of her tears. "And here I might as well be going under anesthetic…"

I gently rubbed her arm with my somewhat-more-free hand, hoping I could encourage her emotions. Half hoping I was hitting the mark on what the root of her fear was, but half fishing for an answer, I said, "You'll be conscious, if you want to be. It...shouldn't take a lot, really. Local anesthetics are used all the time." Smiling softly, I tried to continue reassuring her. "You can always ask Cye any questions you need to to feel comfortable with all of it."

She shook her head, Dusk trying to hide from the thought of needles and all related medical paraphernalia. "I don't want to feel it. I don't want to see it."

So the needles _were_ the root of the issue. "Then you won't," I said firmly.

Alexa twisted to face me, arms circling my torso and face pressed against my chest. "Sage's already put so much energy into me and here he's got to put in more…"

I pulled her as close as I could, shaking my head. "We don't see this as a burden. We love you and want to see you healthy and whole. It...hurts, to see you suffering… But we wouldn't be your friends and family if it didn't."

She tightened her grip, also shaking her head with a sniffly snort. "Says a lot about mom… She always _said_ it did but the minute I got better… then of course blaming me for purposely getting sick just for attention…"

My hand smoothed up and down her back, pressing firmly for increased sensory input through the weighted blanket. "I'm in for the long haul. And so is Sage," I said, thinking of their engagement and almost smiling.

Her chuckle was still rimmed with tears. "He's already said to do what I need to, to feel better about myself…"

I couldn't resist the tease. (Plus, if she felt better she would laugh. If not…) "Then I guess that's settled. Tattoo it is."

Frustration bled back into her demeanor. "I don't know if it'll _help_."

 _'Ohkay…'_ I exhaled, squeezing her to let her know I didn't take offense to her change in emotions. "That's okay. You can take all the time you need to figure it out," I said gently.

"I was _just_ starting to like my stomach and now…"

Rising pitch and increased anger at herself were never good signs. Dusk filled in the blanks where she trailed off, of how she now felt marred and that it would show every time she looked at a part of her body with which she already had a rocky relationship. Even further below that, tucked beneath thoughts that she shouldn't have so much trouble understanding the noble sacrifice behind the "imperfection", was self-hatred for her own emotions.

Emotions that were contrary to how she "should" feel.

I let her rest, body pressed close to mine and a hand continuously rubbing her back. Dawn opened up like the sun on a new day, allowing Dusk the space she needed if she wanted to cry, mourn, scream, or do any combination of the three. The armor light caught the small shadow of doubt cast in the middle of a mental minefield, the one that told my sister I might hate her for not being able to see why the scar symbolized good rather than pain.

 _"Scars are proof of life"_ crossed my mind, along with a sense of permission for her to grieve what could and would have been without the events which changed her body.

She finally found words for why she was struggling with this particular topic. "I want to cover up saving your life."

I hadn't yet thought of it that way. It hadn't even occurred to me; my head tilted to one side as I considered the words to voice how _I_ felt about it. Slowly, I explained, "Not...exactly? We don't _have_ to look at it that way." I smiled, hoping the encouragement would draw her from the self-imposed shell a little bit. "If anything it would be _memorializing_ it…?"

Swallowing, she dared to say, "I… had maybe… thought the Hylian Shield…"

My smile widened a bit. "That sounds perfect. Maybe with the Master Sword behind it…?" The brightness in my tone implied that the addition would clearly mirror the relationship between Dawn and Dusk, for how the shield covered the sword but the sword always looked out for the shield's vulnerabilities.

She curled up into my side, very much seeking comfort. "It would cover any pieces of the scar that poked out, too, meaning the shield could be a little smaller…" I could hear tears in her words, again. "This is going to hurt so much…"

Whether she was referring to the future tattoo or the soon-to-occur antivenom infusion, neither of us could be sure. My answer didn't change, regardless. "I'll be right there with you. Dawn and Dusk can help monitor the pain at least a little bit," I murmured, running my hand over her hair repeatedly.

She sniffled. "I don't know how long it'll last…"

Dusk whined like a scared puppy, echoing Alexa's fear of the transfusion—especially any side-effects. "You're gonna be okay," I soothed. "Sage is here if anything major happens, and so is Cye. I'm not leaving."

A few moments of shifting our positions a bit had the weighted blanket wrapped around me, too, so our bodies were closer together. "It'll mean going under an illusion with me."

I offered her a reassuring smile. "If it means you'll be safe—of course."

That finally broke the dam, tears spilling down her cheeks as she buried her face against my chest and sobbed. Relief across the armor connection told me she'd been terrified of the idea being rejected, of not having a say about her own body. It had been that way for so long, even now she was still struggling with that mentality, her mind trying to bend around the concept and only just maybe accepting it—at least in this instance.

Long minutes passed; Alexa's tears slowly subsided as I held her close, humming tunelessly and running my hand along her hair. By the time Sekhmet returned with the antivenom solution, I was wiping the last of the moisture from her face.

He waited patiently until my sister lifted her head to acknowledge him. More gently than I'd ever heard him, he said, "The antivenom is ready, for whenever you wish to begin treatment."

A shiver of fear quivered down her spine. _"What's going to happen to me?"_

Sekhmet didn't answer, so I guessed I only caught her thought by proximity and the bond with Balance. To be able to soothe her, I asked the _mashou_ , "Do you have any idea how it'll work?"

His voice didn't change from the same low, melodic tone. "As far as Cye and I know, this will expedite her body's natural healing process, promoting death of the dangerous cells so her immune system can destroy them. The antivenom itself will replace the blood volume lost, as her body works to produce the necessary components." He almost looked as if he would stop at that, but reconsidered the notion when he remembered this was Alexa he was talking about. "It will likely produce the feelings of a severe flu."

I turned my attention to her, silently asking how she felt about that and what else she might need to know. Her grip tightened around me, too many unpleasantly familiar factors weighing on her mind. Seeming to sense her downward spiral, Sekhmet withdrew another vial from his robe and knelt down to offer it to her.

She seemed to know exactly what it was, since she almost snatched it from his hand and downed it as Dais and Sage quietly stepped through the door. Her fiancé was at her side a moment later. "When do you want to go to sleep?" he murmured.

Her response was a squeaked, "Now…"

"The illusion will begin once you're settled," Dais said.

She nodded. Sage reached out and gently brushed the hair from her face, fingers smoothing along her forehead as Halo went to work. The glow disappeared, and he pressed a kiss to where his fingers had been as she fell asleep.

I trailed behind him anxiously as he lifted her in his arms and moved to the bed, uncertain where I would end up in the arrangements. The door sliding open garnered a brief glance—Cye had entered; Dais moved to intercept him before he could start the procedure—but Sage's hand on my shoulder drew my attention back. He was waiting, I realized after his unspoken armor prompt, giving me the opportunity to take what would otherwise have been his spot on the mattress beside my sister.

"She won't even be aware she is under a spell," Dais began to explain as he and Cye flanked the bed. "As far as she knows, she'll be back at the lake enjoying herself, while her body goes through treatment. I can put you under the same illusion, or you can be aware of all that's happening."

Sage, now sitting behind me, answered first while I made sense of Summer's words. "I would rather be under, but I'd like to remember it's an illusion."

That made my decision for me, then...if my idea was even possible. But Alexa would want one of us at least partially awake to be aware of what went on. "I...should probably stay above the surface, a bit, then."

Dais eyed me curiously, though his voice was gentle. "What do you mean?"

I couldn't keep looking directly at him, with the words in my head that I hoped wouldn't be insulting to their friendship with my twin. "She'd want me in the illusion, but she...might also want someone to watch her back? Metaphorically speaking..."

To my relief, he simply contemplated it for a few moments. "I can make it so when you close your eyes, you're with her, and when you open them, you are in this room. She will not notice a difference."

A small smile curved my lip. "Thank you…"

I could have sworn I saw a small hint of a return smile-smirk, but he'd looked away and nodded at Cye before I could look too closely. White flashed behind my eyes, which I instinctively closed; when I could see again, I found myself standing back on the banks of the lake where we'd picnicked. To my surprise, all five Ronin were there, but I couldn't feel their signatures—just Halo and Dusk.

Summer, however, was almost everywhere. It clicked in my head what was up as "Rowen" approached Sage and I.

"She'd find it odd if it was just you two."

I followed Dais-Rowen's gaze to Alexa, sleeping peacefully nestled against Sage's side. Something in the illusion changed at that moment, an indescribable sensation that I perceived almost physically, but nothing in the visual realm actually _changed_.

"Whoa…" I glanced around inquisitively, "This is...different."

Different. Adjective. "Feeling space and time bend around you so you don't know what's real anymore."

It was almost overwhelmingly unnerving. To reassure myself, I peeled one eyelid open, and the world went back to normal—darkness behind the closed eyelid, Cye in view of my other eye as he expertly wiped the inner curve of her elbow with a cloth I assumed from experience was doused in rubbing alcohol.

I closed my eye again, and the lake-world returned. Alexa was just "waking up", arms stretching down and back curving with the full-body motion. Sage was laughing softly at her cat-like mewls of pleasure, sounds and feelings I could relate to from waking up exactly the same way. "Have a good nap?" he half-teased.

She nodded and surveyed the gathered Ronin assembly. "It's nice to have all of you here."

Sage cleverly stole a kiss. "It's nice to be here."

The next indeterminate time—initiated with Kento's trademark whoop and holler and diving into the lake—was spent just like the day before had been. This time, though, hardly anything held Alexa back. In this illusion, she was as free as any of us to run and swim, with only the shortness of breath that came from lactic acid and fun.

Whenever I could feel the illusion thicken, I'd take a moment to find a quiet spot and open one eye again. Cye sat vigil the whole time, Summer present but not within eyeshot. Finding my sister sweating and shaking the second time, I squeezed her comfortingly and wiped the moisture from her brow before rejoining the illusion.

I lost count of how many times I checked in on the real world before "Cye" walked over to Alexa in the dream-world. We'd all sprawled out at various intervals along the shore, soaking up the peaceful atmosphere as we dried off. He knelt in front of her and Sage, Dais perfectly mimicking Torrent's kind mannerisms. "Do you want to go back to the palace?"

She nodded, quietly adding, "I'm getting tired…"

Almost immediately, the scene vanished. Confused, I blinked and brought the real world back into focus.

A groan and the body in front of me shifting drew my attention to Alexa, noting the bandage on her arm and dark spots on her robe. Recognizing just how much sensory hell she was about to be in, I gestured to Dais for him to retrieve a change of clothes

Once she was a tad more conscious, she murmured, "It's done?"

Cye nodded. "The infusion itself is. You might feel sick for twenty four hours, as it continues to work."

I could tell when she noticed how sticky with sweat she was, because she immediately attempted to (weakly) detangle from myself and Sage. We both sat up, myself scooting out of the way so Sage could assist by lifting her off the bed while Cye removed the damp sheets. Dais reappeared as she asked me, "Was it really you, there…?"

Sage answered, after delicately dropping a kiss on her nose. "Tessa and I were with you the whole time."

I nodded to verify. While that mollified her, she still shifted uncomfortably in her fiancé's arms. "I wish I could wash all this sweat off."

Mission accepted. I turned to the two Warlords present. "Is there someplace to bathe?"

A nod from Sekhmet. "There is an enclosed spring nearby."

Her voice was incredibly quiet with self-consciousness. "I don't think I can walk there…"

"I can carry you," Sage assured her, touching his nose to hers.

"It'll be good to get away, for a little," Cye agreed. "Give the mattress time to dry."

I followed Sage out the door as Sekhmet lead the way to the spring. He hadn't been kidding—it certainly was nearby, only a few turns to the ornately-styled door. Kayura must have been filled in as the procedure went on, because she was already there to meet us. "Tessa and I can take it from here, Kourin."

A very odd sound somewhere between clearing one's throat and a loud cough came out of my sister. I eyed her worriedly for a moment, only to notice the bright red flush to her cheeks and Sage conveniently looking away. Raising an eyebrow, I leaned around him just enough to catch the faintest hint of pink across his nose.

My eyebrow shot even higher as my intel brain put two and two together. Rather than say anything, however, I simply smirked at Alexa and shook my head.

 _"Brat,"_ I teased good-naturedly.

While I wasn't going to assume anything, I could still infer that _something_ otherwise termed "naughty" went down, for _Sage_ to be okay with this. Despite my giving off the sense that she didn't have to tell me anything, she still clarified, _"It wasn't_ everything _. Just… everything except panties…"_

I just _smirked_ , one hundred percent Getting It. I was, after all, married ( _and_ pregnant); besides that, I'd have been lying if I didn't admit to a _little_ bit of premarital exploration with Rowen. _"If I didn't know we were twins earlier…"_

She physically swallowed down a smirk, which nevertheless came across loud and clear from Dusk. _"Oh I know. Brat."_

Kayura's look of impatience had me stuffing down what otherwise would have been a _very_ loud laugh. Sage carefully set Alexa on her feet again, being entirely sure there was no risk of her falling before allowing the Ancient's successor to take over. He kissed her forehead again as Rowen conveniently appeared around the corner. "I'll be right here to carry you back."

The Warlords had already poofed away, Sage followed Rowen out of sight, and only us three ladies remained to go on a spa trip, _youjakai_ -style.

—~—

Sage relaxed seeing Rowen come around the corner to keep him company. Both of them had taken on more, with both of their loves weakened by their health, and the shared experience had been necessary to reveal. Especially how their insistence on doing things alone had lead to worse outcomes than had they not felt the need to be so protective. But in the process both men had lost their greatest strength— relying on each other. They had been trying to take care of the other so much, trying to prove to the other that they were alright, that they had closed off. Speaking to him while Sekhmet prepared the antivenom had been a release, much like he had already done with Tōgei. An acknowledgement there was next to nothing to repair had done wonders for his mood.

Something about their previous conversation had nagged at him, however, but it had taken him hours to figure out how to say it. The knowledge Rowen forgave him for actions he hadn't been able to control was a relief, but it was tempered by how _willing_ he'd been to throw away his own safety to protect Tōgei. And it was only after speaking with her that he could finally express what, exactly, bothered him about the sacrifice.

Once they were out of earshot, sitting in a lounge that looked suspiciously like a game room, if the chessboard now between them was any indication, he simply stated, "It hurt me just as much to take you."

Rowen picked up a queen— black, like Dusk's darkness, the barest hints of purple where it met the light— and replied softly, "Sometimes one must sacrifice a knight to gain a queen."

Sage's voice roughened on its own accord, thinking back to waking up and knowing Rowen had been there with him, coupled with the gut twisting realization he had done it. The faintest traces of memory were the only clues he had to _how much_ he had fought, whispers about how Michael had needed more people for his mission and Sage resisting with everything he had. But it hadn't been enough.

"That does not mean the knight is not missed."

Rowen gave a sympathetic smile, picking up the knight. "The knight's value doesn't change because of capture. If anything, he serves his intended role." He put the pieces down, eyes remaining on the board in thought. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Seiji. If forced to choose between Alexa or Tessa, and ourselves…"

The thought of Rowen's sole purpose being capture churned his stomach. His brother was so much more than that, more than a mere knight no matter how much he'd served that role during the war, and again all of two weeks ago. Once more, it took too long for words to adhere themselves to what he felt. "I don't want to belittle your importance to me, even though I agree with you. I— had been talking to her, earlier. And I told _her_ how much you meant to me. But I realized I've never told you…"

He reached over and rested a hand on Sage's knee, daring to meet his unobstructed gaze. "It's okay. Even telling me now, sometimes there are just things that don't have or need words. I'm a genius, and sometimes I can't even find the words in _any_ language to convey meaning with that much depth."

Rowen's teasing poke at himself brought a smile to Sage's lips. "Ever since your arrow found us, in this very palace— Kourin has trusted Tenku to bring me home."

He returned the expression. "Without your call and direction, I don't think it could have. The armors are drawn to one another instinctually." His hand on Sage's knee tightened in a reassuring squeeze. "That will never change, brother."

Again, shifting attention to him, and again, Sage felt a new ripple of agony about his actions, from a shockwave about guiding the others to a tsunami of hatred at how Rowen had needed to protect her… from himself. While he had been forgiven for his actions, that didn't mean he had come to terms with them. Sage looked down, swallowing a lump in his throat. "I can never repay you, for…"

Rowen shook his head. "There is no debt to repay. If anything, I've repaid a debt owed to you. I don't know where any of us would be right now without your grace."

Sage's voice quieted, unable to keep a level tone at any louder volume. "And she would be dead without your protectiveness…"

His tone became fierce in reply, firmness to his enunciation that demanded listening to. "But she's not. She's here and whole." Rowen once again squeezed Sage's knee and held his gaze. "You don't need to fear the past. Not anymore. We're all here to support you—both of you."

The completely missed mark made Sage snort. "That was supposed to be about you. Don't make it about me."

Rowen gave a lopsided grin, one Tessa had talked about extensively. "What can I say? It's in our culture."

The teasing helped ease Sage's mood, but this conversation still wasn't unseating the knot of tension in his chest. Rowen released his knee and leaned back in his chair, studying the board as if he were imagining a whole grandmaster game. Silence stretched on while they thought, Sage trying a new tactic. "I don't want you to think you were just a knight." He picked up a light bishop, the faintest trace of green in it— he wondered just how much influence his fiancée _had_ over this place— and turned it over. "If anything, I was the knight, you were the chessmaster organizing it all."

Speaking in TV Tropes was a habit he'd picked up from _both_ the girls; he had to admit, the verbal shorthand was a godsend whenever he struggled for words.

A realization struck Sage. "You guessed, didn't you. That she would die."

Rowen took a moment to study him, contemplating an answer. "At the time...no. I knew you would have hated and blamed yourself if I let you take her. But it wasn't until after they were taken, when we were almost to the warehouse…"

Sage only had it in him to murmur, "You know me too well."

Over a decade of friendship meant Rowen was very well acquainted with those feelings of Sage's, the self blame that had earned him Kourin but more often than not went too far, not allowing him to see that other people were players and sometimes he wasn't at fault. He simply stood to stand beside Sage, hand on his shoulder in comfort.

Absorbing the compassion did Sage some good. It drew his mind off one track, but it was more than willing to pick up a new one. "I can't believe she forgives me."

Rowen knelt down to look at his face. "Things happen that we're not in control of, sometimes—and at certain times more often than others. She can forgive you because she knows it wasn't _your_ heart in the actions. You were manipulated. _Both_ of us were."

Having heard that twice, now, he was able to find the accuracy in it. He hadn't quite hit the point of acceptance yet, but it was enough he could at least temporarily stop the swirling thoughts of how he could have somehow prevented what happened. Rowen's sense of responsibility had broken down faster than Sage's, for how much he had chosen to do what he did. Sage still felt slick with manipulation right from the email, but deep down, he knew Rowen was right. There was nothing he could have done. Had he turned down the offer to look at the sword, they would've found something else, or even kidnapped him like they had done to Tōgei. No matter how much he wanted to think he had a choice, he hadn't. They would have targeted him until he was theirs.

He closed his eyes, controlling the trembles threatening his lips. Images in recent memory, the glassy eyes that took moments to focus on him when he'd scooped her up, beginnings of a grimace only settled once Kourin had numbed her skin so she wouldn't feel the sweat, now dominated his mind. "That doesn't change how she's still sick because of those actions…"

"If she's anything like Tessa—which she is—it won't keep her down for long." Rowen smiled. "Everything's going to be alright."

A few moments of silence stretched as Sage thought about it. He knew Rowen was right, but still haunted by the sight of her body— nearly her _corpse_ — in a pool of her own blood. Unless she slept beside him, the nightmares stopped him from reaching her in time. And even then, last night they had been barely controlled. He had only been able to sleep after Tenku's arrow burst through the wall and let him go home.

Dusk brushing against Kourin banished the rest of those thoughts. _'We're done and I'm exhausted.'_

He pulled her spirit close against his heart. _'We'll be right there.'_

She and her sister sat outside the door, them both in fluffy robes that matched their armours. True to form, Tōgei's showed pink pyjama bottoms and a golden shirt peeking out where her housecoat crossed. She didn't even try to stand as he approached, not attempting to be stronger than she was. He still remembered the first time she hadn't moved, exhausted from dancing and Dusk giving the tiniest flicker she no longer wanted to push herself. She had pushed herself after that healing— she still did, sometimes, both of them too used to self disregard to ever truly discard it.

But she tried to take care of herself. He hoped the hand behind her neck and forehead against hers expressed how proud he was of her.

She nuzzled his nose as an indication it did.

He half expected a comment from Rowen or Tessa as he scooped her up, but instead the dominant feeling was Tenku pointing out this was exactly why he'd do it again in a heartbeat; how watching Sage be in love was the balm that soothed all past hurts.

She hadn't died because of Rowen. And for that, Sage could only be grateful.

A small squeal after his back was turned let him know Rowen had the exact same ideas of how they should get the sisters to their respective rooms. Tōgei laughed, sound resonating in his chest from where he held her. "You could've given her some warning, there."

"Where's the fun in that?"

Tessa's glare was a sight to behold. It always amused Sage how hard she tried to make it a death glare, but could never hide the smirk on her lips for very long.

Rowen, as per usual, simply met her attempt at anger with a kiss.

A hand on the back of Sage's neck let him know Tōgei thought that was a very good idea.

His arms tightened around her, Kourin and Dusk twining. Healing-fever still raged in her blood, body at war with itself, but her relief that it would soon be over dominated any upset she could have at another downturn in her health.

She was alive.

She could heal.

That's all that mattered.

—~—

I curled up under three layers of blankets, Sage beside me on the bed but barely able to touch me. Warmth against my icy skin already soaked in sweat was too much for me to handle. I stayed in the damp because there was no point in changing anything when I was still in the 24-pushing-25 hour window of how long it would take to clear out the rejected blood.

Another wave of shaky-paralysis snagged me, sweat pouring out of my skin. I was going to get dehydrated again, at this rate, for all that was coming out.

I whimpered as Sage stroked my hair, dampness pulling away from my skin. I panted to get my breath back, heat rising even farther.

Only for it to give the smallest sensation of a _crack_ , temperature dropping while also rising and _I was drenched in sweat_.

I _flung_ the covers off and practically _peeled_ the damp pyjamas off my body. I wanted to get my underwear off, but Sage was still in the room, and he was already reaching for the water we'd used to clean the sweat off countless times before.

I sat on the edge of the bed as he cleaned my back, scrubbing away at dead skin along my shoulders and lower spine. He carefully eased me against him, wiping sweat off my face. I sank into his chest as he wiped down my front, feeling my body temperature finally even out.

I looked up at Sage. "How do I feel?"

He kissed my forehead. "I would rather hear it from you, before I investigate."

I smiled. "Better."

He returned my expression. "How much?"

I laughed softly. "You're really trying to drive the point home I know my body best, aren't you?" I had to admit, I appreciated it tremendously. After medication took control for so long…

He stole a kiss. "Perhaps." The tease in his voice confirmed my hypothesis. "How much?"

I reached up to place a hand behind his neck. "Like it's done."

He dipped his head down in a nod, lips meeting my temple. "As far as Halo can tell, that was the last of it."

I stood up and stretched, a little dizzy but otherwise feeling normal again. The blackness behind my eyelids was familiar, and it most _certainly_ beat my muscles being made of lead. I knew how to handle this.

Halo transmitting _just_ how Sage was looking at me most certainly helped my mood. I looked over my shoulder at him, a little stunned to see what could potentially be described as bedroom eyes. They vanished in a flash, back to the appreciation he normally looked at me with.

"You're beautiful."

I smiled, blush creeping up my cheeks. "I wasn't upset. I just… hadn't been expecting it."

He reached over and took my hand, kissing my knuckles. "You looked uncomfortable."

I squeezed his fingers. "I am, but not by that."

He returned the gesture, understanding how wrong I felt in my own skin. I wasn't quite sure it was because of the scar, or the sweat, or the newly changed boundaries.

"I'm going to go have a shower…"

He blinked in surprise. "They have showers here?"

I smirked. "City of Desire, remember?"

He laughed. "I should grow to expect surprises, around you."

I slid an almost invisible screen open, revealing a hall-like closet and the bathroom on the other side. Looking in the mirror told me _exactly_ why I was uncomfortable, causing me to freeze in place.

Three inches of white all of five millimeters thick, from under my diaphragm to a few fingers above my bellybutton, right in the line that marked my abdominal muscles. I didn't even want to turn around to see the other scar, the reminder of how deep it had gone enough to make me want to throw up. All my body had wanted to do was throw up. I'd kept it down, kept everything down, but it had hurt so much.

Sage's arms wrapping around me stopped the flashbacks. I retreated into his now-bare chest, him knowing how much the power imbalance of one person clothed but another person not grated on me. He made sure one of his hands covered the scar.

He kissed my temple. _'What are you thinking?'_

Speaking mentally was softer. Gentler. I turned my head into his shoulder. _'How different it looks. How obvious it is.'_

He drew me even closer against him. _'What are you afraid of?'_

I swallowed. _'What our children will ask.'_

He rubbed my stomach. _'Why their mother has two scars on her body, and how they got there?'_

I gave the impression of a nod. _'Touma, too… Tessa and I were both curious kids…'_

 _'We could always tell them you were a hero.'_

I closed my eyes and tears pushed their way out. _'I wish I hadn't been.'_

He was silent for a moment, one hand sliding to my neck to comfort me. _'This doesn't change how I see you.'_

While his words helped, they weren't everything. _'It would change how… children see me. Knowing I had done something worth praise, them not understanding… how I don't want to think about it.'_

 _'You'll always be 'mom' to them. Or 'aunt'.'_ His lips met my hair. _'They won't know you as anything other than what you look like after they're born.'_

I tipped my head down. _'I don't know if I want that to be 'tattooed' or 'scarred'."_

He followed along what I let him see— basically a copy/paste of the emotions I felt when talking about the tattoo with Tessa, how I wanted it, but didn't know if I would sink all this time and money into an extremely painful procedure only to feel exactly the same about it. _'Do you think Dais would help?'_

I blinked, taking a moment to put two and two together. _'... Very likely.'_

He chuckled. "Have a shower and go see him. Then you'll know."

I turned to face him in thanks, wrapping my arms around his chest. I found my breath matching his, heartbeat slowing down to sync with his pulse. Skin on skin.

Maybe I _was_ getting mildly uncomfortable completely topless around him. We mutually parted, him resting his forehead against mine before closing the screen and leaving me alone. I got my underwear off and stepped into blissfully warm water, trying, however subconsciously, to scrub away every trace of sickness. I caught myself making the skin around both scars red.

Sage had left some time during my shower. I wasn't sure if I was lonely or grateful.

I found Dais in his open air pavilion, painting the ever changing waterfall garden in this wing's courtyard. For all he could create whatever he wanted, often in the blink of an eye, he had found peace in the challenges around physical artistry.

He finished his strokes, mist at the foot of the waterfall practically coming to life under his brush. "I am glad you suggested this to us, Kure."

I gave a wan smile, even though his back was turned to me. "It always helped me, as a kid…"

Now he faced me, brush propped up on its rest, saucer to catch the ink that dripped off it under the bristles. "And what help do you require now?"

I snorted and looked down. "Left myself open for that…" I bit my lip, trying to figure out how to say it. "Could you… make it look like I have a tattoo?"

His eyebrows momentarily went up. "To cover the scar on your stomach?"

I nodded. "I… just want to see if it'll help me feel better, about my body."

He stood and pulled out a mirror he sometimes used for facial references, or whenever he wanted to experiment with perspective in his work. "Do you have an idea?"

I opened my mind to what I had been picturing, feeling him run it over and the telltale flash of white. I blinked to clear my vision and lifted my shirt, seeing my imagination projected onto my skin.

Almost instantly, I relaxed.

"It would appear," he said as I examined it. "That your fears are small in comparison to your emotions about this scar."

I swallowed and stepped closer to the mirror, now able to see the scar tissue under the colour. Caught between tensing and acceptance, I poked and prodded the skin to see how it moved, continuing to fall back on how I didn't have to see the _white_ anymore. The mark was there, and if you looked at it close enough— which any children biologically related to Tessa and I would do— you could see it, but it wasn't an immediate starkness. It wasn't white on golden-pink.

Dais was still watching me in the mirror. "When I joined Talpa, I had the choice of using my illusions to make it appear I had two eyes. While it would be a marginal drain on my abilities, the fear I struck into the hearts of others that I could beat them handily with only one eye made it I chose to cover the scar instead of make it appear I had never received it. Now, I have been through so much with it I would not trade it, even though I no longer use it for the same purpose." His one good eye continued to study me. "Yet even I would rather not see the full effects of the loss."

I had never heard him talk about the story behind his eyepatch. I looked at him through the mirror, compassion forming a lump in my throat. "I'd… always wondered what you thought of your eye."

He shook his head and smiled softly. "It happened over four centuries ago. One could say it's inconsequential, at this point. I received it when I ran a spy ring— much like your character." He paused to let me laugh, him so rarely referencing my life. "My thirst for power after the loss of my eye is what drove Talpa to seek me. With Summer, I was able to create more than I had imagined and use my powers to my own ends. But, even to this day… I remember my emotions upon being told I had lost my eye, and the horror of first seeing the scar once the bandages were removed. With how _recognizable_ it made me, my days of becoming an active spy were finished."

I looked back down at my stomach, the cover up creating the image I wanted to project about the scar, much like his eyepatch. "So, if you were in my place…"

"I would be making much the same choice you are," he said softly, drawing level with me. "Cale preferred the look of his scar. The mark of combat is one he still feels pride in. And while I have come to terms with the loss of sight and learned to compensate my depth perception, I am still more comfortable wearing this patch to cover the worst of the healed wound."

It was strange, hearing Dais discuss his past, but somehow it helped me come to terms with the present. "You… grieved?"

"Deeply." He exhaled at the memories; part of me wondered if he had truly come to terms with it. "My grief turned to anger, which in turn became jealousy and greed. Talpa provided me a way of regaining what I had lost, and some days I wonder what would have happened without the injury. My past is forgotten to history, regardless, and the evil of the world would have found another illusionist to fill my place." He looked down at me. "If I may help you avoid the path of powerlessness by solidifying your choice, then I will gladly aid you however I am able."

Thinking of this tattoo as functioning the same as an eyepatch, simply letting me control how I presented this scar to the world, _did_ help. The tiniest prompt was enough to have Dais dispel the illusion. I tensed and dropped my shirt immediately upon seeing the scar again. I couldn't tell if I was relieved or dreading what that meant about my choice.

His hand fell on my shoulder. "I suppose that settles it."

I nodded. "Y-yeah…"

"What troubles you about it?"

I sighed and sank down onto the couch he kept whenever he had willing human subjects to pose for him. Frustration at myself built, for how everyone seemed to need to prompt me for anything that even resembled words to come out. "How much conservative types are going to hate it, including my future in-laws."

"And your betrothed?"

It was tempting to glare at him for that. Instead, I just deflated. "He accepts it."

Dais sat beside me, one hand going to my shoulder blade. "You know what I would like to say in reply to that."

"Some variation of 'those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind'," I muttered. "Except these people have the power to make my life living hell, so they _do_ matter, and what if they _do_ mind?"

He rubbed my back. "How often, realistically, will they see your stomach?"

That got to me. I dropped my head. "Next to never…"

"Then that answers your question."

I swallowed. "I want my back done, too, and I wear backless things…"

"You can wait to receive that tattoo," he said softly. "Once you are more established in your new life."

The words 'new life' made me shudder for reasons I couldn't quite explain. There was so much _new_ , so much _life_ , so many risks for a man I loved with all my heart but had never shared a life with this intimately. What ifs hounded my consciousness, only stopped by Halo subtly inserting itself in the spiral.

I looked up to Sage in the doorway, arms crossed as he leaned against a pillar, realizing he'd heard.

He came over and sat beside me, Dais rising to give me space. I looked up to Sage's face, trying to register the care in his eyes and arm around my shoulders and hand holding mine. Trying to determine what all of it meant.

"Maybe, before the wedding," he said, pausing to kiss my knuckles. "We can live here, together, for a spell."

My eyes widened. "You'd… do that?"

He nodded and drew me close. _'If I'm honest, I'm just as afraid as you are. How I won't be who you need me to be. Spending time together would ease both of our minds.'_

I kissed him. Long and deep and firm, trying to both ease his fear and show how thankful I was. Once the shock had worn off, however, I laughed. "Although, I think we should wait until _after_ Touma's born…"

The twinkle in his eye made it easy to continue feeling relieved. "Excited to be an aunt?"

I blushed and nodded. He cupped my jaw to tuck me against him. "I'm excited to be an uncle."

Dais interrupted my chuckling. "If you two would be willing, I would be honoured to use you both as my subjects."

His gesture to the painting supplies still laid out filled in what he meant. I looked up at Sage, who nodded. "It would be a pleasure."


	23. Chapter 23

Because we can never resist our excitement for sharing the next installment-here you go! ^_^

 **Warnings:** suicidal ideation, parental abuse

* * *

 _Chapter 23_

The night after our little _youjakai_ spa treatment, both a human curiosity to explore and an armor-based desire nudged me upward and outward from the palace. Dawn hummed with the crisp air reminiscent of fall, though as I stepped onto the ramparts the first bite of winter had me drawing my robe closer around my body. My hands settled against my stomach, and I smiled with a brief thought for the little star sleeping peacefully within me.

Despite having lived in Japan for years, now, these walls awed me. They were more towering and solid than any I'd had the privilege to visit in the _ningenkai_ , as wide as the Great Wall of China with a Nether Realm flair that did nothing to diminish the breath-taking skyscape. As I wandered, fingers brushing along the smooth stone crenellations, my eyes drank in the vast stars and a low-hanging moon that looked close enough to touch.

The lights of the palace were a little too bright for stargazing at the point where I entered the long walkway, though. Some time during my stroll, I suddenly realized I'd made my way higher up the labyrinth of fortifications than the surrounding buildings. The structure was an interconnected network I barely knew, though judging by where I now found myself I could deduce that they spiralled up to the highest point of the massive central palace.

Dawn had lead me to a squat tower, the lights of the city proper far enough below that the vast darkness of night studded by galaxies reigned unopposed overhead. The overlook was little more than a raised protrusion from the wall, but large in its own right and capped by a traditional pagoda-style roof. Two padded benches flanked a wide polished-wood table, and beside the edge of the tower was a telescope that looked suspiciously like Rowen's.

If I had to make a bet which Warlord was in charge of this set-up, I'd have said Cale.

Apparently, the walk had been further than I thought; my body demanded I rest. A seat on the edge of the bench closest to the telescope afforded an uninterrupted view of endless plains dotted with lakes and rivers that then stretched on into distant fields invisible to me.

Dusk's familiar presence and Alexa sitting beside me drew me back to earth from my close inspection of the stars. "And now you know where my fantasy night sky descriptions come from."

I looked over at her for a few moments, smiling, then looked back up. "Yeah… I mean, I'd found words to describe our skies, before. But this…"

She nodded. "Cale had this built. He's been mapping the stars at night for the past few years. It was only in its first year of use by the time I got here." I sensed a smug smirk in her voice. "If you're wondering about the telescope, it's Cale's 450th birthday present. I had to get him _something_ nice."

So I _was_ right. That didn't negate the surprise, of course. I turned my head back to her and blinked, processing the new information in almost disbelief. "...How have he and Rowen _not_ collaborated on this yet? Better yet, why haven't we thrown him a birthday party?"

I got an amused snort for a response, laced with a hint of guilt that she'd hidden so much about the Warlords from us. "Cale figured it would be best to respect Rowen's very protective nature."

It was easy to catch her underlying meaning—that despite the improvement in Ronin-Warlord relations, Rowen was understandably still irked (to understate it) about Cale being the reason Sage struggled with PTSD. I stared down at the ground while I contemplated the situation, watching my feet gently swing back and forth above the cobblestones. "It's been years, though. And wouldn't sharing an interest like this sort of serve as a way toward "peace-keeping", so to speak?"

She simply shrugged one shoulder. "In a way, yes. In another, Cale figured it'd be hard to get Rowen to accept a non-ulterior motive for an invitation to meet him at night, in the dark, with his brother's former arch nemesis."

While I'd had similar thoughts in the back of my mind, I still deflated at her shooting down my more hopeful logic. "Oh. Yeah…" Frowning, I glanced at her again. "Even if it was in our backyard?"

My sister tilted her head up toward the sky. "Maybe now, after all this, he'd be willing to accept. The Warlords are just as trepidatious around the guys as they are of them. Kinda like how scared you can get of triggering me. The Warlords are the same towards the guys." A hint of a smirk adorned her lips. "Besides. Cale doesn't know the Earth's night sky very well and he's got his pride."

That I laughed softly at, understanding now where the two men could be coming from. "We'll have to be sure to invite them over more frequently, then." A new thought occurred to me, and my laugh strengthened. "You _know_ they'll probably be as much uncles to our kids as the guys."

She snorted. "How much you wanna bet they'll think Dais is older, with his hair?"

More laughter; it felt good not to hold back, and to even have a reason to laugh in the first place. "Bet they call him _gramps_!"

She joined me in my mirth, our voices echoing into the distance. "The look on his face. It doesn't help he's more traditional than Sage when he wants to be."

Now I was half-doubled over, holding my stomach to stay somewhat upright. "Poor guy. It _also_ doesn't help he's over four centuries old!"

I recognized that evil, mischievous gleam that glinted in her eye. "Try four fifty. I think that was his birthday two years ago, actually."

I faked a shocked gasp, followed by a grin that matched her eyes. "We must rectify the oversight of not providing him with group merriment."

She paused and mentally calculated something, then lightly pressed her open palm to her face. "His birthday is a day before Rowen's. Do not ask me how they've kept records good enough to cross over multiple calendar systems, but they have, and his birthday is a day before Rowen's."

There was no other response than to deadpan, lifting my hand to my head in disbelief; I could only stare at her silently for a few moments with a loose jaw. "...AREyoufreaking _kidding_ me…!"

"Nope!" she confirmed brightly.

My hand dropped from my head, which I shook at the hilarity of it all. "We might as well just have one mass birthday celebration for _everyone_ at this rate…!"

She caught the almost subconscious movement of my hand to my stomach and smirked. "We need to have a ban on trying for kids in February."

 _More_ laughter, this time throwing my head back. "Not gonna happen until they move or cancel Valentine's Day, I think…!"

One eyebrow arched at me. "I meant just for us, but hey…"

I stuck my tongue out at her. "I know. I meant that it would take a literal calendar change for that to happen…"

She snerked. "So we'll have a ton of Libras and Scorpios?"

Dawn told me that she was _absolutely_ poking fun at my sign more than her own. I just grinned back at her. "Hey, at least Touma's due in April. We'll add a _little_ diversity to the star signs!"

Curiosity spread into her posture, demeanor thoughtful. "So among the Warlords, we've got two Sagittariuses— Cale and Kayura— a Scorpio— Sekhmet— and already said Dais is a Libra."

That got me thinking, also, head tilted to one side. "What _don't_ we have covered?"

"Aries, Aquarius, Cancer, Capricorn, Taurus." She smirked. "Although, Taurus is probably covered, now, and if you wanna count Yuli, then we've got Cancer covered, too."

That deserved a mock look of horror. "Of course Yuli counts! Kiddo is practically Rowen's shadow, some days."

"So just three unaccounted for." She shook her head, almost in exasperation. "We're going to have repeats…"

I snorted. "If Kento's family is anything to judge by, I'm pretty sure odds are we'll cover the last three _some_ how."

That set Alexa laughing, and I couldn't suppress a smile at hearing the joyous, unreserved sound. I'd missed it more than I could have imagined. Thoughtful silence fell for only a moment as she continued to consider the group's future dynamics. "Sekhmet's going to have fun with Touma, if he ends up even a _little_ interested in chemistry."

Groaning, I dragged a hand down my face; I certainly didn't relish that thought. One brainiac scientist in the house was handful enough. Throw magic and a Warlord into the mix, and I almost didn't want to entertain the notion. "Don't remind me, I already have nightmares about him doing unsupervised experiments in the garage…that we don't even have, yet...!" I sighed. "We're going to have to move out of the apartment soon, I think…"

She lifted a hand to gently rub my shoulder. "Hey, one step at a time. Figure out the kid first, then think of everything else."

I smiled gently at her. "Yeah… Thanks, sis."

She returned the gesture. "I think the Warlords are looking forward to him being born."

That certainly wasn't something I'd expected to hear. I tilted my head toward her curiously. "Really?"

A nod. "It's like when we joined the guys. Suddenly, they had a fresh start."

I turned my attention back to the stars thoughtfully. "I guess it _has_ been a very long time since they would have seen any children, let alone a newborn."

Alexa nodded. "You should see Cale and Kayura with the animals, here. Especially Cale and his dogs. He's kept them out of the palace because of the shedding, but as soon as he whistles, he's got three at his heels."

That was impressive. I'd always been somewhat envious of people who worked seemingly effortlessly with animals. "Wow. I'd love to have that…" A bad but awesome idea came to mind. "Maybe he'd let Touma have one, when he's a little older."

My sister was almost the personification of visible silence. Licking my lips briefly, she replied, "If you don't mind basically immortal dire wolves…!"

I considered that a moment, then slowly smirk-smiled. That wouldn't be such a hard pill to swallow, after everything _else_ we'd become accustomed to. "Well considering _White Blaze_ …!" Another factor occurred to me, and I could feel the anime-sweatdrop expression on my face. "Though we, uh, might have to switch out dogs for pups every decade or so. People'll ask questions if the dog never dies…"

She chuckled. "I wonder if the dogs can't shift smaller and grow up through magic…"

"I'm sure Cale'll come up with something…" I waved the topic off, since we'd have plenty of time to figure out that little tidbit. "Either way, a dog is probably at least a year off, for us. _Youjakai_ critters probably wouldn't like the apartment very much."

She silently agreed, then verbalized, "They are… ridable, in some cases, so yes." A snort. "You should see them and White Blaze take off after each other. It's hilarious."

"I bet!" I agreed with a chuckle.

Our voices' echoes died on the breath of a breeze, carried into oblivion across the open plains. It was almost eerie how still the land had become, a sleeping giant with the lungs of a mouse. I wasn't sure whether I could actually hear the horses shuffling in the stable and stamping in the fields, or if I'd merely imagined it. With everything else I'd seen, I almost wouldn't put it past this place.

My mind drifted back to the day before, and some of the thoughts that had initially prompted me to wander. This would be as good a time as any to bring it up with Alexa...

"Have you...had any more thoughts…?"

She didn't need Dawn's wordless explanation to know I meant the scar; she nodded. "I went to Dais… asked him to make it look like I have one. I liked it."

I relaxed, knowing it had taken a weight off her shoulders to get a taste of what such a permanent decision would be able to do for her. My armor circled hers, radiating contentment that came from happiness. "How might you feel if...I maybe wanted to get one, too?"

The question caught her completely off-guard. Blinking in shock, after a few moments she was finally able to ask, "What would _you_ get?"

I returned my gaze to my feet, which had started swinging back and forth again. I was more than capable of just resting them flat on the ground, but that wasn't as fun or stimmy. "I was thinking maybe we could...get matching ones…" I murmured uncertainly.

I wasn't exactly sure where I'd gotten the idea. We'd talked about tattoos before, but not in quite the same context. My sister had a couple ideas for things she wanted, but I'd never really been interested before. There were plenty of cool designs out there that I loved as art, but nothing had ever jumped out at me enough to consider permanently carrying with me on my body. The closest I'd gotten was doodling on my hand with markers.

Despite that lack of interest, I'd promised myself if I ever found something with a deep enough meaning, I'd at least consider it.

What could be more meaningful than something to commemorate the unique bond of sisterhood?

Especially considering what _we'_ d been through.

Alexa cut my thoughts short with an enthusiastic glomp, arms tight around my chest nearly knocking the wind out of me. Once the surprise dissipated initially, I smiled warmly at her face hidden in my shoulder and returned the hug. Dusk was practically bouncing off the walls with joy, unable to hide that she'd had a similar thought for a long time but—as usual—tried to tell herself it wasn't something she _needed_.

The mood suddenly flipped when her armor _manifested_.

Her arms tensed, shifting protectively under my shoulders.

The world exploded.

My vision continued to reel even after Alexa set me on my feet, Dawn automatically sliding over my skin. Ears ringing with the aftermath of stone rocking against stone before settling, I shook my head to clear the brain fog before surveying what the hell exactly just happened.

Michael was the first thing I saw.

Or at least, something that looked vaguely _like_ him.

We stood facing each other in the middle of the ramparts. The observation tower had crumbled to almost nothing, a sharp scar against the side of an otherwise smooth wall. Dust from the rubble still clouded the air and obscured Michael's silhouette, but I'd recognize that haughty stance anywhere.

Even as a _oni_.

My blood ran cold, seeing the wine-red skin and dark horns protruding from hair that was now long and white. He'd grown taller and wider, too, probably towering over Rowen and heavier than Kento.

"Hello, my dove."

The voice was still _his_ , no matter how distorted and deepened by the magic running in his veins. I shuddered—and possibly not so much from the modifications as from hearing _him_ again, seeing that possessive grin that reminded me somewhat of the Joker. Fear nearly overwhelmed me.

A sharp whistle in the distance reminded me Cale had God-knew-how-many attack dogs in the near vicinity. Hope for back-up steadied my shaking legs just a bit. I managed to snap back at Michael. " _You_!"

He offered a sweeping bow, one that I got the feeling was one hundred percent mocking. "We meet again. Shame it wasn't in more pleasant circumstances."

"Said the person who put her in danger in the first place," my sister retorted snarkily. "Funny how I was the one who _actually_ carried her to safety, eh?"

His face immediately twisted into something resembling the monster he now was—had always been, on the inside. A blood-curdling screech of anger paralyzed me as he launched at us.

Alexa was between us in an instant, Dusk's full power drawn on to prevent him from bypassing her and reaching me. I couldn't take my eyes off the fight, backing away to provide her room to maneuver but feeling exceedingly helpless. Aside from any extra energy I had after Dawn's protection for Touma, there was little I could offer to assist.

Cale's wolves appeared without warning, almost—just the sound of air through thick fur before six of them barrelled past and relieved Alexa of her burden. They couldn't occupy Michael for long before a mass of Guardians appeared in puffs of maroon-tinged black smoke, eyes lighting eerily red in the darkness.

It was enough of a reprieve for us, though, as Alexa stood beside me when Michael turned his attention to us. The hair on the back of my neck rose, watching him stand nonchalantly in the middle of the snarling, yipping battle between _youjakai_ creatures. My sister took a warning step forward, daring the _oni_ to try and get past the smouldering fire held in her palms and fingers curled like claws.

He grinned, then took up her dare.

In the space of a flash of lightning, her hands crossed her chest and flung outward, fire igniting around Dusk with the shockwave her motion released. Michael's body hit the wave like a wall and bounced off, landing hard on the stone in front of one of his Guardians. The sense of a smirk off the armor connection had me almost chuckling evilly.

There was no satisfaction like watching my ex struggle to his feet, eyes nearly completely black with rage.

Before he could re-engage, a familiar golden arrow ringed by a shockwave ripped past over his head.

The cavalry had arrived. Following the direction the projectile had come from showed Rowen leaping into the air to fly over from the battlement closest to the inner tower of the palace. I could barely make out Sage in Halo's full armor, Cale beside him and the pair disappearing into a blacker smudge against the already-black night.

"I see you've failed."

 _'That voice—!'_

My heart sank into my stomach and froze.

—/—

I could be strong around Tessa's abuser. Where she was paralyzed I was fierce, unwilling to let anyone— especially _him_ — hurt her ever again.

But in front of my own abuser, it was hard to not crumble.

I tried to hold onto determination. "You won't take her."

Panic skyrocketed from my sister, with a distinct feeling of _'do not do this again'_. She put a hand on my shoulder, grip firm and protective. "And you're not doing this by yourself."

I dug deep into our shared power reserves. "Just make sure nothing sideswipes me and _stay out of this_."

As much as she couldn't stand me getting hurt, I had been dead serious about what would happen if she did.

She finished pulling Balance up, disturbingly cheerful. "Can't watch your back from the sidelines!"

I watched Michael take orders from a phantom voice, her appearing to croon over him. Or, at least, what I recognized as crooning and what looked more like chastisement to the average person, especially considering his defeated posture. My relief at even seeing how much of a snake she was felt minimal in reply to all the thoughts in my head— I knew she had 'trusted' him, and now he would have to be second in command because of his 'failure'. Instead of helping him figure it out himself, she was instead taking charge. Textbook narcissism. She always had to save people.

She had done that to me too often.

I stepped slightly in front of Tessa, growling softly out of fear and trying to keep up my past bravery. "Please don't get hurt."

She softened. "I'll do my best." Rowen landed beside her. "Besides, we've got backup."

My self destructive instincts had not dulled at _all_ in any of this. With her taken care of, I was about to launch myself at Michael again before Sage, Dais and Cale appeared beside us, the rest on the other side of the wall, barely visible around the two Oni, all of them pleading for me to stay just as safe.

Seeing my mother robbed me of all resolve. She ignored us, still focused on Michael. "The best lessons are by watching, son."

Son. The _bitch_ was calling _him_ her son. Forsaking her own daughters for the next person she could exploit.

Before she could raise a hand, black and blue lightning streaked towards her. One bolt for each sent them stumbling back, Sage beside me with the same determination I had held with Tessa. Cale was beside him, just as fierce.

A gleam in his eyes preceded a whistle. A single howl went out to amplify his call, and the rest of his pack arrived within moments.

Trails of blood red smoke indicated we would need the pack.

White Blaze's roar combined with barks and snarls, along with the guys' shouts as this became a melee fight— for them. Inside, I could feel her trying to break Balance's protective shield that allowed the guys to use their armours.

One of the wolves broke through, scrap metal unable to reanimate at its feet. White Blaze joined, launching towards mom.

I could see the twinkle in her eye, path practically cleared towards it, as she did exactly the same move I had just done.

It hit the wolves, White Blaze, _us_ — I brought my forearms up to brace against her wind, putting all my energy into the barrier between her and the armours. Nether Spirits howled and I shut my eyes against memories, hands fisting with determination to not let her hurt _them_.

When the gales stopped, more tin cans had formed around her.

Pride at beating the resident genius. Trying to feed her ego any way she could.

I refused to let her win.

Multitasking was either my best or my worst skill. In a flow I could do ten things at once, but with so many moving parts, I found myself expending too much energy dissolving Guardians and protecting the ones I loved.

She poked at weaknesses— Sage's fear for me. Rowen's fear for Tessa. Tessa's fear for all three of us. I strengthened those barriers but couldn't keep everyone safe. She zipped past my defenses straight to one person I hadn't even considered.

 _'Dais!'_

He was the mental equivalent of on a knee, surveying the scene around him with wariness about to give way into fear. _'Her illusion powers…'_

 _'Are_ different _from yours,'_ I replied, hoping this would stick. _'I wouldn't trust you otherwise.'_

It was enough. His resolve steadied, mind clicking through gears silently as he examined her illusions. I hadn't even realized they were there, or at least, quite so thick. Now that I could, it was my turn to be wary.

 _'You're the best chance at beating her.'_

Memories of their first encounter, of turning against us, came to the surface. _'I do not know if I will succumb.'_

My own resolve turned to ferocity. _'I can see through you. Sage can see through you. We need to fight fire with fire.'_

Sage's brief flicker of confirmation was all Dais needed. He gave the impression of a smirk. _'Then allow me.'_

He vanished into the web, illusionists now dueling. White outlines— Dais' handiwork— appearing around stones that had looked solid. Guardians that didn't exist.

Michael.

Where had _he_ vanished to.

The rising panic nearly overrode my own intuition and Dais' web, mind following pathways down to the base of the wall.

 _'Get back!'_

The warning was just in time for the group to jump out of a wall collapse. Kento, Cye, Ryo, Sekhmet, and Kayura had nearly gotten caught in the tumble, but now we were even farther away from her with a harder line of sight.

Tessa yelped.

 _'No!'_

We were so close, mentally, I could hear our mother's voice whispering. How too much conflict was bad for a child, how stress could make a stillbirth, how if the fighting was never going to end and as a result she should do what was best.

I did not let the thought 'die' form.

Rowen, Cale, and I _roared_ , shoving Mom away and clearing space around Tessa's shaking form. Mom's voice latched onto me, her real target, but I blocked it out to keep fighting. Separate from Sage, separate from Rowen— he'd pulled his wife back to a safe distance. Cale was beside me for a moment, but he pushed forward while I stayed a shield.

I was alone. With my mother's voice. So long as it was on me, I didn't have to worry about them. I knew how intensely she _had_ to work me and fighting a one on one battle was easier than fighting her trying to probe eight of us.

But I had them. All her whispers of being lonely and abandoned didn't have a chance to grip for very long. My mind was a slick shell of 'I am loved', her teeth not finding anything to latch onto.

My sister noticed. Her fear for what happened every time I took the brunt of attacks was loud and clear. _'You don't have to rely on yourself!'_

 _'But I do.'_

Her distress continued, especially at the speed and certainty of my reply. _'I don't want to lose you.'_

Too many scenes, all of them too recent, flashed behind my eyelids. The still-there certainty of what would happen if she died. _'I_ can't _lose you.'_

Mom followed. Her attack on Tessa would do damage, hurt her, if not kill her then almost certainly kill Touma. My barrier reacted in tandem, pulling strength from everywhere to make sure _she_ didn't get hurt.

Pulling strength from myself.

Our mother redirected her attack.

I wasn't fast enough.

Nether Spirits shattered my barrier, and as a result, the barrier around everyone else. White outlines vanished, rubble turning to solid stone, static in my mind and across us all and the fighting stopped dead as pain took us all hostage. Cale and Sakhmet and Dais were nearly full armours for the wrong reasons.

Balance was still intact.

 _'Stay with me, sis!'_

I tried to push through, tried to fight it. Tessa reached out to me with fear, desperation— we had to keep going.

We. The focus on we was hard to listen to. The howling I had kept at bay was now high tide, threatening to drown me— the water, the hit, the sudden blackness, the memory blank. Making it I would never hurt anyone again.

 _'Isn't this easier?'_

 _'Tōgei!'_

Sage's face.

I tried to hold onto their reactions.

Burns like I was pressed against an oven shot up and down my arms, but not from me. Through a strangled scream I heard her. Tessa. I turned my head a fraction and forced one eye open, Michael's red skin filling my vision. Holding her. Trapping her.

I tried to lunge. "Don't you _dare._ "

Instinct had it I put even more energy towards her, and control over my body snapped under our mom's weight. I cried out and collapsed onto my knees, openly sobbing. Everything numbed out.

 _'You can't even save the person you love. What point is there?'_

I grit my teeth. _'I will not let her get hurt!'_

The voice didn't even sound like my mother's. It sounded like mine, some semblance of it that was a close enough mirror it looked like a reflection. _'And she got her no matter what you did. You can't protect her. You've just dragged her into trouble for years.'_

Parts of myself kept giving up. Pain in my arms halted and the ground under me rumbled all of a moment later.

The wall was going to come down again.

They were far away.

They were safe.

If I took the heat on myself…

 _'I can't watch you die.'_

A shout pierced the air and I was back in kendo class, Sage teaching proper form with a voice that demanded they listen. That rang in the air with an effect that left powerful silence in its wake. The silence of respect. The ground shook.

Arms around my torso.

Weightlessness of a leap backwards.

Sage put me down on solid ground. " _Rai ko zan!_ "

I opened my eyes to Halo.

Every voice in my head shattered with the shouts around me, Arrow Shockwave following his Thunderbolt Cut and the others— the Warlords were attacking mom. They were still on our side. White was once again outlining stone.

Through her screams, through Michael's roaring, all of their chaos, Sage knelt beside me and gathered me against his chest. I returned the hug in a daze, trying to process the past few moments. "How…?"

"Kiai…" Sage said, pressing our bodies together. "It… broke through…"

Spirit shout. I had felt their power, but— this powerful? Enough to snap a connection? Enough to bring his armour back?

Balance and Halo screamed a warning, Sage turning to raise his sword at Michael before a golden glow rocketing above us knocked the wind out of his sails.

 _'Got your back, brother.'_

A yell from behind Rowen had us all turning to see a web-strangled Guardian behind him, Dais yanking it aside after having removed its illusion protection. _'And I have yours.'_

We watched the fight, now, others protecting us. Sage's hand subconsciously fell to my stomach and the ache there, other behind my shoulders. My daze turned to calculation, watching what hits did the most damage. Where she had tried to damage me.

It clicked. _'Aim for their solar plexus!'_

A brief flicker amongst everyone— Warlords included— had Cye, Kento, Cale, and Kayura power down to subarmour. Concern it wasn't purely the Ronin turned to rage at what must have caused it. Halo and Strata didn't have enough power to fuel what Ryo needed, thanks to her.

It didn't take long for that rage to channel through Inferno. Ryo's voice cut through the chaos, full force of his attack slamming into her with a flash of pure white.

My mother wailed. Michael's voice was a twisted semblance of itself, between a roar and a cry. I couldn't see either of them, but I couldn't look away.

Green and blue spheres floated up above the flames, glowing in an all too familiar fashion. They struggled against invisible restraints, Inferno not enough to separate them. My eyes widened.

 _'Sis—'_

 _'Got em.'_

I flicked my hand out in a knife blade, Balance's power joining my sister's attack. The orbs zipped away from their captors, hitting their bearers in the chest so quickly I nearly missed it.

Sage _inhaled_ , lightning arcing along his body and the _wildness_ of his spirit demanding to be set free. I sucked in a breath at the force of his anger, everything about his kidnapping at the forefront. Ryo's attack paled in comparison. He straightened, fire in his eyes and light arcing along his blade. Rowen felt the same, rising in tandem to his brother.

As the Rage of Inferno burned, two more attacks joined it.

 _'You will never take me again.'_

The full strength of his Thunderbolt Cut hit my mother in the centre of her stomach.

Halo's power arced along where it had been captured, electrocuting the oni from the inside out. Blue laced the white of Inferno's flames, outlining her nervous system as it spiderwebbed out from her centre. Lightning seemed to pierce _through_ her, and I couldn't help but smile in satisfaction.

With a final kiai, he lunged. Lightning and air and _fire_ exploded out in a shower of sparks, the very world shuddering. Guardians vanished in smoke, the stone walls carved with deep furrows and rubble that had moments ago been a glistening golden disk. Two human forms remained in the centre, bloody and burned across their whole bodies. They were barely visible to me kneeling, both shellshocked from the attacks.

I dragged myself to my feet, watching for their next move, knowing beyond certainty that—

My mother leapt up, pointing at me with bugged-out eyes and _shrieked,_ "You _monster_!"

It wasn't over yet.

I flung my arms up with Balance's full power, barriers formed just in time to stop blood red wind screaming towards us. Nether Spirits pressed against my shield and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes, only my survival instinct bolstering my strength. Sage's blade cut across my vision, his lightning fueling the gold in front of us.

When the initial onslaught was over, I could barely contain my horrified scream.

Mom had turned large, once more. Large and reddish-white skin, hair wild and pale. She watched the barrier dissolve with a smirk. "You think that's enough to stop me! I am your teacher! Your abilities are only because you were born to _me_. While you might carry an armour called Balance, I am the one who taught you to have it! What hope could _you_ have of defeating your all-powerful mother?"

Something clicked. Her blatant disregard for me, her bold-faced lies I had spent so long fighting. I was not helpless. I was not _weak_.

I was angry.

I stepped forward and flung my arms out, clearing the remaining Nether Spirit _dust_ with Balance's wind. There was nothing to be afraid of. Not anymore. "You never taught me, and you were _never_ my mother.

"Mothers are kind!" I raised my hands, pushing Balance's power as a solid beam towards her solar plexus. "Mothers protect you." Another beam, this one accompanied by a snarl. "Mothers _nurture_ you."

I pushed another wash of my determination at her, nearly panting. She was on her knees, now, hands against her ears as she tried to block out _my_ voice, for once. The tables were turned and I intended to _keep_ them that way.

I paused at the edge of the ruined wall, spine straight. " _Balance_ protected me. My _friends_ nurtured me. They are my family, _these worlds_ are my home, and _you_ are not welcome here.

" _Nevermore_!"

I shoved every ounce of my emotions out towards her. All the grief, pain, rage, fury, protectiveness. All of it came out in a single solid raven. Feeling as triumphant as Raven had in the face of _her_ father, I flung my powers out, her powers dissolving under my spirit. I could barely hear my mother's wails.

She collapsed, sobbing, Michael rushing to her side. I swayed on my feet, the magnitude of what I had just done catching up to me.

Sage caught me before I fell to my knees; I struggled in his grip, trying to kneel on my own. "I'm _fine_ …"

"Shh— please." He pulled me into his lap, my head against his shoulder and me practically laying on the walkway. "You just did so much…"

With one final squirm to settle comfortably, I followed his unspoken instructions. Halo could finally flow along my spirit as well as his, again. Balance's power mixed with Kayura's, creating a space where no Nether Spirits could dare penetrate and cause a repeat of the situation. Tessa reached out to me, and I could only radiate a sense we were _done_.

Sekhmet stepped up as added protection, Cale and his wolves taking care of custody. They mouthed at her arms in a preliminary restraint. I looked up at Sage and slowly closed my eyes, only to hear a yelp and hyperfocus on both of them rushing us and the dogs knocked to their sides.

Six katanas lashed out and struck them both. They didn't have a chance to make a sound before they collapsed.

Sekhmet surveyed the scene as he sheathed five. "She will die of natural causes before waking from this poison."

I swallowed and followed his gaze; my mother lay still, agony already contorting her face. She was over sixty, at least twenty years left— the twenty years she had stolen from me. A single slice to cloth on her shoulder was the only sign she'd even been struck.

It was hard to process that she wouldn't be able to hurt me anymore. Not so soon after the last feeling of finality had been ripped away.

Sage nuzzled my neck, drawing me back to the present. "What are you feeling?"

"Numb."

And I did. My feeling was the absence of feeling, too many emotions in too short a time. My vision was filled with Cale loading his wolves with two unconscious bodies, only for them to vanish.

I turned my head to look up at Sekhmet. "She's going to die?"

He nodded. "Even if we keep her in the youjakai, she will eventually reach the end of her lifespan." He glanced down at me, posture softening oh so slightly. "Do you require anything?"

I shook my head, Balance releasing, then Dusk. The Ancient's protection wasn't needed anymore, but I couldn't help wonder if another threat wouldn't come out of left field. Everyone else kept some level of armour protection called up for that very reason.

Sage sensed the 'stuck' feeling I was about to obsess over. Halo returned to an orb, knowing I trusted his feelings more than myself, right now. My anxiety did quiet once I was against Sage with his heartbeat in my ear, even if the voices whispering there would be something else hadn't vanished. We all stayed around the ruins, unsure how to to move on. Dawn told me Tessa was frozen just a few feet behind me, her in Rowen's arms but Strata still powered. Our mother was honestly, truly gone, but part of me couldn't help wonder at what cost.

This victory almost felt hollow, but I couldn't tell if it was because I— we, in a sense— had been fighting so long there was now a void. The irony of ending wasn't lost on me, how I had felt more at peace when she was still conscious and crying. Still able to fight back. But now… I didn't know what to feel. When so many 'finalities' had been incorrect, how could we believe this was truly the end? We had thought it was over for good once and been proven wrong in what felt like the most horrifying way possible. We'd hoped the trial would end it, then we'd cut her off from her power and she had rushed us and I was left with the image of her collapse burned behind my eyelids.

I hid against Sage to block all of it out.

He pulled me closer in response. "I'm here."

I nodded and tucked myself against him, forehead against his neck. "I know."

He circled me with his arms, one hand tangling in my hair, the other finding mine. "I will never let you go."


	24. Chapter 24

Sorry for the late update. Things got kind of ridiculous around here. Hope the suspense didn't rob anyone of breath for _too_ long. ;)

 **Warnings:** Murder/execution discussion, suicidal ideation implied

* * *

 _Chapter 24_

Human mortality had always been a given to me. I thought I'd reconciled that, having come face to face with it numerous times already in my relatively young life. I'd even recognized, in the back of my mind, that that meant someday I'd face a world without the two people responsible for my birth in it.

Never had I thought I would witness my mother's demise.

Then again, I'd also once wondered what kind of person she was.

I couldn't move, body feeling as if it were someone else's with the numb fascination and eyes unmoving from I'd last seen my mother. Rowen had to gently pick me up and carry me away from the wall, the night oddly hushed after the sudden explosion of conflict. I was still too shocked to process everything, really.

Mom's face was forever burned in my memory.

The spell broke an instant later when Rowen gently stepped off the wall and into open air. My gaze shifted to catch a brief glimpse of Sage's back and Alexa's head against his shoulder before they vanished behind a building edifice as we glided away.

 _"You need rest,"_ he murmured softly.

As much as my mind wanted to protest, my body took his words as permission to make demands. Eyes screwed shut at the outside world, I pressed my face to his neck as best I could around the armor. _"I don't want to sleep…"_

Mom's face would haunt me.

Strata imposed itself between the memory and my consciousness, overflowing with fully-formed, powerful galaxies which stole my breath in a way they hadn't since he'd been captured. Stress in Dawn I hadn't yet noticed vanished; relying on Balance had drained her, and now without the adrenaline I could _feel_ it.

I couldn't recall Rowen landing again. The next thing I knew, I was roused to consciousness by muted sunlight and birdsong. There was something familiar about this; the feeling of previous events melding with dreams, brain uncertain whether to count them as figments of imagination or reality. A faint haze of white permeated the edges of my sleep, holdovers of something I couldn't quite place in my half-awake state.

Some time passed before I managed to break the surface of wakefulness. Once I did, I realized the white had been remnants of illusion that had protected me from nightmares. The weight of another body in the bed beside me, however, was quite real.

I opened one eye to watch Rowen as he slept—true to form, he was laying on his stomach with his face toward me, messy bangs falling over his closed eyes. His closest arm stretched out to drape over my side despite the space between us.

Though I could never place the reason for my fascination with his hair, it also never failed to entice me to play. My fingers brushed past the incredibly blue locks to smooth along his skin, flicking back and forth through them. I could study the intricate patterns the strands made across my digits endlessly and get lost in thoughts of nothing in the space of a very short moment.

I wondered—not for the first time—if Touma would get his hair. Rowen had said he'd figure out the genetics, at some point, but as far as I knew he hadn't finished the work, yet.

Of course, that reminded me that that was one of my sister's special interests. _'I should tell her.'_

My sister.

Mom.

...How was _she_ handling all this?

Rowen stirred slightly when I pressed a kiss to his forehead. I paused in withdrawing, uncertain whether I'd woken him and he would want to see me, or if he would go to sleep and I could slip away. Alternatively, if he did fall back asleep, maybe he'd want me to wake him...

He sighed contentedly and settled back into his pillow. I smiled softly, drawing my fingers through his hair one last time before rising and pulling my fluffy robe on against the cool palace air.

Dawn lead my steps through the ever-spiraling halls, unable to lose my way as long as she could sense her other half.

I found her in the middle of an expansive garden, particularly in one walled-away portion dominated by a cherry tree and ten-foot waterfall. There were no buds on the tree, and few plants bloomed in the flowerbeds, yet there was an air of peace to the alcove unrivalled elsewhere in the palace.

It made sense I would find her here.

She glanced up at sensing my presence, a wry smile on her lips that didn't reach her eyes. "The waterfall is meant for Sage. He was here, a little while ago…"

Good; she hadn't been alone, really. Then again she'd already said she didn't have some of her usual struggles when in the _youjakai_ , so I probably worried out of sheer habit. I smiled at her allusion to Sage's preference for waterfalls and cold water before stepping over and sitting beside her on the stone-and-cushion bench.

Not sure what else to say other than the first thing that came to mind, I half-teased, "Doing some meditation, or did Halo take care of the hickeys this time?"

I smiled again when that drew a genuine laugh out of her. "Mostly the former. No need for Halo," she responded with equal humor.

"This time," I returned with an expression resembling the oft-used tongue-sticking-out emoticon. Sensing her amusement but otherwise lack of reply, I let the silence stretch for a comfortable moment or two before softly asking, "How're you feeling?"

"Like my mom's going to die?" Her chuckle was far drier than previously. "It'll… take at least ten years for the poison to even think of killing her. _Both_ of them. She won't be able to do anything except… be in pain…"

I blinked, my entire concept of what had just happened turning upside down. Now that I was thinking about it, though, Sekhmet's explanation about her dying of natural causes rather than the poison made far more sense. An almost relieved exhale passed my lips, body softening with the motion. Despite that new knowledge, though, I wasn't quite sure what to think, knowing Michael was still alive.

"And here I was thinking she'd be dead by the time I woke up…" I said quietly, looking down at my feet.

She shook her head. "The only thing they'll die of is starvation, for how they're in comas…"

I nodded, slowly kicking my feet back and forth in time to the waterfall's giggling. I had read too many stories to let my guard down completely, but knowing Michael and Mom would stay trapped here the remainder of their lives was morbidly comforting.

Touma would never have to fear them.

Alexa noticed my hand running softly over my stomach. "We'll probably want them dead before he's born. It's… up to us, really…"

The conflict in her voice beneath the dark humor didn't escape me. I swallowed, looking up again and staring at the waterfall. "I'm...almost not sure…" Taking a steadying breath, I continued, "On the one hand, I say good riddance, and thanks for the closure. But everything else in me says to spare Michael—all my training, the morality of taking a life when they're, ostensibly, no longer a threat."

She raised an eyebrow. "He's never going to unlearn all Mom taught him. He's going to be a threat the minute he wakes up. It's just a case of when the Warlords stop keeping them alive."

It was yet again creepy how similar we thought. Those words had been in the back of my mind, but perhaps I kept trying to rationalize that Michael was powerless against the Warlords, which meant the threat was gone. I'd read far too many accounts and stories about people trusting that they'd vanquished their foe, only for it to come back when they least expected it.

Exhibit A: Talpa's resurgence in the Dynasty War.

"Are you okay with that?"

She shook her head, also casting her eyes down. Her voice was hardly stronger than mine. "I don't want to have her life in my hands…"

I knew that feeling all too well. I'd realized—and been overwhelmed with—early on that I would be responsible for the lives of people who trusted me implicitly. It was a burden I'd struggled with, and still to this day hadn't a satisfactory answer for what to _do_ with that responsibility.

And this was our own _mother_.

"I think the Warlords are quite willing to take that, if we don't…" I murmured. "And the guys may not say it outright, but they'd likely support it."

That got a snort. "I want her dead but I don't want to kill her."

I smiled wryly at her. "I say again. I get the feeling they'd be more than happy to oblige."

Alexa shook her head, again. "They refuse to do anything behind my back and without my consent. The choice is mine, no matter how much I want to give it up…"

"So then it's down to making the choice, regardless of how she dies?" I murmured.

Her only reply was a nod. Dusk told me what she didn't have words for, that she felt inadequate to make this choice and wanted—needed—someone else. Needed me.

Just when I was struggling with the same thought, myself.

"What if your choice were simply to leave them to the Warlords?"

"Tried that." Her exhale was more like a sigh. "They'd keep her alive until the poison did its work."

"So you disagree."

The statement was more open ended than a substantial claim.

"I don't _know_."

That tone was all too familiar, mirroring my own experiences of when frustrating situations came to the edge of being overwhelming. Even had I anything else to say, voicing it wouldn't help right now. One arm reached out to loop around her shoulders, drawing her against my side and resting her head against mine wordlessly. She deflated immediately, pressing herself closer to me. "I don't want to think about it, anymore…"

My other hand came up to smooth over her hair. "You don't have to decide right away, you know," I murmured.

She nodded. "It's hard enough to accept she's gone…"

Dawn projected my agreement with that. I wished things could be different, that we hadn't needed to resort to fighting or death, but that was the hand we'd been dealt.

I thought of Touma, and the wedding yet to be planned. The guys and their girlfriends.

A wide-open future.

Despite all the darkness—perhaps even _because_ of it—we still managed to be happy.

Be a _family_.

That reminded me of what had been interrupted by unwelcome visitors last night.

"Your decision won't change mine to stick by you."

Alexa took half a moment to process what Dawn projected—the concept of a tattoo which would symbolize our relation by blood—and promptly glomped me.

"I'm glad you like the idea," I said, wrapping my arms around her to pull her closer in contentment.

She swallowed, sniffling. "I've wanted one for years but when we turned out to actually be _sisters_ I didn't think I should need it anymore."

Resting my cheek against her hair, I tightened my arms around her in encouragement. "Getting a tattoo to commemorate our relationship shouldn't—and isn't—contingent on whether or not we're actual sisters. We're close enough, regardless, that if we want a tattoo to celebrate us, we can get one."

A drop of moisture hit my collarbone. "I'd wanted it to remind myself you wouldn't leave but we're _blood_ so of course you won't leave but now that mom's gone…"

I lifted a hand to run it over her hair. "I'm not going anywhere, sis. And if you need a permanent reminder of that, I'm all for it." Quietly, I said, "Everything's going to be okay."

"I'd wanted it on my inner wrist so whenever I look there it'd… remind me."

The self-hatred was back in her voice, Dusk carrying a ghostly sense of death that told me what would have happened to her had I not survived. I drew back just enough to see her face, my right hand finding her left and grasping it so our wrists pressed together. It was almost strangely easy to imagine matching tattoos there, already. "What were you thinking of?"

"Our star signs." She swallowed again. "Balance's kanji would almost be more appropriate but I don't… want to get that. I'd rather have something from… before."

My tiny smile grew, understanding the need to separate this from the events that had ultimately brought us to where we were now. I drew her back into a hug, kissing her forehead. "I think that sounds awesome."

Her laugh betrayed nervousness. "My one worry was getting sick of it but… we can ask Dais to project it, if we want."

That reminded me of the number of times I'd doodled various designs on my hand as a teenager. I sat back again and gave her an almost-grin. "Sounds like fun!" A very bad idea came to mind, which I took a moment to think of and then voice. "...It would be so easy to abuse that power. _Too_ easy. I'd do all sorts of things…!"

She chuckled, the mood lightening. "He's pretty strict about the morality… most times. If he finds it fun enough he'll do it… and the amount of things he finds fun goes up _exponentially_ when he's drunk. The sake here is _potent_."

The words "drunk" and "Dais" in the same sentence threw a wrench in my brain's gears, the equivalent of a computer trying to divide by zero. When I was able to recognize that my face probably displayed the epitome of shock, I finally managed to make my thought train work again. "...I can't decide if that means _you've_ been drunk with the Warlords, or they just like to party and never show it except to you."

This time she outright laughed. "Remember all my talk about my alcohol tolerance? Yeah learned that here. The Warlords have most _certainly_ gotten drunk. I got… close?"

I responded to her almost-embarrassed-to-admit-it tone with a headshake of amusement. "I swear, even as long as we've known each other, I _still_ keep finding new things to learn…!"

When I reached over to ruffle her hair fondly, she merely grinned. "You know you're going to end up invited to one of these, maybe even before you can drink again. Most _certainly_ after. They've got tons of stuff that barely tastes like alcohol, too. Or alcohol free, if you don't mind everyone else being drunk."

I groaned, not relishing the idea of everyone—the Warlords, especially—trying to get me drunk. "Why do I feel like I _asked_ for that…? I mean, I've always wondered what I'm like tipsy, BUT…!"

Alexa ruffled my hair. "It's safe. No pressure. I was curious, so I found out, and they had plenty of water to dull the hangover."

I laughed and waved off her concern. "Oh, I figured. Just…" I shook my head ruefully. "Never would have thought we'd be here…"

"Hashtag story of our lives?" Picking up on my thoughtful tone, she looked down at her feet. "Seriously, ask me where I thought I'd be in five years, before this all started, and 'making sure my mom never hurt me again' was at the top of the list, but getting to it like _this_ …"

I nodded, looping an arm around her shoulders to ward off the melancholy mood. "I know… Me, too."

My sister smirked at me. "I think yours looked more like 'helping me make sure mom never hurts me again' and… well." She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye. "You helped, that's for sure!"

There was a hint of tease at my _particular_ circumstance. I smiled sheepishly, blushing. "Yeah, but I definitely would _not_ have seen "being pregnant" as part of that…!"

She snorted. "By a guy you had, at the time, not even met." The melancholy returned. "It's… been five years, since I left…"

Dawn wrapped around Dusk as I rested my head against hers again. I said nothing, letting Dawn encourage her to continue if she needed it. She eventually did, although very quietly. "Five crazy… wonderful… years. I even… started all over again, right at the anniversary…" She swallowed down trepidation. "And now I'm going to start a whole new thing I never even dared dream about…"

The Armor of Summer prompted us through the armor connection a moment before he spoke. "You never did give up on those dreams, Kure. You just learned over time not to hope for too much."

Having lifted my head to locate Dais, I now glanced down and poked Alexa's shoulder in amusement. "Miss Determinator over here finally got her family."

A subtle smirk graced his lips. "I'm not sure 'miss' is _quite_ the right word, but it will have to do." The thought had occurred to me, but technically I _was_ right. He just telepathically waved it off as he entered the little garden and sat on another bench. "You had wanted me for something?"

Alexa blushed at the question directed to her. "Another tattoo design…"

Sparks of enthusiasm lit his good eye, accompanied by the curve of a genuine smile. "What did you have in mind?"

"I was—"

He held up a finger, stalling her. Without a word, he vanished in a puff of air, then reappeared fifteen seconds later with a sketchbook, pencil already in hand. It looked suspiciously like some animation pencils Alexa had given me for Christmas one year. "I would like to draw it, if you wouldn't mind."

She shook her head to indicate she didn't, then launched into an infodump about all her ideas. I smiled, happy to see her enthusiastic again despite everything that had been going on. As she continued to talk, Dais furiously sketching to keep up with her, I could almost feel a sweatdrop appear on my forehead.

My sister really _had_ been thinking about this for a while.

—8—

Rowen woke to find his bed empty and the sun midway through the early afternoon sky. He sat up quickly—momentarily wondering where Tessa was—before Tenku immediately reassured him Dawn was nearby and unharmed.

It was an overwhelming relief, to have his yoroi back to full strength. He'd known there'd been _something_ missing since the whole...ordeal, but had been unable to place exactly why until yesterday. Before, Tessa would have had to be within a hundred meters for Tenku to sense her; now, despite being halfway across the palace, it took little more than a thought to pick out her star from the others. Dusk rested within close proximity to her, a sure sign of her safety.

Surprisingly, he could even sense a dwarf star beside them.

With the initial worry and surprise dissipating, his stomach could now assert itself. Figuring he might as well go see what had transpired while he slept, the Ronin slid out of bed and dressed.

He didn't make it a dozen meters down the hallway before spotting Kento around a corner, marching his way. Kongo almost looked like he were hunting down pre-War Dais after a particularly nasty mind trick. Rowen paused uncertainly, only for Kento to firmly grab his upper arm, turn on a heel, and smartly step off the way he'd come with Tenku in tow.

There was little for it but to follow, as incredibly confused as he was. "Bro, what's the deal?"

"Ryo was gonna burn the place down if you didn't hurry your ass out of bed."

Rowen blinked, still at a loss as to what was going on. There'd been few times he could recall Ryo being _that_ angry, and none of them had ever been over Rowen's sleeping habits.

When they reached a tea room that was somewhere in the general vicinity of the main dining area, he was greeted with a somewhat strange sight that he supposed was going to become more familiar in the near future. Sage and Dais knelt in the middle of the floor, an _igo_ board between them that told him they'd been playing for at least half an hour if not longer already. The other Ronin and _mashou_ had taken up places on either side of the long tatami table. Cye, notably, was the only one of them to sit on the _mashou_ -dominant side, beside Sekhmet.

Ryo's voice proved just what Kento had meant by "burn down the palace". "Sleeping beauty's finally up."

The Ronin leader's irritation was impossible to mistake; he'd heard it on more than one occasion just in the War alone. Rekka told him what words hadn't—that the _mashou_ had something incredibly important to talk about, had been vague about it so far, and refused to inform the others until Rowen arrived.

"You slept through the party again," Kento joked dryly as he finally separated from Rowen. Tenku noticed an empty plate in front of the other man's seat, the same as at the other's places.

Cale almost smirked when he noticed Rowen's attention firmly on "food", politely offering, "There is more in the adjoining room, if you so choose."

He only had to take one look at Ryo—who was staring too many holes into the _mashou_ —to wisely decline. "I suppose it can wait. Rather not have Rekka burn us all alive before I can actually _eat_ my food," he said, settling beside Sage.

"We were waiting for all of you to arrive before saying what _we_ noticed about the fight with the girls' mother," Sekhmet explained— _almost_ apologetic.

Ryo had never been good at hiding the snappiness behind his voice when he felt like he'd been toyed with. "Well? What _is_ it?"

"The power she drew from was Talpa's."

Kayura's solemn statement immediately turned the room to ice. Rowen felt as if he'd been ejected from the international space station without a suit or his yoroi, or perhaps speared through the heart with a _yari_. Everyone else was equally silent until Ryo wrapped his hands in an iron grip on the edge of the table and shouted, " _WHAT_?"

While he wasn't the fire elemental of the group, Kento could easily match Rekka's heat when enraged. "You better not be joking with us, Kayura, or I swear to the gods—"

Sekhmet cut him off sharply. "We would not lie to you about this, Kongo."

Dais offered further explanation before any other interjections could be made. "She had corrupted his powers to the point not even _we_ could recognize it until yesterday. In their mother's haste, she drew on the _raw_ power, which revealed its original source to us."

Kayura almost infuriatingly calmly took a sip of tea. "Unfortunately it was too late for us to _catch_ his powers. As of now, her final act was to send his mask into the _ningenkai_ , where it is almost impossible to track."

"So, Talpa's powers are loose on the world, but we can't really do anything about it _before_ something happens," Ryo summarized, growling almost like his tiger.

Dais nodded. "Correct."

Rowen sympathized with the heartbreak in Sage's response. "She didn't feel like this was over. I don't think any of us did, really."

"We bear the yoroi. It'll never be over as long as we do," Rowen murmured. His unborn son came to mind, and the potential for armor inheritance which he and Tessa had already discussed in some detail, "Even should, and when, our children take up the armors, we'll still be involved."

His brother managed a half smile. "It's not for our sake I wish this was over."

He mirrored the look. "I understand." The room had gone oddly still; he slowly surveyed it to see everyone watching the exchange. Words fell from his tongue almost without knowing where they came from. "I think we all do. I know I wish Touma wouldn't have to deal with this. That he could live free of the burden we carry. Life is not so kind; so it is up to us to prepare the next generation as best we can. If that means fighting this damned cult once more, then so be it."

"We will help as much as we can," Sekhmet rumbled. "Unlike you lot, we do not have other responsibilities."

"Tessa and Alexa should know about this," Sage added. "Alexa might even have ideas of where her mother could have sent it."

Kayura nodded. "That is likely wise. As much as it would pain her."

He shook his head. "She already knows. Or, at least, her anxiety has already made her think what we are discussing."

"Don't worry, Sage. We'll be sure to help keep her spirits up," Kento reassured. He clasped Ryo's opposite shoulder and pulled him roughly against the younger man. Ryo squawked indignantly and glared, but Kongo merely grinned at him in the way only he could. "Right, Ryo?"

Sage rewarded the banter with a soft smile. "Arigato. I… think she'll be alright, though." Rowen smiled to himself to hear the hopefulness in Kourin's tone. "After all of this, she seems to be somewhat at peace that challenges never end, and we are happy to accompany her in them."

"Involving her will likely help," Rowen agreed. "She tends to do better when she can feel like she's involved in solving a problem."

He knew—and the yoroi connection confirmed—that Sage didn't need to be told twice, but he'd felt it bore saying regardless, and hoped the reminder was useful in some way. Dais picked up the thread of conversation and twisted it slightly, like one of his webs. "And you all have now proven yourselves even more capable in the face of Youjakai Spirit power."

Summer and the other _mashou_ yoroi, once strictly excluded from the connection, permeated it with a sense of gladness that they now no longer fought their comrades. Rowen could even sense an undercurrent of feeling responsible for the younger warriors—especially with a new generation of yoroi bearers on the horizon. There was also pride for the Ronin's accomplishments at the surface, laced with respect of strength that was on par with the _mashou_ 's own.

All the younger men emanated equal happiness for the praise, faint smiles showing, but it was Cye who spoke. "We've grown. We're no longer the boys you faced ten years ago."

Chuckles rippled among the _mashou_. "I'm sure having Ancient power more readily available has helped," Kayura pointed out.

"That it has," Ryo agreed, voice no longer boiling with fire. "The armors themselves have also grown stronger—likely for just that reason."

Always the proper one, Sage easily shifted the unspoken sense of responsibility for the newfound strength that allowed their recent use of the yoroi. "Alexa explained how to snap Nether Spirit influence years ago, when this all began, passing on what the Ancient taught her. We had just thought it impossible for ourselves."

Cye wasn't going to let him slip away from his due credit that easily, however. "Once Sage figured it out, it was easy enough to follow his lead."

Rowen almost shook his head at Sage's continued deference. "Kourin simply… tapped into its survival instinct, upon seeing what was about to happen."

He reached out to set a light hand on Kourin's shoulder; he understood the reasons for his brother's humility, and the unspoken depth behind his action. Had Tessa been more directly in the line of fire, he likely would have found the same strength. "I've been there—I'm sure we all have, really. There's something to be said for the self-preservation imbued in these yoroi."

"Regardless of how it came about," Sekhmet said, refocusing the conversation, "you have proven that it _is_ possible to overcome Spirit influence without Ancient power."

"And now that we know, we're never going to be sidelined again," Kento declared fiercely. "Right, guys?"

Everyone nodded and voiced their agreement, determination written on their faces.

As conversation turned to other things, Rowen couldn't help a grin at the feeling of camaraderie that flowed between them, no longer a divide between Ronin and _mashou_. All thirteen yoroi stood united against any potential threats that could arise—a new yet welcome feeling. The world had seemed so dark and overcast for so long that now, standing on the edge of daybreak, Rowen could scarcely believe they'd made it this far.

Not long after the topic change, Dais suddenly excused himself to go handle unspoken business. Rowen was all too happy to take Summer's place at the igo board.

"Normally I would say this is an unfair match," Sage said lightly. "However, at least I know _your_ playing style. My odds of winning just increased fractionally."

He smirked at the blond, studying the board before hastily making a move. "I am curious, though, what Dais might have left for in such a hurry."

"If I had to guess, I'd say Alexa and Tessa probably came up with some new idea."

That got a raised eyebrow and a dubious idea. Loathe to leave the game as he was, his 'curious kitty' side was quite curious. "Shall we go investigate?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Warnings:** Cult material

* * *

 _Chapter 25_

I looked up from Dais colouring the design both Tessa and I had agreed on at two prompts. Sage and Rowen leaned up against the gazebo's railings to see what Dais was preoccupied with. I could only blush at Sage's raised eyebrow.

"I… might want another tattoo?"

My sister lifted a hand and waved the mild shock off, voice extraordinarily chipper. "Might or might not be my idea. Or fault. Whichever way you want to look at it."

I nearly laughed at Rowen's surprise, his eyebrows going up in a similar way to how mine had when she first pitched the idea. "Are you getting one, too?"

She smiled sheepishly, one hand going to her rounding belly. "Yeah… After Touma's born, of course."

He responded with a wide-eyed blink, unsure what to make of it. Sage, meanwhile, looked unusually interested, with a sense of personal stake in the matter that was missing whenever he was interested in something purely for my sake. "Where would you get it?"

I pointed to the inside of my left wrist. Rowen snapped out of his stupor to say, "You know that'll hurt a bit."

Both of us raised eyebrows at him, mine saying 'I have been impaled' and Tessa's saying 'I will have gone through childbirth'. Regardless, he picked up our meanings _loud_ and clear: a little tiny tattoo would be nothing in comparison. He had the decency to look appropriately chastised.

Sage laughed and clasped Rowen's shoulder. "I think they'll be fine."

The slightly taller of the two sighed good naturedly and nodded. "Yeah… It's just the first _I've_ heard of this," he said, eyebrow raised at his wife.

Dais had barely stopped drawing this whole time. When he switched from coloured pencils to ink outlining, he very casually said, "I believe this is the first any of us are hearing about this."

Tessa rubbed the back of her head. "Well, it's also somewhat new to _us_ , too, honestly…" I blushed, remembering how long I had infodumped and when the early ideas of this tattoo came into my mind. She noticed and added, "As far as actually deciding to _get_ it."

Despite the clarification, I could still sense confusion from our love interests. I coughed. "I kind of wanted one with her for years…"

She laughed and pulled me against her side in a hug, continuing to radiate with her body language just how much she genuinely wanted this, and if it made me this happy, that just gave her more reason to go through with it.

"Only fitting, I suppose," Sage said, voice quiet. Halo swirled with memories of our lost rings, ache of how easily even the strongest bonds could be cast aside still fresh. It was the same feeling I had at nearly losing my sister, only his ache went down to Halo being the only thing that had kept my heart beating for too many minutes.

The way he met my eyes in the following pause told me there was something he wanted to tell me. Tessa caught on a moment after I did, getting up and going to drag her husband away. "C'mon, I wanna go explore the stables."

Dais nodded towards me. "I will return when the drawing is complete."

He vanished, leaving Sage and I alone. He was about to move when I simply hopped up on the railing, turning so it was like we were sitting side by side. He wrapped an arm around me, bringing his nose against mine.

"How much would you hate hearing your anxiety was partially right?"

I sighed and pressed my forehead into his neck. "How much is partially?"

He took one of my hands in his. "The source of your mother's powers hasn't been dealt with, yet. She used the same mask she had originally, but… she sent it to the ningenkai, before the mashou could catch it."

I just pressed closer to him, drawing his other arm around me. "To Rupert, no doubt…"

"He's a starting place, at least." Sage swallowed, adam's apple moving with the strength of the action. "Her powers were Talpa's."

My breath caught, but likely not for the reason Sage assumed. "Was… he ever known as Arago?"

That made Sage pull back slightly in surprise. "What do you know about him?"

I tried not to shrink back at the slight heat in his tone. To remind myself he wasn't mad at me, but at this whole situation. "Arago was… one of the 'masters' in the cult. One my mom worshiped and prayed to the most heavily. He was… in control of power. And kept preaching how people would try to attack you for that power, but it was god's power, so you were in the right to have it. How soon the world would feel the full extent of it."

Sage's body temperature might as well have dropped, he was so frozen. "That… was Talpa. I can remember Talpa saying exactly that to us, when we fought him."

Now it was my turn to swallow. "So they… really _were_ one in the same…?"

He nodded and pulled me closer. "Arago was the name Kayura knew him by. As he played the role of—"

"Her father. Her protector."

"Yes."

Both of us were haunted, now, trying to reconcile a decade's old battle both of us had fought and thought finished. I wrapped his arms even tighter around me, wanting something real and in the present. "She must've… wanted power so much, he sensed her, and kept living through her…"

"Did…" He paused, hesitating to bring up the past but both of us knowing it was necessary. "Did she get more powerful, around the time you turned fifteen?"

I nodded, and both of our hearts sunk. "She might as well have been another Warlord," I murmured.

" _She_ is defeated." He said firmly. A moment later, his tone softened, grip tightening. "Talpa, however, isn't…"

I snort-laughed. "Somehow, I'm okay with that."

Knots in his muscles relaxed. "We've defeated everything that has challenged us so far. I'd… hoped you would trust we would continue to win."

I relaxed as well, smiling with my pitch black sense of humour. "I've kind of always wanted to give Arago a piece of my mind."

Now he chuckled, breath against my neck. "You and Kayura both. All the mashou, for that matter."

I reached a hand up to tangle in his hair. "We'll… handle it when he shows up again. In the meantime…"

He took my invitation for a kiss quite willingly, once again _wild_. I drank in the lightning of his touch, Halo nearly blinding behind my eyelids. The ache of the past few weeks finally had a name, and now I understood why I had missed him even when he was right beside me.

He barely pulled away when we parted. "I should thank you, for that."

It took me a moment to realize he meant 'saving his powers'; I simply shook my head. "I think you should thank Ryo and Inferno. Wouldn't have found them without it."

He kissed me again, softer this time, rendering me limp against him. "For teaching us how to break Nether Spirit influence over our armours."

"I didn't—"

"I know the Ancient taught you. But it was you who taught us." One hand went to my jaw, thumb brushing along my cheek. "Please take some credit for this."

I could only ask one question, voice a whisper. "Was it you, who said…?"

He nodded, eyes distant. "Kourin acted… as if it was my own life at risk. The others and I talked this morning, and— we've all been able to resist youjakai influence at some points, whenever it was life or death for our armours to be in use. That's our best guess for why Kourin pushed through the barrier, after you telling us how to destroy it. The others followed the pattern Kourin laid out."

I simply tried to take this information and process it. The thought somebody loved me so much, that my life ending was as if theirs did— pushed tears past my lashes. He wiped them away and smiled at me, more with his eyes than mouth. "I know you feel that way about Tessa the most strongly, but I also know I'm a close second."

I gave a watery laugh and nodded. "And Rowen's a close third."

He kissed me, hand tangling in my hair. _'I love you more than any hardship can negate.'_

 _'I believe you.'_

He pulled back and held my gaze, still holding me. "Will you marry me?"

I smiled. "I already said yes."

He swallowed. "I… almost feel like you said that to a different person."

"So was I." My smile turned into a smirk. "Will _you_ marry _me_?"

"Absolutely."

He pulled me so close against him I swung my legs to the other side of the railing, our fronts pressing together despite the twist in my spine from sitting sidesaddle. I felt safe, my body cradled in his arms and armours twined. It was a feeling I'd missed over the weeks, from everything that had happened.

When we finally parted again, there was a twinkle in his eye I hadn't seen in too long. "Your tattoo with Tessa gave me an idea."

I blinked at the switch, once again stunned that _another_ person I never would have ever guessed pitching the idea had done just that. "What?"

He chuckled. "We could get our ring designs tattooed under the band. So even if we can't wear them…"

In the moments it took for my surprise to wear off, a few more blinks punctuating the silence, a smile slowly grew on my face. "I'd like that."

"It can be after the wedding, if you'd prefer."

I shook my head. "Let's reveal them _at_ the wedding."

The gleam in his eye likely would've unnerved anyone else. "Now to convince my parents to let us control the ceremony…"

Family. Parents. The thought of _his_ parents suddenly becoming _mine_ , the concept of 'family' previously destroyed with my mother's capture but so quick to rebuild.

The ice cold shower must've shown on my face. The teasing vanished, replaced with concern. "Too much?"

I shook my head. "It just… hit me all at once."

He slid his hands down to the tops of my hips, forehead against mine. "What is mine is yours. As I have promised since the day we met, no matter what turns we took."

I smiled, thinking of early Skype calls, when I was still scared and lost after too much change— keeping him at arm's length for my own safety. How, even platonically, there would always be space in his home should I ever need it. Whether that was in a guest room or beside him in bed. No matter what our relationship status was— platonic or romantic— his home was mine.

"I know."

"Will you marry me, and share your life with mine?"

"Yes." Tears pushed their way past both of our lashes, and I wiped his away while he did the same for me. "Of course."

—

Standing in Sage's room surrounded by a veritable mountain of garbage bags most certainly made for an interesting Christmas holiday.

He wiped sweat-damp strands of hair from his face. "I can't believe I'd held on to so many clothes."

I grabbed one of the lighter bags for me to lug out to the car for donation. "And _I_ don't understand why you have to do this _now_."

"Because," he said, grabbing two bags himself. "Our lives are about to become pure chaos and if we can finish one thing early, it's less to do before the wedding."

The words 'before the wedding' still tripped me up. I was wearing my promise ring in lieu of my engagement ring, not comfortable without some visible symbol. I didn't say anything until the bags were in his parents' sedan, us borrowing it for trunk space. Sage's preference for sports cars left a _lot_ to be desired in that area.

After the bags were stowed— there was room for three more in the back seat— he caught my hand before I could walk back inside on autopilot.

Kissing the back of my fingers brought me out of a daze, drawing me to the set of his mouth and loving gleam in his eyes. "I would also like you to know you have space in my life."

I swallowed. "We can talk inside. I'm cold…"

He pulled me against his warmth— we'd not bothered with our coats, for how that was supposed to have been a quick trip in and out. Despite getting back on my feet, caloric-wise, the ridiculous schedule of flying 30 hours to Japan all of last week had set me back. The first thing to go was _always_ body heat.

I put off talking until we were back to his room, but by that point autopilot was back in place and I simply went to grab another bag. Sage gently gripped my arm. "I'm not going to let you run from this."

"I don't want to," I said, letting go of the bag. "I just…"

He smiled. "Avoid the wedding itself?" A nod was all he needed before he pulled me against him. "I know you're scared of not fitting, here. Of your life in boxes while mine takes up the space." He turned just enough so I could see the closet. "And I want to make sure you know that won't happen."

I looked at the more-than-half-empty closet out of the corner of my eye, almost imagining my clothes hanging there but stopping myself. I rubbed my face into his shoulder. "What if you get used to the space?"

He stroked my hair, continuing to hold me. "How can I, when I know it's a void?"

I adjusted my grip but didn't say anything immediately, slowly parsing out what this act meant. Clothes he had purged while I watched, the 'maybe' pile sorted through with my input— him wanting to make sure he didn't throw away any clothes that he could learn to like if I liked how he looked in them. I'd only been comforted when that only happened with the 'maybe' pile, and how if he didn't like something, then the item went to donate even if I protested.

I might've tested protesting just for the sole purpose of that reassurance.

He kissed my forehead. "I've said what I've had to say, if you want to move on."

I nodded. "This is all so big…"

He rested his lips against my hair. "Mixing two lives so intimately is a large undertaking. _I'm_ overwhelmed and I have less to do than you."

Thoughts of immigration— a process that would have to start soon, for how long the red tape could be— just made me burrow into him deeper. "I don't want to think about it."

We'd barely been engaged two months, and we'd only had our rings for a week. Our tentative date of next-next April, eighteen months away, felt like an eternity, but it also felt like tomorrow, and I wanted the world to stop spinning for a moment.

Maybe a trip to the youjakai would be in order, before returning to reality at the end of our winter holidays.

He patted my back. "C'mon. Once we've donated all of this, we should head over to Mia's."

—/—

 _"I hope there's more food than normal because Sage and I have been moving garbage bags all day."_

Well that was certainly a way to make an entrance. "The Dates are here," I announced to the near-filled dining room.

Mia—with varied Ronin's help—had certainly spruced the place up. The formal dining room used approximately six times out of the year had been aired out, dusted, and draped in decorations. Usually a great long mahogany table ran down the center, but this year it'd been somehow magically removed and replaced with four couches and a smaller serving table. At the furthest end of the room, a warm glow rose out of the sparkling hearth from a fire graciously provided by Wildfire, White Blaze gladly sidling up to it against the chill through the wide French doors on the long side of the room.

Not that _his_ thick fur didn't keep him warm enough, anyway.

Telepathically, I raised an eyebrow at my sister. _"Getting some early spring cleaning done?"_

I could see them land through the doors across from me, which looked out over a wide deck in the direction of the lake. Dusk and Halo powered down as they made their way toward the house, revealing heavy peacoats against the winter air.

 _"More like Sage realizing there's no room for anybody else's clothes in his closet and him deciding to fix that with_ plenty _of time to spare!"_ Alexa replied with affectionate amusement. Us procrastinators _would_ fall for two guys who pretty much never procrastinated. (Unless we were talking about sleep, then Rowen had me beat...though not by much.) She continued, _"Having incredible fashion sense comes with a cost, it seems. He had about a dozen bags to donate. For comparison, I had half that when I purged a few months ago."_

I shook my head, watching Ryo go to meet the couple at the door. _"Well, Kento's here, so of course there's extra food. He, Mia,_ and _Cye have been cooking all day, practically. Though I think for Kento it's more a matter of pride on trying to beat out Cye for best dish..."_

 _"Good. I'm starving."_ She skipped through the door—past Ryo, though I could see he didn't mind in the least—and glomped me. "Merry Christmas, sis."

"Merry Christmas to you, too," I greeted warmly, hugging her more with my arms than my body. Sage was somewhat close behind, though he'd at least offered a quick hug to his brother-in-arms on the way in. "Feeling a bit lighter? Or do you need to trim some of that hair as well?" I teased him cheekily.

Rowen walked in the room as Sage laughed brightly. He grinned, pulling Alexa tightly against his side; happiness practically radiated off him. "I think my hair is just fine, thank you kindly," he said in the same teasing manner.

"Then why all the product?" my husband pointed out amicably, also drawing me into a side-hug.

Sage arched an eyebrow at him. "And you?"

Rowen returned that look with one of challenge, pointing at his shorter and somewhat unruly locks. "Do you see floof like a poodle?"

Alexa stepped forward and almost bounced off her feet in an attempt to reach said hair. "I see spikes that need hair gel."

There was little opportunity for a retort; he could only scrunch his nose in protest before Kento popped his head through the doorway. "If you prettyboys are done swapping hair tips, food's ready."

The telltale _pop_ of armor teleportation heralded Dais' response. "I would hurry up and serve yourselves, for unlike the _youjakai_ , this is not unending."

Alexa's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Her attack-hug was almost more intense than when we met again after a long separation. Dais smiled softly and returned the gesture.

I couldn't help thinking "Grandpa" would certainly be a good nickname for him.

The other Warlords were right behind him, fanning out into the growing crowd of Ronin as Mia, Kento, and Cye brought in the platters and plates of food. Kayura made a beeline for Rowen and I, greeting him first with a fond hug before turning one on me and asking about Touma. She might've been four centuries old, but she'd been following my pregnancy almost with the joy of the teenager she physically was.

Although, she'd gained at least an inch since we'd known her. ...Or two.

I pouted at her. "You're officially taller than me," I complained.

She just laughed, a slight flush to her cheeks at the compliment. It had been a sore point for her for a while, and to know she'd made progress was a huge relief.

The pleasant company and idle chatter around the serving table was a welcome reprieve from trials, kidnappings, and lost armor power. Mia'd decided to keep the gathering light and somewhat informal, though everyone seemed to enjoy the excuse to get a little dressed up. Sage, of course, was in a suit and tie, but Rowen had at least put on a button up that I quite fancied. Even the Warlords were in on the modern clothing; it was nice to see them acclimating to the _ningenkai_ , even if the _youjakai_ was their home.

Although apparently someone had researched Christmas traditions and then acquired sweaters for the lot of them. Luckily, Kayura's fashion sense looked to have at least matched them to good colors and not-outright-atrocious patterns.

Halfway through eating, Ryo suddenly had to cough to clear his throat mid-bite. Conversation paused and everyone watched him to see if he'd be okay. When he could speak again, he waved at the stack of presents around the hearth and guarded by White Blaze.

"Is it just me, or did the pile get bigger since I last checked?"

I blinked, also looking, and realized he was right. Glances passed between the group, some eyes narrowed in suspicion and then turning toward the Warlords.

"Santa came," Cale deadpanned.

Mixed reactions rippled through the group. Alexa blushed and coughed embarrassedly—they'd probably gotten it from her, in all actuality—while Sage politely tried to hide his chuckles behind the pretense of wiping his mouth with his napkin. Ryo, notably, tried not to choke again, while Cye and Kento laughed both at Cale and their poor leader.

Everyone _knew_ it was an excuse for the secret Warlord treasure trove. But where was the fun in upsetting that apple cart?

"Shall we investigate?" Rowen suggested, getting over his own cough-laugh fit.

Silverware being put down and plates getting set aside accompanied general agreement on the matter. Sage was instantly up and vanishing down the hall, ostensibly to retrieve something...in a manner that suspiciously resembled the last time he'd surprised his fiancée—then girlfriend—with something of particular importance. The room was quiet while we waited for him to come back

"I think Tōgei would want to open this, first," he said when he returned. He extended his hand to Alexa; resting in it was a pink tissue-paper wrapped heart box that was too obviously a jewlery box. "I didn't want it to get lost under the tree."

My sister nearly knocked him over with the overwhelming joy in her hug. I grinned at her, more glad than I could say to see her strength returned. Someone—Rowen, of course—was fast enough to pluck his phone up for a picture just before they parted. _Suspiciously_ fast...almost like he was in on it…

I narrowed my eyes at him as Sage undid the bow on the wrapping and opened the box. Nestled inside, in separate slots, were exact replicas of both their engagement rings that had been lost to Michael.

Yup. The look on his face gave it _completely_ away; Rowen had to have been in on this. And I couldn't decide whether I wanted to be upset or playfully annoyed at him for keeping it a secret from me. I couldn't blame him, though, since there was always a risk I'd tell her beforehand.

Her excitement was all worth it in the end.

Dais—having moved over to the present pile while Sage and Alexa got their rings situated and sat back down—came over with a large, square package. "I wanted to be the first to give you a present for your new lives."

Sage bowed his head respectfully and took it carefully with both hands. Alexa helped him peel back the wrapping, revealing a traditional Japanese painting. Knowing Dais and his hobbies, he'd probably painted it himself.

I raised an eyebrow at my sister. "Why does that look like you and Sage?"

For once, my sister was speechless. She blinked, looked at Sage, looked at Dais, then returned her gaze to the painting. "We posed in the _youjakai_ … I'd forgotten about it."

Dais wasn't quite grinning, but it was obvious he was incredibly pleased with his handiwork. "I thought it would be a fitting gift, for such a celebration."

That it certainly was. The two of them dancing were always the most beautiful moments between them I could recall, and Dais had captured that immaculately. A cherry tree and waterfall flanked them, fallen blossoms in the water and all blended together in such a way as to make it seem they danced atop the petal-strewn mirror. All the detailing on their clothes—Alexa's dance outfit of leotard, skirt, heels, and hair half-pinned in a one-eyed dragon hair clip; Sage in a traditional kimono with only a few strands of hair to barely hide his eye—couldn't match the adoration in their eyes and the nose-to-nose closeness of their ballroom frame. Even the coloring reflected their relationship, deep Halo green and Dusk purple represented to varying degrees in their respective outfits.

My attention turned from the painting to Cale, who'd followed up behind him as Dais turned his good eye on myself and Rowen. There was an identically-shaped present to Sage and Alexa's in hand, except for the blue-and-snowflake paper. "And if I recall, you just recently celebrated your own union."

I blinked, jaw slack—no doubt I was the twin of my sister, then, guessing that he held a similar gift to what they'd received. Dusk told me how widely _she_ was grinning, now, as Rowen took the package for us and let me start on opening it. Once I could think clearly again.

He'd somehow gotten one of our wedding photos—one of my _favorites_. My sister's handiwork, no doubt. While we'd managed to find an excellent photographer, and I'd hemmed and hawed over which of my favorites to get in a large print for the wall, Dais' skill blew the original image out of the water. The white of my gown blended ethereally into the reflection of the full moon on the water in the foreground. Rowen's tux somehow managed to give off a vibe I always associated with his armor without directly depicting it, blending into a Strata-blue background studded with stars.

I could hardly stop staring at it to look up at Dais and stammer out my thanks, inadequate as it was to capture my awe. Rowen, thankfully, had more command of his tongue. "It's too bad we can't get the one of me in Tenku printed," he said to me. Then, to the _gen mashou_ , " _Domo arigato gozaimashita_."

"You could always pose however you like, if you want another," Dais offered.

That knocked me out of my stupor immediately, brightening at the thought. Even if we couldn't _publically_ display it, perhaps it could stay in the _youjakai_. Or we could just come up with some excuse...like "cosplay". Or "fantasy artwork".

And then, of course, there would be future family portraits...

Rowen's poke at my shoulder returned my thoughts to the present. "Good thing we replaced our rings, already."

I smiled coyly as he lifted my hand—and the said rings—to his lips. "Especially since the theme of this year seems to be _paintings._ "

Alexa, always in on my devious plots (and often the mastermind, truthfully), bounced up from the couch to go fetch my present for Rowen. His expression went from sultry to confused blinking in an instant, one of the most adorable looks ever on him. I managed a light laugh as Alexa handed me the smaller rectangular package.

"Merry Christmas," I whispered, brushing my nose against his with a sly smirk.

He drew back to take the present, eyes saying he wasn't quite sure what to think with my behavior. I just watched with a growing lopsided grin as he peeled back the wrapping. His eyes widened.

I'd had Dais paint Touma's sonogram, describing how we could already feel him in the armor connection like the brightest of our neighboring stars. Even though I already knew what was coming, as with the other two paintings he'd magnified the idea beyond its original scope. The dry, grainy white imagery had turned into a swirling nebula dotted with stardust. Off to one side, a bright dwarf star marked his heart.

"Dude, you should start a gallery or something," I heard Kento say briefly.

That was before I found myself wrapped tightly in my husband's arms, his face buried against my neck. Strata was about fit to burst with love and gratitude, no words enough to express the full emotions of his heart.

A sudden firm tap against my stomach startled us both. We almost jumped back, looking bewildered between each other and my ever-growing belly.

Rowen found his words first. Again. "Was that…"

"A kick," I finished. I looked up at him, and found my own expression of awe reflected back at me.

And then that huge grin that I couldn't help replicating.

"A kick?"

"Can I feel?"

I laughed at the guys' sudden enthusiasm, letting Rowen draw me into a gentler hug against him. "Yeah, a kick." He made a show of wincing and rubbing his stomach where he'd felt it. "Are you sure you didn't get to him first, Ryo?"

More laughter—especially at Ryo's face, which obviously said he was aghast at how _wrong_ that could be interpreted—and the present-giving devolved into talk about Touma and trying to feel for another kick. The Warlords took the opportunity to toss a few more gifts on the pile, all baby-related. My favorite, and one that got adorable squeals out of me, was a Strata-themed onesie.

The painting theme continued, also, each Ronin receiving one inspired by their armor's aesthetic. Heat waves off sand dunes had Kento repeating his comment about a gallery in the _ningenkai_ to Dais. Cye's seascape in particular was breathtaking, crashing waves spiralling into subtle marine life shapes on a sparkling beach. Mount Fuji about to erupt looked so lifelike I had to remind myself not to go darting to the window to check the real mountain that wasn't quite visible from Mia's.

Everyone looked up at a knock on the doors that almost couldn't be heard over the merrymaking. Ryo quickly rose when we saw Yuli had finally managed to break away from family obligations for a brief visit.

He took a moment to glance around as he removed his hat and coat. "Did I miss much?"

Surprisingly, Cale was the one to answer. "No. We were all exchanging gifts. You're in time for your own."

Out came the _largest_ present yet, a box that almost dwarfed Sekhmet, or any of the others and Yuli. The kid's eyes went wide as the _doku mashou_ dropped it into his arms. Holding them at ninety degree angles to his body, it still reached to the bottom of his chin. "Really?" he asked in disbelief.

They all nodded, faint hints of almost eager smiles on their faces. Yuli moved over to the closest empty space on a couch—where Ryo had vacated the spot next to Kento—and quickly tore off the paper. When presented with a plain cardboard shipping box, he flicked out the pocket knife I'd given him for his birthday and sliced through the packing tape.

Out came a giant replica of White Blaze, all thirty-six inches of fluffy black-and-white stripes in a convenient stuffed toy format.

Sekhmet _almost_ grinned at getting the desired " _Cool_!" reaction out of Yuli. "The City of Desire remembered your attachment to White Blaze, when you last visited."

The _live_ tiger had uncanny timing. Somehow he'd snuck away from his place by the fire right before Yuli walked in. Now he padded over with an empty plate between his jaws, plopping down on his haunches in front of the young man like a dog in a clear indication he should take the offering.

He did, laughing and—after appropriate and heartfelt thanks—rearranging his new present to sit where Ryo had. The Ronin leader didn't mind, simply finding yet another open couch to plop down on as we set about catching Yuli up on the gathering so far. He practically had stars in his eyes at the paintings, although was understandably miffed about being late to the party.

His dismayed "I missed the engagement _again_?" had us laughing.

"As long as you don't miss the wedding!" Kento teased, nudging the younger groomsman with an elbow.

The brief instant of mortification at the thought flashing across his face only exacerbated the laughter. After a moment, he joined in, though not without a good return shove at Kento.

Slowly, the stack of presents began to dwindle, and the short-lived winter sun faded as night fell, drawing the dark blanket of early evening over Japan. I was content to lay back against my husband and watch our closest friends—and family—enjoy the gathered company, his fingers lightly running through my loose hair. The Warlords, in particular, caught my eye, finally opening up to more readily share and participate than they had thus far. They and the Ronin all seemed to have put aside their long-ago feud, joined together toward a common goal.

Sensing my thoughtful mood, Rowen kissed my forehead, his hand sliding to the crest of my stomach.

Perhaps they would even work toward a common future.

The idea that they would eventually make excellent uncles stuck with me the rest of the evening.


	26. Chapter 26

Wow, the final chapter (minus, of course, the epilogue). This one's a bit of a doozy, but rather short. (Which may be a good thing, as we're going to finish out NF and start posting the next saga all in one day. Woohoo!)

Stay tuned for the official announcement of _Nightfall_ 's sequel!

 **Warnings:** torture, parental abuse, neglect, attempted murder, cult material, execution

* * *

 _Chapter 26_

The person missing at Tessa's baby shower had distracted me all day. Considering the publicity of the trial, everyone knew not to ask. Reports had already said she died in her cell. Michael had been found dead. Dais had outdone himself, and according to the rest of the world, we only had one living parent.

I knew better.

Tessa noticed me wandering off near the end, having been distant the last hour. It was all chatting, now, people dropping off as they wanted to. She asked if I wanted company. I shook my head no. She quickly gave me a hug— me honestly more pressed against her side than front— before returning to her guests, me going deeper into the forests around Mia's house

I clapped my hands together before turning them palms outward, parting rifts between worlds as easily as a curtain of water. It used to hurt, every time I got close to this barrier. Kayura had figured it out thanks to the Ancient and Anubis, the staff holding a memory of how to travel between worlds.

Cale and Kayura were playing with the dogs in the courtyard. Instead of kneeling to pet the mini pack that trotted up to me in greeting, I absently patted one's head and scratched the other's spine. "Where's Sekhmet?"

Cale glanced towards the palace. "Here to finish what you began?"

I swallowed. Hard. "Yes."

"He's in his lab," Kayura said softly. "Do you—"

"No."

I left the dogs behind, walking through familiar halls and Sekhmet meeting me after I'd traveled not even fifty feet. "I thought you'd prefer not to backtrack too much."

My smile was more automatic than genuine. "Arigato."

He took me down into the dungeon. Behind two layers of magically protected and iron-clad doors was a chamber that still echoed with torture. Hospitals and cemeteries always had tripped my abilities to feel the past— the doors of death about to open and the windows of ended lives frozen in history.

Apparently, prisons did the same thing.

I tried to tell myself the Nether Spirit wails were only the past, only a time Talpa— Arago— had control of this place. The grim irony was not lost on me; how my mother had wanted so strongly to be one with him and here she was, held in a place that he had used to torment those who didn't follow him absolutely.

Just like she had tormented me.

She was alone in this room. Michael had been in here for all of a week as the Warlords let him die, showing a twisted form of mercy when seven days of starvation and dehydration had yet to kill him. Tessa and Rowen— she'd left the final call in his hands, for all Michael had physically attacked Rowen more— had said they didn't care how, they just wanted to know when they could move on. Michael's prolonged pain had been punishment enough, for the healing they needed. Anything longer would have simply left my sister and brother in law lurching between past and present. None of us wanted that for them.

Meanwhile, I had asked she be kept alive. At the barest level possible. The way she had kept me.

Cruel, maybe. Vengeful, most certainly. As my sister's due date drew closer I kept thinking of my nephew, or my responsibility as an aunt. It was a month before he would enter the world, now. Thirteen months before my own wedding.

I had not known what I needed to heal for months. Until last week, really, and even then— cowardice had kept me from truly acting.

I looked up at Sekhmet. "Can she hear me?"

He shook his head. "Her body has completely shut down, between the poison and starvation. As far as Dais is aware, she is hallucinating _if_ she has moments of lucidity. Both of us doubt it." He paused, glancing down at me. "Do you wish her to?"

"No."

He gestured forward, indicating I could do whatever I wanted. All I did was step to the edge of the Nether-lava she was half sunk into, aged till her 90s. I couldn't look away, fascination mirroring that of watching a train wreck.

"You hurt me."

The spit out words acted like a quick release pin, weight of everything I had held back dropping down.

"I was your victim and you insisted you were a victim of circumstance. You might've been part of this cult but you _chose_ to love god more than me. You _chose_ to put some ideal over the flesh and blood— _your_ flesh and blood. You nearly killed Tessa because you hated Dad so much you didn't want him to have her, and mistrusted doctors so much you didn't want them in your body. You spilled vitriol all over your pregnancy because it made you lose _your_ figure. Was I not worth it? Was a child who tried to do everything right, who tried to be worthy of you— was _your own child_ worth less than your precious _waistline_?"

My voice grew louder, finally free to expose the anger she had always turned against me when conscious. "You lied to me! You said you were protecting me. Protecting me from _what_? Kindness? Joy? _Love_? Everything good in this world! You stopped me from experiencing everything good in this world in the name of _safety_ , because human attachments weren't supposed to mean anything. Because love wasn't supposed to mean anything. Yeah, you sure proved _that_ right. The love of your child was so worthless you'd rather have me dead so you could advance your own ends. But you never had the guts to kill me outright— that would be evil. Instead you restricted my food until I was eating four hundred calories a day and a month away from death. My friends loved me more than you ever did, and I fought tooth and nail to have them."

Nails dug into my palms, voice already raw but me not about to stop shrieking. "Because everything that made people happy was a creation of hell that would slow my progress! That experiencing the wrong things would make it I never left this world to experience heaven. How _sad_ you were that I might not get there to join you. And I listened! I cut off more people than I want to name and they all locked me out of their social groups and I nearly died from isolation more times than I care to count. And I thought you would protect me from it! I thought you were keeping me safe! You were just trying to pad out your resume and when I stopped being your perfect little doll you nearly _starved me to death_. Once I outlived my usefulness you _nearly killed me_.

"You stopped me. You stopped me at every turn. Gaslit me into thinking you were actually _supportive_ of my job, when you'd told me not to take it because the way I got the offer was dangerous, when you'd told me if I just worked my job profile hard enough an offer _exactly like that_ would fall in my lap _just like it did_. You only wanted me to do things so you could brag about them. You only like me if I do what you want and put you as my number one priority and you knew the job was the beginning of your end and it was!" I swallowed down rawness in my throat, not bothering to cuff away the tears threatening to fall. "You kept lying and lying and lying about how dangerous the world was, about god, about friendship, about romance.

"You tried to start your own cult with me as your most loyal follower. You even kept me away from _other cultists_ , saying they were too advanced for me, reminding me how I'd failed with my spiritual progress because I didn't even fit in with people you kept telling me were the only ones who _could_ understand me. You gave me lessons I wasn't ready for, lessons whose scars I still bear, because I was supposed to be so much better than all of them. You never treated me like I was my own age. I was supposed to be so much better but instead you gave me more responsibility than I was ready for! You made it I never looked past my own nose and you were the only person better than me so you could be the only one to teach me."

I was officially hoarse, but I couldn't stop. "You said the only person who could understand me was you because I was just that difficult, just that hard to reach, just that brilliant. I was a temperamental bitch who never took care of other people except my friends and how in private I was somebody only a saint could tolerate, how unruly and unpredictable and insufferable I was. How the only way you ever got rewards was if I achieved something. How the only way I was worthwhile was if I taught you something, or did something you thought was because of your parenting. How the only things that ever made it worthwhile were things that lead back to _you,_ even if it was me! It was almost always _me_!"

My vision was completely blurred with tears, now. I almost wished Sage were here so he could know the full extent, but I had told him enough, stewed over this enough, that I simply wanted _her_ to know. Even if she couldn't hear me. If she couldn't hear me, she couldn't fight back. I couldn't be gaslit. I was in control, not her, not anyone. She couldn't redirect my anger and tell me it was wrong. That I was wrong. She was. She had always been. And no matter how much grief I had over the past and how much I wanted to fix it, all I could do was make sure the future was free of her.

"I'm scared to marry the love of my life because of you. I'm scared to marry a man who would move heaven and earth for me if he had to— and he's had to because of you. I am scared that his best friend will take my _sister_ away from me because of you. You were so jealous, so _demanding_ , that you never thought anybody could ever love more than one person and you _taught me_ that once I was married, I was a possession. That my loyalty would have to be to one person— loyalty you never gave either of your husbands. You abandoned my own sister because she loved him and you couldn't take it. A sister you nearly killed because of what? Misplaced pride? I thought it was a _good thing_ to be born by a c-section, and I was supposed to be the 'lost' one because I was born naturally. Maybe that's why you always hovered over me. I was the lost one, who could be easily shaped! Or maybe you abandoned her because I loved her, too, and all you wanted to do was make sure I could only love you. That I could never find anyone else who loved me!"

I fell to my knees and _screamed_ , primal sound that bounced off the walls and became another echo of torment. I wanted to kill her, I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to make her suffer the way she had made me. But my own morals kept me from doing anything worse. They nagged at me to let her die, but I couldn't. I couldn't until I had felt she knew everything, until I was no longer afraid. I knew I would only stop being afraid upon her death, but at the same time, I knew I would only stop feeling powerless if I did this.

"You lied to me about everything. About what would happen if I revealed who I was and what would happen behind closed doors. Every insufferable trait I have is _your fault_ because I only get insufferable when people give me no choice. I'm human! I'm human I'm human I'm human I'm human you tried to tell me I was closer to god and that being human was a sin but _I am human_. I will only _ever_ be human! And I don't believe I can be loved and human all because of _you_.

"You lied to me about a scar on your knee and now you've put me in a position where I have to lie about a scar on my stomach that _you put there_ and I remember the betrayal and I do not want to tell my children, my nieces and nephews what happened but I will, and I will do it when they ask even if they are young because I still remember the feeling of betrayal when I _overheard_ the true story. You didn't even have the decency to tell me when I was old enough. You treated me like a child and an adult and never my own age, never able to understand you because you were supposed to be _so wise_ and _so much better than me_ but I was impossible to understand because I was _so advanced for my age_ and I'm average! I will always _be_ average!

"And you hated tattoos. You hated them and said 'what if your twin flame hates them, would you rather live without your twin flame for your own ego wanting to decorate' and guess what. My fiancé supports me in getting this. In covering up the reminder you _wanted me dead_ because, to you, me being _dead_ was better than falling from grace. Than rejecting you. I know I said you were my teacher when I was four and all you have taught me is how _not_ to live. Every skill you _say_ I got from you I learned twice over, once corrupted and once on my own, with my friends. You tried to kill me more times than I care to count even though I will. You noticed my suicidal tendencies and never bothered asking me if I was okay. You noticed my bad relationship with food but blamed me for being too picky, instead of thinking that maybe I had a problem. You encouraged me to _restrict more_ because the food I craved was unhealthy, instead of thinking that maybe _lack of food was the problem_. You didn't want me alive. You didn't want me to thrive. You've been trying to kill me and isolate me— a fate worse than death for those who want social bonds, agreed on by all the psychologists you hated so much, and I want social bonds— since as long as I can remember. Since as long as I have formed conscious thoughts.

"I'm _done_ being who you wanted me to be. I'm done living in fear of becoming the monster you said I'd be, and I'm done living in fear of losing what I already have because I take a risk. Because I follow what's best for my life. You are not my contingency plan anymore. I am my own contingency plan. I don't want to trust a heartless _monster_ with my life. You said god would provide but no. _I will_. It was always _me_. It wasn't even my armour. Dusk was my own spirit. Everything has always been my own spirit, and I will use it how _I see fit_. I will no longer rely on the narcissist that was you. _You_ are not the most important figure in my life. _I am_."

I spat in the lava, getting up on knees that felt more like rubber than bone. I watched her— agony gone from her face in her coma, but not peaceful. The lack of peace, the lack of _rest_ , made me smile, the side of me that wanted justice— the side she had called vengeful and cruel— finally satisfied.

"You may be my biological mother, and I may get my powers from you, but I choose to build my own life, without you ever touching it again. I am starting a new life with every family member you ripped away from me, and with a man I have chosen as my husband, and you will never see it. But know, beyond all doubt, it will be better than anything you could have ever helped me with. And I didn't need your heroics to get there." I turned on my heel, walking to be level with Sekhmet, head bowed. "Kill her quickly."

He paused in surprise. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "She's been in pain long enough."

I left the dungeon while Sekhmet called up Autumn. The doors clanked behind me, but I picked up the shnik of a katana leaving its scabbard.

Kayura was waiting for me with one of the dogs outside— Inkblot, named for the patches of black on his otherwise brown fur. I fell to my knees again and hugged him around the neck, bracing myself for the doors opening.

Sekhmet came out all of five minutes later. "It is done."

I started sobbing again. This time, though, it was with overwhelming relief. She was gone. She was gone I was free I was safe _she_ could never hurt me ever again. Her voice could live on in my mind, but it couldn't hurt me. Her physical body had been able to, and now I never had to worry about it ever again.

Kayura knelt beside me, Sekhmet hanging back in case I didn't want the person who had executed another, no matter how monstrous, near me.

"Do you want us to take you anywhere?" she asked softly.

I shook my head. "Just stay."

Sekhmet dared step closer. "Would you like us to _get_ anyone?"

I swallowed. "C-Cye…" My eyes scrunched shut, face buried in Inkblot's ruff. "I— I want to know— what happens…"

Autumn gave the impression of a nod. A soft pop later, he was gone.

I felt like I was bleeding. That her alive had been a sword still in my liver, knotting my stomach but also preventing all the feelings— all the grief, all the anger, all the pure _hatred_ — from escaping. I had been in danger, therefore never been able to feel it.

But as I had learned, the only way to truly heal was pull out the weapon. Now, all the pain I had shoved aside in the name of safety could pour out and I could finally register I was hurt, but also finally expose the wound and begin recovery.

Another pop, and a moment later Cye's hand slid across my back to wrap me in a hug. Sekhmet must have filled him in, because his first question was, "What do you want to know?"

I shifted my grip to my arms around his chest, still crying, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"How to heal."

—/—

My sister was being her usual stubborn self, insisting on paying for her stomach tattoo all by herself, and we were having none of it. "We" being myself, Sage, and Rowen.

Time to pull out the big guns.

"I keep _saying_ , this is a present for _myself_ ," Alexa reiterated, again refusing Sage's offer of his card.

I levelled a look at her that, hopefully, brooked no argument. " _You_ will not pay a cent toward this. It's the least we can do for what happened."

She swallowed. "That implies it was your fault…"

Internally muttering at myself for bringing back that train of thought, I reminded gently, "We've gone over that."

"We were the ones to take care of you after, not because it was our fault, but because we wanted to," Sage said softly, kissing her hairline. "This is part of caring for your injury. Your psychological comfort, instead of physical."

Her glance up at him was uncertain. "You've already paid for _so much_ …"

That was almost just the opening I needed, Speaking as I reached (with difficulty) for my wallet, I said. "And it's about time I repay every instance you spoiled _me_ , sis."

Her look of exasperation when I pulled out my card with a flourish had me grinning. "Is this how you felt when I insisted on paying for stuff?"

Rowen answered while I kept the Cheshire Cat face on. "You've spoiled all of us in one way or another. Our turn to pay you back."

She groaned, rubbing her face in consternation. "You're not going to let me get away with this, are you?"

"Nope!" we chimed simultaneously

Sage had taken the momentary distraction caused by our banter to put his card back, but then withdraw another. "If you absolutely insist on paying for it yourself, use this card." He all but crammed it into her hand, kissing her forehead again to take the sting out of the firm gesture.

I watched curiously as Alexa turned it over, then gasped; my eyebrow shot up in surprise at just being able to make out her name on the little piece of plastic. Her breath caught. "Seiji…"

His voice was soft as velvet. "We had talked about beginning to merge our finances before the wedding. This… was a natural extension of that, for me. Even though you'll have to get a new card, once your name is changed."

The gesture finally broke down her resistance, the realization that it was _okay_ for people to want to take care of her faintly coming through to Dawn. Moving on and "resetting" after everything was already a struggle for her, made especially difficult by throwing a changing relationship into the mix. She'd done well for herself so far, though; I let my pride flow from Dawn to Dusk, telling her just that.

Everything was going to be alright.

She glanced up at me gratefully, voice watery with tears. "You can pay for it. I don't want to figure out credit card activation right now."

I handed the card to her with an understanding chuckle, glad she'd accepted. Though I couldn't physically go with her to the consultation appointment—which would also serve as one for our matching tattoos—I could at least relieve the financial burden. Small as it might be.

She stopped by my apartment the next day after flying to Ottawa by Dusk, a sheet of paper clutched in her hand. Smoothing it out on the coffee table revealed a slight color tweak to the white portions of the image.

Almost stammering through her words, she explained, "It's purple because white— wouldn't really work, ink-wise, people are prone to rejecting it or it turning yellow— and it matches Dusk this way and." She took a pause for breath. "He said it would work fine, otherwise. And that our wrist tattoos would be a piece of cake. But you would wait till after you're done breastfeeding."

Naturally, I had figured as much. I wasn't so worried about that as I had been for how she would feel about the whole process, now that she'd started the ball rolling. I hugged her as best I could around my nine-months-pregnant stomach. "I'm fine with that if you are. And once Touma's born, I can fly over to visit—either with or without him, though I don't think he'd mind either way," I reassured with a wink.

She swallowed. "He asked what caused it and I said surgery after getting mugged."

So that was why she was fidgety. I squeezed her around the shoulders and kissed her forehead. Dawn wrapped around Dusk to let her know her feelings were valid, and that I was there to support her. Quietly, she continued, "I hate lying. It just… feels like it proves her right. About how dangerous the armours are."

I lifted my hand to run it over her hair. "It's not the armors that are inherently dangerous, sis. It's like in the Marvel comics—Tony Stark announces his presence, and suddenly there are those who want to challenge their might against his. Imagine if it weren't just the cult or the _youjakai_ that knew about the armors…"

That got a snort. "At least it's not _losing_ them, like she said it would be."

I simply nodded, again just giving her the space to say more if she needed to. "Soul's safety versus physical safety, I guess…" She released a dry laugh. "I thought I'd be okay going against everything she ever told me about scars and tattoos but… I guess not."

"It will probably take some time," I murmured. "You're having to overcome twenty years or more of those opinions."

"And not challenging them for five years." She hugged me tightly, almost crumpling against me. "I am so glad I met you."

Smiling softly and kissing her forehead, hands still moving over her hair, I let her feel my reciprocated emotions. I had no idea where my life would have been at that moment had I not joined a writing forum almost on a whim ten years prior. Touma most certainly would not exist, at least. And something told me I would have missed that star even though I would not have been able to see it.

"So am I."


	27. Epilogue

**Warnings:** childbirth

* * *

 **Epilogue**

Getting a text at ten thirty pm normally made me simply reach for my phone in mild annoyance, considering I much preferred not to receive texts. However, getting a text at ten thirty pm when my sister could go into labour any day now practically made me leap for the phone.

Rowen's conversation popped up. _'We're about to head to the centre. You still coming?'_

 _'That is an utterly ridiculous question.'_ I paused and rubbed my eyes. _'So long as you don't mind me maybe being half asleep.'_

I could practically hear his laugh. _'Lol she says no problem, whatever you want. See ya.'_

Dusk flowed over my skin and I stepped off the balcony and took off like a shot to Japan— if anybody called my still-on-the-table phone, I'd say it had died. In ten minutes I was on their balcony, Rowen holding my sister's hand and rubbing her side through early labour, both of them beginning to show nerves that this was honestly, truly _happening._

She managed a weak smile upon seeing me. She sounded tired but her eyes spoke of nerves and excitement. "Hey sis."

I smiled back. "Ready to go?"

She nodded in a way that said once she had gotten her bearings, we would leave. Strata directed me to the pack by the door and I took the liberty of grabbing his car keys and getting the bag in the trunk, my own nervous energy taking the form of tying up loose ends. They walked out right as I slammed it shut; a quick button press and I had the door unlocked and open, him helping her inside with a mildly worried glance at me, to make sure I would stay in the back with her.

I tossed him his keys and slid into the space she left for me as an answer. He exhaled— a mix of pure joy and utter terror, which I'd heard was common with soon-to-be fathers— before settling in for the drive.

Dusk wrapped around Dawn, helping her relax. She'd kept her fears _very_ well hidden, Teflon as always, but I knew her well enough to pick up on the worry she refused to express, if only for Rowen's sake. Both of being a mother and the pain to get there. About what could possibly happen during this process, our love of research being both a blessing and a curse as we looked up things that could possibly go wrong, the best case scenario, and the most likely scenario; her old intel habits died hard, but had calmed her down— to a point. Now, the worst case scenario loomed in her mind. For once, I played the role of comforter, reassuring her I would be there to share the burden and reminding her of the most likely possibility. I was just an IM or armour prompt away.

Dawn returned the feeling with gratitude, while _also_ communicating she would say something, but her voice strangled at the start of a contraction. I tried not to frown, just to be impassive— she was already stressed enough, _he_ was just as stressed, and it was my turn to care for others.

I held her hand and tried not to wince at the bone-crunching force she applied, my other hand going to rub her belly and try to ease the discomfort. Dusk drew off the pain for her, my armour's already potent ability only amplified after a few lessons from Sage. Rowen joined, mostly supporting her and letting me do the heavy lifting. We'd switch roles soon enough, anyway, the centre drawing near.

My sister had picked up my black humour. _'Even_ with _magic armor this sucks.'_

I chuckled softly. _'The magic of childbirth?'_

She smiled and took a deep breath, tipping her head against my shoulder. I rubbed her back and followed my hands to find sore muscles, pressing where Dusk guided me. I was going to be an aunt, when this was over. My sister was going to be a mother and my brother in law a father and Sage nearly an uncle— legally, as everyone else said they were uncles, too.

The feeling reminded me of when I left the cult. Life flashing before my eyes but it wasn't the past; the future sprawled out in the form of who this child would be, how his life would go, how he would never be hurt by anyone if I could help it. The shield design I taped to my mirror, that I kept going back and forth on, dominating my mind. I wasn't just _a_ shield. I was her shield. His.

I wrapped my arms around her as the contraction intensified before dissipating, her panting and already starting to sweat. She hadn't experienced so much pain before and right now, I was her anchor. I kept hushing her, Dusk absorbing what it could, her nerves coming to the forefront.

"Don't forget to breathe, _ryuko_ ," Rowen said, watching us both from the rearview mirror.

She laughed at the old joke, how she always got reminded to breathe from how tense she got riding. I shook my head. "You're going to have a _lot_ more people telling you to breathe, sis."

She groaned good-naturedly and detangled herself, her body giving her a reprieve between contractions. I could tell she wanted to escape, right now, and my black humour was continuing to make an appearance.

I poked her side. "Normally when I want to escape I visit the youjakai, but I don't think you'd like the time distorting effects."

She shook her head, and I recognized her teasing voice even when she was this drained. "Don't think there're doctors that can issue a birth certificate there, either…"

Both of us chuckled as Rowen pulled into the parking space, opening the door and waving to Ryo coming up with a wheelchair. I waited till he'd gone to the trunk to get her bag before getting out of the car, Rowen and I holding her as we eased her into the chair, Ryo keeping it steady. Rowen pushed her down the path while I trotted along beside her, Ryo tailing behind with the bag.

 _'Nervous?'_

I noticed the question had only been asked of me. _'You're about in the same place, considering you're just an uncle like I'm just an aunt.'_

His laughter was soft and spoke of a secondary meeting. _'You're the reason this is even happening right now.'_

I squeezed my sister's hand and passed it off as reassurance. _'Normally, I'd say don't remind me, but…'_

He gave me the mental equivalent of a firm clasp on the shoulder. _'About to meet the kid you've already protected. Guess that's making it more…'_

 _'Worthwhile,'_ I finished.

He smiled. _'Didn't know if you'd want to use that word.'_

 _'It's the only one that fits.'_ I paused our conversation as I watched them check in, trying not to swallow at how similar this place was to a hospital and how if I didn't have my sister to support, I very much would not be here. _'It's… almost surreal. Thinking that this whole day would've been… mourning, without…'_

He drew level beside me as I watched Tessa get settled on the bed, midwife checking up on her and seeing how far along her labour was. _'Without you being one of the bravest people I know.'_

I smirked. _'Yeah, as if Sage and Rowen and Kento and Cye and_ you _didn't all pull the same stunts for each other, during the war.'_

 _'Hey, I said one of, didn't I?'_ At my chuckle, he sombered. _'We did it for each other, but really, we were always only protecting one person who would eventually get back on their feet. It was… pretty rare for us to protect people who were defenceless, the way Tessa and Touma were.'_ He paused to swallow. _'Sage was really the only one who protected the_ truly _defenceless, when he faced off against Cale to protect Mia and Yuli. The Ancient had to save him, or else he would have died to protect their lives.'_

My breath caught, lump forming in my throat. _'I… guess I never realized…'_

Now that the midwife was finished, I went to sit beside Tessa on the bed, both she and Rowen oblivious to the conversation happening between Ryo and I. Ryo drew Rowen into a hug, but he had one more thing to say. _'You were braver than almost all of us. I, for one, am honoured to know somebody like you.'_

Tessa settling into my side drew me back to the real world. "I hope this goes quickly…"

I chuckled. "I think I'd rather wish for 'easily', myself, but I think the two are one in the same in childbirth."

"That's the hope…!" she said, voice tentatively chipper with a small but genuine smile.

I rubbed her stomach. "Hear that, Touma? Mom wants to meet you, already."

He, apparently, heard. Her hand found my forearm at the start of another contraction, Rowen appearing on her other side almost immediately. He smoothed the hair from her face, grabbing a tissue to wipe away the sweat.

Once it was over— I was glad I didn't bruise easily— I rubbed her arm to draw her attention. "Want a snack?"

She nodded. Vigorously. I couldn't help but be amused as Ryo grabbed the homemade chocolate chip cookies from her bag. She practically wolfed them down, Dawn radiating the boost of strength they gave her.

A nurse came in and did another check, kicking Ryo out of the room in the process. The first of what I assumed would be many.

The rest of the labour went by exactly like that, contractions increasing as the hours ticked by. My body was _more_ than happy to let me know it was much, much later than I normally went to bed. I stayed sitting beside her and let her alternate between clinging to me and Rowen, catching cat-naps where I could but struggling to sleep out of excitement and worry. Sage arrived after an hour and a half, Halo's careful once-over that the labour was progressing just fine enough to ease a knot of tension in the room. The midwife ushered him out after a few minutes, not wanting Tessa crowded. He and Ryo waited, all of us holding our breath.

The day got more and more surreal the closer she got. I didn't know if it was my body thinking I was pulling an all-nighter, or the twilight outside our window making Dusk think everything was fanciful, but I almost didn't register hearing it was time for her to push. For all the over-forty-hour labour stories we had heard, it had only been six.

The midwife practically had to yank Rowen out of his daze, remembering better than he did their wish he be the first hands his son felt. I sat on my hip beside her and held her hand, Dusk reinforcing my joints so she wouldn't hurt me.

Rowen letting out a breathy laugh in joy and disbelief, matching Tessa's relieved gasp right before he held Touma up for us both to see.

A lump formed in my throat as I watched him dry his son off, Touma starting to cry at about the same time both parents did. Halo and Wildfire perked up at the sound, their wash of joy he was born adding to the already overwhelming feeling in this room, but I almost wasn't paying attention.

I could barely register the Japanese, "Would the father like to cut the cord?"

And I registered his, "Let the aunt" even less.

My hands trembled as I did this act, the sacredness not lost upon me. The reaffirmation of family. Rowen half handed his own son— his first born, his heir— off to me and both of us placed him on his mother's chest, her reaching for him and the joy on her face was indescribable. She cradled him despite his cries, humming to him and smoothing down the beginnings of blue hair. He settled at her voice, hiccuping but otherwise clinging to her.

Just like he had clung on for his life when faced with stress.

Rowen leaned down but didn't crowd me out, tucking me between the two as he kissed the back of his son's head, moving up to kiss his wife moments after.

She laughed softly. "Sure enough, he got your hair, Rowen."

The midwife kept everyone out— Kento had tried to stick his head in and was _promptly_ shooed away— as my sister finished the last stages of birthing the placenta. Nurses took Touma's weight and size in the meantime, and by the time everything and everyone was clean, Touma was swaddled in Rowen's arms and practically transfixed at his father's lullaby. Baby blue met midnight blue and I wondered whose eyes he'd inherit. Genetics said his mother's, but who knew what would happen with armours potentially meddling.

Touma remained attentive and shifted all of it when placed back in his mother's arms, her singing another song to him. I joined in her humming but froze when he looked at me, Dusk reaching out more than my hand against his cheek and it was like he already knew my touch.

A single "Would you like to hold him" later, and he was in my arms. A few prompts from the midwife on how— my absolute ineptitude around babies dominated my mind for a moment— and he was secure. A camera click barely punctuated my thoughts.

Touma seemed to know _me_ just as well as he knew his parents.

My voice was barely a breath, but somehow, I remembered to speak in Japanese. "Hello, little star."

He gurgled and squirmed; I hushed him and found the hand he'd worked out of the swaddle, letting him grip my finger and holding him a little tighter. His face contorted and my guess was from hunger.

I handed him back to his mother and let the midwife teach her how to nurse, retreating into Sage's arms. Cye had even made it, him clasping Rowen on the shoulder and I wondered just _how_ fast he had swum from Hagi to Tokyo, and if he'd gotten Suiki's help.

Mia came up and showed me the picture of my face as I first held him. I paused and took the camera, surprised at the love in my eyes even though I was feeling the emotion.

Yuli wormed his way into the group. "Did you get any other pictures?"

The equivalent of a forehead slap permeated the three of us, Strata and Dawn both pointing to the camera in the bag. I laughed. "We were a little busy."

Under the amusement at forgetting was almost gratitude we had. This moment felt too intimate for a photograph, all three of us preferring to rely on memory instead of pixels. While birth was wonderful it was also messy, and I doubted any of us were the most photogenic at present. I was, quite honestly, too tired to pick apart my appearance in Mia's camera preview. It was hard to let those old insecurities lie.

Yuli pouted and Mia shook her head. "I would think so. I'm sure there are plenty of cameras around to make up for it."

Attention shifted to the baby proper, leaving me on the outskirts so I could think. Sage wrapped his arms around my shoulders, jaw against my temple. "He's beautiful."

I nodded. "Finally get to meet him…"

 _'How do you feel?'_

I swallowed and watched Touma nurse, all the guys unusually quiet in their congratulating, all of us recognizing and remembering the acts we'd gone through to protect this child. Even Sage remembered his part, but all of us knew the biggest act ultimately came down to me.

 _'Like it was all worth it.'_

Summer poking through the connection interrupted our conversation. _'When do you think we should arrive? The palace is getting quite cluttered with all these gifts.'_

I laughed internally, cluing everyone else in and feeling equal amusement along with respect. I answered for everyone. _'Might want to wait until she's back home, if you're bringing gifts. The_ car _is going to be plenty crowded already.'_

My sister added, _'You're welcome to come visit in person once the others leave, though. It's a bit tight in here at the moment.'_

Dais gave the impression of bowing his head in acknowledgement. _'Very well. We look forward to meeting your son.'_

Tessa was borderline awed that they had taken such an active interest in her wellbeing, for how they had really only begun since Michael's escape, and maybe a touch of getting used to her son being born. The sheer amount of humility and even affection among former enemies making me glad Sage was partway supporting my weight; even seeing the Warlords soften myself, I almost didn't believe they were going to such lengths. While I doubted the past was forgiven, it was also in the past. And here, we had nothing more than a new future.

Sage squeezed me, returning to our original topic. Halo communicated he was glad that some of the weight I carried was lifted. _'Do you still want that tattoo?'_

I nodded. _'Moreso than ever.'_

Tessa handed Touma off to Rowen, who now got a lesson on burping babies with a towel over his shoulder. Now that her arms were free I went to sit on my hip on the bed, hugging her in congratulations while she returned the hug in gratitude. Dawn radiated just how much she was thankful I had done what I had, how I had given her two of the greatest gifts she had ever received: steadfast protection and her beautiful, wonderful son.

I didn't want the tattoo simply to cover the scar, anymore. I wanted it to represent who I had been, control my own life. My mother had tried to destroy me and I had deflected her blows, prevented her from hurting anyone else with any permanence. Prevented her from cutting any life short— including my own.

I hadn't realized it until this child, now getting passed around to his uncles— Cye and Kento the only ones knowing how to even hold a baby, making me feel slightly less alone; Yuli looked absolutely stunned he was even in line to hold Touma, making it difficult for all of us not to laugh— had forced me to make a choice. Be a bystander if the cost was too high like she'd always wanted, or stand up against whatever injustice no matter the price on my life.

A scar, an easily covered scar, was nothing in comparison to the joy in this room.

Touma had left his mark on me, and I could not think of a better way to honour that than reimagining it in a shield. So I could tell him that he was protected and he never had to be afraid.

Life. Something I had only dreamed about. Something I now had.

I would use every step of it to keep those I loved safe.

 **Fin**

* * *

Even though we end on a good note, even though every character's life is unfolding like a flower finally blooming after a long winter, the events of the past two stories have left scars that will continue to hurt for years, if not the rest of their lives. Their lives are unfolding in spite of their trauma. They have all decided to look forward, even if the past will continuously throw snowballs, reminding them winter could come again at any time.

Hop over to my profile to follow along as the Ronin, the Warlords, and all their loved ones continue life's journey in _Daybreak: And a Perfect Disaster_!


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